My ex has been texting me a lot again.
Last month there were weird texts that he would end with an emoticon of lips (after wishing me to have a great day), or one blowing a kiss (after he told me to go fuck myself) or ending it with xoxoxo (after he told me he had inner joy knowing he didn’t have to come home to me).
It ramped up again after he unexpectedly attended our youngest daughter’s dance open house on Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. I certainly didn’t anticipate seeing him at all for the week long open house, let alone at one of her earliest classes because work is an excuse he uses most times to break commitments and avoid these types of activities.
He initiated talking to me as soon as he saw me asking where was our daughter.
“I don’t know, probably getting changed for class,” I responded. I had just visited with her in the bathroom and she entered the classroom shortly afterwards.
Then he asked me what the plan was for Christmas because I didn’t respond to his text. I told him I never received one asking about Christmas so he resent it. Turns out he had in fact sent it previously but it was buried in several rants he had sent me and it looks like I responded to one of his rants at the same time he sent this completely unrelated message so I never saw it. I told him that if he had something important to ask me that it was best if he did it via email as texting for me is a tool just for quick answer and response forms of communication.
His next question to me was where he could pick up the poinsettias. I told him I didn’t know. He said that the email said that pick up was between 4:30 – 5:30. Ah, that was the reason he was there. He had to get the plants he ordered. When he disappeared shortly after my daughter’s second class started my girlfriend told me he had to get his poinsettias and then go to hockey. That also explained to me why he changed picking up our daughter on Tuesdays. His hockey schedule changed. His change meant that I could no longer participate in my run group that I was part of for the last 5 or 6 years every Tuesday night.
He texted me the next day, yesterday, and it happened again that he sent a message, I responded and before I could respond he sent another message at the same time that got buried behind my response. When I mentioned that he didn’t respond to my question he became very belligerent. He asked me if I was taking so many medications that I had an inability to read. He said I only look at the negative and complain about everything. He criticized me comparing me to people in my life he thought were negative and then chastised me for not being more like other people in my life that he named as being positive. He said that I asked him not to text me but I spent our daughter’s dance class texting. He accused me of doing it on purpose because I like everyone to know what I am doing. He told me he thought I had bipolar issues. He said I waste a lot of my personal time on him for someone who is supposed to be happy and having the time of her life. He said that even though I tell him he is wasting my time I contact him a lot. He said that for someone who has moved on I am writing about him a lot. I claim one thing but do the opposite. Then he told me I was like a used car. I am a lemon and that he’s happy to get a new, better and improved model. He said that getting rid of me almost 3 years ago was the best decision he ever made. He suggested that if I win my court case against him I should use the money towards a make over because I am in dire need. He then said he couldn’t care less what I look like because he is happy being with someone who loves him and our kids. He said I can spend thousands of dollars chasing my tail but money is meaningless. He assured me that when I act like an ass he will treat me like an ass.
Then today he texted me saying that he, Janice and Coast Claims are suing me for defamation for my blog. He said I have harmed their reputations by identifying them which has resulted in lost business opportunity. He said that I have made their case quite easy to win. They will be seeking damages and I may want to get some legal advice. Then he ranted that I lost our older daughter’s passport photos and I lose everything, including my dignity and sanity. He texted me again saying that my anger and bitterness has gotten the best of me and because of my blog, the statements I have made about him, Janice, releasing information that was confidential about Coast Claims and the employees is damaging and I am going to be sued and will pay financially very dearly for my repeated abuse. He told me to get myself a good lawyer because I am going to need it.
His final text to me tonight said they are all suing me because of our kids. A lawyer last night at their client Christmas party apparently mentioned the blog and the impact on the kids when they see it and this lawyer apparently recommended suing me. He said that his partners have wanted to for awhile so its really just good timing. He said that no one asked me to take down the blog. I was asked to remove personal and identifying information. Now they are going to ensure that happens legally and I will end up paying their costs and damages. I better get a job to pay for my legal fees and their award because they will enforce the award and if it means I will live on the street so be it. He told me to remember what I said about karma…It’s a bitch darling and now its your turn. Merry Christmas!!
scornedwifeblog 
Unbelievable scumbag! You do realize that a man (and I use that term VERY loosely) who says the kind of things he says and then blames you for everything, is a few bricks shy of a load. Criticizing you is the only way he can feel like a “man.”
In response to his idiot comment “getting rid of you was the best decision I ever made,” I would say “and marrying you indicates that I was clearly insane.”
Praying for you. It’ll all work itself out.
This is really unbelievable! I’m so furious for you. And I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
What an asshole! What a deranged fucking madman LOL! He clearly has far too much time on his hands… seems like Janice is lacking is filling his every hour 🙂
Couldn’t have said it better!
Isn’t he a class act! I don’t get his vendetta when it was he who wronged the marriage. And sue you for what? Telling the truth of his affair with Janice and his continuous douchebag ways.
Umm, and last I knew freedom of speech exist in Canada.
And another thing, he alone outed his identity when he came to YOUR blog and gave your name.
I have no clue who he is, I didn’t know the name of the business until today and I still won’t remember it, I remember that the other woman’s name is Janice and your name… But again- I don’t care. I can’t imagine that this has anything to do with his business. I pick businesses based on their service and capabilities. I don’t spend my time googling the names of employees to find out how they treat their separated spouses on a blog. If I did, then I would think he was kind of awful… But I would probably still just ask to work with someone else- not desert the business entirely. I struggle to see how they will prove defamation: you usually speak only about what you do, so you don’t report anything about their business, so their actions aren’t called to task, defamation relates to disparaging them, and it being untrue. You don’t say anything remotely Nehru d about them, and additionally they would have to show that these comments actually affected their bottom line – so they would need to show direct monetary impact from when you started posting and also somehow prove its linked to your blog, and your untrue statements about their business… (Which are?) second, your daughter and you discovered the affair and according to you he has never denied it, so if that’s true… No defamation. While I have never had a real issue with you staring who they are- I don’t love it. I get why for your own safety and to be less inflammatory you might think of removing those names- because when it comes down to it, despite that I don’t think it should be a secret, I also don’t think you need to be the executor of this truth or justice, however you see it. You have better stuff to do. Life. Healing.
Much love. Good luck with this. I hope you’re ok.
Nehrud: negative … Darn it!
Also: fancy that- they are threatening you with legal action and your trolls ‘happen’ to dry up? What a fucking surprise
That was exactly my thought. It certainly does not help their legal argument when they have been so negatively active on my blog. They have only hurt their own reputation. I have an email from my ex stating that Janice and him, “…get a kick out of telling our friends to read your blog so they can see you are nuttier than a squirrel.” He is directing traffic to my blog, people who know them, know their company, and who may form different opinions about them as a result. Their friends may actual see my side of the story. People they know might actually see that Dave and Janice’s actions have been so cruel and untrustworthy that maybe they want to distance themselves from them, if not personally, from a business standpoint. Especially if they see that it is Dave and Janice’s office are participating in the group attack. As a customer, I would like to think that people I hire are looking after my business needs and not focused on personal activity during business hours.
I submit the following only for your consideration, to be read from an open and non-judgemental perspective:
I found this blog last night Googling “Chicktoria”, and when I read this post I thought, “You know better than to get involved, man. You’ll be walking into a storm.” Therefore, despite my better judgement as I am wont to do, here is my perspective: By playing out this whole messy deal on the Internet, you could potentially be at risk for a libel suit as long as you persist with the “he/she did […]” kinds of posts. It is gossip, it is anecdotal, and regardless of how you and your supporters may feel, I am willing to say that calling someone a “deranged fucking madman” (pabloswife) or a “troll” (creativerational), is not necessarily accurate nor is it necessarily factual. It may make you feel good in the moment to scream to the rooftops what an unparalleled douche you think your ex- is, but spewing that kind of vitriol forth into the universe can only to come back on you at some point. It is the way of things; like shooting a gun in the air: That bullet must, by way of physics and a lot of crazy math, return to earth eventually; possibly at the same speed at which it left.
I scanned a handful of previous posts to gain some additional perspective and it has been off-and-on two-and-a-half years of this. I ask you: Has any of it helped outside of commiseration and creating a forum for biased judgement? Not being much of a blogger, I don’t know if one has to stay true to their theme or brand, but I do know as a reader I find so much negativity is exhausting.
I would prefer to read the story of how, despite your past woes, your life is somehow changed for the better, how like the phoenix you have risen from the ash of battle to shine again new, how you are working towards greater love and trust and the author of your own true story. People like me want to know there is an end to the horror; that there is a way out, that healing can and does happen.
My opinion is yours to do with as you please. May it serve you well.
When you begin to write your story and share your journey from day one as opposed to from the end of your journey, reflecting backwards, it has yet to unfold. If I were looking backwards, after knowing the final outcome, I may have shared different stories, had different insights, different perspectives, etc. But until you die, the encouraging or not so encouraging part is that it is never the final outcome. You might want everything all wrapped up in a pretty present with a nice bow, but this is real life. This is my real life and right at this moment it is a little messy.
When I started this blog, as a way to just try and deal with what I was going through, I had no idea obviously how my path would twist, turn, dead end, split, climb, descend, etc on a daily basis. My story is one of many cheating/separation/divorce events that may start out in a similar way but have different characters, protagonists, antagonists, settings, plots, conflict, resolution, moral, climax, etc. My story is not finished. I have no idea how long it will be. I have no idea how it will end. I am not in control of the outcome. I am just sharing my developments.
Not every story has a happy ending but I think mine is worth telling. Maybe mine is the warning that someone contemplating cheating will heed. Maybe mine is the story that will have the cheater repent, return to his family and make things better for everyone he/she has injured. Maybe mine is the story that will just encourage others to be kinder to their spouse and children and be so grateful for what they have because the grass is definitely not greener on the other side. Maybe mine is the story that will make a woman say that I will never be “the other woman” ever for any reason. Maybe mine is the story that will make the support partner say, “Let me be generous and at the very least do what is legally my responsibility to pay because anything else is going to cost way more on every level.” Maybe mine is the story that will lead people to get counseling for every one involved and be the initiator of healing instead of destruction. Maybe mine is the story that warns not only can love end but it can turn to hatred so guard your heart and work on protecting those you love instead of turning into their enemy and making them your enemy.
I am the story-teller but I don’t get to control how my story is interpreted. The great thing about being on your end is that you can decide if you want to read or walk away. What a random idea to search “Chicktoria” and that lead you to me. You even felt compelled to comment. I believe in God and that everything has a grander purpose than seems obvious at the time. What is really the reason you found this blog? I like to think that everything happens for a reason that will eventually be revealed and that we get to discover in our own time.
It might be too exhausting for you to read what you experience as negativity but if nothing else you can feel lucky that at least you can turn off your computer and that you are not the one living this on a daily basis. I would prefer not to be at war, but I chose to stand up for me and my children and what is right, in my opinion, and not be victim of someone who continues to take advantage of me and cause me harm. I am still in battle and as a result, the reader should expect horror.
My life is changed. For better or worse, that is a matter of perspective. What conclusions will be drawn at the end, by myself or by others, that has yet to be determined. I have no restrictions to stay true to a theme, brand or anything other than staying true to me, although now that my ex and the other woman are following, I share less vulnerable emotions, feelings and experiences and keep it more to reporting the process. There is relief in being able to get thoughts out of my head and release them into the universe. Then they are gone to me. I am done ruminating, I release them and I move on.
With respect to my actions, I think I put more good out into the universe and that is what comes back to me on a daily basis. Again, because my ex and his girlfriend are following and because they like to destroy things in my life, name names of anyone who they sniff might be part of my life, I keep the very precious things to me private. Some wounds still feel very fresh and my ex is capable of re-opening those and even inflicting new ones, but healing is occurring as well.
I guess now you have to decide if you can keep reading. You might have to just put your hands over your eyes and ask someone to contact you when it is all over. Then you can just read the last page without any personal investment of time and energy to see how it all ends.
I mean troll as in the term commonly used for people who hang out in the forums on the web and try to engage in causing upset. I’m not actually calling people mythical green slimy ogres who live under bridges…
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll
Here is a link for you that explains why the cheater starts treating the spouse bad
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/infidelity/p/infidelity2.htm
The web server for your site can get the Ip addresses that your trolls used.Its pretty easy. You can demonstrate that perhaps your spouse and his ho bag posted and anatgonized and also participated in any negative or slanderous comments.
Ip addresses dont lie.
Oh…. And let him go broke ‘ trying ‘ to sue you. Courts are plugged up with real issues… Not messy marriages. And stay married… Let him sue you while you are married… Bring in all the information of his affairs that led up to the law suit and certainly make sure that his Ho bag gets called up to the stand. I am certain she will love to play the victim when she has done her share of mudslinging on this site. You get called to court then make sure Sluty does too. Deposition her ass and make sure she is called upon during dicovery for statements.
I wont be surprise if the judge pisses his/ her pants in laughter when and if this case ever makes it to court. Let your ex go broke ‘ trying’ to persue this stupidity…. That he and his GF participated in.
Good luck Humpy!!!
Oh he aint your ex… Still yr husband and he hasnt made any progress with petitioning for a divorce yet…. Hmmmm. Sounds like Humpy has a plan!!!!
Think what your spouse is looking at is ‘ demonstrable damages’
Have a look at that. Plus he will have to ‘ demonstrate that his business has tanked since… So he will have to provide full financial exposure… Any hidden assest will have to make themselves known… So you will be privy to his income, expenses and bottom line. I would persue a forensic probe into his company and all of his assets if you are called to court. Because the GF is also involved her assest cant also be exposed.
Your ex must have more money than sense… Retaining someone to persue a lawsuit would be close to 10,000. Unless he is going for the cheapy version of a lawyer and than would still be pricey. Dumb and dumber.
Just for the record, I am not name calling when I use the term troll… I am referring to commenters who try to insight inflammatory commentary on the blog… That’s clear to most right? I’m not, nor have I ever been a name caller. I think that’s petty.
Yes, that is clear.
Hearts