Category Archives: legal proceedings

adultery, breach of contract, cheating, child support, infidelity, legal proceedings, separation, Supreme Court of British Columbia

Court Settlement Agreement–$155,000

Shocker!  My ex showed up at court.  He has never attended a hearing for any court application that I have had to file due to his breach of contract.  There were two hearings in 2016 and this was the 4th hearing for the application that I filed in December 2018.  He never attended any of them. When I saw him, my heart started beating out of my chest.  I thought, “What tricks are he and his lawyer up to this time?”

For about 2 1/2 hours he had to sit and listen to how his behaviour was “egregious” and “inappropriate”.  After our last hearing in October 2019, the judge ordered him to pay the child support amount he owed after filing his 2018 taxes. He did not comply.   He never did provide an accounting of what happened to the RESP money for our children.  He never provided any banking information about his rental property, just receipts showing maintenance that was required on the property.  He tried to show losses but failed to provide an accounting for any rental income. He listed the value of his share of the rental property as $40,000 yet he conveniently sold it to a business partner, the day after our January 2019 hearing, for just $4,500.  He also failed to provide documentation surrounding other income he received during his employment.

His lawyer had no submissions.  His lawyer didn’t have much of a defense for my ex’s behaviour except to say that he could have done better with his accounting and that he knew he owed me support payments and had no problem with my lawyer’s numbers.  Yet, he chose not to pay the arrears.  He could have made a “Without Prejudice” payment as far back as December 2018 when he acknowledged his income increased significantly.

Instead, his lawyer tried to discredit my character by saying that my 2019 tax return failed to show all of the support that I received in 2019.  My ex didn’t even show up to court with a completed 2019 tax return (despite the reason we are at court is that he failed to exchange tax information with me, as per our agreement,  for 3 years, now 4 years, knowing his income increased every year) and yet they are picking apart mine, an area that does not even affect anything that my ex owes?

I could see my lawyer’s frustration and she explained to my ex’s lawyer and the judge that I have no idea what the actual support amount should be because my ex failed to provide the information for it to be calculated. The judge agreed and indicated that it is between me and my accountant and is irrelevant.

At the time I filed my taxes, I had no idea what the support amounts were as my ex hadn’t completed a tax return for 2016, 2017 and 2018.  The judge was not able to rule on spousal support owing until my ex provided the accounting he had requested which he did not.  The judge ordered my ex increase support payments to me by paying $8000/month until spousal support could be calculated.  My ex couldn’t even manage to obey that order for an entire year and arbitrarily decided to reduce the payment by $800/month just in time for Xmas,  I filed my taxes with a support amount as per our last court order. If he is ordered to pay more for subsequent years then there is a specific CRA form my ex is required to complete. I have to submit that and have my taxes recalculated for all of the years so that I am not unfairly penalized in the tax year I receive an arrears lump sum amount.

The judge mentioned three ways he could award me and penalize my ex for his conduct.  He mentioned applying interest to the outstanding support payment.  He mentioned not allowing my ex to receive the tax deduction for spousal support and not requiring me to have to claim the lump sum spousal support figure as taxable income.  He also mentioned my ex having to pay my legal expenses.

Just before the lunch break, the judge did ask us to try to settle the matter because he said that he did not believe the court could grant me the justice I probably deserved.  I learned afterwards that it was unlikely that I would be awarded all three things discussed because the judge would not want to leave it open for my ex to appeal.  If it was deemed to be too punitive towards my ex, he may have a case.

My ex offered to pay the full amount of arrears for spousal and child support for our younger daughter only–$125,782 for spousal and $4016 for our daughter and special expenses of $1716.  (The judge had already ordered him to pay the outstanding child support for our younger daughter in the order received in July 2019, which was about $17,000 and he had been paying me around $5000/month more for  the 12 months after our first appearance for the December 2018 court application and then $4200/month more for the last 6 months).  If he had not made any increases, and he only did because I filed the court application, arrears would have been significantly higher. He also agreed to pay $23,486 towards my costs.

Having him acknowledge he owed me costs was important and is reflected in the order so if we have to go back to court again it shows that my ex agreed his conduct was improper.

My lawyer felt that I would receive more if I left it with the judge but last time it took 6 months for a decision and it has never been my intention to punish my ex, no matter how deserving.  Practicing mercy is good for me and even though I thought it might soften his heart and that he might show some humility and appreciation, his actions following this have shown there has been no change in his attitude.  He is digging his heels in further and it is highly likely we will be back in court again.

 

 

 

Standard
abuse of power, child support, Family Law, infidelity, legal proceedings, Male abuse of power and wealth, special expenss, spousal support, Supreme Court of British Columbia

Apparently I am a Bar Joke

2019 ended with my ex sending an email acknowledging he owed me $117,000 in retroactive support payments but advised that his lawyer told him not to pay me unless I sign an order dismissing all outstanding matters before the court.  He also reduced his support payments to me by more than $700/month to put pressure on me to do this.

We have a mediation agreement in place that spells out exactly how he is to pay support. For 3 years he chose not to disclose his income.  I had no choice but to go to court in order for him to do this.  That forced him to disclose 2 years of income information and to file his taxes for the 3rd year of income. He still failed, however, to disclose all sources of income as per the agreement so the judge gave him an additional 60 days to do that.  He did not.  Now we have to secure another court date.  It is clear from what has been disclosed that he at least owes $117,000 but he said he isn’t going to pay voluntarily.  He will wait for the judge to order that.

This is not a negotiable issue. We have an agreement in place since 2014 but as usual, even though he gloated about how much he “won” in that agreement, he still wants to play games and withhold support as a power and control move over me. His response:

“You’ve become a bar joke Robyn. People always have a horror story about divorce and the crazy ex’s and what they have to pay in support. No one can top me. I tell people to read the blog so they can see what type of person I’m dealing with. I tell people how much I pay in support and they are flabbergasted at what you do. That’s what you’ve become at age 53, a bar joke, and not much else.”

He’s got one thing right.  No one can top him.

He makes in excess of $225,000/year.  He won’t pay any portion of our daughter’s dance expenses even though he agreed this would be a special expense where we pay our share according to our income. He never paid a dime towards our pet expenses even though he agreed to pay 50%.  He hasn’t contributed a dime to support our daughter’s Global Perspectives trip to Tanzania where she has worked for 2 years in school to raise funds to build a library for a girls’ dorm.  He came to one meeting, signed the consent for her to go, made an appearance at one of the fundraisers (although apart from his $15/ticket he never gave any money to the cause or donated anything for the silent auction) and even though he knows exactly from the meeting the cost of the trip he still asked me twice to send over the information. (I actually have sent it at least 3 times and every time I followed up asking if he was forwarding his share of the payments to me he asked me to send the documentation again).  There are a lot of things she needs for this trip but all I asked him to contribute towards is the flight and hotel–$4800, $180 for the passport and $250 for vaccinations and malaria pills. He recognizes that the trip is considered an Extraordinary Expense under the Family Law Act for our daughter’s education and knows he is required to pay his share.  His response to me in December is that I can’t have my cake and eat it too. He wants me to sign the consent saying I won’t go after him for anything else he is responsible to pay, he will pay me the $117,000 and he will then consider paying me the trip (the expense was incurred after our court application was filed so it is not currently before the court, but we will now just add it).

If he wants to complain about what he has to pay in support, he should at least pay it. If he didn’t want to pay support, he never should have had an affair and left the marriage.  If he now spends his time sitting in bars telling his story to anyone who will listen then I suspect that 7 years after having an affair and destroying his family and everything we built together, that the grass is not so green on the other side.

 

 

 

Standard
abuse of power, adultery, breach of contract, child support, court, divorce, Family Law, judgement, legal proceedings, marriage breakdown, single parent

Court Update

It is difficult to believe that it has been over a year since we applied to go to court and we still have no final resolution. This is the reality of dealing with a bitter ex who is not interested in resolving issues and dissolving the marriage. His behaviour from 7 years ago, when I first found out about his affair and we split immediately, has not changed. In all of his bluster, repeatedly admonishing at the end of each of his emails for me to move forward, he is the one who is stuck. He is either so damaged, broken and paralyzed that he cannot let go or he is just plain evil acting out against me and in spite of his children with vindictiveness, bullying, control, intimidation, anger and abuse of power. Whatever the reason, he is blind and cannot see.

When the final decision comes in, I will outline everything.  It is a stark warning for any couple who cannot work out their differences fairly and honestly with the best interest of the children, and the partner who stays with the children as the primary caregiver, in mind.

We appeared before the judge at the end of January 2019.  The judge released a partial decision in July.  It is common for a decision to take up to 6 months.  There are procedures in place if the decision has not been received by then but if you go to court don’t expect a quick outcome.

My ex was ordered to pay me $17,700 in back child support for our youngest child.  He was also ordered to pay Canadian Revenue Agency $8544.84 directly under my name for tax debt that he caused me by claiming he paid spousal support when he did not.

The mediated agreement that was put in place in November 2014 is the biggest regret of my life.  Part of that agreement allowed my ex to claim support he didn’t pay but he was required to pay any tax implication that claim created. He did not do it at the time it was incurred.  He needed to be ordered to pay this by a judge and as a result there is a large amount of interest outstanding. That is an issue that I may now have to deal with in another court with a tax lawyer. Calculating daily interest back to 2015 is another, separate issue.

At the end of our court hearing in January 2019, my ex was also ordered to continue to pay me $8000/month for child and spousal support.  This was the amount my ex voluntarily started to pay in December 2018 at the advice of his lawyer so he would not look as bad to the judge for not providing income information for the previous 3 years.  He knew that his income had increased substantially. He had been paying $2728/month.

We will likely not appear before the judge again until the new year.  I will go through the entire decision once it has been received in full.  I think it will be helpful to anyone considering court.  It should only be a last resort option for sure.  The entire $17,700 that my ex owed for support for our child went directly to my lawyer and it only paid for 50% of my outstanding legal fee.  Not to mention what I have paid in fees over the past 7 years and what my ex has paid.

It is clear that the financial burden of going to court is why many single parents left to care for their children are not able to hold their ex’s accountable for support payments. I think it is wrong for any spouse and parent to abandon their obligation to their family.  My conscience compels me to stand up for myself and my girls. It would be a disservice to me, my children and to society as a whole who ends up burdened in social services costs and the consequences of poverty and lack of hope, especially with our youth. That is a whole other blog topic.

 

Standard
adultery, divorce, Family Law, Janice Andrews, legal proceedings, marriage breakdown, spousal support

It is all in the Judge’s hands

Court is finished for now.  There is a lot of material for the judge to review before making his ruling.  He did, however, make an order for my ex to start paying me $5300/month more than he had been paying me.  He commented that there is no chance of my ex over paying pending his decision as there are “significant arrears”.

My ex never showed his face in court.  His lawyer attended on his behalf and just read from my ex’s affidavit.

They did try some dirty tricks. My ex hired a private investigator to surveil me the week before our hearing.  He and his lawyer also travelled to Vancouver the day before our hearing getting my older daughter to swear an affidavit against me.  The judge did not allow these documents to be entered.  He commented that having a child, even an adult one, swear against another parent can cause significant, long term damage to the family.  He also found them to be irrelevant.

This was all done for the purpose of trying to sully my character to the judge. My ex also quoted my “scornedwifeblog” in his affidavit and his lawyer read the example title “How to Handle Hoes like Janice Andrews”. It is a very benign entry just relaying a Beyoncé story but it was chosen to try to embarrass me. Two ways that I think this backfired: 1) Now the judge knows that my ex is the cheater which is another strike against his moral character. 2) The blog, that my ex has tried so hard to get me to halt, is now documented in the Supreme Court of Canada, specifically highlighting Janice Andrew’s name. people bringing you down quote

Standard
adultery, affair, child support, court, Family Law, legal proceedings, litigation, spousal support, Supreme Court of Canada

The Noose is Tightening

I showed up at court on November 22, 2018.  Our original date was November 20, 2018 but we changed the date at the request of my ex’s lawyer.  I was to meet my lawyer at 9:30 a.m. at the court house before heading to our 9:45 a.m. Supreme Court of Canada hearing.

She advised that my ex’s lawyer contacted her at 9:00 a.m. offering a sum in excess of $100,000 if I agreed to adjourn the hearing. That was still a low ball offer, was not in writing so my ex could not be trusted to keep his word and it was clearly because my ex was not prepared and wanted to buy more time until some point in the new year. He had missed the deadline for filing his response and it had still not been filed as of the day of hearing so there was a good chance my court application would be considered uncontested by him.  I had no desire to put off resolving our issues any more and I refused to accept this offer.

The hearing ended up being adjourned anyways.  Two supposedly quick 10-minute hearings were heard before our scheduled 2 hour hearing. One lady was self-represented so this hearing dragged a lot longer than anticipated. My lawyer and my ex’s lawyer were discussing numbers (of course my ex didn’t have the courage to show his face in court to a judge) until it was our turn.  Then the judge announced she was taking her scheduled break in 15 minutes (11:15) and then her lunch as scheduled and would commence with the afternoon hearings as scheduled at 1:00 p.m.  Therefore, she doubted she had time to hear my case.  She listened for 15 minutes and felt there might be a jurisdiction issue and my ex’s lawyer would have to agree she had jurisdiction to rule.  Of course he wouldn’t do this as he didn’t want the hearing to proceed so we had no choice but to reschedule.

I overheard my ex’s lawyer calling my ex to confirm his availability for a December 7 court date.  His lawyer said to him, “Ya, you can loosen the noose for now but don’t put it away in your closet.  It is going to get tight again real soon.”

Standard
adultery, affair, breach of contract, Family Law, infidelity, legal proceedings, mediation, unfaithfulness

The Thanksgiving Turkey has been Served!

The Friday of our Canadian Thanksgiving long weekend, we served my ex with our court application outlining all the areas that he continues to owe me money.  They are all items that he agreed to pay in our Mediation Agreement back in November 2014. He also promised, as per the Mediation Agreement, to provide his tax information on May 1 of every year but he has not done that for the past 2 years.  Any other items are in accordance with the Family Law Act.

We just heard back from his lawyer.  They have asked that we change the date, which we agreed, and they will be providing us with their response shortly. November 22 will hopefully bring a long over-due resolution to our ongoing legal issues.

Standard
abuse of power, adultery, affair, Betrayal, bullying, cheating, child support, court, ex spouse, Family Law, infidelity, insurance adjuster, lawyer, legal proceedings

He probably tries to rip everyone off

After all, he is an insurance adjuster and the stereotypical reputation is that they can’t be trusted.  Their interest is the insurer’s interest, not that of the insured person making a claim.

This is a copy of the email that I sent to my ex on June 13, 2016:

“I am just confirming our conversation today that you are refusing to pay any portion of (daughter’s name) dance enrollment for next year.

Firstly, she was asked to audition for Team Canada yesterday which she did.  The audition fee was $35.  If she makes this team it will really help her with respect to university applications as she could get some scholarship money.

Secondly, as you aware from the (daughter’s dance studio) emails, registration for (daughter’s name) for next dance season is tomorrow.  I have told you that she is not adding any dances to her schedule.  Please let me remind you that she dropped classes each year following our separation to make payment for her classes easier for us.  She also was not able to participate in the Summer Dance Intensive program following our separation which she did every year prior to us separating.  She wanted to join baseball and take gymnastics camp to help with the acro portion of her dance, all of which she sacrificed participating in due to our financial situation. Now you have indicated that you will not pay any portion of the following:

  • Registration fee due tomorrow:  $25
  • Costume deposit for her regular 7 classes post-dated for October 1: $420
  • Monthly fee for 9 hours of dance classes: $366
  • Company (I paid her audition fee and she was accepted on this team again)
  • Company annual fee—$375 (can be split over 10 months and added to monthly withdrawal or paid all at once due September 1)
  • 2 Company costume deposits due October 1: $120

Your 71% share based on your 2014 income is as follows: 

  • $17.75 due tomorrow for registration fee
  • 9 Costume deposits post-dated cheque for October 1: $383.40
  • Company annual fee due September 1: $266.25
  • Monthly regular classes: $259.86

David, dance is (daughter’s) passion.  This is her social base and emotional outlet. It is also what she wants to do for her career. “

I am guessing that with my lawyer getting ready for us to go to court again she has had a conversation with my ex’s lawyer because now my ex has provided our older daughter with payment of her tuition for her first term of university in the amount of $3700 (I think this was the figure my daughter told me). It sounds generous but remember we did have this saved for our daughter’s education.  My ex somehow withdrew her entire RESP of $19,000–figure he gave me in May 2015, and used it to pay for entire last year expenses instead of using his own money and my support money.  If she had have been living with me, he would have paid support to me for her and from this money I would have had to pay her food, clothing, accommodation and other items. Why does he think then he is entitled to waste her entire RESP on one year and then tell her too bad you are an adult now and have to pay your own tuition?

Secondly he sent me a lump sum payment today for our youngest daughter’s dance expenses but only paid based on her monthly regular class fee of $366. He gave me one payment of $2598.60.  I thanked him for his but pointed out it is short $667.40.  He insists I only asked him to pay his share of the monthly regular classes.  He has confirmed the correct amount with the studio but insists I made the error, didn’t ask for the correct amount, my mistake, I lose, should have been more careful, why has the amount suddenly changed now, why am I asking for increased payment, etc. I see that the studio responded to him also explaining all of the correct information and informed him, as I did, that the Company fee is calculated differently and there is a registration fee.

Sigh.  It took lawyer involvement to get him to pay anything. The fact that he has $6298.60 that he can pay and the fact that my account is in a negative situation from  having to pay his share of expenses for the past year plus won’t make him look very good in court. His argument to me is that if I could go to Florida at Christmas (accommodation and flight for me and our girls was paid for in full by a family friend but he doesn’t know this) and Hawaii then I can handle paying his share.

I hope that his lawyer will advise him to pay the rest of his share of expenses including full child support.  I know his lawyer has been frustrated in the past by his obstinance. I know there is some reason for me to be happy and it does alleviate a bit of financial stress for some payment but in the end he will feel it is okay to continue to short change me and his children. He has been doing that for the past 3 1/2 years.  In his mind he thinks–she might take me to court for $6966 but if I pay that amount less $677.40 will she really take me to court for $677.40 as it will cost her more to get that amount back if she even wins.

He should have learned from January’s court experience. If he was there and heard the judge lambaste him maybe he would have learned that this judge in particular was going to make an example of this derelict father. I feel like I have no choice but to continue with court or I am doing my girls and me a disservice.  The only way that I am going to be able to move forward and receive full reimbursement for items he legally is responsible to pay is to have clearly written court orders for those amounts that can be enforced.

 

 

 

 

 

Standard
abuse of power, adultery, affair, Betrayal, bullying, court, divorce, infidelity, legal proceedings, litigation, Uncategorized

The Court Sends A Strong Message

Dave chose not to attend court today.  His lawyer was present.

On November 23, 2015 my lawyer contacted Dave’s lawyer to advise that I gave her instructions to pursue Dave in court for the outstanding expenses he continued to refuse to pay as per our mediation agreement.   These included pet expenses, dance expenses, alterations to my daughter’s grad dress, and orthodontic expenses. His share totalled $1212.11.

We were also asking Dave to increase my spousal and child support from July 1, 2015 to January, 31, 2016 as per our agreement based on our 2014 income information.

We were asking Dave to pay our older daughter’s school account that he still hasn’t paid for the September 2014 – June 2015 school year and where my name is still included as being responsible for this account.  This amount is over $1200. Our daughter was living with him at the time these expenses were incurred.

We were asking for Dave to provide me with interest on the RRSP amount he was to roll over to me on November 6, 2014 that I have yet to receive.

We asked him to provide details of the life insurance that he was to get in November 2014.

We asked for information from his bank outlining all bank accounts he had at the time of our separation because there were unexplained transactions leading us to believe he carried an undisclosed bank account.

We asked for details of RESP accounts for both our daughters that he had control of and failed to disclose at mediation and has failed to provide details about.

My lawyer filed our documents on December 4.  Dave has to meet the court rules and provide a response within 5 days.  When my lawyer hadn’t received anything by December 9 she contacted his lawyer.  He had a lot of excuses for the delay and urged my solicitor to push our December 17 court date to January 20, 2016.  She did.  She asked that Dave’s response be at her office by January 11 so she had time to review it.  When it wasn’t received by this time she contacted Dave’s lawyer again.  She told him that she was in court on Thursday and Friday and then after court on Friday she had to fly to Vancouver for a family death.  She needed the documents by Wednesday in order to have time to review them.  Dave’s lawyer served her on Friday at 3:50 p.m. when he knew she wasn’t available to receive them.  She did not receive Dave’s affidavit until Monday morning, 2 days before our scheduled court date.

I did manage to drop everything to respond to Dave’s 21 points in case Dave’s affidavit was admitted into court despite him failing to meet the filing deadline.  My lawyer filed our response to Dave’s affidavit the night before our court appearance.  The judge therefore had none of this information.

The judge ruled Dave’s affidavit was inadmissible.  Dave’s lawyer had to try to explain why Dave ignored court rules but instead tried to just make excuses why the judge should hear his evidence.  The judge again asked why he should admit Dave’s affidavit when Dave was “thumbing his nose at the rules”, “inconveniencing the courts”, “not abiding by the rules that are in place to avoid hearings by ambush”.   Dave’s lawyer finally conceded there was no excuse.

Dave’s lawyer’s big mistake was still trying to get his client’s affidavit admitted by using the words “in the name of Justice.” The judge said,  (and I might be paraphrasing a little but I wrote down as many of his comments as I could):  In the name of justice we should be able to move forward today because your client responded to the action brought against him in accordance to the rules.  Instead, he has played every game he can play.  He has not done his job. He makes north of $100,000 more than the claimant.  He controls everything. He has applied the pressure to the claimant, hammered her against the wall and twiddled his thumbs for a year plus.  He has forced her to make an application to the court. Why doesn’t he give his paycheck over to the claimant and let her decide how much he should have?  I bet the claimant would love to have his difficulties. What in the world do we have to control people like him if we don’t have court rules.  He just waits in the weeds.  We need to send a message to people like him that we are not kidding.

The judge then ruled that he found it fit to not receive his evidence because Dave’s actions are to be frowned upon. Otherwise, it is just a license for people to show up last minute and cry “in the interest of justice.” The lower income party has been on the short end of the stick.  The higher income party was well equipped to be able to do what mattered and he chose not to. He used the court as a way to apply pressure to squeeze the side with the least means. There will be financial consequences to Mr. Cherrie for essentially his “bare faced ignoring of court rules.”

As such, I won all the orders we were seeking.  Dave was ordered to pay me spousal support and child support arrears in the amount that was agreed upon prior to the court hearing.  In fact 7/10 of the items we were seeking were agreed upon by Dave’s lawyer prior to us being heard which made the judge indicate that if Dave had have filed on time court may have been avoided all together.  Dave was ordered to pay me TODAY support arrears in the amount of $5663, to start paying me an increase in spousal and child support as of February 1, 2015 plus an additional $1300 in punitive damages to pay my court fees and legal fees.  The judge also said that if we have to come back to court on any of these issues that Dave will be ordered to pay my costs again.

In essence, Dave just spent $2600 (both of our court costs) to fight me on $1200 worth of expenses. While he was scrambling to get his documents in just before our proceedings he agreed to pay the support arrears (although he tried to haggle off $28/month from the calculation) and tried to send over some documentation that we requested in our order but still didn’t satisfy what we required.  What a waste of time, energy and money. We ran out of time so the expense issue had to be adjourned. Therefore, Dave will still have to go back to court with me to fight those expenses and we are still asking for costs because they are agreed upon expenses.  We will be back in court unless Dave pays me in full. I have no more patience for this man and the court agrees.

 

 

 

 

 

Standard
cheating, children, control, deceitfulness, family, father/daughter, infidelity, lawyer, legal advice, legal proceedings, parenting, property disposal, relationships, separation, threats

Husband gets a lawyer

On March 4, 2013 @ 12:23 p.m. my husband sends me the following email:

“I’ve sent your email to my lawyer and you have no legal right to do anything with my belongings.  You will be receiving a letter today which will be a cease and desist order.  When I’ve got my accommodations sorted out I will pick up the remaining contents.”

I received an e-mail from his lawyer on March 4, 2013 @ 2:33 p.m. stating the following:

“Please be advised that we represent (husband).  It has come to our attention that you have been removing and disposing of his personal property.  This action needs to stop immediately.  My client has been attempting to reasonably vacate the premises in an orderly and cooperative manner.  He is still an owner of the property and there is no reason that his property needs to be removed in anything but a reasonable manner.  My client simply needs a reasonable amount of time to find another place and he can collect his belongings once that happens.”

I respond by e-mail to my husband’s lawyer on March 5, 2013 @ 8:02 a.m. with a copy to my husband:

“None of (husband’s) property has ever been disposed.  As a matter of fact, I rescued his Arsenal hat from the garbage.  When I asked my daughter why daddy’s hat was in the garbage she said, “Because the slut was wearing it in the photo.”  My daughter also said she couldn’t believe that I packed up his belongings so nicely in boxes and bags and placed everything in a neat and organized manner and easy location inside the house for him to access.  She also was upset that I gave him “everything” instead of keeping some things that she thought should be ours to keep.  When (husband) was not able to pick up very many items, we just had them delivered to the building in which he is an owner and where he claims to spend most of his time.  The items were delivered shortly before he arrives at the office, well labeled, well protected and sheltered.

He was asked to pick up the rest of his items while I was at the house and to give  me advanced notice.  This is because it is not appropriate for him to be walking around the premises when someone is not here and removing items without my knowledge.  Furthermore, my children have been very traumatized by his appearances at the house.

While I was at a school function last night with my older daughter, we both received frantic texts and phone calls that my younger daughter was “freaking out” because (husband) was at the house when we weren’t there and without our knowledge or permission.  She was sure he was “stealing” our dog.  When he was at our house the first time, my daughter called to me frantically saying that daddy came to the house 30 minutes before he was supposed to be there.  She didn’t want to be there and she didn’t want the dog to be there when he arrived.  She was hiding because she didn’t want him to see her.  She was shaking because she needed to leave the house so I had to help her go out the front door with the dog and to just keep walking and not look back.  She had her friend call another mom to come over because s he was afraid of what her dad might do to me.  She called me on the phone 45 minutes later asking why he was still at the house saying his truck position had moved and was backed up to the garage and she was sure he was taking my things that are in the garage to dump because he always threatened to do this.  Although I assured her that her daddy wouldn’t be wasting his time doing that now, the thoughts that have been going through my children’s heads are real to them.

Both my children are not sleeping, have been missing school since Friday and are incredibly anxious, emotional, scared and worried.  It is upsetting to my older daughter that her dad didn’t come to her school last night to hear about her Experiential Learning Program that she is going to be a part of this upcoming term and that he chose not to be involved in parent/teacher interviews.  It is even more upsetting to her that he used that opportunity while we were out of the house to do yet another thing that she considers to be deceitful.  She is terrified to be at the house by herself because she thinks he is going to come by and/or try to contact her.

It appears that (husband) came through the house and did take the rest of his items.  There doesn’t appear to be anything left in the garage that belongs to him.  I trust that there will be no reason for him to come by our home again unannounced.  If there is something that he might need in the future that he thinks he left here, I will be happy to try and locate that item and leave it outside our home at a time convenient to us both for him to retrieve this.”

The only response I received was from my husband on March 5, 2013 @ 8:24 a.m. by e-mail:

“Do you think (my lawyer) cares about my Arsenal hat or any of the other drivel that you put in the email?  The simple fact is you have no right to restrict my access to the house to get, store or use my belongings.  I am a legal owner of the property and am entitled to any of the benefits that an owner may enjoy.

I am trying to be nice and accommodating to you.  But when you threaten to throw out my belongings on the driveway or leave them out front my office that is not rational or acceptable.  So I went and got most of my things.  There are still others that I will retrieve when I am able.

Stop using the kids in this process.  Stop making them feel insecure and hiding them in the house and allowing crazy irrational behaviours.  You are perpetuating things that aren’t real and that is simply unacceptable.  You are attempting to punish me through the kids and that is petty, childish and frankly wrong.  You can either start to accept what has happened, move forward and start to work with me or I will retain legal counsel to commence action for my rights to the kids.  Take your pick.”

 

 

Standard
cheating, control, debt, deceitfulness, family, infidelity, legal proceedings, lies, marriage breakdown, other woman, parenting, relationships, separation

My emotions start spilling out

On Monday, March 4 at 7:24 a.m. my husband sends the following e-mail:

“Can you tell me why you’ve put $30,000 on our line of credit?”

I respond at 9:27 a.m.:  “You are the one who owes me explanations, not the other way around.”

He responds at 9:37 a.m.:

“I’m happy to discuss whatever you’d like to chat about.  What I would appreciate is you stopping the childish behaviour so that we can all try and move on.  I asked a valid question and you come back with a childish response.  I ask you that I would like to leave my stuff until I can get a rental and you dump it in front of the office.  If that’s what makes you feel better fantastic but you aren’t helping us to move forward.  I sure hope you didn’t have the kids involved in that little stunt.  Really makes you look petty in the long run.

Anyways I’ve got a line on a rental basement suite on (street that leads to my street) that I wanted to discuss with you.  Are you open to this?

My response at 11:21 a.m.:

“I am so glad you’d be “happy” to discuss whatever I want.  We know how important it is for it to be (husband’s name) who is happy at the expense of everyone else.  So here is my “chat”.

Don’t you dare talk to me about being childish and don’t you dare try to pull your morality bullshit with me.  I don’t give a shit what you appreciate–You want to leave your stuff here, you want to live in the neighbourhood, you want to fuck who you want to fuck and come home and play house.  You couldn’t even tell me the truth when I asked you point blank.  If you had have acted like a man instead of a child we wouldn’t be in this place.  You would have just manned up and said you met someone else and moved out and no one would have seen your depraved fucked up love life spilled out and now spewed and polluted in our minds forever.  If you had have been a man you would have said you couldn’t meet us for dinner at Red Robin instead of making us wait 45 minutes while you were with your GF/LF and then lied and tried to make me look like the idiot by saying you never said you’d be there for 6 and had a claim to go out on.  If you had have been a man you wouldn’t have lied about going out for your birthday with your hockey team, your phone being on vibrate so you couldn’t hear it, working, working, working and then us finding out you are even missing work to be with someone other than your family.   And how dare you fuck someone else and come back and fuck me so now I have to go and be concerned about my  health.  Even children know better, are less selfish and have more of a conscience, more of a heart and sense of well-being and concern for others.  Only children can be as ungrateful as you are for what you had.  You are the petty one in the long and short run.

I want nothing to do with you and I want you as far away from me as possible.  If I never, ever see you again it will be way too soon.

So let’s try this again:

I want your stuff gone from our house.  You can tell me today when would be the most convenient time for you to pick it up on Tuesday and I will do my best to accommodate that time.  I will have everything in the driveway for you.  Your bike and hockey equipment will be there so be prepared to make 2 trips if necessary.  There isn’t that much stuff left but if you do not do this, I will be kind enough to hire a delivery service directly to your office for your convenience.  You can get a storage unit.  I will no longer be your storage unit for anything.  I also expect you to stay to the time window you tell me.  Do not come earlier and do not come later.

You’re concerned about the $30,000? Maybe if you were more concerned with our finances and your family than what you have been concerned about lately and sat down to create a budget with me like I asked you would know we have no money right now to pay for a family vacation and at the same time pay for you to have another life on the side, our daughter in private school, our other daughter with all her new dance expenses and our regular ooh oohs like needing new tires and new brakes, etc.  I used the $30,000 to pay the Visa, Amex, trip, etc.  It is all documented and the transfers will be shown on our account.

I was disappointed by you yet again when you managed to take all the documents I left out for you except the legal information.  If you say you want the kids to be a priority then get your legal affairs in order now so we can move forward with the separation agreement.  That is the one way you can start to let them know and me to know that you do want to make them a priority in your life.”

(my name)

Standard