adultery, affair, anger, children, divorce, Father/daughter relationship, Janice Andrews, rejection, single parent

Company BBQ versus Daughter

At 2:45 p.m. today my 16-year old daughter angrily stormed through the door demanding if I had checked my phone. I told her that I had just walked in following my meeting with MLA,  Adam Olsen, regarding the housing crisis in our area. She knew that after I dropped her off at the dance studio at 10:00 a.m. that I was going to the vet to pick up pet food and then heading to a round table community discussion prior to our MLA heading back to the provincial fall legislature.  My daughter was working at the dance studio assisting in 2 Acro classes and having lunch with her dad afterwards.

“Well dad stranded me at the studio, ” she announced.  It was the last class and she had no bus ticket and no money and no one there to drive her home. The person she was assisting did lend her bus money but now she hadn’t eaten, had to get ready to leave for work in less than an hour and had been fighting a cold for the week that had left her with little sleep.

I try to have as little contact with my ex as possible but standing up for my children is one area that I get involved.  This is the email that I sent him:

“It is unfortunate that after all these years you still choose to spend weekends that are set aside for you to be with your children to do your own thing.

I dropped Lauren off at the dance studio this morning and she said that you were picking her up for lunch. She just walked in the door to say that she was “stranded” at the studio. She had no bus tickets, no money and you chose to go to Parksville instead of picking her up.

It is yet another time that you let (our daughter) down and failed to honour your commitment.

His response:

“Get the facts straight before you open your mouth yet again. (Our daughter) told me last night she was done at 12:30. We were going to have lunch and then I was going to Parksville for my company BBQ. She texted at 11:45 to say oops I gave you the wrong time I’m actually not done until 1:30. I told her that would be a bit late for me as I was hoping to be on the road by 1:30-2pm. She said she could get a ride with Jade. I asked her to make sure she had one and she said she did.

So long and short is you’re misinformed….again.”

My response:

“Exactly my point. You choose to leave Lauren stranded because of what you were hoping to do to make your life easier to suit your plans. If you cared anything about her and spending time with her you would have said that was okay. Really, a whole hour is going to mess up your important company BBQ plans? Do you know how many people I know that don’t go to personal functions because they choose to be with their children instead? Do you have any idea how many events I have not been able to attend because I am a single mom first and that is pretty much 100% of the time even if you pretend to be involved for an hour/week. Because of your response she was not going to contact you back regardless of her situation as she cannot count on her dad to be there for her. How many times does she really want to be rejected by you and feel like she is your burden? She did not have a ride with Jade because Jade was babysitting right after teaching. How do you think it makes her feel to have you set aside a whole hour to spend time with her (12:30 to 1:30 was your plan right?). Not very special I suspect. And then for her to feel like even for an hour she is an inconvenience to your plans. She said that she just assumed that I would come for her because I always come for her (she doesn’t know how many dropped plans I have had to do because I would never say, “I was hoping to not get you so I could do this instead.”) Who says that to their kids? Who tries to make their kids feel like an inconvenience? I am always there for her to pick up when you bail or when you never make plans with her on your weekend in the first place, but unfortunately I was in a meeting with Adam Olsen and did not have my phone on. I shouldn’t have to feel badly because I wasn’t there for her when her father was supposed to be there. Thankfully, Jade had $2.50 to lend her to take the bus. I really hope that at the very least, as an apology, you will buy her a sheet of bus tickets, and give those to her telling her to set them aside for every time you fail to show up as planned.

 

 

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