adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, faith, God, infidelity

I Just Saw Ugly

I saw my ex last Sunday because our daughter had a dance competition.  We sat on opposite sides of the theatre but stood with our daughter together when she was finished performing.

I looked at him while he was talking to her.  There is nothing remotely attractive to me about my ex.  He was dressed very nicely, all new clothes to me, but the expression about putting lipstick on a pig popped into my head. He is still a pig.

What was attractive to me previously about my ex was the fact that he was my husband.  We were partners. He was committed to God, to me and to our children and I trusted that with those priorities my kids and I were well loved.  I was committed to him and those same things and I never wavered in my attempt to be the giving, supportive and loving wife. I sacrificed for his career and to care for our children but I have no regrets because that was the best thing for our family.  We had built a life together that I was very grateful we had and I had no reason to believe any of those priorities had changed for him.  I thought we continued to have the same hopes and dreams and purpose.

What makes him particularly ugly to me now is way beyond him having an affair. It is how he has treated me and my children and even God since then.  It is one thing to be someone who never had a relationship with God, but it is completely another thing for someone to have known God, committed his life to God and thanked God for everything God gave him and then to suddenly throw it all back in God’s face saying it wasn’t good enough.  He is completely unrepentant. He is also ugly to me now in the way he continues to not take responsibility for his share of support and agreements he made in mediation.  The distrust and failure to keep his word makes me scrunch my nose and turn my mouth up in distaste. He is especially awful to look at because he just missed seeing our daughter on the Sunday and Wednesday he was “scheduled” to see her because he was away and yet even though he returned, he never tried to see her outside of his next scheduled visit.  Even when he picked her up at 6:30 p.m. this Wednesday she was home before 7:15 p.m. He took her to Subway and then dropped her off.  He doesn’t have a deep, personal connection or relationship with our daughter and doesn’t seem to care to have that. I was attracted to a man who knew his children, did things with his kids and for his kids, a man who joined in and participated in quality and quantity time with them and made it special.  I was attracted to a man who prayed and had a spiritual view and offered sound counsel to others including me and our children. My older daughter is going through a huge amount of difficulty right now and my ex’s response is basically, “She is 19, she needs to deal with it.” Our child needs financial, legal and a lot of emotional support, encouragement, as well as strong and sound advice right now but he has nothing to give.

It is interesting to me that the origin of the word “ugly” comes from words that mean ‘dreadful’, ‘fearful’, ‘apprehension’, ‘ill-tempered’. and ‘strife’. It is the root sense of ‘hate’ and ‘sorrow’ and the extended sense of ‘morally offensive’.    It is his attitude that oozes out from within and emotes a negative energy that makes him “frightful or horrible in appearance” to me. I have never in my life criticized his physical appearance in any way.  He has acne scars, large ears and a big head.  I never saw those things.  It is his hardened and cold heart that turns him into a grotesque figure.

There is not a single ounce of desire for this person who I simply no longer recognize as the man with who I once shared a life.

 

 

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abuse, adultery, affair, anger, Betrayal, divorce, infidelity

Rough Rebound

My neighbour invited me out before Christmas.  It might have even been October or November but I was busy and not really interested.  After his first instigation, he followed it up with things like, “You have a great smile” and I can’t even remember what else he said to me but I would just say, “Thank you” and leave it at that.  Then he found me on Facebook.  He said he was surprised he found me without knowing my last name but it was the first profile that popped up. I never did approve his friend request but he was there when things ended with Gordon so I agreed to go to one of the pubs in our neighbourhood for wings and beer.

It was an easy date.  The conversation flowed freely and it was fun and light-hearted.  I liked that he is friends with his ex who also lives in the area. He goes over regularly to her place to pick up their dog for walks and lets himself in with a hidden key, with her permission.  He spends time regularly with his daughter and son and had just spent $800 buying his daughter knew glasses earlier than his 2 year medical plan allowed because her prescription had changed so drastically over a 4-month period.  He said he paid his ex more spousal than she had asked for because he didn’t think it was enough and they had no legal intervention.  He just seemed to do what was right. His older daughter went to school with my daughter for 4 years although my daughter was in the English program and his was in the French program so they only knew of each other.  My younger daughter is at the same school as his younger son. We have a couple of friends in common.  We walk our dogs at the same park.

The commonality was also a negative for me.  I didn’t like that he knew where I lived.  I never did allow him to come to my house to pick me up, drop me off or come in. I kind of regretted that he knew my typical morning routine and that I had to drive by his place almost every day.

We went out for dinner and lunches maybe 4 more times after our first date.  I went to his place a couple of times and we watched movies. We also met at the park to walk our dogs.

What I noticed the first date was that he had a bit of an edge.  I couldn’t label it initially.  He described himself as “opinionated” but to me it was more negative than just having a strong opinion. Then it crept into conversations more as he let his guard down.  He seemed to have a beef with a lot of people including family, friends and coworkers.  He made a comment that only one of his wife’s friends still talked to him. It made me wonder what he did to make his wife’s friends dislike him so much. He swore he was never unfaithful. He also told me that the husband of one of our mutual friends would turn away if he saw him.  Another red flag when men don’t seem to like him either.

I am close friends with the local mechanic. I know him and his wife personally and I trust him professionally to service my vehicle.  So when my new neighbour/date told me to have nothing to do with the guy because he would rip me off I knew his view was jaded and I told him my experience.  I have referred lots of people to his auto body and I have never heard any negative complaint. I even know the other mechanic that works for him and am friends with his mother. They are so knowledgeable, love vehicles, have a strong faith in God so I am confident in their advice as being for me and not for them.

My neighbour/date knew the servers and bar tenders in the pub and they knew him by  name.  I wondered how much of a drinker he was although when we were together he didn’t have more than 2 beers. One night we split a bottle of wine. When we went for sushi he ordered tea for us so he didn’t always need to drink.   He did drunk text me a couple of times.

One day when we were walking our dogs together my dog stopped in front of him.  He commented about how annoying that was to him.  When my dog did it again he grabbed me by the shoulders and moved me over to where he was walking, switching sides with me saying that if my dog was going to do that he could do it to me and not him.  I nudged him back jokingly, trying to lighten his mood, telling him he almost put me in the snow bank.  He then assured me that if he wanted me to be in the snow bank that I would be in the snowbank. I shut down immediately and I would say our relationship never recovered after that.

I met him one last time for dog walking. Not only did he knee my dog when he stopped in front of him but when a stranger’s dog ran over to play with our dogs and in the course of the dog’s excitement knocked into my neighbour, he kicked the dog angrily.  I was completely shocked. That was it right then and there.  I walked away on a different path than him back to my car.  He caught up to me in the open area leading to the parking lot but we said nothing to each other. When I got into my car he said, “I thought I was taking you to lunch.” I told him I had things to do.

He texted a couple of hours later saying, “Sorry about today.  I was frustrated.  I’m cursed when it comes to other dogs.  I almost got knocked over several times.” I didn’t respond.  He texted me later telling me to have a good night.

Two days later he showed up at the dog park at 8:00 a.m. during my typical dog walking routine, right after I drop my daughter off at school. I felt a pit in my stomach.  He never came to the park at that time. I did not want to see him or talk to him.  I was far away and wondered if he even saw me.  I noticed his dog first and then saw his orange jacket but he was a distance away.  I do think my dog went over to see his dog but I kept walking and pretended I didn’t notice. When I got to my car his truck wasn’t parked there so I was relieved thinking he may not have even saw me.

An hour and half later he texted, “Enjoy your walk?” I felt sick to my stomach. He then said, “Sorry I didn’t stick around to say hello. Not feeling well.”  That made two of us. I wasn’t going to respond but then I was almost afraid not to say anything.  The problem with us living in the same neighbourhood is that we are bound to run into each other, especially if he was going to be intentional about it.  5 1/2 hours after he texted all I said was that I hoped he was feeling better. He engaged some more saying that he ended up spending the day with his daughter but I did not respond further and I haven’t heard anything from him since. That was 3 days ago and we are just coming off a long weekend. I am going back to my dog walking routine tomorrow and I am just hoping he realizes I am not interested in even being friends so that he stays far away from me.

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, dating, divorce, infidelity, loss, Love, moving on, unfaithfulness

Dating and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

It has almost been 4 years since I discovered my husband’s affair. It would be an understatement to say that I have been very slow and cautious to re-enter the dating scene. Overly consumed by everything left for me alone to handle, the needs of the kids, the financial concerns, the legal proceedings; dating was just another item on my to-do-list that eventually would need to be checked off but it was not a priority now.

My needs were completely met by safe, adult, male friends.  During the first year of my separation, 2013, Rob would come over and sit on my back porch with a fire burning just to talk.  He would hang out with me all day when I had garage sales saying he would try to pop by but ended up showing up at 10 a.m. and staying until 5 p.m. and then would go with me to get something to eat afterwards.  We would make plans to meet for breakfast at 9:30 that turned into going to the farmer’s market and then just going for a drink on a patio overlooking the ocean and then deciding we really needed some food so we would find a different patio for a 2:00 p.m. lunch. We would meet for lunch at 11:30 and then he would order a couple of desserts that he didn’t want just so we could remain and we would leave the restaurant at 3. Even though I hadn’t seen him really at all last year, he was the last one to leave my surprise 50th birthday party in the summer.

Martin is my fantasy. He entered my life in 2014 through a mutual friend and we have had so much fun together. I would show up at his house to pick him up and he would answer the door with no shirt on.  He has the hardest body. I commented that he made 50 look good and he said, “I make 50 look damn good!” We always went to the same restaurant and after discussing what we wanted to eat he would tell the waitress, “My fiancée will have….” And then the waitress would say, “Oh, congratulations!”  We would carry on with our pretend story improvising details never sure how the other would respond.  We would close down the restaurant.  When we went to a comedy club there was a silent auction.  He bid on a ballet night with dinner.  I mentioned my surprise back at our table with several people listening and he responded, “Darling, I always told you I wanted to take you to the ballet.” He would flirt shamelessly with me and would always invite me in for a hot tub afterwards.  I always declined.  He said if I ever wanted pillow talk I knew where to find him.  He would text me with a beautiful note afterwards making sure I was home safely.

Dan was my golf partner the summer of 2015. We played almost every weekend.  We would hang out with mutual friends at BBQ’s and game nights and he would plan day trips for us like going to Saltspring for Apple Fest. He had a very dry sense of humour and was fairly quiet and reserved but he would shock me every now and then by revealing something very personal that was so out of character to what I would have expected from him.

Around this time, my girlfriend mentioned one day, “What do you think of Brian?”  I was thinking, and she continued, “He thinks you are very sweet and wondered if you would like to go on a date with him.”  I had to ask, “Who is Brian?” “We went for dinner the other night”, she said. “Your Uncle Brian?” I asked incredulously. “Yes”, she said.  “He really liked you.”  “Your dad’s brother?” I laughed. “My dad’s youngest brother”, she defended.  “He’s very successful, has lots of money and is super nice.”  “He lives in Vancouver”, I said, “so it won’t work and besides I would have to make you call me, Aunty”.   This was also the time another friend said to me, “You really need to start dating for no other reason than to learn about yourself.”

In 2016, I dated 3 men. They were all nice, two were highly successful and they were all okay looking (one was 35 years old!) but after the 3rd date, they ended it with me (although the 35 year old still texts) and one of the other guys sent an email in the summer just asking how I was doing. I always enjoyed my time with each and they planned great dates–The Floathouse; a ghostly walk; beautiful restaurants, dinner on the beach…but I never wanted to take it further. I never let them come to my place,  I only kissed them good night and I wouldn’t go back to their place. I still didn’t feel I had the time to invest in a relationship.  I would never put a relationship at this point ahead of my 14-year old daughter’s needs and all I wanted was for someone to go out with every now and then.  My female friends were really meeting my needs in this area anyways.

So on New Year’s Eve, I declared my New Year’s Resolution to my girlfriend as being that I wasn’t going to date at all in 2017. I was just going to get my divorce finalized, resolve my legal issues, get my place in order and work on me, inside and out, so that I could attract the right person without any negative distractions.  Wouldn’t it figure that within the next hour after my declaration this very lovely, 6’2″ man started to talk to me.  He was very complimentary and he said that he would like to take me on a horse carriage ride and that if we enjoyed each other’s company that he would like to take me to dinner afterwards.  I told him my new year’s resolution.  He laughed but wasn’t deterred.

I loved his energy, his smile and his eyes.  He was dressed nicely and smelled great.  We exchanged phone numbers and talked constantly by phone and text for 2 days.  He works shift work and was moving on January 2 into a smaller place that he had just bought but we went to dinner on the 3rd (I told him it was too cold for me to enjoy a carriage ride). We were at the restaurant for 4 hours. I loved his life experience from his search and rescue career leading a jaws of life team and rescue diving to being a dad of 3, owning a car dealership that he couldn’t wait to sell, traveling to every state in the US, being an extra in several popular movies, winning a BBQ contest and getting a cooking segment on a local TV channel, losing everything in the Calgary flood, etc. He seemed to have his values in check. I really was attracted to this man. He told me how great that he thought I was and how he didn’t want our date to be over. After dinner,  he walked me to my car and asked if he could kiss me.  I loved it.  It was hard to stop. He told me that I was a great kisser and that he didn’t want to let me go.  He said he felt so comfortable with me and had told me how happy he was that we met. He invited me back to his house and as much as I wanted to go, I did not.  He promised he would never put any pressure on me to do anything and that we would always go at my speed.

We got together as much as we could over the next 3 weeks and we talked all the time.  He cooked for me or I would bring food to his place.  We loved to just stay so we could have our privacy, talk and cuddle and really get to know each other.  We would try to watch a movie but we were very distracted by each other. We were both so tired one day that we just fell asleep and it was really nice. He made me feel beautiful, desired, sexy and it was very hard to leave his place.

On Thursday, I was heading back over to his place. He had just come off a string of late, 12-hour shifts but had 3 days off.  He had spent his first day off with his son. He wanted to finish getting his house in order from his move and his son offered to help.  He spent the day moving things he had dumped in a spare bedroom to storage and then he took his son out to dinner for his son’s birthday. I had told him that Wednesday was the best day for me to spend with him as I had no commitment to pick up my daughter that day but he made plans with his son instead and I understood his need to get his move behind him.

We had 6 hours planned to spend together on Thursday and then he said I had him all of Friday as well. He asked me at noon what I wanted him to cook for dinner and I told him instead that I wanted to take him out to eat. He said that was okay and he would just continue to work until I got to his place (I did have things I wanted to do–yoga, lunch with a girlfriend and letting the dog out before I came over and made these plans because I was sure we were going to have the day before together) He was fine with that though as he had work he wanted to finish.

Just when I was about to leave to go over he texted telling me to wait because he just received a text from his son that he was being picked up by his son and his son’s girlfriend for dinner at 5. He said he texted his son back but wasn’t getting an answer so he was very confused with the text.  He said that he still wanted me to come out until he had to go to dinner.  I instantly felt sad and texted him telling him that but said I would still come out.  During the drive to his place my mind was turning.  Why was he going out with his son again and why would he want to go to dinner with his son and his son’s girlfriend instead of spending time with me? He spent the whole day with his son yesterday.  Why didn’t he cancel with his son and say he was double booked?  Why didn’t he invite me to go (he told me he told his son about me)? It was actually his son’s birthday that day and it was his son’s girlfriend’s birthday on the same day.  Why would they want his dad there during their celebration?  Why would their dad want to be there and not just tell them to enjoy their birthday celebration together? He had already celebrated with his son.

When I got there I had a pit in my stomach and it was hard to swallow.  I got to the door and he wasn’t there waiting for me with it open like he usually does so eager to hug and kiss me.  I knocked (which I have never had to do) and I was shaking.  He yelled at me to come in.  I opened the door and he was hurried,  coming from down the hall into the kitchen and then doing something on the counter maybe with his change and wallet but I just stood there.  He barely looked at me and said, “What a crazy day. I thought the plans with my son were on Friday for dinner…” and then I just burst into tears.  He came over to hug me and hold me and I just sobbed into his chest. I don’t remember him saying anything except maybe sorry but I wondered why he wasn’t saying anything. I didn’t put my arms around him but had my hands in partial fists at the side of my face.  It was when I heard him mention about plans with his son on Friday when he told me that he was spending all of Friday with me that did it. I was shaking and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  I am not a crier so I had no idea what was happening.  If it is fight or flight, I fight.  I have never been one to retreat or run away but I had to get out of there. The energy was weird. I could barely speak but I said I had to leave and I did.

8 hours later I was the one who texted first to see if he was home.  He texted back saying he walked in the door 20 minutes earlier and asked if I was okay. I hadn’t seen the earlier text he must have sent during my drive to his place, until after I left in tears, saying that he asked his son if he could come at 6 instead of 5 so he could have more time with me and telling me that he had Friday free now but I was thinking that would mean he had at least a 4 hour dinner with his son.  Was that normal?

He texted, “I’m feeling not so good.  I didn’t like how I felt when you left.  I never like hurting anyone.” I responded, “Well I was hurt.  I also wonder if you were lying to me.”  He said, “I was not lying to you. That’s not me.” And I said, “but I don’t know you.”  He responded, “I’m sorry for upsetting you. It was a mistake in dates is all.  But that being said I’m not good with hurting anyone and especially someone I care about.  Having that same person call me a liar cuts deep. I’m sorry for everything.”

I told him that I wasn’t calling him a liar.  I was very vulnerable and I shared where my mind went with everything and what I was thinking to try and make sense of why he bailed on me.

I didn’t hear back from him for 2 days and when I did he sent the following text: “Robyn I have had time to think about the other day.  After reading the text messages over and over I have decided that I am not going to continue with our relationship. I have decided to focus on my work and just stay on my own. I’m truly sorry that I upset you. I did go back through my son’s messages and in fact he did ask me to dinner on the wrong day so it was not my mistake. However, seeing you so upset really made me feel horrible about myself. I never wanted to hurt anyone at anytime. I wish you the best. You truly are a special person.  I am just the wrong guy.  Take care, Gord.”

I sent him at text asking if we could talk telling him that his cancellation of our time together and then finding out he had made plans on Friday  without considering me made me feel unwanted and unimportant.  (I had told him that I had to pick my daughter up from dance on Friday at 5 so I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he made plans Friday for dinner because of that) but I just wanted to talk it through. I told him that I was more surprised probably than him about my reaction.  I said in one sense it made me feel human again to have feelings. I never heard back from him though.  I sent a final brief text on Monday, so I could have closure, basically telling him that he is on his journey, I am on mine and that he was a nice stop along the way.  I wished him happiness, peace, health and love.

When I shared with a psychologist friend about my experience she said it was post-traumatic stress. She said that is what happens when after a traumatic event (being betrayed) you have unexpected and unforeseen triggers from a seemingly random misunderstanding. She said that situation took me right back to the experience of finding out about my husband’s affair. The flashback made me doubt Gord’s feelings for me, wonder if it was all a lie, suspect other motives, assume cover ups and question whether he was really working or with his son or doing what he said he was doing. Every lie I uncovered about my spouse and then the aftermath of everything I went through as a result of the deceit was relived again in that quick moment.

Or maybe my gut was right.

 

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, cheating, infidelity, other woman

Cheaters Get Caught

In follow up to the post about Stealing and Giving Back, I am happy to report that the thieves who stole from my daughter’s friend who was trying to raise money for the European Golf Championship tournament in Scotland to which she qualified, were arrested.

There was a follow up news story on TV reporting this information as well as another interview with my daughter’s friend because two additional cheques from anonymous donors were sent in to the TV station–one for $1001 and another for $2001. Cindy was thanking the donors stating that now she could use her weekends to practice instead of fundraising.

The next day my daughter came home to tell me that the police officer, who investigated the theft and then replaced the $160 that was estimated to have been in the jar stolen from her friend as she sold samosas at a market, called her and asked her to come down to the station.  He presented her with another cheque for $1880 from people who had given him money because they were inspired by his act of kindness to give the girl, from his own pocket, all she had lost.

One of the thieves was not happy to be caught.  When he was being released from jail he chose to punch a door and caused damage.  That landed him back in his cell.  His heart was clearly not remorseful. He seems to just be mad he got caught and now has consequences to face as a result.

Cindy was trying to raise $6000 plus for her trip. Due to her own hard work and time spent fundraising and because of the kindness and generosity of strangers she has reached her goal months ahead of her hoped expectations. Despite thieves and actually as a direct result of the greediness and selfishness of others she was victorious.

Cheaters never prosper.  Love hearing that their victims do.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, loss, the other woman

Stealing and Giving Back

This is what my friend posted on Facebook today:

“On eve of NewYear afternoon, I am getting ready for my long afternoon walk when my daughter calls to tell me, a guy snatched and ran way the donation jar.
Cindy was doing fundraising (for her next European Championship) at downtown Victoria, Almost after 5 hrs of fundraising on cold winter afternoon, the jar was filled and she was getting ready to wind-up when the incident happened. When I heard her disappointed voice, all I could say was ” You have done you part, but may be the money did not belong to you, just come home” and I left for my walk. Its not easy to let go the fruit of action, I was thinking about the all the hard work, making 100 samosas for the event as I walked along.
When I came home I expected disappointed pair dad & daughter at home. But Cindy calls again and says somebody called the Cop and the officer is investigating. For sure such stolen monies are never found, but reporting formalities are a must. The most astonishing part of the story is the officer gifts the entire amount stolen to Cindy, saying he wants her to do well in the tournament. No doubt most of the Police Officers are themselves sportsmen, but the kindness and thoughtfulness of this officer is a perfect example what sports does to build a strong character and commitment to ones community. Sports teach courage, resilience, and grit. It gives voice to the voiceless. Sports matter for everyone who wants a stronger, healthier nation.”

I have been thinking a lot about this story.  My daughter and I also experienced theft when we were fundraising for Team Canada.  I was so sad, disappointed and angry about the loss (Swarovski crystal sapphire flower pot–$100) and wondered how someone could feel they had the right to take from someone else, especially when it was for a cause and to help a child compete for their country, too, just for their own selfish gain.

Thieves will never have enough.  They will never be content.  Where the universe gave back to Cindy, the thief will experience loss and emptiness.  They will always be chasing what someone else has and feel entitled to use dishonourable means to take without feeling remorseful for the loss they caused others.

I think the same applies for cheaters.  How can a woman justify to herself that it is okay to have an affair with a married man and destroy him and his family because she thinks it will make her happier. On top of that, how can she even face his children let alone share a meal with them.  That is the devil sitting at my children’s table and they are supposed to smile, share their life with her, be respectful, exchange Christmas gifts with her and pretend she didn’t snatch their most valued possession–the security of their family and home.

I put 23 years of hard work into my relationship with my husband and for my family for the fruit of my labour to just be gone. Our goal was to display our marriage to glorify God.  People should have wanted what we had because it was special, not because of who we are or what we did but because of God. We helped a lot of people in their own marriages and were supposed to continue to help others. Instead, my husband gave away the most cherished part of our relationship for his own sexual glorification. Shame on the husband who opens the door for that woman.  He doesn’t see at the time that the thief is taking from him, too, because he is an accomplice.

Unlike my friend’s conclusion of the benefit of sport, cheating is one sport that only tears community apart.  It reveals lack of character.  It teaches cowardice, weakness, carelessness, and debility.   It makes us untrustworthy and a feebler and sicker nation. The universe does not give back to cheaters and in the end, they will be left with even less than what they had to start.

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, Bible, Christianity, Christmas, divorce, faith, God, infidelity, Janice Andrews, Love, lying, marriage, promises, Spirituality

The Ghosts of Christmas

The Ghost of Christmas Past:

Spent my 4th Christmas post-affair. I honestly don’t look back and long for the Christmas’ with my ex. We always had great celebrations whether it was commuting to the three sets of parents’ homes all in different cities and sometimes my birth father’s side of the family as well or whether it was just the 4 of us after our move to British Columbia. All good memories (except our last Christmas together when my ex was already involved with Janice and ignored me at his company Xmas party and over-drank and was obnoxious at my sister’s place during our family celebration and then was rude and impatient with me the next morning).

The Ghost of Christmas Present:

This was the first year my ex purchased a gift for the girls to give to Janice. He gave it to my younger daughter to bring home and wrap. I have no idea what it was–something from The Body Shop I think based on one of the bags she left at our front entrance. When she told me she had to wrap a gift for Janice I asked if her dad bought her paper. No, she was expected to use my wrapping paper. No idea what paper she chose or what it looked it–bows, ribbons, tag, etc. I wonder if Janice really opened it up and thought how nice that the girls shopped for her and chose something for her. Something as special as soap. Guess it is Dave’s way to pretend it is a family Xmas where everyone exchanges gifts and niceties out of love for each other.

The girls and I had a very fun Christmas Eve. I gave them their traditional Xmas pajamas gift to open and they immediately put them on. We took selfies on my bed with all the pets and stayed up very late.

Christmas morning was relaxed and fun. I went on a walk with the dog in the afternoon and we went to our friends’ farm for dinner.  Our friends said that it made their Christmas table much more lively having us there. We played a game afterwards with presents and came home with a new disco snowman and a disco tree decoration.

The Ghost of Christmas Future:

As I celebrated the birth of Christ, I was visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future. It came in the form of scripture.

I was reminded that for me to know Jesus requires that I share in his sufferings (Romans 8:17). Betrayal was the biggest part of his suffering and now I know what it feels like to be betrayed by the one who knew me the best and who I loved the most and who should have loved me back the most in this world.

NIV Galatians 6:17 “Let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.” That is a warning for Janice and Dave. For me Jesus says in NIV John 16:33: “In this world you will have trouble.” Jesus tells me though to take heart because he overcame the world and I will, too!  In this same scripture Jesus says to have peace despite the trouble because I am not alone; God is always with me.

I may have suffered the loss of my marriage due to an affair because of evil, greedy, lustful and selfish people but Isaiah 61:1 -7 lists all the promises I can claim because God “love(s) justice; (and he) hate(s) robbery and iniquity.” Janice robbed me of my husband. She took what wasn’t hers to take. Like a thief, she will always know she obtained what she has dishonestly at great cost to others and at a loss to her reputation, trust and integrity.  It is a lie and will be a constant reminder for herself and others of who she is at the core of her being. She shouldn’t be sad when the next thief steals it from her especially because she puts it on display; it never belonged to her in the first place. The same holds true for Dave. What a waste of time and effort and money trying to hold on to something that is just a lie and false security.

Regardless of my husband’s broken promises, God promises to me in this scripture that he will always be faithful and will reward me with his everlasting covenant that no one can steal from me.   Jesus is in me and will lead me where he wants me to go. I trust that! My husband left me, Jesus did not.

I know there will be battles in my future but I will get up and get in the ring and fight to knock Satan out so I can claim my victory! God works everything out for the good of those who love him (NIV Romans 8:28).

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce, infidelity

Joy to the World!

I am definitely in a better frame of mind this Christmas than last year.

Last year, I could not bear the thought of celebrating the first Christmas after selling our home in any way that resembled our normal traditions. I really needed to do something completely different. I guess I truly could not bear it because God does not give you more than you can bear. God not only changed up our scene but he did it in the most amazing way.

Firstly, a neighbour invited us to Christmas dinner making it the first year my girls and I have ever celebrated with anyone else’s family. Then the next day we flew to Florida because a friend, out of the blue, generously paid for me and my girls to fly and stay for free for 10 days. My children said it was the best vacation in their life and we didn’t even go to Disney World.

This year, I am in another new living space. We have always had a real tree but at the urging of my youngest, I agreed to buy a tiny (still 6 1/2 foot), artificial Christmas tree. I initially didn’t want to buy anything as I am still getting rid of things and have no desire to accumulate anything else. Last year a friend gave us a fake tree in a pot with white lights to use. It was perfect and I wanted to borrow it again. It was apparent, however, that it was very important for my daughter to have a tree. She compared prices and sizes and picked out the most practical one. She even put it together and arranged the lights. We decorated it with all of my mom’s ornaments because that was the first box I came across in our storage area. Each ornament is only red, gold or frosted glass and we used her gold and red beads as garland. I think it is the prettiest tree ever.

My older daughter finished her exams and came home 2 days ago. We have had lots of talks and laughs, the three of us sitting on my bed with the pets, reminiscing, planning and dreaming for our futures.

The girls are going to spend Christmas Eve having dinner with their dad and I am going to church with friends and to a party afterwards. We are spending Christmas day at our place and then dinner at my girlfriend’s parents’ farm. We haven’t discussed New Year’s Eve but we have options.

I feel like 2017 is going to be an amazing year!

I hope that everyone has a Merry Christmas and enjoys the holidays.

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