abuse, affair, Betrayal, bullying, cheating, children, cruelty, difficult personality, divorce, domestic abuse, ex spouse, infidelity, other woman, parenting, single parent, unfaithfulness, verbal abuse

Ask and You shall Receive…an Insult

I asked my ex tonight if he was able to pick our daughter up from the ferry on Sunday, October 2 at 5:30 p.m. He responded, “Sure”. I was surprised not only that he responded to my request but that he responded so positively and so quickly.

Just when I started to text a thank you back I immediately received another response from him that is much more typical, “Oh no wait I’m away I cant”. Then he sent another saying, “That’s your weekend I believe”. He knew all along he wouldn’t do it but thought he would play with me by saying ‘yes’ to start.

I responded, “Okay. Thank you for considering.”

His response: “Well thnka s for offering”. (yes that is how it was received, same with the last text spelling.)

I mentioned however how the month of September has been going for seeing his children: “I didn’t know we had weekends. You didn’t see (daughter’s name) when it was “your” weekend and then you didn’t see her the next weekend to make up for it. We just figure it is always my weekend unless you make plans to see her.” It has actually been 3 weekends in a row he hasn’t seen our daughter.

His response: “Whatevs tubs. Go eat some cheese cake and chocolate cookies.”

I didn’t respond and had no interest in communicating further.

His next text: I have plans…as usual you’re last minute Larry…if you asked sooner might have been able to do something for you.”

I had to point out: “Last minute? It isn’t this Sunday it is next Sunday. That is 10 days from now. Does that mean you will be having (daughter) this weekend?

His response: “I’m not wasting my time conversing with you…good night and eat another piece of cake darling”

abuse of power, adultery, affair, Betrayal, bullying, cheating, child support, court, ex spouse, Family Law, infidelity, insurance adjuster, lawyer, legal proceedings

He probably tries to rip everyone off

After all, he is an insurance adjuster and the stereotypical reputation is that they can’t be trusted. Their interest is the insurer’s interest, not that of the insured person making a claim.

This is a copy of the email that I sent to my ex on June 13, 2016:

“I am just confirming our conversation today that you are refusing to pay any portion of (daughter’s name) dance enrollment for next year.

Firstly, she was asked to audition for Team Canada yesterday which she did. The audition fee was $35. If she makes this team it will really help her with respect to university applications as she could get some scholarship money.

Secondly, as you aware from the (daughter’s dance studio) emails, registration for (daughter’s name) for next dance season is tomorrow. I have told you that she is not adding any dances to her schedule. Please let me remind you that she dropped classes each year following our separation to make payment for her classes easier for us. She also was not able to participate in the Summer Dance Intensive program following our separation which she did every year prior to us separating. She wanted to join baseball and take gymnastics camp to help with the acro portion of her dance, all of which she sacrificed participating in due to our financial situation. Now you have indicated that you will not pay any portion of the following:

Registration fee due tomorrow: $25
Costume deposit for her regular 7 classes post-dated for October 1: $420
Monthly fee for 9 hours of dance classes: $366
Company (I paid her audition fee and she was accepted on this team again)
Company annual fee—$375 (can be split over 10 months and added to monthly withdrawal or paid all at once due September 1)
2 Company costume deposits due October 1: $120

Your 71% share based on your 2014 income is as follows:

$17.75 due tomorrow for registration fee
9 Costume deposits post-dated cheque for October 1: $383.40
Company annual fee due September 1: $266.25
Monthly regular classes: $259.86

David, dance is (daughter’s) passion. This is her social base and emotional outlet. It is also what she wants to do for her career. “

I am guessing that with my lawyer getting ready for us to go to court again she has had a conversation with my ex’s lawyer because now my ex has provided our older daughter with payment of her tuition for her first term of university in the amount of $3700 (I think this was the figure my daughter told me). It sounds generous but remember we did have this saved for our daughter’s education. My ex somehow withdrew her entire RESP of $19,000–figure he gave me in May 2015, and used it to pay for entire last year expenses instead of using his own money and my support money. If she had have been living with me, he would have paid support to me for her and from this money I would have had to pay her food, clothing, accommodation and other items. Why does he think then he is entitled to waste her entire RESP on one year and then tell her too bad you are an adult now and have to pay your own tuition?

Secondly he sent me a lump sum payment today for our youngest daughter’s dance expenses but only paid based on her monthly regular class fee of $366. He gave me one payment of $2598.60. I thanked him for his but pointed out it is short $667.40. He insists I only asked him to pay his share of the monthly regular classes. He has confirmed the correct amount with the studio but insists I made the error, didn’t ask for the correct amount, my mistake, I lose, should have been more careful, why has the amount suddenly changed now, why am I asking for increased payment, etc. I see that the studio responded to him also explaining all of the correct information and informed him, as I did, that the Company fee is calculated differently and there is a registration fee.

Sigh. It took lawyer involvement to get him to pay anything. The fact that he has $6298.60 that he can pay and the fact that my account is in a negative situation from having to pay his share of expenses for the past year plus won’t make him look very good in court. His argument to me is that if I could go to Florida at Christmas (accommodation and flight for me and our girls was paid for in full by a family friend but he doesn’t know this) and Hawaii then I can handle paying his share.

I hope that his lawyer will advise him to pay the rest of his share of expenses including full child support. I know his lawyer has been frustrated in the past by his obstinance. I know there is some reason for me to be happy and it does alleviate a bit of financial stress for some payment but in the end he will feel it is okay to continue to short change me and his children. He has been doing that for the past 3 1/2 years. In his mind he thinks–she might take me to court for $6966 but if I pay that amount less $677.40 will she really take me to court for $677.40 as it will cost her more to get that amount back if she even wins.

He should have learned from January’s court experience. If he was there and heard the judge lambaste him maybe he would have learned that this judge in particular was going to make an example of this derelict father. I feel like I have no choice but to continue with court or I am doing my girls and me a disservice. The only way that I am going to be able to move forward and receive full reimbursement for items he legally is responsible to pay is to have clearly written court orders for those amounts that can be enforced.

adultery, affair, anger, bullying, children, difficult personality, infidelity, narcissism, separatiion

When Will I Learn?

Thank you for those who responded to my post “He is the Dick in Ridiculous” with your comments about not being able to be nice to a narcissist because they take advantage, they don’t care about specific details, they don’t care about others, that my ex doesn’t care about me and unfortunately our kids are included in this, that I need to avoid all contact with him and WHEN WILL I LEARN?

Okay, lesson learned. I think my youngest daughter has learned, too. I think she learned the lesson before I did. The number of times that her dad has let her down and not kept his word is likely the reason she asks me to follow up with him on her behalf. In an effort to protect her, to be her advocate and to try to get her dad to do right by her I have contacted him on her behalf but it isn’t working for anyone. It leaves us all frustrated–me, my daughter, my ex and anyone who gets in the cross-fire and ends up as a victim of us making plans and commitments based o my ex’s word.

Here is where it stands. He didn’t give my daughter the raffle ticket stubs and money as promised when he picked her up on Saturday night. She has 8 people who have given her money to buy them tickets. She has had to tell them that she can’t get them their tickets until her dad returns the ones that he has and that “he keeps forgetting.”

When she came home last night without the tickets and money I told our daughter that she needed to contact him to see if she can get the tickets Sunday. She did and he never responded. In the morning I asked her if she heard from her dad. She said that he wouldn’t respond because he is going to a Super Bowl party. I told her that the party would be in the afternoon. It is 9:00 a.m. so to follow up with her dad and that we could go and pick up the tickets at 11. Two hours later when he still hadn’t responded I sent him a text and asked if we could pick up the tickets today. If people weren’t counting on my daughter to return the tickets and to get them tickets I wouldn’t care but there is a chain of people that are trying to help my daughter and it is reflecting poorly on her. It looks like she is the one making excuses and being too lazy to do her job of selling, collecting and returning.

He told me that our daughter should have reminded him last night. In his next text he reiterated that if it was so important to her she should have reminded him. In his text after that he said it wasn’t a big deal and that she would get them. In his text after that he said I should have reminded him yesterday and texted something to him when she was with him. In a text after that he said he had plans today and couldn’t go to the office to get them. When I questioned that he didn’t even have the tickets with him while he was with her he texted back that they were going to go by his office after dinner to get them but “we forgot.” So I suggested that our daughter expected then that when he was driving her after dinner that he was going to his office to get the tickets. He said I was putting words in his mouth and that he and my daughter never discussed the tickets.

Amongst all of this, instead of just saying, “Sorry I forgot. It has been a week since I have been promising to get the ticket stubs and money returned, how, where and when can I meet our daughter to give her what she needs.” I get this: “I sold 12 books”, “All you look for is the negative. Change the narrative and you might change your life to something more positive” , “It’s just another talking point for you to blab on about negative. When does it ever stop you being the kind of person you are”, “You spin anything to negative when you have a chance”, “It’s a nice day. Relax and enjoy”, “No one told me about deadlines”, “So typical of you to blame others specifically me for everything”, “You’ve lost it”, “You’d think the world was going to come to an end with these tickets and your misplaced anger”, “You can come by my office for 3 pm”, “You aren’t directing me to do anything”, “Who do you think you are. It’s none of your business”, “It has nothing to do with you”, “You like telling everyone what to do and say”, “You are so predictable. Every time there is a family event you are no longer a part of you always find some way to get angry and start fights, send emails or texts with some negative message. You really should see someone about your anger issues towards me. It’s really pretty sad”, “Look at your history Robbie Liz. Every time family things happen you go off the deep end”, “So typical of you to threaten”, “Come to my office at 3 or tomorrow. Those are your only options”, “It’s no wonder (daughter) feels stressed. You continue to try and throw her into things”, “Wakey, wakey Robbie. Maybe the problem is you because you are around her day to day”, “The only things that matters is you getting some mental help so you don’t continue to project onto others. Particularly our children”, “Please do the rest of us a favour and get the help you need.”

The only thing I focused on in all of his noise was a day, place and time to get the tickets. Today at 3 from his office. I suggested that he respond to our daughter about this arrangement and if he did that I would be happy to bring her there to meet him to get her tickets back. My daughter came and told me that he responded. All she knows is that she asked her dad about getting the tickets back, he responded positively and her mom is going to drive her to get them. All is well in her world right now.

Lesson learned. No more favours to my ex, no more interceding for my kids for any reason, no more contact except for documenting for legal purposes.

abuse of power, adultery, affair, Betrayal, bullying, court, divorce, infidelity, legal proceedings, litigation, Uncategorized

The Court Sends A Strong Message

Dave chose not to attend court today. His lawyer was present.

On November 23, 2015 my lawyer contacted Dave’s lawyer to advise that I gave her instructions to pursue Dave in court for the outstanding expenses he continued to refuse to pay as per our mediation agreement. These included pet expenses, dance expenses, alterations to my daughter’s grad dress, and orthodontic expenses. His share totalled $1212.11.

We were also asking Dave to increase my spousal and child support from July 1, 2015 to January, 31, 2016 as per our agreement based on our 2014 income information.

We were asking Dave to pay our older daughter’s school account that he still hasn’t paid for the September 2014 – June 2015 school year and where my name is still included as being responsible for this account. This amount is over $1200. Our daughter was living with him at the time these expenses were incurred.

We were asking for Dave to provide me with interest on the RRSP amount he was to roll over to me on November 6, 2014 that I have yet to receive.

We asked him to provide details of the life insurance that he was to get in November 2014.

We asked for information from his bank outlining all bank accounts he had at the time of our separation because there were unexplained transactions leading us to believe he carried an undisclosed bank account.

We asked for details of RESP accounts for both our daughters that he had control of and failed to disclose at mediation and has failed to provide details about.

My lawyer filed our documents on December 4. Dave has to meet the court rules and provide a response within 5 days. When my lawyer hadn’t received anything by December 9 she contacted his lawyer. He had a lot of excuses for the delay and urged my solicitor to push our December 17 court date to January 20, 2016. She did. She asked that Dave’s response be at her office by January 11 so she had time to review it. When it wasn’t received by this time she contacted Dave’s lawyer again. She told him that she was in court on Thursday and Friday and then after court on Friday she had to fly to Vancouver for a family death. She needed the documents by Wednesday in order to have time to review them. Dave’s lawyer served her on Friday at 3:50 p.m. when he knew she wasn’t available to receive them. She did not receive Dave’s affidavit until Monday morning, 2 days before our scheduled court date.

I did manage to drop everything to respond to Dave’s 21 points in case Dave’s affidavit was admitted into court despite him failing to meet the filing deadline. My lawyer filed our response to Dave’s affidavit the night before our court appearance. The judge therefore had none of this information.

The judge ruled Dave’s affidavit was inadmissible. Dave’s lawyer had to try to explain why Dave ignored court rules but instead tried to just make excuses why the judge should hear his evidence. The judge again asked why he should admit Dave’s affidavit when Dave was “thumbing his nose at the rules”, “inconveniencing the courts”, “not abiding by the rules that are in place to avoid hearings by ambush”. Dave’s lawyer finally conceded there was no excuse.

Dave’s lawyer’s big mistake was still trying to get his client’s affidavit admitted by using the words “in the name of Justice.” The judge said, (and I might be paraphrasing a little but I wrote down as many of his comments as I could): In the name of justice we should be able to move forward today because your client responded to the action brought against him in accordance to the rules. Instead, he has played every game he can play. He has not done his job. He makes north of $100,000 more than the claimant. He controls everything. He has applied the pressure to the claimant, hammered her against the wall and twiddled his thumbs for a year plus. He has forced her to make an application to the court. Why doesn’t he give his paycheck over to the claimant and let her decide how much he should have? I bet the claimant would love to have his difficulties. What in the world do we have to control people like him if we don’t have court rules. He just waits in the weeds. We need to send a message to people like him that we are not kidding.

The judge then ruled that he found it fit to not receive his evidence because Dave’s actions are to be frowned upon. Otherwise, it is just a license for people to show up last minute and cry “in the interest of justice.” The lower income party has been on the short end of the stick. The higher income party was well equipped to be able to do what mattered and he chose not to. He used the court as a way to apply pressure to squeeze the side with the least means. There will be financial consequences to Mr. Cherrie for essentially his “bare faced ignoring of court rules.”

As such, I won all the orders we were seeking. Dave was ordered to pay me spousal support and child support arrears in the amount that was agreed upon prior to the court hearing. In fact 7/10 of the items we were seeking were agreed upon by Dave’s lawyer prior to us being heard which made the judge indicate that if Dave had have filed on time court may have been avoided all together. Dave was ordered to pay me TODAY support arrears in the amount of $5663, to start paying me an increase in spousal and child support as of February 1, 2015 plus an additional $1300 in punitive damages to pay my court fees and legal fees. The judge also said that if we have to come back to court on any of these issues that Dave will be ordered to pay my costs again.

In essence, Dave just spent $2600 (both of our court costs) to fight me on $1200 worth of expenses. While he was scrambling to get his documents in just before our proceedings he agreed to pay the support arrears (although he tried to haggle off $28/month from the calculation) and tried to send over some documentation that we requested in our order but still didn’t satisfy what we required. What a waste of time, energy and money. We ran out of time so the expense issue had to be adjourned. Therefore, Dave will still have to go back to court with me to fight those expenses and we are still asking for costs because they are agreed upon expenses. We will be back in court unless Dave pays me in full. I have no more patience for this man and the court agrees.

abuse, adultery, affair, Betrayal, blogging, bullying, cheating, children, control, cruelty, Defamation, divorce, Janice Andrews, marriage, marriage breakdown, other woman, reputation, separatiion

My Ex’s latest Threat and Bullying

My ex has been texting me a lot again.

Last month there were weird texts that he would end with an emoticon of lips (after wishing me to have a great day), or one blowing a kiss (after he told me to go fuck myself) or ending it with xoxoxo (after he told me he had inner joy knowing he didn’t have to come home to me).

It ramped up again after he unexpectedly attended our youngest daughter’s dance open house on Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. I certainly didn’t anticipate seeing him at all for the week long open house, let alone at one of her earliest classes because work is an excuse he uses most times to break commitments and avoid these types of activities.

He initiated talking to me as soon as he saw me asking where was our daughter.

“I don’t know, probably getting changed for class,” I responded. I had just visited with her in the bathroom and she entered the classroom shortly afterwards.

Then he asked me what the plan was for Christmas because I didn’t respond to his text. I told him I never received one asking about Christmas so he resent it. Turns out he had in fact sent it previously but it was buried in several rants he had sent me and it looks like I responded to one of his rants at the same time he sent this completely unrelated message so I never saw it. I told him that if he had something important to ask me that it was best if he did it via email as texting for me is a tool just for quick answer and response forms of communication.

His next question to me was where he could pick up the poinsettias. I told him I didn’t know. He said that the email said that pick up was between 4:30 – 5:30. Ah, that was the reason he was there. He had to get the plants he ordered. When he disappeared shortly after my daughter’s second class started my girlfriend told me he had to get his poinsettias and then go to hockey. That also explained to me why he changed picking up our daughter on Tuesdays. His hockey schedule changed. His change meant that I could no longer participate in my run group that I was part of for the last 5 or 6 years every Tuesday night.

He texted me the next day, yesterday, and it happened again that he sent a message, I responded and before I could respond he sent another message at the same time that got buried behind my response. When I mentioned that he didn’t respond to my question he became very belligerent. He asked me if I was taking so many medications that I had an inability to read. He said I only look at the negative and complain about everything. He criticized me comparing me to people in my life he thought were negative and then chastised me for not being more like other people in my life that he named as being positive. He said that I asked him not to text me but I spent our daughter’s dance class texting. He accused me of doing it on purpose because I like everyone to know what I am doing. He told me he thought I had bipolar issues. He said I waste a lot of my personal time on him for someone who is supposed to be happy and having the time of her life. He said that even though I tell him he is wasting my time I contact him a lot. He said that for someone who has moved on I am writing about him a lot. I claim one thing but do the opposite. Then he told me I was like a used car. I am a lemon and that he’s happy to get a new, better and improved model. He said that getting rid of me almost 3 years ago was the best decision he ever made. He suggested that if I win my court case against him I should use the money towards a make over because I am in dire need. He then said he couldn’t care less what I look like because he is happy being with someone who loves him and our kids. He said I can spend thousands of dollars chasing my tail but money is meaningless. He assured me that when I act like an ass he will treat me like an ass.

Then today he texted me saying that he, Janice and Coast Claims are suing me for defamation for my blog. He said I have harmed their reputations by identifying them which has resulted in lost business opportunity. He said that I have made their case quite easy to win. They will be seeking damages and I may want to get some legal advice. Then he ranted that I lost our older daughter’s passport photos and I lose everything, including my dignity and sanity. He texted me again saying that my anger and bitterness has gotten the best of me and because of my blog, the statements I have made about him, Janice, releasing information that was confidential about Coast Claims and the employees is damaging and I am going to be sued and will pay financially very dearly for my repeated abuse. He told me to get myself a good lawyer because I am going to need it.

His final text to me tonight said they are all suing me because of our kids. A lawyer last night at their client Christmas party apparently mentioned the blog and the impact on the kids when they see it and this lawyer apparently recommended suing me. He said that his partners have wanted to for awhile so its really just good timing. He said that no one asked me to take down the blog. I was asked to remove personal and identifying information. Now they are going to ensure that happens legally and I will end up paying their costs and damages. I better get a job to pay for my legal fees and their award because they will enforce the award and if it means I will live on the street so be it. He told me to remember what I said about karma…It’s a bitch darling and now its your turn. Merry Christmas!!

adultery, bullying, cheating, Criminal Code of Canada, Cyberbullying, Defamation, divorce, Fraud, Libel, Mobbing, Stalking

Criminal Code of Canada: Defamatory Libel, Publishing, Stalking, Criminal Harassment, Cyberbullying and Identity Fraud

Section 300 of the Criminal Code of Canada is the “Punishment of Libel Known to be False”. It states that: “Everyone who publishes a defamatory libel that he knows is false is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 5 years.”

Section 301 of the Criminal Code of Canada is the “Punishment of Defamatory Libel”. It states that: “Everyone who publishes a defamatory libel is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term not exceeding two years.”

The definition of “publishes” is listed in section 299 of the Criminal Code of Canada and states:

“A person publishes a libel when he exhibits it in public; causes it to be read or seen; or shows or delivers it, or causes it to be shown or delivered, with intent that it should be read or seen by the person whom it defames or by any other person.”

As a result, I will be removing any comments made by my ex and his followers that are libelous and posted on my site.

Why anyone would state such things about me and encourage others to write such accusations that include criminal acts is incomprehensible. How someone could proclaim to care for the wellness of my children while dragging their mother through the mud is, to me, the equivalent of being an abuser of my children.

Section 403 of the Criminal Code of Canada, “Identity Fraud”, states that: “Everyone commits an offence who fraudulently personates another person, living or dead, with intent to gain advantage for themselves or another person; with intent to obtain any property or an interest in any property; with intent to cause disadvantage to the person being personated or another person.”

Personating a person includes pretending to be the person or using the person’s identity information”. Punishment for everyone who commits an offence under subsection (1) (a) is guilty of an indictable offence and liable to imprisonment for a term of not more than 10 years; or (b) is guilty of an offence punishable on summary conviction.

For stalking to be criminal harassment under section 264 of the Criminal Code of Canada, here is what my ex and his performers should be aware of:

“1. A person does one or more of the following things:

repeatedly follow you, or anyone you know.
repeatedly communicate with you, or anyone you know, directly or indirectly.
repeatedly watch you, or anyone you know, or lurk around your home, workplace, or any other place you happen to be.
engage in any threatening conduct directed at you or a member of your family.

2. The person knows that their conduct is harassing you or they are reckless about whether their conduct is harassing you. “Reckless” means they know their conduct may harass you, but they don’t care.

A person can be stalking even if they don’t physically hurt anyone or damage any property. The law is designed to protect psychological, emotional, and physical safety.

Stalking may start with conduct that seems more annoying than dangerous. Often, the conduct is legal and even socially acceptable, if it’s just an isolated incident. But when it’s repeated, it may scare the victim.

“Cyberbullying is a type of harassment using new technology. Whether it is criminal harassment depends on the facts of a case. Cyberbullies use social media (such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and YouTube), blogs, texting, instant messaging, and other internet avenues to engage in deliberate, repeated, and hostile conduct intended to harm, embarrass, or slander someone. Although their work is public, cyberbullies are often anonymous and it is often harder to identify and stop them.

Cyberbullying may also be defamation. The Criminal Code (section 300) outlaws publishing a defamatory libel – material published, without lawful justification or excuse, likely to injure the reputation of any person by exposing them to hatred, contempt or ridicule, or designed to insult the person.”

These perpetrators think they are hiding behind user names. What they may not realize is that every computer on a network has a unique number called an IP address. Routers also have an IP address that acts as a front man for a bunch of computers. Law enforcement can trace your IP address back to your exact physical address.

I have all of the perpetrators email addresses, IP addresses and internet service providers. For example, I can tell you that the person who posted comments under the user name Happy and Robyn Graham Cherrie (masquerading as me) is the same person, my ex. I can tell you that the people using user names Azif, Trouble Brewing, Silly Sally’s Sister, WTF and Devil’s Advocate were in the same location while they posted comments. They probably work together as the IP address is identical, indicating they all likely had separate computers running through the same router. Their service provider is Telus. WTF, Devil’s Advocate, Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right and Winner Winner Chicken Dinner are all the same person. Time to Move on and Awesome are the same person with Rogers as their service provider. Azif and Pot Calling Kettle are the same person. Time to Move on and NothingbutBS may be the same person or work together because although they used different email addresses they share the same IP address. I have 2 IP addresses for Sally so she may be working at 2 different places of employment or one is for her home service provider as one is Telus and the other Shaw.

I will not respond to any harassing messages and I am telling those involved in communicating with me in this manner to stop. I have been advised to provide all of your comments to the police. I have been advised to report your conduct to your internet service providers as most companies have policies on acceptable use of their services and can cancel the service of a customer who violates those policies. If you continue to contact me I can seek a civil protection order.

abuse, adultery, affair, bullying, cheating, deceit, divorce, fighting, lies, pack behaviour, pack mentality

Feeding Frenzy and Understanding Dave’s Pack of Wolves

The Two Wolves

A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves.

One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth.

This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.”

The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather,

“Which wolf will win?”

The Cherokee elder replied…

“The one you feed.””

The pack leaders are the alpha male and female. These two animals are dominant over all the other wolves in the pack. The beta wolf comes next acting as the second in command. The omega wolf is the weakest and least cared for in the pack. It tends to be bullied by other members and gets the brunt of aggression during inter-pack fighting. The omega instigates play among the pack as a way to ease tensions.

The alpha male and female get to eat first at kills. A pack usually consists of 6 wolves but can be anywhere from 2 – 36 wolves. The pack can consist of adult subordinates. They can hunt in packs or singly. To establish the dominant position they show superiority in their fighting. Wolves are intensely territorial.

Pack rankings are built on strength and the ability to win fights. I’ll let Dave, Janice and the rest of their pack figure out where they rank. If Dave isn’t creative enough to be organizing 11 different user names all trying to attack me and other bloggers or people who have made supportive comments on my site then it is likely Janice, the beta in the group or quite possibly the omega, trying to better themselves and prove their worth amongst the pack.

As they continue to stalk their pray, I will likely not respond and choose instead to let them starve. They can snarl all they want about me taking down my blog. They can bark all of the lies that Dave has fed them. They can bristle their fur and pounce. They will be the ones to whimper, running away with their tails between their legs. My tail is still wagging!

adultery, blogging, bullying, cheating, divorce, Falsehood, Fraud, Janice Andrews, lies, the other woman

Bullying, Mobbing and Heroes and Heroines

I have had more than 125 comments flood my inbox in the last 2 days, most of them over the last day. They are in response to my ex discovering my blog and using a posse of coercers to try and pressure me to shut it down.

Although it turns out he is only trying to make it look like a posse of coercers. He is in fact both Sally and Happy and it is the same person who is Devil’s Advocate, Winner Winner Chicken Dinner, Two Wrongs don’t make a right and WTF. Once a deceiver always a deceiver. Perhaps Azif, Troubles Brewing and Silly Sally’s Sister are separate coercers. Then there is Chris who is pro Janice but seems to be separate. He knows them but doesn’t seem to be exactly on side.

The comments range from being crude, offensive, mocking, coded with inside jokes and innuendos between the fake commentators, defamatory, baiting, and all of them for the most part identify me and where I live (I’ve never hidden where I lived).

The definition of bullying involves “using superior strength or influence to intimidate someone typically to force him or her to do what one wants.” Synonyms include: persecute, oppress, tyrannize, browbeat, harass, torment, intimidate, strong arm and dominate.

Wikipedia indicates that “Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power, which distinguishes bullying from conflict.[1] Behaviors used to assert such domination can include verbal harassment or threat, physical assault or coercion, and such acts may be directed repeatedly towards particular targets.

“If bullying is done by a group it is called Mobbing.”

“Bullying ranges from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the bully may have one or more ‘lieutenants’ who may seem to be willing to assist the primary bully in his or her bullying activities.”

I believe I am being accused of bullying by this posse because I posted the name of Janice Andrews and that she lives in Victoria, BC. There is no goal to intimidate her to do anything by that post. I was simply posting a fact. She cheated with my spouse and did so publicly. It is not even a private fact. She was not hiding her behaviour. She was using both of her work emails and work phone to engage in the affair. She used work functions and other social outings with my husband to display her behaviour.

I believe that my ex is however using bullying tactics in an effort to intimidate me to stop blogging. He has repeatedly stated my full name, maiden and married, along with where I live on every single post I have entered. He has attempted to contact me with false names under false pretences. He has encouraged other people to identify me and to contact me with false names and negative comments. He orchestrated an ambush of aggressive insults by several people over the course of an entire day. Or at least he tried to make me believe that was what was happening when it was possibly only 2 people the entire time pretending to be 6 different people. They both also attacked anyone who has ever supported me, encouraged me or sided with me on any of my posts.

Amongst all of this appear some heroes and heroines. No one that I asked to come to my defence. No one that I have any relationship with outside of this blog. Some who called out Dave even as they ridiculed or admonished me. None the less they let Dave know he was not held in high regard and put the blame solely on his shoulders. They commented he lied to both me and Janice. (They seemed very pro-Janice). It could be another fake personality but Dave went begging this person trying to plead his case. I am mostly proud of Nephila, KCRambles and Whoresnotwelcome. They stood their ground and showed no fear or intimidation or waiver in their point of view.

abuse, affair, anger, blogging, bullying, cheating, cruelty, divorce, the other woman, unfaithfulness

The ex finds my blogs and shares with his friends

I apologize for a bunch of nasty comments left by my ex, the other woman and their friends.

I deleted some horrific ones but I will just let them reveal themselves for who they are and then I think you will see that my experience as reported is on mark.

I think it is very low of them to be communicating with a 15-year old who’s parents are causing her a lot of emotional distress and who reached out to me for support. The lies they told her about my daughter being kicked out are very far from reality. I cannot control their actions but I will not let their bullying stop me from sharing my experience or trying to help someone else manoeuvre through their experience.

This is my journey, my experience and my truth. I am only reporting what is going on in my life as it relates to my experience with a cheating spouse and the legal system. This was never a blog about bashing my ex or the other woman. This was never a blog about trying to make me look good. I know I look very ugly with my responses and actions. This is the reality of a nasty divorce and being on a path I never expected to be on.

This was a forum where I could share my experience. I had never blogged before and had no idea how to do it or how many people I would meet going through similar experiences. Everyone has been so kind and generous with support, compassion and advice. These were private, vulnerable posts. These were never meant to be seen by my ex.

It was pointed out to me by several professionals and friends throughout the last 2 1/2 years that I was in an abusive relationship. I have never posted the emails that would likely confirm this. It might be very difficult for me to go back and read those. I am told I may still be protecting my ex and that I may even be in denial about the abuse as I defend him sometimes for the cruel things he said to me. I had a friend share that she was horrified when we went out to dinner as couples one night. She shared that the mean things he would criticize me about were not funny and yet I would laugh as though it was a joke. I would never want his children to see the things he wrote to me and I did share with a handful of my friends about my blog so I might be embarrassed for them to see that as well. Now that my ex has discovered the blog and started posting things one friend contacted me telling me that she is afraid for me as she always considered my ex to be “dangerous”. She feels like I should contact the police because these are clearly messages meant to harass me. She texted me this morning saying, “You have had years of systematic emotional abuse by Dave…I’m really sorry.” She went on to say, “I’m worried about you and the girls.” It is clear he is continuing to try and abuse me emotionally and trying to use my blog against me.

Her advise is for me to take the blog off line. I think this is again part of my journey with my ex and it is being documented as such. I hope that anyone who happens upon my blog will learn from it. Maybe both people going through the break up can read this and say, “We do not want to be these people.” “We want to make better decisions and hurt as few people as possible through this process as well as protect our children and our finances.”

Clearly by my ex and his friends posting my name, they do not care about my children being identified. As one blogger pointed out, they have now seen my Facebook page and photos of my children. I have no problem sharing my name and identity as I stand by what I write. I never exposed my ex’s identity as I never wanted my children to read these posts. Thank you Dave, Janice and friends for being so concerned about protecting children.

scornedwifeblog

A wife's personal experience of infidelity

Category Archives: bullying