Selfish Shellfish outed by Carl

There is always something I can say but, for the most part these days, I am the captain of my ship and I choose to sail in smooth waters.

There are a few of my crew, however, like Confrontational Carl, who starts his rants to me saying, “Girl, how can you just let Janice Andrews think that she got away with being the cunt that she is and that nobody sees that whore for what she did to get the lifestyle she wanted? Everyone knows she just got down on her knees, had no respect for the wife, the kids, her own husband or other women for that matter. She just does what she thinks she needs to do to get what she wants for herself.”

Carl, she has no respect for anyone because she has no respect for herself. It doesn’t matter. He got what he deserves–her. She also got exactly what she deserves–him. They get each other. I get freedom to create any life I want and they are stuck to live in their very tiny circle, in their very tiny work, in their very tiny apartment, in their very tiny life. Carl, can we please just continue to enjoy our world and see what opportunities manifest?

Carl continues, “Didn’t he tell you that Janice was just an opportunity?”

An opportunity for him to show his character, morality and integrity and that he did.

Carl raises his eyebrows, “I hope you let her know he liberally throws around the phrase, ‘Don’t mention this to Janice.’ Remind her that what goes around comes around and that it comes around again and again for her and she is clueless.”

Carl, she knows he is deceitful. He got caught; he didn’t get honest. She is deceitful. Wherever they go, Carl, there they are. I have let them go. Now can we please just steer forward to our next adventure?

Carl is irate. “Does she think people don’t mock her behind her back for screaming that the Freedom Protesters are selfish? They have their own agenda, like she had her own agenda but she seems to forget that she was just as loud honking her horn obnoxiously all over town to get the attention she wanted with no regard for all of those peaceful lives she disrupted. She is a selfish shellfish who is so unaware.”

Carl. Maybe I was the one who needed to become aware as to who my husband really was?

Carl puts his hands on his hips, “Girl, you got that right. Can you believe his relationship status on Facebook still says, ‘It’s complicated’? What the fuck is so complicated for him after 8 years and what does Janice Andrews think about that? He can’t even say he is in a relationship with her. Why has he never submitted what he needs to so you can have that divorce? What is he holding on to? Maybe there should be a Facebook option ‘It’s expensive’. Janice loves expensive. Is she still trying to get him to buy them a house? Speaking of expensive, how does it work if they split? Does he owe her support, too? Janice has definitely made sure she has his balls.”

Are you done, Carl? My ex lost way more than his balls.

Carl sighs, “I am so proud of you. All the fuss they tried to make calling the cops on you how many times making up things you did, knowing full well the only two people who were guilty of anything were the ones making the false allegations. Ya, I am done.”

Carl gives me a huge, long hug. “They ain’t getting away with shit in anyone else’s minds but their own.”

cheating, infidelity

adultery, affair, cheating, children, divorce, Father/daughter relationship, infidelity, parenting after separation, rejection, selfishness, separation, single parent

Dad/Daughter Time and the Other Woman?

When my ex and I lived together, in marriage, with our 2 children, we enjoyed a variety of family activities every week. We also recognized that it was important for us, within that week, to have one-on-one time with each other, no kids. As well, we both agreed that within that week, it was important for both of us to spend individual time with each of our daughters, “dates”, separately. That personal relationship with each of our children was so important and foundational for building our individual relationships with them.

So why is it that my ex saw the value of spending one-on-one time with each of his daughters when he lived with them and he saw them every day but cannot spend time alone with them now when he sees them at best once/week? When that time is so little, why does Janice Andrews feel the need to inject herself in the midst of their relationship especially when it is the only time that my daughter has to see her dad (his choice, not hers)?

Lately, if my daughter does see her dad, it is to go for a walk. Three weeks ago she told me she was meeting her dad at 1 pm. I was shocked when she walked back through the door and it was 1:37 pm. I asked if her dad bailed on her but she said, “No, he came.” And then she asked me if we could go to Starbucks. I commented, “Well that was a pretty quick walk. Why didn’t you ask dad to go to Starbucks?” She had no answer. And of course I took her to Starbucks.

Her dad doesn’t even come and pick her up for their date. Our house is on the way to the beach where they walk. If Covid is the excuse they can each wear masks in his vehicle and even roll down the window. It is a short drive down the street. My daughter drives to meet him and he had her doing this as soon as she got her license which was pre-covid. I asked if he wears his mask when they walk together and she said that he doesn’t but Janice does because she has compromised health. So why does Janice Andrews even bother to go?

This women has proven time and time again that she is nothing but incredibly selfish and self-centered. She has no children so maybe she is just clueless. Maybe she is jealous; maybe she is insecure. Who knows? This is a woman who pursued a married man with kids, had no problem tearing apart a family, and invited my ex back to her house while her husband was away and slept with him in their bed. She is morally inept. I don’t know if she is amoral or immoral but this woman is base. I am guessing she celebrated Valentine’s Day with her husband in 2013 because mine celebrated with me, even though they also celebrated together on that weekend. She went to a Valentine’s dinner with my husband who gave her a gift that she asked him to exchange because she wanted a different, more expensive, Pandora charm than the one he gave her. So yep, this is a woman who cannot allow a dad a half hour walk with his daughter without creeping along beside them because some how it has to do with her.

My ex didn’t see my daughter for another 2 weeks. On the third week they walked again, exact same scenario, same place, same time, same masked Janice towing along, and my daughter was home at 2:00 p.m. If I hadn’t been heading out the door, I would have gone to Starbucks again with her because I feel like the time she spends with her dad and Janice just leaves her empty.

I have dated men with children and men that actually live with their kids or at least have them one week on and one week off. A man who does not have a relationship with his children is a huge red flag for me. I have never interfered with any activities that these dads and their kids were doing together. As as matter of fact, of these men, I have only been involved with the minor child of one. When I was dating a man who lived with his daughter I would go to their place and sometimes have dinner with them. The daughter came to my place at least once because she wanted to ask me if I would look after her cats for a couple of days. I helped them with a garage sale. I went with her dad to see where she worked as he was dropping off lunch for her (she gave me a tour) and I went with her dad to cheer her on at one sporting event, and that was it over a 2-year period. He got plenty of one-on-one time with his daughter, I never made it about me, and he saw her every day.

It could very well be that my ex knows he has been a shit dad and is just putting his time card in the slot to check off that he saw his kid, in case someone asks. It is a superficial relationship at best that he has single handedly destroyed with betrayal, maltreatment, callousness and neglect. He does not know his daughter and maybe it is extremely awkward and uncomfortable for him to be alone with her. Or maybe he and Janice have great plans on Sunday and have places to go before and after he checks off “dad stuff”. Janice certainly couldn’t just drive herself to meet him afterwards. It is okay for my daughter to have to do that but not for Janice.

Regardless, it is always now just about him; just about them. Mr. Dolittle with his masked Ms. Didenough.

adultery, affair, cheating, ego, infidelity, unfaithfulness

Coco the Cat Came Back!

I was on my way to get something out of my bedside table when I saw a little face peering in my window. I noticed the coloring and saw that she was standing on her hind legs trying to look inside. Coco? The long hair, her tail…I scanned her and was obviously squealing in delight. It was her! Coco! I yelled for my daughter who was all ready on her way to my room hearing my excitement. She told me to calm down that I was so loud. I ran passed her to go to the patio and the little cat came right to me. I scooped her up, squeezing her and telling her how happy I was to see her. My youngest daughter had followed me outside and we were both loving up on her. I brought her downstairs to see my oldest daughter who bolted up in her bed when I told her who was in my arms. I called the owner to make sure she knew she was back. She was gone almost a month.

I was so certain that Coco was dead. I envisioned many scenarios of harm befalling this poor sweet animal. I relived the horrible sound that jolted me from sleep; the sound of something being killed. I spent days trying to recollect the day that happened. I went over texts to people who I thought that maybe I shared that with to see if there was a timeline that could correlate to Coco’s disappearance. I shed many tears. I looked for her every day; out my windows, going to my car, driving home. I prayed but I confessed to God my lack of faith that she was alive.

This situation is a perfect representation of what Eckhart Tolle talks about in A New Earth.

The voice in my head, a thought, created a situation out of my perceptions and emotions that was not true. I was simply observing possible facts: outdoor cat, busy street, fast cars, heavy vehicles, eagles nesting over our houses, cougars, racoons, worry I already had had about her safety, etc.

I was angry with my neighbour, “How could she just let Coco roam around in a dangerous environment. How could she think her cat is too heavy for an eagle to pick up?”

I judged the owner, “I have cats and I would not let them roam the neighbourhood. It is irresponsible.”

I personalized the cat’s disappearance.

Eckhart says, “Every ego confuses opinions and viewpoints with facts. Furthermore, it cannot tell the difference between an event and its reaction to that event. Every ego is a master of selective perception and distorted interpretation. Only through awareness–not through thinking–can you differentiate between fact and opinion. Only through awareness are you able to see: There is the situation and here is the anger I feel about it, and then realize there are other ways of approaching the situation, other ways of seeing it and dealing with it. Only through awareness can you see the totality of the situation or person instead of adopting one limited perspective.”

For the most part, I consider myself aware. After Coco’s disappearance but before she returned, I felt compassion for Coco’s owner. She put flyers up everywhere and handed them out to each home on our street and in the large subdivision located behind our houses. She is a nurse who works long shifts, day and night, and she lives alone in a tiny basement suite. Of course she loved Coco and didn’t want to leave her inside, alone, for hours on end. Coco was the neighbourhood cat. She would sleep in another neighbour’s sunroom and in another neighbour’s tree house. There were 2 other outdoor cats, Max and Minnie, and the 3 of them would congregate in my backyard. The other 2 were still present. It broke my heart when I heard my neighbour out calling Coco’s name. I put on my shoes and went to her to offer support and encouragement. I told her that my cat escaped and went on an adventure for 7 weeks before coming home. I stopped crying about it. I also started praying and begging God to please just bring Coco home.

It is just easy sometimes to get caught up in our emotions, our stories and sometimes our perceptions are not real; they are just illusions that we created. It can rob us from joy and turn us into compulsive thinkers. Coco’s disappearance and return was a huge light bulb reminder that I still need to check in with my ego, especially in times of stress, conflict and emotion.

adultery, affair, cheating, desperation, infidelity, Janice Andrews

GLOW

It has been a tougher few months than normal and sadness has crept in.

I was off work for 3 weeks with my hospitalization and recovery and then laid off due to Covid 19. My youngest daughter’s 19-day trip to Tanzania was cancelled less than 48 hours before she was set to leave. We moved and with Covid we could not have much outside help. All of my younger daughter’s dance classes, competitions, festivals, shows, and her grade 12 graduation cancelled. School moved to online. My youngest daughter sank into a depression and I couldn’t get her out of bed. She slept on a bare mattress and did not unpack one single moving box. They were piled around her bed practically burying her inside her room. My older daughter was suffering her own serious illness and my ex did nothing to help us. Instead he chose to blame and sow division.

One of our unexpected joys after moving was a little cat named Coco. She would visit and sit at our back door all the time waiting for us to come out and see her. When we got out of our car she would come running to welcome us back home. She would follow us to our car whenever we were going somewhere and she would sit on top of our car when we were home. My youngest daughter would sit with her on our front porch or our back patio and just pat her and talk to her. Our cats would sit at the door and wait for her to make an appearance. My older daughter even found her in our garage one night. We were concerned about eagles nesting in the trees by our house and the busy street below our property so we did worry for her. We wouldn’t let our own cats outside.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up suddenly to a terrible cry that sounded to me like an animal being killed. My cat sleeping with me in bed jumped to the window as well. I didn’t see anything and went outside to see if I could help. I thought it might have been a cat catching a baby bunny. A week and a half later my next door neighbour left a poster on our front step that 2 year old Coco was missing. I burst into tears and so did my older daughter.

There was also the typical angst with my ex who would not provide details of my younger daughter’s RESP. I has having to put money out to accept her offer to attend university and to apply for residence. He refused to provide any details of how much money was in her account. He would not forward payment for his share of any of the school expenses I was incurring and told me to take it out of child support. It appeared as though he had not only withdrawn all of her RESP money 5 years prior to the fund maturing but that as a result of him doing that we incurred penalties that involved losing the government grant money and all of the interest accumulated from day one. It also appeared by his responses to my inquiry that he had spent whatever was left. There was no money for my daughter to go to university.

The George Floyd killing was the final straw. I could not stop crying.

In my grief, I contacted one of my favourite friends for help. He has been in the entertainment business since he was 18. He lived in Hollywood for years. He had his own business, wrote a screenplay, directed, produced and was cast in his own movie that was nominated for several awards. His film won “best documentary” at 3 film festivals as well as the Orson Welles Award. We reconnected 2 years ago and have had some very memorable dates including one that ended at the house of David Foster’s first wife. Prior to Covid our dates centred around trying to watch all the Oscar nominated movies. He knows me, knows my situation, knows what I like and he knows entertainment. I needed a Netflix series to escape and his immediate recommendation for me was ‘Glow’–Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.

Season One, Episode 3: The Wrath of Kuntar (pronounced Cunter)

“Men walk in fear through these city streets for it is there you may meet me. And though I am only moderately attractive I am desperate. And there is nothing more dangerous than a desperate woman. And there is no woman more desperate than the Homewrecker.”

adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, ex spouse, Janice Andrews, other woman, reputation, separatiion, unfaithfulness

Smeeps, At least she knows who she is

I am not sure why this just popped into my head. I was doing a jigsaw puzzle with the TV on in the background at 1:15 a.m. and something reminded me of a conversation I had several months ago.

I was at a table with a bunch of people at a large event. I could see that someone kept leaning forward, three seats down from me, whenever I started to talk, trying to listen to my conversation. We were all just talking randomly about nothing private or personal that I remember, laughing, but I was aware of her interest in me.

People shuffled in to find a seat or out to get food, drink and to use the bathroom. This woman was now closer to me with someone in between us. Eventually she leaned forward to introduce herself and to tell me that we share a connection. I exchanged pleasantries with her but in my mind I am processing that she knows who I am because the connection she mentioned was not at the event.

I was up and down a few times myself and when I came back to the table I was seated beside this woman. Finally she tells me, “I know Janice Andrews.” She was very kind to me and told me how sorry she was and that people initially were shocked to find out about Janice and my ex. She told me that they later learned that Janice’s intent was very calculated. I did not engage. I did not know this person or trust this person. I simply thanked her for seemingly sympathizing with me. I had no idea what she knew or who she knew it from. She then asked me if I was on Twitter. I said that I was not. She said that Janice goes by the name Smeeps. I remembered that word. I feel like my ex had used that name in his phone as her contact to hide her true identity, ‘Ricky Smeeps’. She asked me if I knew what it meant. I said that I did not. She said that it is a seductress. I joked something to the effect about Janice at least naming herself appropriately and then thankfully there was more shuffling and I was pulled in one direction and she in another and that was it. I don’t remember her name and I haven’t seen the friend that we have in common but I would never say anything to her about my encounter anyway.

So tonight, after that popped into my head, I grabbed my phone to look up that word and there it is in the urban dictionary, “highly seducing woman”. The entry is dated March 3, 2009, four years before my separation in March 2013. I looked down further and there is another definition with the entry of April 19, 2011: “One of those involuntary farts a male gets when his buttocks are in the air with legs spread out and the warm fart gently ruffles his scrotum. Few true smeeps have been recorded in human history. Only the great masters of flatulence can produce such pungent pearls of fragrance.”

Hmmm, I wonder what definition she named herself after?

adultery, affair, cheating, child support, children, divorce, Family Law, in sickness and in health, legal system, parenting

As I Lay Dying

I had cold symptoms for 2 weeks that started with a sore throat but mostly involved just a dry cough. I continued to work but towards the end of the first week of symptoms, the cold seemed to move to my right side; I had a swollen eye and my ear was plugged. Two days later my left eye also was affected. My eyes were red but it didn’t feel or look like pink eye so I continued to work through the second week with no improvement but no new symptoms. I was still running, swimming, socializing and found a new place to live for me and my girls for April 1.

Saturday night, February 22, I walked into our downtown and back (an hour total). It was 10 pm when I returned and I felt a bit chilled. It had been drizzling, I walked home quickly so just thought I was little sweaty and cooling down. I sat on the couch and put a blanket around me and then I got a bad headache, which is very rare for me. I found some Tylenol but it did nothing. Three hours later I took Ibuprofen. I was still chilled and shaking and thought I was definitely coming down with the flu.

I continued piggy backing between Tylenol and Ibuprofen getting no relief. I had no appetite all day Sunday and mostly slept but managed to have some soup Sunday night. It did not sit well. I called in sick for Monday. I slept 10 hours through the night and into the next morning. Monday at noon I tried to make a smoothie. I would get up from the couch and put one ingredient in the blender and have to sit back down because I thought I was going to pass out. I did this 3 times for each ingredient. My oldest daughter came home for lunch and blended it for me and brought it to me. I could barely drink it. I slept and then threw it up. I was not able to eat anything else after that and by Monday night I couldn’t even keep fluids down. I texted my boss that I was not able to come in Tuesday either.

Late Tuesday morning my boss contacted me to see how I was doing. I had slept 11 hours, had no energy or appetite and was still nauseous. I told him I thought I should go to the hospital. He offered to drive me. I told him that I thought I needed to call an ambulance because there was no way I could even sit up to be a passenger in his vehicle, i was still vomiting even though there was nothing in my stomach and I could not envision being able wall into the hospital and wait.

The paramedics tried to measure my pulse and oxygen level in the ambulance. They placed the oximeter on every finger and thumb of each hand and were not able to get a reading. They took my blood pressure when I arrived at Emergency and it was 82/51. My temperature was 38,3. A nurse was assigned to stay with me and she said she would not leave my side. They placed me in an isolation room, started IV fluids and they took blood. They moved me to another room where the doctor came and told me that I was a very sick woman. She said that my kidneys were shutting down. She said for a young woman like me that was very concerning and that I would have to stay in the hospital for at least a couple of days until they figured out what was going on. They started me on 2 different IV antibiotics.

I remained in Emerg for 11 hours. I texted my girls and my boss and then I had a long time to just lie and think. I thought about my life and was very grateful for the life I had been given and the life that I led. There was no one that I felt I had wronged and needed to apologize to or that there was anything left unsaid in any of my relationships. I was concerned for my girls and what they would do without me. We were moving April 1, would they still go; I hoped my ex would pay for their needs but I had my doubts and I wondered how they would pack everything themselves. I suspected my friends would step in and help. I wondered if my ex and Janice would move into my place and look after my girls but I doubted that. I was disappointed that I never did get the money my ex owed me and wondered what would happen to our court case; maybe my lawyer would carry through on behalf of my estate so she could get her bill paid, too. I wondered if anyone would step in to advocate on behalf of my youngest daughter to ensure she received from her dad everything that she needed and was entitled to receive. I knew there was nothing in him that would say, “I calculate that I owe your mom $117,000. I will provide each of you with half of that money.” Nope, he would be dancing on my grave and would not give up a dime without being ordered by a judge to do so.

These were all just thoughts that didn’t matter. They floated through my mind and left. I never wanted to leave my girls or leave them in a precarious position with a parent who didn’t want to parent but I was content to die. I was at peace. There was nothing I felt I still had to do. I tried my best to do what was right for me and my girls in the time that I was given and I did my best. I wondered if anyone at my volunteer job, as an advocate to help others fight poverty, would know what happened to me. I didn’t want them to think I just quit. I left all my unfinished business behind though and started to focus on the hope of seeing my parents, my grandmother, my dog who just passed in the summer and my pets before him and my very good friend who had just passed 2 months earlier as well as 3 other friends who were in my mind at that time. As sick as I was, I was ready to let everything on this earth go.

adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce, ego, ex spouse, family, graduation, hypocrisy, Janice Andrews, marriage breakdown, separatiion, the other woman

What Reality do they Live–Parallel Universe?

Parallel Universe:

To say there was angst amongst our family prior to the grad is an understatement.

My grad daughter wrote a very mature group email to her dad and me simply expressing her wishes for the day and asking about the plans. Instead of responding to her direct questions my ex started to talk about me “suing” him; the “utter crap” I write in my blog; stating that I have “lied to the kids for years to gain favour”; that I have “lied for financial gain at (his) expense”; that “(his) parents are well aware of (my) actions and they have no interest in spending a second with (me)”; that “you are disgraceful and will never sit at a table with my family again.” There is much, much more but you get the gist of his rant.

On top of this, I went to his place in person to talk to him. He saw me and knew I was there yet he sent Janice to answer the door. I asked to speak with Dave and she said, “No!” She shut the door and walked away. I simply left. I have never gone to his place in 6 years to talk to him about anything. As soon as I got home my grad daughter texted me asking if I went to Janice’s place to “confront” her. Firstly, I didn’t know it was Janice’s place and that he moved in with her, neither did my kids. Secondly, confront her about what? Thirdly, my ex and/or Janice texted my child to involve her in something she didn’t need to know. He put our child in the middle yet again. They told my grad daughter that I only knew he moved in with Janice because I hacked into one of his accounts. Then they texted my younger daughter accusing her of brining me to Janice’s place. She knew nothing about it so now both my kids are terrified I am dying or something as they would never think I would go there unless it was a matter of life or death. Not only that, Janice Andrews called the police to report an “incident”. They wanted the police to call me to say that I wasn’t welcome at their place.

My kids were losing sleep, crying and extremely stressed over this entire grad fiasco. And yet when it was all over what does my ex write to both my children? This:

“Below was a post I read from a woman I’m a friend with on FB. Couldn’t have been said any better.

When Mike and I divorced things weren’t pretty, feelings were hurt, on both sides…one thing I knew was in-spite of how we ever treated each other, or how ugly things got between us…I took a vow on the day I got married…”in good times and bad”. The bad had happened we divorced our family unit split up…why should that vow cease to matter in divorce? Ego should never be bigger than the love for our children and what is best for them…we don’t have the right to make them uncomfortable, or choose, or see their other parent painted in a bad light fueled by our hate. I had an amazing day spent with my ex husband sharing “our” daughters graduation. Family came together… My ex Father in Law and Mike’s ex Mother in law and we sat after all of us and enjoyed a meal together and family photos…creating more memories for our daughter to take along with her for a lifetime. It was her day..she earned it, worked for it…and that’s why we were there to celebrate her and that our efforts combined as her mother and father helped get her there and not create unnecessary obstacles and emotional long term damage along that journey of her life. I am fortunate to have married a man that in divorce has been able to also put ego aside and love his daughter first and foremost and be a supportive ex husband and friend. Just because. Marriage ends a family does not…relationships don’t end, they change. Their dynamic changes…and we have to ask ourselves what you want that dynamic to look like and is my ego really more important than my child’s overall well being for a lifetime to come…do I want a life time hating and fighting and never winning battle. No body wins…not him, not me, not the children when you spread hate. Just because an ex may have been a bad wife, or bad husband doesn’t mean they are a bad parent…focus on rebuilding even better and not what was lost. Thanks Mike for being an amazing dad and friend!”

Janice Andrews responded: “Beautiful” with a heart beside it.

My kids did not respond.

adultery, affair, child support, court, Family Law, legal proceedings, litigation, spousal support, Supreme Court of Canada

The Noose is Tightening

I showed up at court on November 22, 2018. Our original date was November 20, 2018 but we changed the date at the request of my ex’s lawyer. I was to meet my lawyer at 9:30 a.m. at the court house before heading to our 9:45 a.m. Supreme Court of Canada hearing.

She advised that my ex’s lawyer contacted her at 9:00 a.m. offering a sum in excess of $100,000 if I agreed to adjourn the hearing. That was still a low ball offer, was not in writing so my ex could not be trusted to keep his word and it was clearly because my ex was not prepared and wanted to buy more time until some point in the new year. He had missed the deadline for filing his response and it had still not been filed as of the day of hearing so there was a good chance my court application would be considered uncontested by him. I had no desire to put off resolving our issues any more and I refused to accept this offer.

The hearing ended up being adjourned anyways. Two supposedly quick 10-minute hearings were heard before our scheduled 2 hour hearing. One lady was self-represented so this hearing dragged a lot longer than anticipated. My lawyer and my ex’s lawyer were discussing numbers (of course my ex didn’t have the courage to show his face in court to a judge) until it was our turn. Then the judge announced she was taking her scheduled break in 15 minutes (11:15) and then her lunch as scheduled and would commence with the afternoon hearings as scheduled at 1:00 p.m. Therefore, she doubted she had time to hear my case. She listened for 15 minutes and felt there might be a jurisdiction issue and my ex’s lawyer would have to agree she had jurisdiction to rule. Of course he wouldn’t do this as he didn’t want the hearing to proceed so we had no choice but to reschedule.

I overheard my ex’s lawyer calling my ex to confirm his availability for a December 7 court date. His lawyer said to him, “Ya, you can loosen the noose for now but don’t put it away in your closet. It is going to get tight again real soon.”

adultery, affair, breach of contract, Family Law, infidelity, legal proceedings, mediation, unfaithfulness

The Thanksgiving Turkey has been Served!

The Friday of our Canadian Thanksgiving long weekend, we served my ex with our court application outlining all the areas that he continues to owe me money. They are all items that he agreed to pay in our Mediation Agreement back in November 2014. He also promised, as per the Mediation Agreement, to provide his tax information on May 1 of every year but he has not done that for the past 2 years. Any other items are in accordance with the Family Law Act.

We just heard back from his lawyer. They have asked that we change the date, which we agreed, and they will be providing us with their response shortly. November 22 will hopefully bring a long over-due resolution to our ongoing legal issues.

adultery, affair, anger, children, divorce, Father/daughter relationship, Janice Andrews, rejection, single parent

Company BBQ versus Daughter

At 2:45 p.m. today my 16-year old daughter angrily stormed through the door demanding if I had checked my phone. I told her that I had just walked in following my meeting with MLA, Adam Olsen, regarding the housing crisis in our area. She knew that after I dropped her off at the dance studio at 10:00 a.m. that I was going to the vet to pick up pet food and then heading to a round table community discussion prior to our MLA heading back to the provincial fall legislature. My daughter was working at the dance studio assisting in 2 Acro classes and having lunch with her dad afterwards.

“Well dad stranded me at the studio, ” she announced. It was the last class and she had no bus ticket and no money and no one there to drive her home. The person she was assisting did lend her bus money but now she hadn’t eaten, had to get ready to leave for work in less than an hour and had been fighting a cold for the week that had left her with little sleep.

I try to have as little contact with my ex as possible but standing up for my children is one area that I get involved. This is the email that I sent him:

“It is unfortunate that after all these years you still choose to spend weekends that are set aside for you to be with your children to do your own thing.

I dropped Lauren off at the dance studio this morning and she said that you were picking her up for lunch. She just walked in the door to say that she was “stranded” at the studio. She had no bus tickets, no money and you chose to go to Parksville instead of picking her up.

It is yet another time that you let (our daughter) down and failed to honour your commitment.“

His response:

“Get the facts straight before you open your mouth yet again. (Our daughter) told me last night she was done at 12:30. We were going to have lunch and then I was going to Parksville for my company BBQ. She texted at 11:45 to say oops I gave you the wrong time I’m actually not done until 1:30. I told her that would be a bit late for me as I was hoping to be on the road by 1:30-2pm. She said she could get a ride with Jade. I asked her to make sure she had one and she said she did.

So long and short is you’re misinformed….again.”

My response:

“Exactly my point. You choose to leave Lauren stranded because of what you were hoping to do to make your life easier to suit your plans. If you cared anything about her and spending time with her you would have said that was okay. Really, a whole hour is going to mess up your important company BBQ plans? Do you know how many people I know that don’t go to personal functions because they choose to be with their children instead? Do you have any idea how many events I have not been able to attend because I am a single mom first and that is pretty much 100% of the time even if you pretend to be involved for an hour/week. Because of your response she was not going to contact you back regardless of her situation as she cannot count on her dad to be there for her. How many times does she really want to be rejected by you and feel like she is your burden? She did not have a ride with Jade because Jade was babysitting right after teaching. How do you think it makes her feel to have you set aside a whole hour to spend time with her (12:30 to 1:30 was your plan right?). Not very special I suspect. And then for her to feel like even for an hour she is an inconvenience to your plans. She said that she just assumed that I would come for her because I always come for her (she doesn’t know how many dropped plans I have had to do because I would never say, “I was hoping to not get you so I could do this instead.”) Who says that to their kids? Who tries to make their kids feel like an inconvenience? I am always there for her to pick up when you bail or when you never make plans with her on your weekend in the first place, but unfortunately I was in a meeting with Adam Olsen and did not have my phone on. I shouldn’t have to feel badly because I wasn’t there for her when her father was supposed to be there. Thankfully, Jade had $2.50 to lend her to take the bus. I really hope that at the very least, as an apology, you will buy her a sheet of bus tickets, and give those to her telling her to set them aside for every time you fail to show up as planned.“

scornedwifeblog

A wife's personal experience of infidelity

Category Archives: affair