When my ex and I lived together, in marriage, with our 2 children, we enjoyed a variety of family activities every week. We also recognized that it was important for us, within that week, to have one-on-one time with each other, no kids. As well, we both agreed that within that week, it was important for both of us to spend individual time with each of our daughters, “dates”, separately. That personal relationship with each of our children was so important and foundational for building our individual relationships with them.
So why is it that my ex saw the value of spending one-on-one time with each of his daughters when he lived with them and he saw them every day but cannot spend time alone with them now when he sees them at best once/week? When that time is so little, why does Janice Andrews feel the need to inject herself in the midst of their relationship especially when it is the only time that my daughter has to see her dad (his choice, not hers)?
Lately, if my daughter does see her dad, it is to go for a walk. Three weeks ago she told me she was meeting her dad at 1 pm. I was shocked when she walked back through the door and it was 1:37 pm. I asked if her dad bailed on her but she said, “No, he came.” And then she asked me if we could go to Starbucks. I commented, “Well that was a pretty quick walk. Why didn’t you ask dad to go to Starbucks?” She had no answer. And of course I took her to Starbucks.
Her dad doesn’t even come and pick her up for their date. Our house is on the way to the beach where they walk. If Covid is the excuse they can each wear masks in his vehicle and even roll down the window. It is a short drive down the street. My daughter drives to meet him and he had her doing this as soon as she got her license which was pre-covid. I asked if he wears his mask when they walk together and she said that he doesn’t but Janice does because she has compromised health. So why does Janice Andrews even bother to go?
This women has proven time and time again that she is nothing but incredibly selfish and self-centered. She has no children so maybe she is just clueless. Maybe she is jealous; maybe she is insecure. Who knows? This is a woman who pursued a married man with kids, had no problem tearing apart a family, and invited my ex back to her house while her husband was away and slept with him in their bed. She is morally inept. I don’t know if she is amoral or immoral but this woman is base. I am guessing she celebrated Valentine’s Day with her husband in 2013 because mine celebrated with me, even though they also celebrated together on that weekend. She went to a Valentine’s dinner with my husband who gave her a gift that she asked him to exchange because she wanted a different, more expensive, Pandora charm than the one he gave her. So yep, this is a woman who cannot allow a dad a half hour walk with his daughter without creeping along beside them because some how it has to do with her.
My ex didn’t see my daughter for another 2 weeks. On the third week they walked again, exact same scenario, same place, same time, same masked Janice towing along, and my daughter was home at 2:00 p.m. If I hadn’t been heading out the door, I would have gone to Starbucks again with her because I feel like the time she spends with her dad and Janice just leaves her empty.
I have dated men with children and men that actually live with their kids or at least have them one week on and one week off. A man who does not have a relationship with his children is a huge red flag for me. I have never interfered with any activities that these dads and their kids were doing together. As as matter of fact, of these men, I have only been involved with the minor child of one. When I was dating a man who lived with his daughter I would go to their place and sometimes have dinner with them. The daughter came to my place at least once because she wanted to ask me if I would look after her cats for a couple of days. I helped them with a garage sale. I went with her dad to see where she worked as he was dropping off lunch for her (she gave me a tour) and I went with her dad to cheer her on at one sporting event, and that was it over a 2-year period. He got plenty of one-on-one time with his daughter, I never made it about me, and he saw her every day.
It could very well be that my ex knows he has been a shit dad and is just putting his time card in the slot to check off that he saw his kid, in case someone asks. It is a superficial relationship at best that he has single handedly destroyed with betrayal, maltreatment, callousness and neglect. He does not know his daughter and maybe it is extremely awkward and uncomfortable for him to be alone with her. Or maybe he and Janice have great plans on Sunday and have places to go before and after he checks off “dad stuff”. Janice certainly couldn’t just drive herself to meet him afterwards. It is okay for my daughter to have to do that but not for Janice.
Regardless, it is always now just about him; just about them. Mr. Dolittle with his masked Ms. Didenough.