adultery, affair, cheating, children, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, Janice Andrews, marriage, other woman, separatiion

How “The Other Woman” Thinks: Part II

I was very disappointed to learn that the wife of a couple, who my ex and I have known for about 20 years, cheated on her husband.  They have 3 kids ages 16 to 22.  Her husband had to drive to another city to find her and bring her home. They are separated and the husband lives with their youngest daughter.  The other 2 children go to college. Their son wants nothing to do with his mother and refused to celebrate Christmas with her.

What was shocking and interesting at the same time to me was that the cheating wife said that there is no one that will ever love her like her husband does and she hopes that in 3 years they can remarry. That instantly flashed me back to a May 2013 phone conversation with my ex where he said, 2 1/2 months post separation, that he would need to be gone for a year and then he would come back.  What fantasy land do these cheaters live in?

The betrayed husband of this couple had the same reaction that I did towards my ex.  He wants nothing to do with her.  And like most spouses of cheaters, he too was left to handle all the responsibilities of real life. He is still friendly with her and he pays her spousal support with no court order telling him to do so.  He also is paying for all of the children’s expenses and taking care of the full needs of their youngest daughter. His expenses are about $6000 US/month and he will not be able to maintain this but this is the sad reality of these situations.

Cheaters possess a selfish, escape from reality need to seek some instant gratifying, ego-stroking attention that leads them to a place they think they can return from when they are ready and everyone will just wait and be thrilled they are back.  They seek some band aid  cover up to whatever they are too emotionally immature to communicate or comprehend on any deep level. To me, it mimics high school infatuation where kids jump from one relationship to the next based on feelings and hormones.

So in follow up to my blog post “How the Other Woman thinks Part I” I went to Janice Andrews Twitter account to share 10 recent retweets (because she has no original thought of her own) to learn how her thinking aligns with that of a cheater.  It sounds exactly like she has the insight and life experience of a teenager where love is based in fantasy, not real life.

January 10, 2018:

“Real love doesn’t meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.” J.S. Park

December 30, 2017: here’s your reminder list of cute things:
• you
• also you
• hey look you
• and you
• wait wait wait
• you
• you’re cute

December 3, 2017:

“I hope we last. I hope we do.

But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me:

I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable – only for you though, only for you.

Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too.

If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending.

Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.”

November 20, 2017:

“Choose people who choose you.”

November 21, 2017: 

“excuse me. I just wanted. to. remind you. that. this love I have. is for you.”

November 21, 2017:

“Magic is believing in yourself. If you can do that you can make anything happen.”–Goethe

November 21, 2017:

“Just be like a child. Embrace your ignorance. Love unconditionally. And don’t take anything too seriously. Especially yourself.”

November 22, 2017:

“Don’t get stuck in what might have been. It prevents you from going after what might become.”

November 22, 2017:

“You are a warrior and these are your weapons: kindness, gentleness, patience, presence, understanding, peace, love, restraint.”

November 15, 2017: “21 ways to keep her”

  1. Text her back as soon as you see her messages
  2. Don’t lie to her
  3. Don’t let her fall asleep without telling her you love her
  4. Don’t let her fall asleep mad
  5. Don’t make stupid mistakes
  6. Call her and say you love her at least once a week
  7. Make time for her
  8. Don’t get mad at her for dumb things
  9. If you have a reason to be mad at her then talk about it and work it through
  10. Listen to her, anything she says is important
  11. Remind her of how beautiful she looks when she smiles
  12. Don’t build walls between you two
  13. Trust her enough to tell her how you really feel
  14. Make her remember she is yours every time you kiss her
  15. Show her songs, poems, anything that reminds you of her
  16. Call her baby, babe, beautiful, etc. all the time
  17. Don’t break her heart
  18. Hold her hand in public no matter who is looking
  19. Don’t take her for granted
  20. Be spontaneous when you take her out
  21. Love her with every breath of your existence

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, Christianity, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, lying, marriage

How “the other woman” Thinks: Part I

I often wonder about what would make another woman justify in her mind that it is okay to sleep with a married man.

I am sure most women have experienced flirting and come-ons from men in committed relationships.  I find it is the most repugnant characteristic.  There is nothing about that behavior that makes me think, “Yes, you are the man I want to be with.”  I don’t find it flattering, it doesn’t make me think I am better than his wife in any way, it doesn’t make me feel desirable.  It only makes me think, “Creep. I feel sorry for your wife. She deserves better.”

I am a woman so I am trying to understand another woman’s thinking.  Janice Andrews was either pursued by my husband or she pursued him.  They each conveyed somehow to each other that even though we are married (Janice was living with her spouse in a 12-year common-law marriage), we are open and available to each other.

I hold my ex husband 100% responsible for straying and for leading Janice Andrews astray regardless of the semantics of how it all began.  He knew better. He studied the bible shortly after we married, was baptized as an adult, vowed to follow Jesus, lead ministries and studied the bible with other men, counseling them in their lives and marriages. He saw the consequences first hand of marriages destroyed by infidelity. He knew the pain caused to families and the struggle for relationships to continue after cheating.

At some point though he began to live a lie to pursue cheating himself.  It was before he met Janice because after discovering his affair with her I searched deeper.  I found that his pursuit of an affair had started at least a year before we moved to British Columbia. That was 4 years before he began to work with Janice. Even though he was clearly professing his love and lust for Janice to her via texts, he was at the same time flirting and making plans with other women as well.   He was casting out his net.   Initially, at least, he wasn’t going to be limited just because he caught fish Janice.  But what made her bite?

Janice’s own retweet of DeAndre Page from November 16, 2017 may offer an explanation: “think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”  It is the Law of Attraction. Whatever vibe he was putting out, she was lured.  She seems to have been putting out the same vibe with her willingness to cheat on her spouse.  Maybe deception vibes run on a different frequency path than loyal and faithful vibes.  After all, Satan knows how to light things up to make it look and feel more exciting than God’s promises.

Let’s explore other thoughts from Janice that could provide some insight into a mind that might need to try and justify her need to feed her own desires over consideration of the lives of other people.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, other woman, separatiion

The Creepy Doll says it All

It is next to impossible to avoid the reminder that your husband had an affair with another woman (Janice Andrews) and left you, your children, your finances and your life in one big mess!

My daughter and I were at a dance competition yesterday. One of the competitors performed a Lyrical Jazz routine to Kelly Clarkson’s emotional song, ‘Piece by Piece’.  The words are a reminder that my child has a dad who left.  Kelly Clarkson said, in one interview that I read by Alyse Whitney, that she was thinking after having her daughter, “How could anyone walk away from that?” I wonder that myself a lot.  We had a great life; a great family together.

My daughter and I also just went to see the movie “The Greatest Showman”. There is a scene where P.T. Barnum leaves his wife and 2 daughters behind to travel with a female singer. His daughters run behind his carriage after him and he doesn’t turn around.  His place is empty at the table and he is absent from the theatre where his daughter fulfills her dream of ballet dancing. He leaves his wife to do everything including raising his girls. My daughter and I talked about the scene after and she said she did think of the parallel to our situation.  She ended up seeing the movie twice.  Happy endings are hopeful and she said she had to hold her hands together to keep from clapping.

Today, while watching ‘The View’ as they talked about women who throw themselves on married men, I received information about Janice Andrew’s Twitter Account.  I don’t have a Twitter account but every now then someone feels the need to share the irony of something that Janice retweets about love or being kind in this world or some other airy, fairy idealization about how life should be lived with no concept of her creating a life with actions that are the complete opposite to her dreamlike façade.

My contact started out by saying it is no surprise she likes porn (the quote was from a site called Poems Porn). It was a retweet (the other woman apparently has no original tweets) of a quote from JS Park:

“Real love doesn’t meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.”

Then the contact tried to dissect this:  “Does she think she has real love with your ex or did she think it was real while she was screwing a man who went back and screwed his wife after? Does she think Dave is capable of real love towards her or anyone for that matter? Does she think his love to you and your kids wasn’t real? Does she think cheating and going after a married man or him going after her when she is married is real love? Did she have a fake love relationship with her spouse? Does she realize she isn’t her best by behaving this way or is she acknowledging he certainly isn’t at his best? Is she directing this quote to Dave telling him he isn’t at his best and he is the mess or is she sharing this quote to Dave to try to convince him that he really loves her because she isn’t at her best as she is just a mess. Maybe she just wants him to believe she can be better as she isn’t at he best yet or she wants to believe that he will be better.”

My response.  “Who cares what she thinks.  It seems to be an acknowledgement though that it is not an ideal relationship because at least one of them isn’t at their best and there is mess but she wants to bundle it under the guise of “real love” to make it all seem okay.”

The fact is, they both created a mess that I am still cleaning up and my kids are trying to step over or around! If they want to label it “real love” that is their deception.  What they did and continue to do is not love.  Whatever they have together; it isn’t real.  It isn’t love.

If you have a Twitter Account and would like to follow the loving and inspirational thoughts of Janice Andrews she can be reached at Agnus@smeepsmeep.  Smeep was the name, by the way, my ex had her listed as in his phone.  My contact asked about that contact name.  My contact suggested it stands for “Sucking married erections (while) enjoying porn.” Agnus apparently is the name of her doll that she pictures on her account. I think she is confusing the spelling with Agnes and Anus. My contact suggested that the “creepy” doll says it all.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, infidelity, other woman, unfaithfulness

Handling Hoes like Janice Andrews

I was working around the house this morning and ‘The View’ was on the television.  They were talking about some woman getting “handsy” with Jay Z and how Beyoncé reacted.  I started listening when they began to talk about what they would do when a woman is trying to engage with their husband while they are present.  They were saying how rude and disrespectful any woman would be to do that with a married man in general and especially with the wife present but sure enough they all had examples. What is it that makes these women think it is acceptable and justifiable to beg for attention from married men? It made me recall how Janice Andrews didn’t leave my husband’s side at their office Christmas party in December 2012 while I was there with hime (2 months before I found out about their affair).

I copied this from http://www.complex.com/music in relation to what the women on the View were discussing:

“During an interlude for Beyoncé’s iconic anthem “Formation,” Big Freedia’s voice is heard proclaiming, “I did not come to play with you hoes, haha. I came to slay, bitch.” This line echoes the authority embedded in Lemonade, and serves as a reminder that Queen Bey is not here to play with anyone when it comes to her work, her family, and especially her husband Jay Z.

Apparently one actress did not get that message, according to a story told to TV One by comedian Tiffany Haddish. In an interview for the network’s new series Uncensored, the Girls Trip star recalls an instance where she witnessed Beyoncé Knowles-Carter politely check an actress for putting her hands on Jay.”

Tiffany Haddish shares:

“I go to a Jay Z concert, and I get invited to the after party,” Haddish says. “Beyoncé just walks right up to me and she goes ‘Hi, I’m Beyoncé,’ and I’m like, ‘I know who you are girl! You are so talented!’”

Shortly after meeting the queen, Haddish was talking to Jay Z and another actress when said actress decided to put her hand on Hov. “She touched Jay Z’s chest, and Beyoncé came walking up like, ‘Biiiittcchhhh,” Haddish says, clarifying she didn’t actually use that word but “her demeanor and her body from the way she walked up on her was like, ‘Get your hand off my man’s chest.’”

Haddish explains that Bey then decided to have a polite conversation with the actress, but hints that the story didn’t stop there. “She started talking to that actress,” Haddish says. “Some other stuff happened, but I ain’t gonna say nothing yet.”

The article sums it up:

“I’d like to know which actress has the nerve to lay a finger on Jay after everything Bey went through to give us Lemonade. It’s unclear when or if we’ll hear the details Haddish left out, because as we know the Knowles-Carter family is extremely secretive. There’s one thing that’s certain though: Yoncé is still not here to play with you hoes.”

Hmmm, I really thought I had a husband with more integrity and love for me, his children and God.  I didn’t think I needed to check any of his coworkers for their lack of a moral compass.  Should I have? I really should have had the conversation with my husband at that time.

I wonder now if Janice has to live the way Beyoncé has to live.  When you know your man is a cheat there is no security.  Fame, fortune, talent–doesn’t matter. There is no protection against hoes except for a better man.

 

 

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adultery, affair, Bible, Christianity, divorce, God, infidelity, marriage, moving, Spirituality

It is all for My Good!

Initially, in the aftermath of discovering my husband’s affair, I had periods of joyous jubilation.  Somewhere over the past 2 years, I lost that.

In the first month after the affair, I knew I would never be with my ex again because of his choices and his decisions.  When I found out he had also been contacting an ex girlfriend regularly for a period of 4 years and when I began to find his emails and Facebook conversations and read how inappropriately his conversations and contacts with other women had been during our marriage, I knew I wanted nothing to do with this man ever again. All trust was broken beyond repair.

I was confident that God revealed to me the truth about my ex’s behaviour because God would not allow my ex to make a mockery of our marriage and because he knew I deserved way better. God is slow to anger and I suspect that over the last 4 years and probably longer he gave my ex a lot of opportunities to repent. As devastating and painful as the realization of my ex’s behaviour and lack of love and respect for me and our children was to me, I trusted in God’s plan for my life.  God gave me my husband and now he was removing him from my life.  I held on to one of my favourite scriptures:

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I had loved my life and always considered my life up until this point completely blessed.  I was content with everything I had and every situation in my life.  Even in difficult and challenging situations I trusted God’s wisdom and the direction of my life. I had confidence in everything that happened.  So even with, what to me seemed like the worst thing that could happen in my life, I was excited with what God had in store for me next. It had been so good up until this point I had fun imagining what God had planned for me next–maybe I’ll move (Australia was calling me at the time), maybe I’ll do this or that, maybe I’ll meet this person, etc. and etc.  It was very exciting to imagine all that I could and would do now that I was no longer attached to one person and their career path. I could finally do the things I had dreamed. The things my husband knew I wanted to do but that he never encouraged or supported .

I wrote in a journal all the blessings that God continued to give me post affair.  When my ex made decision after decision to financial crush me and to turn away from his relationship with our children, I held on to all of the new relationships, opportunities and financial gifts that seemed to just land in my lap and that benefited both me and my kids.

However, over the past year and a half, had difficulty seeing God’s promise.  I was feeling harmed and I had difficulty imagining a prosperous and hopeful future. The endless divorce process, my financial situation, our living situation, the needs of my children, the demands of everyday responsibilities that I have to carry alone, the nastiness of my ex; the weight of these challenges buried me. Fear for me and my children sometimes consumed me.

The worst thing I can do is focus on my loss.  It is a struggle to not be bitter against my ex for leading our family into financial ruin.  The loss of security and stability for me and my kids by selling our family home is one decision that haunts me as well as the decision to sign our mediation agreement when I knew the numbers didn’t make sense. If I had just taken a day and asked to see Dave’s lawyer’s calculations, the $100,000 error against me would have been obvious.  Trusting that Dave would even follow through on a mediation agreement was a mistake.   It was a huge mistake to enter into an agreement with someone who has consistently been proven to be dishonest and untrustworthy.  The same character that allowed him to pursue an affair and treat me and our kids with distain is the same character that made it okay with him to cheat me and his children out of responsibilities he legally owed as well as actions he ethically and in good-conscience should have manned up and handled.  I had a lot of thoughts of, “God, how could this be your plan for prospering me and giving me hope and a future?”

There have been very valuable life and spiritual lessons over the last 2 years.  Being this uncomfortable has had life-changing benefits that I wouldn’t want to give up but I also no longer want to keep enduring. I kept telling myself and others that I just need to hang on until my youngest is finished high school–“Just 4 more years, just 3 more years…” That was when I felt we would have the freedom to leave and do whatever we wanted.   But I am ready to claim everything good that the universe and God have in store for me now, I don’t want to wait. I can’t wait.  It may be my plan to have my daughter finish high school here for her benefit but I choose to have the mindset that making that decision is a good choice for me as well. I decided to start claiming all that is good and available for me now.

On my way to the hospital yesterday morning I decided that I was not going to pay for parking. I think it is $2.50 for 2 hours.  I said out loud, “Someone is going to give me their parking ticket that hasn’t expired yet because I am not paying for parking today.”  I turned into the hospital driveway and I made contact with every vehicle driver on their way out.  No one offered me a ticket. So I parked and headed over to the parking meter.   This is the sign that was taped to the meter:

20171103_125305

I smiled so wide. I laughed all the way into the hospital and of course I thanked God.

Then today when I picked my daughter up from dance we went to Starbucks.  I had received one of those star challenges that said I would receive 50 bonus stars if I bought the 3 things I buy most: my latte, breakfast sandwich and my daughter’s Frappuccino.  We ordered but they were all out of the breakfast sandwich that was specified in the challenge.  The barista apologized and asked if I wanted something different or did I just want a refund.  I told the barista that I wasn’t really hungry but was just ordering it to get my bonus stars.  The barista said that instead of refunding me the four dollars and a bit of change that she would keep my order so I would get my bonus points and then she gave me two gift cards for $4/each.  I proceeded to tell my daughter about the gift I received yesterday with the parking and now this unexpected gift today. Thank you again, God.

These may seem like tiny rewards but asking for these, acknowledging receiving them, and being grateful for these gifts puts it in my consciousness that I am ready and open to be lifted from my current position and placed in a better situation right now.  I know I have been so focused on “just staying here until my youngest is finished high school” that I have literally been “just staying here.” This awareness affirms what I know in my heart and has brought that joyful, excited feeling back into my thinking.

When I reassess, I am happier with my current living situation much more so than I was at the last place I rented. The last place was better than the place before that.  I definitely had thankfulness and gratitude for each place but when circumstances outside of my control forced me to move I became fearful and uncertain that we would find some place new to live. I longed for stability.  I am now reminded that although my constant moving doesn’t feel like stability the biggest life lesson I learned during these 4 years is that worldly stability is false.  My stability and security comes from God and his love, his promises, his truth.  That is my solid foundation, not a house.   So although it may cause some initial discomfort, I am back trusting and remembering that every move, every shift, every gift is all for my good moving me to a better place in life!

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, faith, God, infidelity

I Just Saw Ugly

I saw my ex last Sunday because our daughter had a dance competition.  We sat on opposite sides of the theatre but stood with our daughter together when she was finished performing.

I looked at him while he was talking to her.  There is nothing remotely attractive to me about my ex.  He was dressed very nicely, all new clothes to me, but the expression about putting lipstick on a pig popped into my head. He is still a pig.

What was attractive to me previously about my ex was the fact that he was my husband.  We were partners. He was committed to God, to me and to our children and I trusted that with those priorities my kids and I were well loved.  I was committed to him and those same things and I never wavered in my attempt to be the giving, supportive and loving wife. I sacrificed for his career and to care for our children but I have no regrets because that was the best thing for our family.  We had built a life together that I was very grateful we had and I had no reason to believe any of those priorities had changed for him.  I thought we continued to have the same hopes and dreams and purpose.

What makes him particularly ugly to me now is way beyond him having an affair. It is how he has treated me and my children and even God since then.  It is one thing to be someone who never had a relationship with God, but it is completely another thing for someone to have known God, committed his life to God and thanked God for everything God gave him and then to suddenly throw it all back in God’s face saying it wasn’t good enough.  He is completely unrepentant. He is also ugly to me now in the way he continues to not take responsibility for his share of support and agreements he made in mediation.  The distrust and failure to keep his word makes me scrunch my nose and turn my mouth up in distaste. He is especially awful to look at because he just missed seeing our daughter on the Sunday and Wednesday he was “scheduled” to see her because he was away and yet even though he returned, he never tried to see her outside of his next scheduled visit.  Even when he picked her up at 6:30 p.m. this Wednesday she was home before 7:15 p.m. He took her to Subway and then dropped her off.  He doesn’t have a deep, personal connection or relationship with our daughter and doesn’t seem to care to have that. I was attracted to a man who knew his children, did things with his kids and for his kids, a man who joined in and participated in quality and quantity time with them and made it special.  I was attracted to a man who prayed and had a spiritual view and offered sound counsel to others including me and our children. My older daughter is going through a huge amount of difficulty right now and my ex’s response is basically, “She is 19, she needs to deal with it.” Our child needs financial, legal and a lot of emotional support, encouragement, as well as strong and sound advice right now but he has nothing to give.

It is interesting to me that the origin of the word “ugly” comes from words that mean ‘dreadful’, ‘fearful’, ‘apprehension’, ‘ill-tempered’. and ‘strife’. It is the root sense of ‘hate’ and ‘sorrow’ and the extended sense of ‘morally offensive’.    It is his attitude that oozes out from within and emotes a negative energy that makes him “frightful or horrible in appearance” to me. I have never in my life criticized his physical appearance in any way.  He has acne scars, large ears and a big head.  I never saw those things.  It is his hardened and cold heart that turns him into a grotesque figure.

There is not a single ounce of desire for this person who I simply no longer recognize as the man with who I once shared a life.

 

 

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abuse, adultery, affair, anger, Betrayal, divorce, infidelity

Rough Rebound

My neighbour invited me out before Christmas.  It might have even been October or November but I was busy and not really interested.  After his first instigation, he followed it up with things like, “You have a great smile” and I can’t even remember what else he said to me but I would just say, “Thank you” and leave it at that.  Then he found me on Facebook.  He said he was surprised he found me without knowing my last name but it was the first profile that popped up. I never did approve his friend request but he was there when things ended with Gordon so I agreed to go to one of the pubs in our neighbourhood for wings and beer.

It was an easy date.  The conversation flowed freely and it was fun and light-hearted.  I liked that he is friends with his ex who also lives in the area. He goes over regularly to her place to pick up their dog for walks and lets himself in with a hidden key, with her permission.  He spends time regularly with his daughter and son and had just spent $800 buying his daughter knew glasses earlier than his 2 year medical plan allowed because her prescription had changed so drastically over a 4-month period.  He said he paid his ex more spousal than she had asked for because he didn’t think it was enough and they had no legal intervention.  He just seemed to do what was right. His older daughter went to school with my daughter for 4 years although my daughter was in the English program and his was in the French program so they only knew of each other.  My younger daughter is at the same school as his younger son. We have a couple of friends in common.  We walk our dogs at the same park.

The commonality was also a negative for me.  I didn’t like that he knew where I lived.  I never did allow him to come to my house to pick me up, drop me off or come in. I kind of regretted that he knew my typical morning routine and that I had to drive by his place almost every day.

We went out for dinner and lunches maybe 4 more times after our first date.  I went to his place a couple of times and we watched movies. We also met at the park to walk our dogs.

What I noticed the first date was that he had a bit of an edge.  I couldn’t label it initially.  He described himself as “opinionated” but to me it was more negative than just having a strong opinion. Then it crept into conversations more as he let his guard down.  He seemed to have a beef with a lot of people including family, friends and coworkers.  He made a comment that only one of his wife’s friends still talked to him. It made me wonder what he did to make his wife’s friends dislike him so much. He swore he was never unfaithful. He also told me that the husband of one of our mutual friends would turn away if he saw him.  Another red flag when men don’t seem to like him either.

I am close friends with the local mechanic. I know him and his wife personally and I trust him professionally to service my vehicle.  So when my new neighbour/date told me to have nothing to do with the guy because he would rip me off I knew his view was jaded and I told him my experience.  I have referred lots of people to his auto body and I have never heard any negative complaint. I even know the other mechanic that works for him and am friends with his mother. They are so knowledgeable, love vehicles, have a strong faith in God so I am confident in their advice as being for me and not for them.

My neighbour/date knew the servers and bar tenders in the pub and they knew him by  name.  I wondered how much of a drinker he was although when we were together he didn’t have more than 2 beers. One night we split a bottle of wine. When we went for sushi he ordered tea for us so he didn’t always need to drink.   He did drunk text me a couple of times.

One day when we were walking our dogs together my dog stopped in front of him.  He commented about how annoying that was to him.  When my dog did it again he grabbed me by the shoulders and moved me over to where he was walking, switching sides with me saying that if my dog was going to do that he could do it to me and not him.  I nudged him back jokingly, trying to lighten his mood, telling him he almost put me in the snow bank.  He then assured me that if he wanted me to be in the snow bank that I would be in the snowbank. I shut down immediately and I would say our relationship never recovered after that.

I met him one last time for dog walking. Not only did he knee my dog when he stopped in front of him but when a stranger’s dog ran over to play with our dogs and in the course of the dog’s excitement knocked into my neighbour, he kicked the dog angrily.  I was completely shocked. That was it right then and there.  I walked away on a different path than him back to my car.  He caught up to me in the open area leading to the parking lot but we said nothing to each other. When I got into my car he said, “I thought I was taking you to lunch.” I told him I had things to do.

He texted a couple of hours later saying, “Sorry about today.  I was frustrated.  I’m cursed when it comes to other dogs.  I almost got knocked over several times.” I didn’t respond.  He texted me later telling me to have a good night.

Two days later he showed up at the dog park at 8:00 a.m. during my typical dog walking routine, right after I drop my daughter off at school. I felt a pit in my stomach.  He never came to the park at that time. I did not want to see him or talk to him.  I was far away and wondered if he even saw me.  I noticed his dog first and then saw his orange jacket but he was a distance away.  I do think my dog went over to see his dog but I kept walking and pretended I didn’t notice. When I got to my car his truck wasn’t parked there so I was relieved thinking he may not have even saw me.

An hour and half later he texted, “Enjoy your walk?” I felt sick to my stomach. He then said, “Sorry I didn’t stick around to say hello. Not feeling well.”  That made two of us. I wasn’t going to respond but then I was almost afraid not to say anything.  The problem with us living in the same neighbourhood is that we are bound to run into each other, especially if he was going to be intentional about it.  5 1/2 hours after he texted all I said was that I hoped he was feeling better. He engaged some more saying that he ended up spending the day with his daughter but I did not respond further and I haven’t heard anything from him since. That was 3 days ago and we are just coming off a long weekend. I am going back to my dog walking routine tomorrow and I am just hoping he realizes I am not interested in even being friends so that he stays far away from me.

 

 

 

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