adultery, bullying, cheating, Criminal Code of Canada, Cyberbullying, Defamation, divorce, Fraud, Libel, Mobbing, Stalking

Criminal Code of Canada: Defamatory Libel, Publishing, Stalking, Criminal Harassment, Cyberbullying and Identity Fraud

Section 300 of the Criminal Code of Canada is the “Punishment of Libel Known to be False”.  It states that: “Everyone who publishes a defamatory libel that he knows is false is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 5 years.”

Section 301 of the Criminal Code of Canada is the “Punishment of Defamatory Libel”.  It states that: “Everyone who publishes a defamatory libel is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years.”

The definition of “publishes” is listed in section 299 of the Criminal Code of Canada and states:

“A person publishes a libel when he exhibits it in public; causes it to be read or seen; or shows or delivers it, or causes it to be shown or delivered, with intent that it should be read or seen by the person whom it defames or by any other person.”

As a result, I will be removing any comments made by my ex and his followers that are libelous and posted on my site.

Why anyone would state such things about me and encourage others to write such accusations that include criminal acts is incomprehensible. How someone could proclaim to care for the wellness of my children while dragging their mother through the mud is, to me, the equivalent of being an abuser of my children.

Section 403 of the Criminal Code of Canada, “Identity Fraud”, states that: “Everyone commits an offence who fraudulently personates another person, living or dead, with intent to gain advantage for themselves or another person; with intent to obtain any property or an interest in any property; with intent to cause disadvantage to the person being personated or another person.”

Personating a person includes pretending to be the person or using the person’s identity information”.  Punishment for everyone who commits an offence under subsection (1) (a) is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term of not more than 10 years; or (b) is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction.

For stalking to be criminal harassment under section 264 of the Criminal Code of Canada, here is what my ex and his performers should be aware of:

“1.  A person does one or more of the following things:

  • repeatedly follow you, or anyone you know.
  • repeatedly communicate with you, or anyone you know, directly or indirectly.
  • repeatedly watch you, or anyone you know, or lurk around your home, workplace, or any other place you happen to be.
  • engage in any threatening conduct directed at you or a member of your family.

2. The person knows that their conduct is harassing you or they are reckless about whether their conduct is harassing you. “Reckless” means they know their conduct may harass you, but they don’t care.

A person can be stalking even if they don’t physically hurt anyone or damage any property. The law is designed to protect psychological, emotional, and physical safety.

Stalking may start with conduct that seems more annoying than dangerous. Often, the conduct is legal and even socially acceptable, if it’s just an isolated incident. But when it’s repeated, it may scare the victim.

“Cyberbullying is a type of harassment using new technology. Whether it is criminal harassment depends on the facts of a case. Cyberbullies use social media (such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and YouTube), blogs, texting, instant messaging, and other internet avenues to engage in deliberate, repeated, and hostile conduct intended to harm, embarrass, or slander someone. Although their work is public, cyberbullies are often anonymous and it is often harder to identify and stop them.

Cyberbullying may also be defamation. The Criminal Code (section 300) outlaws publishing a defamatory libel – material published, without lawful justification or excuse, likely to injure the reputation of any person by exposing them to hatred, contempt or ridicule, or designed to insult the person.”

These perpetrators think they are hiding behind user names.  What they may not realize is that every computer on a network has a unique number called an IP address. Routers also have an IP address that acts as a front man for a bunch of computers. Law enforcement can trace your IP address back to your exact physical address.

I have all of the perpetrators email addresses, IP addresses and internet service providers. For example, I can tell you that the person who posted comments under the user name Happy and Robyn Graham Cherrie (masquerading as me) is the same person, my ex. I can tell you that the people using user names Azif, Trouble Brewing, Silly Sally’s Sister, WTF and Devil’s Advocate were in the same location while they posted comments. They probably work together as the IP address is identical, indicating they all likely had separate computers running through the same router. Their service provider is Telus. WTF, Devil’s Advocate, Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right and Winner Winner Chicken Dinner are all the same person. Time to Move on and Awesome are the same person with Rogers as their service provider. Azif and Pot Calling Kettle are the same person. Time to Move on and  NothingbutBS may be the same person or work together because although they used different email addresses they share the same IP address. I have 2 IP addresses for Sally so she may be working at 2 different places of employment or one is for her home service provider as one is Telus and the other Shaw.

I will not respond to any harassing messages and I am telling those involved in communicating with me in this manner to stop. I have been advised to provide all of your comments to the police.  I have been advised to report your conduct to your internet service providers as most companies have policies on acceptable use of their services and can cancel the service of a customer who violates those policies. If you continue to contact me I can seek a civil protection order.

abuse, adultery, affair, divorce

Day 2 of the Move, Glitches and Goodness

A few days before my move, I had a huge pile of items at the end of my driveway to be picked up for donation.  My neighbour had requested to take and sell everything in the retail store where he volunteers for the SPCA (The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals). They came around 4:00 p.m. on Tuesday, June 23, but said their truck was full and would come back to get the items in the evening.  They never returned.  I called my neighbour the next morning and he said his wife was on her way to my place.  I  helped her load her van and she said she would be back for the rest.  Her husband called me shortly after saying their warehouse was full and couldn’t take anything further.  I was left scrambling.  I called a couple of other organizations but it was too late to get a truck to come and pick up everything.

My 62-year old girlfriend came over to help with last minute items.  She normally drives a tiny antique vehicle but foresight had her drive her pick up truck instead and she brought a flat dolly. We decided to work for a couple of hours around my house until my daughter got home from school.  Then we loaded her truck full to take to the Salvation Army. They informed us they didn’t accept donations past 4:00 p.m. They did us a favour and took some things but it was a common complaint that they didn’t have enough storage for all the donated items and were spending too much money to dump what didn’t sell.  We dropped other items in some donation boxes along the way but returned to my home with still a lot of things plus what remained at the foot of my driveway.  Furniture and a large commercial steel clothing rack included.

Another neighbour, who came by several times to see if I had found my 6-man tent to sell, came by again.  I told Kevin that if he would take everything at the end of my driveway away in his truck I would go into my garage right now and find the tent and he could have it for free.  He agreed! I found the tent and helped him load everything into his truck. It was a huge job and I was so grateful.  It was also a wasted day pulling me away from what I had planned and I started to panic as I had the movers coming the next morning.

The moving company was supposed to come to my place in advance to estimate the time, manpower required, vehicles needed and cost to move me.  They cancelled twice and called the day before to just say they would arrive at 8:30 for the move.  They had estimated 5 hours.  2 young guys showed up with a small trailer.

Complicating the move was my new place.  It had 23 stairs to climb to enter through the front.  The back entrance had a 9% grade climb and another 6 steps up with railings on both sides leading to a back deck.  There was also a heat wave.

My new landlord feared the deck was going to collapse with the weight of all the boxes and furniture the movers placed on it.

Towards the end of the first day the owner came with 2 more men to help but it became apparent at the end of Day 1 that my move was going to continue into the next day.  The problem was that this is the busiest move time of the year and their movers and trailers were already booked.

The movers didn’t show up until noon the next day and the owner came back with them.  The goal was just to get my stuff out of the house before 5:00 p.m., closing time.  My girlfriend arrived to help with her truck and horse trailer and we started to pile things in ourselves.  We had initially planned to take these items to consignment and auction but with the heat of the day and now the need to just move everything off the property I purchased a storage locker.  My girlfriends took everything to the storage locker but misread the lettering on the building.  They pulled up to the wrong building and unloaded everything before realizing they were in the wrong location.  They had to reload the trailer, move to the correct location and then unload again putting everything in the storage locker. My movers went to help them.

Two dance moms and 2 of my neighbour friends showed up to help move my stuff out and to clean up each room as the items left.  One of the dance moms called her dad to come over with his pick up truck to haul away all the garbage.  He loves red wine and I had just put 12 bottles that my ex had left behind into recycle liquor bags that had the bottle slots in them.  I handed them over to him as a thank you.  He said it was too generous, more than enough payment, and he was very happy to help me.

My friends emptied the contents of my fridge (one friend took everything over and put it in my new fridge). I let everyone take whatever they wanted in the way of food, alcohol, and contents.

My lawyer contacted me to say that the funds from the buyers hadn’t been transferred in time to make the payout of our mortgage to the bank so now we were going to incur 3 days of interest.

Even though the new owners told me directly they weren’t moving in the day of the close but instead were staying at a hotel and moving in the next morning, they still showed with their realtor and wanted to walk through the house. My realtor confirmed they had made other arrangements but that they were still going to come by even though she gave them a heads up that we were not moved out yet. Only their realtor walked through. I was in tears and she put her arm around me saying these things happen.

At 8:30 p.m. after the movers took the last load that would fit in their trailer, I just wanted to go and see my daughter dressed up for her grad dinner.  I knew a bus was picking them up at 11:00 p.m. to take them to a surprise location for the rest of their party.  I drove to her school where the dinner was being catered.  I hadn’t showered. My hair was in a half bun, half pony tail falling out in places and my clothes were sweaty, dirty and wet after I just dumped a cleaning bucket in the sink but most of the water fell on me instead.

I declined to attend the dinner. I wouldn’t have been able to make it anyway with the move continuing past our close time but my daughter had been quite rude, mean and disrespectful to me.  I heard her dad in everything she said.  I am at the stage in my life now that I do not allow anyone to treat me in this manner. It took counselors, lawyers, friends, family and even our arbitrator to point out to me that I was an abused woman and that my ex had and continues to treat me in an abusive manner that is not acceptable.  When I heard my daughter parrot her father in how he speaks to me and the content of her words to me, I recognized it immediately and said, “No, that is not okay.” 

My daughter could have apologized after knowing my position but she did not chose to do this. I still wanted to see her and wish her well. I found her and took a few photos. My ex had already left to take my younger daughter back to our house. He had picked her up to go to the grad dinner and he took the cheating co-worker to our daughter’s grad when I let him know I would not be attending.  He told me he was going to return the ticket for a refund.  He is still trying to cover up his affair and make like it isn’t continuing on. My younger daughter did tell me that she hit the adulteress in the face with a tree branch that she had pulled and let swing back while they were at my daughter’s grad photo session.

I returned back to the house that still had some boxes for the movers to take. Everything was in the garage so I was now able to ensure the whole house was clean before leaving. My younger daughter and I stayed until 12:45 a.m. We packed up the car and took the pets to our new home. It had been a very stressful 2 days for them being placed in a bedroom in our suite during the move. After I dropped off my daughter and the pets I returned for another load of items (pet items, cleaning products, etc.) By the time I got back with my last load the movers were at my new place setting up our beds. They left at 2:45 a.m. I went to bed at 3:00 a.m.

I woke up at 4:41 a.m. and was back at my old place by 5:00 a.m. I wanted to sweep out the garage and I had bags of garbage to load and stuff into my car. I drove to a garbage dump that I didn’t even know existed until the day before. It is very close to my house. It was 6:00 a.m. There was a guy walking outside the facility and when I saw the recycling sign I asked him if they only took recycle items. He said they took everything. I asked when it opened and he said, “8:00 a.m.” I sighed and said I guess I would come back at 8. It was hot and I had garbage containing food, cat litter, dog poop that I had just picked up from the yard, etc. Turns out he was the owner and he offered to open 2 hours early just so I could dump everything! I was so grateful. I told him my story when I went to pay and he was so kind. He said, “I wondered why a pretty girl in a sports car packed to the gills with garbage was looking for a dump at this hour in the morning.” I knew I looked anything but pretty!!!!!!

I was so stiff and sore. I was sunburned. I had blisters, splinters, callouses, cuts and bruises all over me. I had been operating on 2 -3 hours max of sleep every night for a week. I was emotionally drained too. Phase One was done though. I was out of my old house and so glad to have it out of my life. It held nothing for me any longer. I was right to hold onto it for as long as I did for the sake of my girls and we were rewarded with getting almost our full asking price as soon as it was listed but it became just another area where my ex had control over my life. It was just a house, not the home and memories I had once created there, and I was completely done with it.

My ex was happy to see me struggle through the move and to not lift a finger to help. I let him know we were going to be in breach of the contract and his text back to me was that it wasn’t his issue. He didn’t care that he left everything of his behind except for what he came back for when he initially left–golf clubs, hockey bag, his hockey card binder with what he said before had about $10,000 worth of cards in it, and a brand new, $280 bike rack with trailer hitch, he said he gave to his boss (I still had the receipt and could have returned it). His goal was to bury me under as much burden as he could.

But it backfired. It made me stronger. It confirmed that I can do anything on my own with God’s help. It confirmed that I have endless support from so many different people in my life including strangers (that is how God works to show you who is really in control). It confirmed that my life is way better off with my ex out of it. He did as little as possible to help me when he was in my life and even though the house closing was his legal obligation too and he had so much of his own stuff to move from the property and should have been responsible for moving family items that neither of us wanted or had room in our new places for as well but he was a no-show on every level. He even tried to sabotage my efforts and take the girls out to a movie instead of them helping me just 2 days before the move date.

I am so built up and freer than I have been in a very long time. My ex is becoming dust on the road of life that is my journey. This was just one stop along of the way that I won’t be returning to again.

adultery, affair, children, divorce, moving

Happy Birthday Move

June 25 was my birthday. It was also my move day.

The day started with my ex texting me wishing me a happy birthday and asking me if I would be going to our older daughter’s grad dinner the next night. I had initially planned on going, 4 days before it was to happen, even though the timing was terrible. Our house closed the day of grad dinner at 5:00 p.m. I was moving the day before and was planning on just leaving the close day as my cleaning day but based on past move experiences I was aware of the potential for unforeseen glitches.

In the weeks leading up to our move, I had no help from any of the 3 other people responsible for the accumulation of stuff that was in the house. I alone was placed with the burden to pack and move everyone else’s things. I had garage sales, took items to auction, posted items for sale on line, consignment, donation, friends, the dump, etc. but the pile remained. It was 23 years of life with someone else, 17 years of one daughter’s things and 13 years of another. It included stuff given to us when my ex’s grandmothers past away and when his parents downsized to live in their cottage as well as items boxed up and moved here when my mom passed. t included boxes that had never been opened by us when we moved here 7 years ago. Yet no one else wanted to take responsibility for going through boxes, making decisions about what to keep and throw out and actually packing those things and taking them with them.

4 days before my oldest daughter’s grad dinner (I went to her grad ceremony the night before and took her, her sister and even my ex to dinner afterwards because he bought my grad dinner ticket), she parroted her dad. I asked her to come and sort through her boxes to see what she wanted to keep and take with her to her dad’s place or university and what she wanted to discard. She told me that if she was going to be “forced” to come over I better have her boxes out and ready to go through and not waste her time. I told her that I needed her to come with an attitude to help and that she at the very least could take responsibility for her own belongings. She told me that by her not helping it would teach me not to procrastinate and that I was only trying to get someone else to do my work for me. I reminded her that in the days leading up to the move when she knew I had a zillion things to do that she had no problem asking me to do things for her. I was driving her around to get her grad dress altered, her eyebrows threaded, and other errands she had asked me to do with her between my own appointments with lawyers and packing and getting rid of unwanted items. She never showed up to help.

My birthday move, however, was going well. A friend showed up at 8:30 a.m. with a big box of giant garbage bags and an Iced Capp from Tim Hortons. Another friend showed up with cookies for me. Another friend went to school and picked up my daughter and her friend for me (last day of school and the kids only had to go for 1 1/2 hours). The movers arrived. Friends came to help clean and pack up last minute items. My youngest daughter’s friends came and helped her finish up her packing and cleaning her bathroom and bedroom. I had a ton of birthday phone calls, emails, texts and Facebook messages that I was too busy to respond to or acknowledge until 4 days later. A friend brought pizza and a birthday cake over for dinner and anyone who was around stayed and we had a little party. Another friend brought me tiny donuts still warm from the Sidney Summer market. (My friends know me and my sweet tooth very well). Another couple of friends came and moved my t.v. and computer as the cable/internet provider was coming to my new place to hook things up the next day.

It was a long, busy and tiring day but through it all I felt loved and supported. I felt very happy to be physically moving on to the next chapter in my life.

cheating, dating, separation

Child’s Perspective

I had lunch together with both of my daughter’s.

My 17-year old commented, “You know, Mom.  You should actually thank Janice.  She did you a favour by getting dad out your life.  You deserve better.”

My 13-year old asked, “Why does dad have to bring Janice to take me out to dinner?”

I didn’t respond.

My older daughter suggested that he just wants Janice to get to know her.  My younger daughter said she didn’t want that and finds it so annoying that Janice always tries to bud in on conversations between my girls that have nothing to do with her and they aren’t talking to her.

I just reflected that we used to go out as a family and spend the time knowing what was going on in each others lives.  My ex is missing out on so much with my younger daughter’s life and I am missing out on my older daughter’s life as she lives with her dad. Now some other woman is asking what deodorant my daughter wears?  And I should thank her?

Reflecting on my younger daughter’s query about the intrusion of another woman on her relationship with her dad makes me sad because what message does she receive when her dad either bails on her for other plans or if he does pick her up after dance on his scheduled Friday and he is alone he just takes her through the McDonalds drive-thru, doesn’t eat with her and just drops her off at home.  At least if he brings Janice they take her out to dinner and he gets to spend some time with his daughter even though she feels like an intrusion on their date.  Last Friday when they took her out she couldn’t even eat.  She had one bite of her pizza while she watched them share a surf and turf salad, a pizza and wine. She brought her pizza home to me to eat.  She just needs to share and I listen as much as I would prefer not to know or hear about it.

I no longer do anything to try to make her dad have a relationship with his daughter. If he bails on her; I am there to pick her up. If she choses not to stay at his house she is always welcome here and I am home every night for her. It makes no difference to me if it should be my weekend to have some freedom. If he chooses not to spend quality time with his daughter and build a real relationship with her that is his loss and I will do what I can to make sure she feels wanted, respected and loved. Is it hard to date as a result?  Sometimes.

My ex told a friend of ours shortly after we separated that he is not sacrificing his happiness for the sake of his children.  That is one word he has kept.

Will I be thanking Janice? No.  Do I deserve better?  Absolutely and so do my children.


Happy Birthday Husband!

On Sunday, January 26, it was my husband’s 46th birthday.  It was his weekend with our girls.  Our oldest daughter has only recently started to see him again and it is sporadic–“free food” is how she describes their relationship.  Our 11-year old daughter had dance practice on Friday and he picked her up afterwards, took her for dinner and she slept at his house.  On Saturday she made plans to stay at her friend’s place overnight so he dropped her off at her friend’s place at noon.  She never plans sleep overs when I have her for the weekend, only on her weekend with her dad. 

With my husband having no child to look after on Saturday night it made me wonder if my husband’s girlfriend would be taking him out to celebrate his birthday and reminisce over their hook up that same night a year ago.  I went to a movie on Saturday night and was constantly looking to see if they might show up.  I haven’t run into them yet but it is so rare that I go out that I just kept expecting to see them holding hands and smiling and laughing together.  They may have gone to the Keg and back to her place again.

On Saturday, he texted my older daughter and asked if she was going to “pop by” on Sunday.  She asked me, “Why would I pop by to see dad?”  She texted back, “No”. 

I didn’t tell either daughter it was his birthday.  It might be selfish but after I found out about his affair I confronted him about an item on our joint Visa card.  He confirmed he was with his girlfriend on the night before his birthday last year.  He originally told me that he was playing hockey and the guys on his team were taking him out for his birthday.  Instead, my husband and his girlfriend went to the Keg (the restaurant that my husband and I always went to with our girls for special occasions).  They had dinner and then went back to her place and had sex. Her husband was out of town.  My husband not only confirmed this happened he was cruel enough to tell me,  “It was the best birthday gift I ever gave myself.” 

The actual day of his birthday last year we went as a family to a hockey game.  He still uses a photo from this night as his Facebook photo–all smiles with the girls.  We gave him an iPad as his gift but clearly that didn’t compare to the gift he gave himself.  Those words resonate with me today so even though I gave him a lovely Father’s Day gift and Christmas gift from the girls, I refuse to acknowledge his birthday in an any respect ever again.

cheating, children, control, deceitfulness, family, father/daughter, infidelity, lawyer, legal advice, legal proceedings, parenting, property disposal, relationships, separation, threats

Husband gets a lawyer

On March 4, 2013 @ 12:23 p.m. my husband sends me the following email:

“I’ve sent your email to my lawyer and you have no legal right to do anything with my belongings.  You will be receiving a letter today which will be a cease and desist order.  When I’ve got my accommodations sorted out I will pick up the remaining contents.”

I received an e-mail from his lawyer on March 4, 2013 @ 2:33 p.m. stating the following:

“Please be advised that we represent (husband).  It has come to our attention that you have been removing and disposing of his personal property.  This action needs to stop immediately.  My client has been attempting to reasonably vacate the premises in an orderly and cooperative manner.  He is still an owner of the property and there is no reason that his property needs to be removed in anything but a reasonable manner.  My client simply needs a reasonable amount of time to find another place and he can collect his belongings once that happens.”

I respond by e-mail to my husband’s lawyer on March 5, 2013 @ 8:02 a.m. with a copy to my husband:

“None of (husband’s) property has ever been disposed.  As a matter of fact, I rescued his Arsenal hat from the garbage.  When I asked my daughter why daddy’s hat was in the garbage she said, “Because the slut was wearing it in the photo.”  My daughter also said she couldn’t believe that I packed up his belongings so nicely in boxes and bags and placed everything in a neat and organized manner and easy location inside the house for him to access.  She also was upset that I gave him “everything” instead of keeping some things that she thought should be ours to keep.  When (husband) was not able to pick up very many items, we just had them delivered to the building in which he is an owner and where he claims to spend most of his time.  The items were delivered shortly before he arrives at the office, well labeled, well protected and sheltered.

He was asked to pick up the rest of his items while I was at the house and to give  me advanced notice.  This is because it is not appropriate for him to be walking around the premises when someone is not here and removing items without my knowledge.  Furthermore, my children have been very traumatized by his appearances at the house.

While I was at a school function last night with my older daughter, we both received frantic texts and phone calls that my younger daughter was “freaking out” because (husband) was at the house when we weren’t there and without our knowledge or permission.  She was sure he was “stealing” our dog.  When he was at our house the first time, my daughter called to me frantically saying that daddy came to the house 30 minutes before he was supposed to be there.  She didn’t want to be there and she didn’t want the dog to be there when he arrived.  She was hiding because she didn’t want him to see her.  She was shaking because she needed to leave the house so I had to help her go out the front door with the dog and to just keep walking and not look back.  She had her friend call another mom to come over because s he was afraid of what her dad might do to me.  She called me on the phone 45 minutes later asking why he was still at the house saying his truck position had moved and was backed up to the garage and she was sure he was taking my things that are in the garage to dump because he always threatened to do this.  Although I assured her that her daddy wouldn’t be wasting his time doing that now, the thoughts that have been going through my children’s heads are real to them.

Both my children are not sleeping, have been missing school since Friday and are incredibly anxious, emotional, scared and worried.  It is upsetting to my older daughter that her dad didn’t come to her school last night to hear about her Experiential Learning Program that she is going to be a part of this upcoming term and that he chose not to be involved in parent/teacher interviews.  It is even more upsetting to her that he used that opportunity while we were out of the house to do yet another thing that she considers to be deceitful.  She is terrified to be at the house by herself because she thinks he is going to come by and/or try to contact her.

It appears that (husband) came through the house and did take the rest of his items.  There doesn’t appear to be anything left in the garage that belongs to him.  I trust that there will be no reason for him to come by our home again unannounced.  If there is something that he might need in the future that he thinks he left here, I will be happy to try and locate that item and leave it outside our home at a time convenient to us both for him to retrieve this.”

The only response I received was from my husband on March 5, 2013 @ 8:24 a.m. by e-mail:

“Do you think (my lawyer) cares about my Arsenal hat or any of the other drivel that you put in the email?  The simple fact is you have no right to restrict my access to the house to get, store or use my belongings.  I am a legal owner of the property and am entitled to any of the benefits that an owner may enjoy.

I am trying to be nice and accommodating to you.  But when you threaten to throw out my belongings on the driveway or leave them out front my office that is not rational or acceptable.  So I went and got most of my things.  There are still others that I will retrieve when I am able.

Stop using the kids in this process.  Stop making them feel insecure and hiding them in the house and allowing crazy irrational behaviours.  You are perpetuating things that aren’t real and that is simply unacceptable.  You are attempting to punish me through the kids and that is petty, childish and frankly wrong.  You can either start to accept what has happened, move forward and start to work with me or I will retain legal counsel to commence action for my rights to the kids.  Take your pick.”