adultery, affair, breach of contract, Family Law, infidelity, legal proceedings, mediation, unfaithfulness

The Thanksgiving Turkey has been Served!

The Friday of our Canadian Thanksgiving long weekend, we served my ex with our court application outlining all the areas that he continues to owe me money.  They are all items that he agreed to pay in our Mediation Agreement back in November 2014. He also promised, as per the Mediation Agreement, to provide his tax information on May 1 of every year but he has not done that for the past 2 years.  Any other items are in accordance with the Family Law Act.

We just heard back from his lawyer.  They have asked that we change the date, which we agreed, and they will be providing us with their response shortly. November 22 will hopefully bring a long over-due resolution to our ongoing legal issues.

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adultery, cheating, children, divorce, Father/daughter relationship, infidelity, separation

Crappy email exchange to no where

My ex treats both kids the same. No favouritism for letting them down.  If it doesn’t work for him, they can forget it.  I thought because I just posted about his treatment of my youngest daughter, I would share what happened 2 weeks ago with my oldest daughter preparing for back to university.

My ex would not help move our 20 year old daughter back to Vancouver over the long weekend as he had plans but said he was going over to Vancouver the next weekend with Janice Andrews to see the Foo Fighters in concert so he could drop off her stuff then.

On Sunday night, I suggested that he come over during the next couple of days while our daughter was still here so she could give him all the boxes that she wanted sent. I was taking her to the ferry on Wednesday morning so he still had 2 full days to make plans to get them from her and Monday was a holiday so he wasn’t  working. I suggested that way he didn’t have to make any plans with me and could stick with his own schedule to get over to Vancouver plus they were calling for rain that morning.

His response:

“Thank you for the passive aggressive email (my name) where you try to dictate and control when people do and don’t do things.

….In case you may have forgotten, I’m offering to assist (older daughter) in delivering her belongings to her residence. I’m sure if you’re not around, you can leave them out front for me to pick up. You have lots of other items sitting out front that don’t seem to have any weather related issues.

I’ll be having dinner with (daughter) tomorrow and will pick the items up at that time, otherwise if that doesn’t meet with “your schedule”, you can deliver them yourself.”

Well I didn’t see his email until the next night.  It was our younger daughter who told me that afternoon that he was coming that night. Of course Wednesday night was the one night I had plans (that is the night my ex usually has dinner with my daughter so that is the only night I make plans). I told my daughter to text her dad that I could be back by 8:45 p.m. to give him the boxes but he would not wait so my younger daughter, thinking she was being helpful, put all the boxes out for him.  She realized afterwards that she had missed the 2 most important boxes that my daughter needed with her as they were upstairs and the other boxes were downstairs. She told her sister that her dad didn’t have room to take them. My older daughter was very upset so contacted her dad that she really needed those boxes.  He didn’t even know they existed so he texted my younger daughter back furious that she lied saying he didn’t have room for the boxes.  She said that she was “joking” and apologized.  He sent her the following text:

“(daughter’s name) while I appreciate you apologizing I don’t for a minute think it was a joke. You didn’t want to take responsibility for forgetting and I’m sure you did or were going to tell Mom that story which is really unfair because you know she’d be upset at me when I had no knowledge of those boxes.”

I didn’t care about any of this.  I only cared about getting the 2 main boxes to my older daughter and I was also hoping to get a Rubbermaid bin returned to me that my daughter put out by mistake.

My email that night:

“I am only seeing your email now and didn’t know you were planning on coming on Wednesday to pick up her boxes. It was the only evening this week that I was not able to be home until 8:45 p.m.  When (our daughter) told me you were getting the boxes I told her that I would be home at that time to give them to you.

There are 3 very important boxes that still need to go to (our daughter). Two have more than $300 worth of food and necessities and are open (Costco Boxes) so I don’t want to leave them on the driveway. There is another box of her belongings here as well that she wants you to take over. The only thing I have on the driveway is waterproof and if it does get wet it doesn’t matter. These items of (our daughter) in cardboard boxes will be ruined and spoiled if they get wet and I certainly don’t want anyone to take them. (Younger daughter) gave you one box by mistake. I need the Rubber Maid container that has her microwave in it. It was supposed to come out of the container. I just kept it in that so it wouldn’t get rusted outside. I have no storage space here and you refused to allow her to store anything at your place.

Also, please help her move her bed. She told me that you said, “No”. Please be helpful to her as she has asked around and can’t get anyone to help her. That is the only thing that she needs your help to move. She even offered to rent a U-Haul to get it to her place but she needs your help to move it. It is just a bed and easy to lift, certainly between the 3 of you, but she needs help to do it and needs a larger vehicle to do it.

It is your weekend with (our younger daughter) so I trust you will be taking her to dinner on Friday night since you will be gone on Saturday and Sunday. I will make sure that I will be here to give you the 3 boxes and if you can kindly return the Rubber Maid bin for me that would be very much appreciated. If you plan on bailing on (younger daughter’s name) on Friday night, too, then please come by on Saturday before you go to the ferry and I will see if I can put the groceries into smaller (bags…). They are calling for rain so I can’t leave them out before.”

Silent treatment. I sent this email in follow up:

“If you had have just extended me the courtesy of arranging a convenient time for us both to pick up (older daughter’s name) boxes I would have made sure you had the correct boxes. You have taken boxes that were not meant to go and you have left important boxes here. It is supposed to rain on Saturday so I can not leave boxes for you on the driveway and I need to take out the boxes that weren’t meant to go. I have plans on Saturday morning but obviously these boxes are imperative for(daughter) to receive so please let me know what time you can come by here on Saturday before you go to the ferries to exchange and get the correct boxes.

It is your weekend with (younger daughter) so I trust that you will be having dinner with her on Friday and we could even make the exchange then.”

I didn’t receive a response.  The next morning I had an appointment downtown.  I had no desire to go to his office but in an effort to make this easy for him I sent the following email:

“I  have an appointment downtown this morning…I will text you as I don’t have email access on my phone. If you are going to be in the office let me know and you can come down and move the items to your car. The boxes are way too heavy and big for me to take up the stairs to your office. Hopefully you will have my Rubber Maid container as well to give me.”

His Response:

(my name)

I’m not getting caught up in the ridiculousness of your last 3 emails.

I told you I was coming Wednesday to pick up the belongings. I work full time, I don’t have the luxury of going to Sidney and spending an hour out of my day to run around because you messed up what is or is not to go over to (older daughter).

There were boxes that were neatly set up on the driveway when I got there last night. I packed all of those boxes in my vehicle. If you put out the wrong boxes, or failed to put out others you wanted to go that is your issue. I have no more space. I do not have the time to drive to Sidney nor do I have the time to deal with you today on this issue. I’m headed out to Metchosin and will be on the Westshore the majority of the day. I’m in a golf tournament tomorrow, the same brokers tournament I’ve been in for the last ten years so I do not have time tomorrow. As well, (younger daughter) has known for several weeks that we aren’t getting together because of that.

I’m on the 9am ferry on Saturday. If (older daughter) doesn’t have what she needs, I will take her shopping or give her money to do so. It’s not the end of the world. She can get these things either next time she is over, or (boyfriend) can take things over in his vehicle as I’m sure he will go over and see her at some point. Or maybe you’ll feel the need to see where your daughter lives and go yourself.

So save your time and don’t contact me about this again.

Just a reminder, you’ve been blocked from my phone for well over a year so your texts will not be received.”

Now this is where I thought his response was odd.  He knows that our younger daughter put the boxes out, not me.  He sent her a text prior to this email admonishing her for forgetting to put out some boxes and then lying and telling our daughter her dad just didn’t take them because he didn’t have room when he instead he just didn’t know they were there.  Now he is saying he doesn’t have room to take them and thinks I put them out and made the error?

My response:

“(his name)

I didn’t put any boxes out. I did NOT know you were coming. I was not here at all during the day and just got home last night at 8:45 p.m. When (youngest daughter) texted me that you were coming I told her to tell you that I couldn’t be back until 8:45 p.m. She obviously took it upon herself to try and put (older daughter’s) things out but she forgot some items and gave you my rubber maid bin by mistake. I didn’t know you weren’t seeing (younger daughter) on Friday either. She doesn’t tell me anything about whether you bail on her or not anymore. It is old news. I only know when I have to drive her or pick her up because you made alternative plans.

This is a huge waste of money if you don’t take the food that she wants to take over to Vancouver and a waste of time for her to have to go and try to replace it. Some items are refrigerator items. She needs her bedding and the things in her printer box. You might have money to waste but I do not. I can’t afford to go over to Vancouver and spend $200 in travel expenses to take her $200 in food. (Plus I have to arrange for someone to let the dog out when I am gone all day) You are going over so please come and get her things. I highly doubt your vehicle is full and can’t take a few more things. You can take the items out of the boxes.

(Daughter’s roommate’s) dad drove up from Seattle to move her into (older daughter’s) place last minute. They took 5 trips to bring her stuff back and forth. You aren’t going out of your way at all to stop by here on the way to the ferry and you are acting like you have to drive across the country.

You can use blocking me on your phone as an excuse all you want. It only shows the judge that you will do anything you can to avoid being needed for something for your kids or having to do something.”
I contacted my older daughter to give her a head’s up that it did not look like her dad was going to bring all of her things to her, especially the items she needed the most. I then emailed my ex with her reaction and response:

“(our daughter) is very upset you can’t stop by my place first to get the things she very much needs and wants. (Her boyfriend) never takes his car over as it is too expensive. These are not things she can carry on the ferry back with her either.”

His Response and this is when it becomes clear this is more about trying to punish me than it is about doing anything for our daughter:

“I’m not playing this game with you. As stated, I’m not coming to your house. I’m not going to have anything to do with someone who is actively and continuing to make attempts to attack me by email, telephone calls, online etc. I’m not putting up with your ongoing behavior, harassment etc. I do not have room for her food end of story. Ask (youngest daughter), she saw what my vehicle looked like and I have my own personal belongings and Janice’s to take as well. It’s not my issue that you didn’t have things ready. I told you when I was coming and if you didn’t read my email or have things ready to go that isn’t my fault, that’s yours. You tried to make this difficult by demanding when I was or wasn’t going to pick things up. I have a job. I work 6 days a week and I have a life that does not include you. I’m not jumping when you demand. I have come to the house when I stated and picked up what was left for me to take. If that isn’t sufficient, you can drop off the comforter and sheets to my home and leave them at the back under the awning and I will pick them. Anything else that is left there that does not fit in my vehicle will be thrown in the garbage regardless of what it is. My home is not your dumping ground.

What (our daughter’s roommate’s) Dad did or didn’t do has nothing to do with me. I don’t have the luxury of being told the day before that (our daughter) needs to move to cancel my appointments and go to Vancouver. Rather than point the finger at me, why didn’t you take the initiative and do something about it? You don’t work, you could have easily gone to Vancouver and assisted (daughter’s name) at any time. Rather than point the finger at others and question them, take a look in the mirror and ask what you could do.”

My response:

“You are ridiculous. You chose the one day of week that I wasn’t home until 8:45 p.m. I offered to accommodate you at that time but you made (our youngest daughter) bring out boxes instead before I could be there. Now, you want me to pack up the rest of (older daughter’s) things and drive them to your place and leave them where you want and then anything else that doesn’t fit in your vehicle you are going to throw out? What kind of father are you? You have an extra bedroom at your place that you said was there in case the girls ever decide to stay at your place, with nothing in it, and you won’t even store (older daughter’s) things there? That is why I am pointing out to you what (daughter’s roommate’s) dad did. Now compare that to what you are saying you will do.

I contacted you this morning the only way you will allow, by email, and told you I was driving downtown today to an appointment. I offered to drop off the rest of (older daughter’s) stuff to you. I could have left the stuff at your place today. Then I followed up when I was on my way downtown and spoke with your secretary who said that you were in. You wouldn’t take my call so I left a voicemail and you still didn’t have the courtesy to call back and offer a solution for (daughter’s) belongings. I told you I could be here tonight and Friday night but you wont’ make an extra trip this way? You are coming right by here on your way to the ferry. Literally a 1 minute detour for you and you say I am being difficult with demands? Yes your life does not include me but it should include your girls. Unfortunately, you also seem to think that my life should include you and I should continue to jump through your hoops and wait around on your schedule.

This has NOTHING to do with me. This is for (older daughter’s name), your daughter! I have a million grievances against you. Your inability to help meet the needs of your children is just one of them and this a perfect example of your controlling behaviour that makes zero sense.”

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adultery, affair, cheating, children, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, Janice Andrews, marriage, other woman, separatiion

How “The Other Woman” Thinks: Part II

I was very disappointed to learn that the wife of a couple, who my ex and I have known for about 20 years, cheated on her husband.  They have 3 kids ages 16 to 22.  Her husband had to drive to another city to find her and bring her home. They are separated and the husband lives with their youngest daughter.  The other 2 children go to college. Their son wants nothing to do with his mother and refused to celebrate Christmas with her.

What was shocking and interesting at the same time to me was that the cheating wife said that there is no one that will ever love her like her husband does and she hopes that in 3 years they can remarry. That instantly flashed me back to a May 2013 phone conversation with my ex where he said, 2 1/2 months post separation, that he would need to be gone for a year and then he would come back.  What fantasy land do these cheaters live in?

The betrayed husband of this couple had the same reaction that I did towards my ex.  He wants nothing to do with her.  And like most spouses of cheaters, he too was left to handle all the responsibilities of real life. He is still friendly with her and he pays her spousal support with no court order telling him to do so.  He also is paying for all of the children’s expenses and taking care of the full needs of their youngest daughter. His expenses are about $6000 US/month and he will not be able to maintain this but this is the sad reality of these situations.

Cheaters possess a selfish, escape from reality need to seek some instant gratifying, ego-stroking attention that leads them to a place they think they can return from when they are ready and everyone will just wait and be thrilled they are back.  They seek some band aid  cover up to whatever they are too emotionally immature to communicate or comprehend on any deep level. To me, it mimics high school infatuation where kids jump from one relationship to the next based on feelings and hormones.

So in follow up to my blog post “How the Other Woman thinks Part I” I went to Janice Andrews Twitter account to share 10 recent retweets (because she has no original thought of her own) to learn how her thinking aligns with that of a cheater.  It sounds exactly like she has the insight and life experience of a teenager where love is based in fantasy, not real life.

January 10, 2018:

“Real love doesn’t meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.” J.S. Park

December 30, 2017: here’s your reminder list of cute things:
• you
• also you
• hey look you
• and you
• wait wait wait
• you
• you’re cute

December 3, 2017:

“I hope we last. I hope we do.

But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me:

I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable – only for you though, only for you.

Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too.

If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending.

Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.”

November 20, 2017:

“Choose people who choose you.”

November 21, 2017: 

“excuse me. I just wanted. to. remind you. that. this love I have. is for you.”

November 21, 2017:

“Magic is believing in yourself. If you can do that you can make anything happen.”–Goethe

November 21, 2017:

“Just be like a child. Embrace your ignorance. Love unconditionally. And don’t take anything too seriously. Especially yourself.”

November 22, 2017:

“Don’t get stuck in what might have been. It prevents you from going after what might become.”

November 22, 2017:

“You are a warrior and these are your weapons: kindness, gentleness, patience, presence, understanding, peace, love, restraint.”

November 15, 2017: “21 ways to keep her”

  1. Text her back as soon as you see her messages
  2. Don’t lie to her
  3. Don’t let her fall asleep without telling her you love her
  4. Don’t let her fall asleep mad
  5. Don’t make stupid mistakes
  6. Call her and say you love her at least once a week
  7. Make time for her
  8. Don’t get mad at her for dumb things
  9. If you have a reason to be mad at her then talk about it and work it through
  10. Listen to her, anything she says is important
  11. Remind her of how beautiful she looks when she smiles
  12. Don’t build walls between you two
  13. Trust her enough to tell her how you really feel
  14. Make her remember she is yours every time you kiss her
  15. Show her songs, poems, anything that reminds you of her
  16. Call her baby, babe, beautiful, etc. all the time
  17. Don’t break her heart
  18. Hold her hand in public no matter who is looking
  19. Don’t take her for granted
  20. Be spontaneous when you take her out
  21. Love her with every breath of your existence

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, Christianity, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, lying, marriage

How “the other woman” Thinks: Part I

I often wonder about what would make another woman justify in her mind that it is okay to sleep with a married man.

I am sure most women have experienced flirting and come-ons from men in committed relationships.  I find it is the most repugnant characteristic.  There is nothing about that behavior that makes me think, “Yes, you are the man I want to be with.”  I don’t find it flattering, it doesn’t make me think I am better than his wife in any way, it doesn’t make me feel desirable.  It only makes me think, “Creep. I feel sorry for your wife. She deserves better.”

I am a woman so I am trying to understand another woman’s thinking.  Janice Andrews was either pursued by my husband or she pursued him.  They each conveyed somehow to each other that even though we are married (Janice was living with her spouse in a 12-year common-law marriage), we are open and available to each other.

I hold my ex husband 100% responsible for straying and for leading Janice Andrews astray regardless of the semantics of how it all began.  He knew better. He studied the bible shortly after we married, was baptized as an adult, vowed to follow Jesus, lead ministries and studied the bible with other men, counseling them in their lives and marriages. He saw the consequences first hand of marriages destroyed by infidelity. He knew the pain caused to families and the struggle for relationships to continue after cheating.

At some point though he began to live a lie to pursue cheating himself.  It was before he met Janice because after discovering his affair with her I searched deeper.  I found that his pursuit of an affair had started at least a year before we moved to British Columbia. That was 4 years before he began to work with Janice. Even though he was clearly professing his love and lust for Janice to her via texts, he was at the same time flirting and making plans with other women as well.   He was casting out his net.   Initially, at least, he wasn’t going to be limited just because he caught fish Janice.  But what made her bite?

Janice’s own retweet of DeAndre Page from November 16, 2017 may offer an explanation: “think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”  It is the Law of Attraction. Whatever vibe he was putting out, she was lured.  She seems to have been putting out the same vibe with her willingness to cheat on her spouse.  Maybe deception vibes run on a different frequency path than loyal and faithful vibes.  After all, Satan knows how to light things up to make it look and feel more exciting than God’s promises.

Let’s explore other thoughts from Janice that could provide some insight into a mind that might need to try and justify her need to feed her own desires over consideration of the lives of other people.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, other woman, separatiion

The Creepy Doll says it All

It is next to impossible to avoid the reminder that your husband had an affair with another woman (Janice Andrews) and left you, your children, your finances and your life in one big mess!

My daughter and I were at a dance competition yesterday. One of the competitors performed a Lyrical Jazz routine to Kelly Clarkson’s emotional song, ‘Piece by Piece’.  The words are a reminder that my child has a dad who left.  Kelly Clarkson said, in one interview that I read by Alyse Whitney, that she was thinking after having her daughter, “How could anyone walk away from that?” I wonder that myself a lot.  We had a great life; a great family together.

My daughter and I also just went to see the movie “The Greatest Showman”. There is a scene where P.T. Barnum leaves his wife and 2 daughters behind to travel with a female singer. His daughters run behind his carriage after him and he doesn’t turn around.  His place is empty at the table and he is absent from the theatre where his daughter fulfills her dream of ballet dancing. He leaves his wife to do everything including raising his girls. My daughter and I talked about the scene after and she said she did think of the parallel to our situation.  She ended up seeing the movie twice.  Happy endings are hopeful and she said she had to hold her hands together to keep from clapping.

Today, while watching ‘The View’ as they talked about women who throw themselves on married men, I received information about Janice Andrew’s Twitter Account.  I don’t have a Twitter account but every now then someone feels the need to share the irony of something that Janice retweets about love or being kind in this world or some other airy, fairy idealization about how life should be lived with no concept of her creating a life with actions that are the complete opposite to her dreamlike façade.

My contact started out by saying it is no surprise she likes porn (the quote was from a site called Poems Porn). It was a retweet (the other woman apparently has no original tweets) of a quote from JS Park:

“Real love doesn’t meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.”

Then the contact tried to dissect this:  “Does she think she has real love with your ex or did she think it was real while she was screwing a man who went back and screwed his wife after? Does she think Dave is capable of real love towards her or anyone for that matter? Does she think his love to you and your kids wasn’t real? Does she think cheating and going after a married man or him going after her when she is married is real love? Did she have a fake love relationship with her spouse? Does she realize she isn’t her best by behaving this way or is she acknowledging he certainly isn’t at his best? Is she directing this quote to Dave telling him he isn’t at his best and he is the mess or is she sharing this quote to Dave to try to convince him that he really loves her because she isn’t at her best as she is just a mess. Maybe she just wants him to believe she can be better as she isn’t at he best yet or she wants to believe that he will be better.”

My response.  “Who cares what she thinks.  It seems to be an acknowledgement though that it is not an ideal relationship because at least one of them isn’t at their best and there is mess but she wants to bundle it under the guise of “real love” to make it all seem okay.”

The fact is, they both created a mess that I am still cleaning up and my kids are trying to step over or around! If they want to label it “real love” that is their deception.  What they did and continue to do is not love.  Whatever they have together; it isn’t real.  It isn’t love.

If you have a Twitter Account and would like to follow the loving and inspirational thoughts of Janice Andrews she can be reached at Agnus@smeepsmeep.  Smeep was the name, by the way, my ex had her listed as in his phone.  My contact asked about that contact name.  My contact suggested it stands for “Sucking married erections (while) enjoying porn.” Agnus apparently is the name of her doll that she pictures on her account. I think she is confusing the spelling with Agnes and Anus. My contact suggested that the “creepy” doll says it all.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, infidelity, other woman, unfaithfulness

Handling Hoes like Janice Andrews

I was working around the house this morning and ‘The View’ was on the television.  They were talking about some woman getting “handsy” with Jay Z and how Beyoncé reacted.  I started listening when they began to talk about what they would do when a woman is trying to engage with their husband while they are present.  They were saying how rude and disrespectful any woman would be to do that with a married man in general and especially with the wife present but sure enough they all had examples. What is it that makes these women think it is acceptable and justifiable to beg for attention from married men? It made me recall how Janice Andrews didn’t leave my husband’s side at their office Christmas party in December 2012 while I was there with hime (2 months before I found out about their affair).

I copied this from http://www.complex.com/music in relation to what the women on the View were discussing:

“During an interlude for Beyoncé’s iconic anthem “Formation,” Big Freedia’s voice is heard proclaiming, “I did not come to play with you hoes, haha. I came to slay, bitch.” This line echoes the authority embedded in Lemonade, and serves as a reminder that Queen Bey is not here to play with anyone when it comes to her work, her family, and especially her husband Jay Z.

Apparently one actress did not get that message, according to a story told to TV One by comedian Tiffany Haddish. In an interview for the network’s new series Uncensored, the Girls Trip star recalls an instance where she witnessed Beyoncé Knowles-Carter politely check an actress for putting her hands on Jay.”

Tiffany Haddish shares:

“I go to a Jay Z concert, and I get invited to the after party,” Haddish says. “Beyoncé just walks right up to me and she goes ‘Hi, I’m Beyoncé,’ and I’m like, ‘I know who you are girl! You are so talented!’”

Shortly after meeting the queen, Haddish was talking to Jay Z and another actress when said actress decided to put her hand on Hov. “She touched Jay Z’s chest, and Beyoncé came walking up like, ‘Biiiittcchhhh,” Haddish says, clarifying she didn’t actually use that word but “her demeanor and her body from the way she walked up on her was like, ‘Get your hand off my man’s chest.’”

Haddish explains that Bey then decided to have a polite conversation with the actress, but hints that the story didn’t stop there. “She started talking to that actress,” Haddish says. “Some other stuff happened, but I ain’t gonna say nothing yet.”

The article sums it up:

“I’d like to know which actress has the nerve to lay a finger on Jay after everything Bey went through to give us Lemonade. It’s unclear when or if we’ll hear the details Haddish left out, because as we know the Knowles-Carter family is extremely secretive. There’s one thing that’s certain though: Yoncé is still not here to play with you hoes.”

Hmmm, I really thought I had a husband with more integrity and love for me, his children and God.  I didn’t think I needed to check any of his coworkers for their lack of a moral compass.  Should I have? I really should have had the conversation with my husband at that time.

I wonder now if Janice has to live the way Beyoncé has to live.  When you know your man is a cheat there is no security.  Fame, fortune, talent–doesn’t matter. There is no protection against hoes except for a better man.

 

 

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adultery, affair, Bible, Christianity, divorce, God, infidelity, marriage, moving, Spirituality

It is all for My Good!

Initially, in the aftermath of discovering my husband’s affair, I had periods of joyous jubilation.  Somewhere over the past 2 years, I lost that.

In the first month after the affair, I knew I would never be with my ex again because of his choices and his decisions.  When I found out he had also been contacting an ex girlfriend regularly for a period of 4 years and when I began to find his emails and Facebook conversations and read how inappropriately his conversations and contacts with other women had been during our marriage, I knew I wanted nothing to do with this man ever again. All trust was broken beyond repair.

I was confident that God revealed to me the truth about my ex’s behaviour because God would not allow my ex to make a mockery of our marriage and because he knew I deserved way better. God is slow to anger and I suspect that over the last 4 years and probably longer he gave my ex a lot of opportunities to repent. As devastating and painful as the realization of my ex’s behaviour and lack of love and respect for me and our children was to me, I trusted in God’s plan for my life.  God gave me my husband and now he was removing him from my life.  I held on to one of my favourite scriptures:

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I had loved my life and always considered my life up until this point completely blessed.  I was content with everything I had and every situation in my life.  Even in difficult and challenging situations I trusted God’s wisdom and the direction of my life. I had confidence in everything that happened.  So even with, what to me seemed like the worst thing that could happen in my life, I was excited with what God had in store for me next. It had been so good up until this point I had fun imagining what God had planned for me next–maybe I’ll move (Australia was calling me at the time), maybe I’ll do this or that, maybe I’ll meet this person, etc. and etc.  It was very exciting to imagine all that I could and would do now that I was no longer attached to one person and their career path. I could finally do the things I had dreamed. The things my husband knew I wanted to do but that he never encouraged or supported .

I wrote in a journal all the blessings that God continued to give me post affair.  When my ex made decision after decision to financial crush me and to turn away from his relationship with our children, I held on to all of the new relationships, opportunities and financial gifts that seemed to just land in my lap and that benefited both me and my kids.

However, over the past year and a half, had difficulty seeing God’s promise.  I was feeling harmed and I had difficulty imagining a prosperous and hopeful future. The endless divorce process, my financial situation, our living situation, the needs of my children, the demands of everyday responsibilities that I have to carry alone, the nastiness of my ex; the weight of these challenges buried me. Fear for me and my children sometimes consumed me.

The worst thing I can do is focus on my loss.  It is a struggle to not be bitter against my ex for leading our family into financial ruin.  The loss of security and stability for me and my kids by selling our family home is one decision that haunts me as well as the decision to sign our mediation agreement when I knew the numbers didn’t make sense. If I had just taken a day and asked to see Dave’s lawyer’s calculations, the $100,000 error against me would have been obvious.  Trusting that Dave would even follow through on a mediation agreement was a mistake.   It was a huge mistake to enter into an agreement with someone who has consistently been proven to be dishonest and untrustworthy.  The same character that allowed him to pursue an affair and treat me and our kids with distain is the same character that made it okay with him to cheat me and his children out of responsibilities he legally owed as well as actions he ethically and in good-conscience should have manned up and handled.  I had a lot of thoughts of, “God, how could this be your plan for prospering me and giving me hope and a future?”

There have been very valuable life and spiritual lessons over the last 2 years.  Being this uncomfortable has had life-changing benefits that I wouldn’t want to give up but I also no longer want to keep enduring. I kept telling myself and others that I just need to hang on until my youngest is finished high school–“Just 4 more years, just 3 more years…” That was when I felt we would have the freedom to leave and do whatever we wanted.   But I am ready to claim everything good that the universe and God have in store for me now, I don’t want to wait. I can’t wait.  It may be my plan to have my daughter finish high school here for her benefit but I choose to have the mindset that making that decision is a good choice for me as well. I decided to start claiming all that is good and available for me now.

On my way to the hospital yesterday morning I decided that I was not going to pay for parking. I think it is $2.50 for 2 hours.  I said out loud, “Someone is going to give me their parking ticket that hasn’t expired yet because I am not paying for parking today.”  I turned into the hospital driveway and I made contact with every vehicle driver on their way out.  No one offered me a ticket. So I parked and headed over to the parking meter.   This is the sign that was taped to the meter:

20171103_125305

I smiled so wide. I laughed all the way into the hospital and of course I thanked God.

Then today when I picked my daughter up from dance we went to Starbucks.  I had received one of those star challenges that said I would receive 50 bonus stars if I bought the 3 things I buy most: my latte, breakfast sandwich and my daughter’s Frappuccino.  We ordered but they were all out of the breakfast sandwich that was specified in the challenge.  The barista apologized and asked if I wanted something different or did I just want a refund.  I told the barista that I wasn’t really hungry but was just ordering it to get my bonus stars.  The barista said that instead of refunding me the four dollars and a bit of change that she would keep my order so I would get my bonus points and then she gave me two gift cards for $4/each.  I proceeded to tell my daughter about the gift I received yesterday with the parking and now this unexpected gift today. Thank you again, God.

These may seem like tiny rewards but asking for these, acknowledging receiving them, and being grateful for these gifts puts it in my consciousness that I am ready and open to be lifted from my current position and placed in a better situation right now.  I know I have been so focused on “just staying here until my youngest is finished high school” that I have literally been “just staying here.” This awareness affirms what I know in my heart and has brought that joyful, excited feeling back into my thinking.

When I reassess, I am happier with my current living situation much more so than I was at the last place I rented. The last place was better than the place before that.  I definitely had thankfulness and gratitude for each place but when circumstances outside of my control forced me to move I became fearful and uncertain that we would find some place new to live. I longed for stability.  I am now reminded that although my constant moving doesn’t feel like stability the biggest life lesson I learned during these 4 years is that worldly stability is false.  My stability and security comes from God and his love, his promises, his truth.  That is my solid foundation, not a house.   So although it may cause some initial discomfort, I am back trusting and remembering that every move, every shift, every gift is all for my good moving me to a better place in life!

 

 

 

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