adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, Christianity, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, lying, marriage

How “the other woman” Thinks: Part I

I often wonder about what would make another woman justify in her mind that it is okay to sleep with a married man.

I am sure most women have experienced flirting and come-ons from men in committed relationships.  I find it is the most repugnant characteristic.  There is nothing about that behavior that makes me think, “Yes, you are the man I want to be with.”  I don’t find it flattering, it doesn’t make me think I am better than his wife in any way, it doesn’t make me feel desirable.  It only makes me think, “Creep. I feel sorry for your wife. She deserves better.”

I am a woman so I am trying to understand another woman’s thinking.  Janice Andrews was either pursued by my husband or she pursued him.  They each conveyed somehow to each other that even though we are married (Janice was living with her spouse in a 12-year common-law marriage), we are open and available to each other.

I hold my ex husband 100% responsible for straying and for leading Janice Andrews astray regardless of the semantics of how it all began.  He knew better. He studied the bible shortly after we married, was baptized as an adult, vowed to follow Jesus, lead ministries and studied the bible with other men, counseling them in their lives and marriages. He saw the consequences first hand of marriages destroyed by infidelity. He knew the pain caused to families and the struggle for relationships to continue after cheating.

At some point though he began to live a lie to pursue cheating himself.  It was before he met Janice because after discovering his affair with her I searched deeper.  I found that his pursuit of an affair had started at least a year before we moved to British Columbia. That was 4 years before he began to work with Janice. Even though he was clearly professing his love and lust for Janice to her via texts, he was at the same time flirting and making plans with other women as well.   He was casting out his net.   Initially, at least, he wasn’t going to be limited just because he caught fish Janice.  But what made her bite?

Janice’s own retweet of DeAndre Page from November 16, 2017 may offer an explanation: “think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”  It is the Law of Attraction. Whatever vibe he was putting out, she was lured.  She seems to have been putting out the same vibe with her willingness to cheat on her spouse.  Maybe deception vibes run on a different frequency path than loyal and faithful vibes.  After all, Satan knows how to light things up to make it look and feel more exciting than God’s promises.

Let’s explore other thoughts from Janice that could provide some insight into a mind that might need to try and justify her need to feed her own desires over consideration of the lives of other people.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce, ex spouse, family, father/daughter, loss, Love, marriage, marriage breakdown, parenting after separation, unfaithfulness

Mr. Lakusu Stories

My 20-year old daughter posted this on her Facebook page on February 13.  She was home this weekend and asked me if I saw it.  I am not on Facebook very often and told her I had not.  She said that her dad did. He messaged her and asked her what the post was all about.  She said she felt it was important that people don’t take people for granted and that they are appreciated for all they do.  He apparently replied that it was a good message.  It certainly sounds like the story of our family.  If it resonates with my ex–good:

“I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.

We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.

I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she ‘got’ me.

This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

She spent her free time taking care of us — our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie — everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

I moved to another province with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual ‘Dad’ set up.

New beginnings

Life was sweet!

Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.

I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I’d treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

Regret sets in

But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

Too late

And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes — they got married.

My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.

It should have been me.

Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love.”

“HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman”.

#Allos_of_Mr_Lakusu”

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, other woman, separatiion

The Creepy Doll says it All

It is next to impossible to avoid the reminder that your husband had an affair with another woman (Janice Andrews) and left you, your children, your finances and your life in one big mess!

My daughter and I were at a dance competition yesterday. One of the competitors performed a Lyrical Jazz routine to Kelly Clarkson’s emotional song, ‘Piece by Piece’.  The words are a reminder that my child has a dad who left.  Kelly Clarkson said, in one interview that I read by Alyse Whitney, that she was thinking after having her daughter, “How could anyone walk away from that?” I wonder that myself a lot.  We had a great life; a great family together.

My daughter and I also just went to see the movie “The Greatest Showman”. There is a scene where P.T. Barnum leaves his wife and 2 daughters behind to travel with a female singer. His daughters run behind his carriage after him and he doesn’t turn around.  His place is empty at the table and he is absent from the theatre where his daughter fulfills her dream of ballet dancing. He leaves his wife to do everything including raising his girls. My daughter and I talked about the scene after and she said she did think of the parallel to our situation.  She ended up seeing the movie twice.  Happy endings are hopeful and she said she had to hold her hands together to keep from clapping.

Today, while watching ‘The View’ as they talked about women who throw themselves on married men, I received information about Janice Andrew’s Twitter Account.  I don’t have a Twitter account but every now then someone feels the need to share the irony of something that Janice retweets about love or being kind in this world or some other airy, fairy idealization about how life should be lived with no concept of her creating a life with actions that are the complete opposite to her dreamlike façade.

My contact started out by saying it is no surprise she likes porn (the quote was from a site called Poems Porn). It was a retweet (the other woman apparently has no original tweets) of a quote from JS Park:

“Real love doesn’t meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.”

Then the contact tried to dissect this:  “Does she think she has real love with your ex or did she think it was real while she was screwing a man who went back and screwed his wife after? Does she think Dave is capable of real love towards her or anyone for that matter? Does she think his love to you and your kids wasn’t real? Does she think cheating and going after a married man or him going after her when she is married is real love? Did she have a fake love relationship with her spouse? Does she realize she isn’t her best by behaving this way or is she acknowledging he certainly isn’t at his best? Is she directing this quote to Dave telling him he isn’t at his best and he is the mess or is she sharing this quote to Dave to try to convince him that he really loves her because she isn’t at her best as she is just a mess. Maybe she just wants him to believe she can be better as she isn’t at he best yet or she wants to believe that he will be better.”

My response.  “Who cares what she thinks.  It seems to be an acknowledgement though that it is not an ideal relationship because at least one of them isn’t at their best and there is mess but she wants to bundle it under the guise of “real love” to make it all seem okay.”

The fact is, they both created a mess that I am still cleaning up and my kids are trying to step over or around! If they want to label it “real love” that is their deception.  What they did and continue to do is not love.  Whatever they have together; it isn’t real.  It isn’t love.

If you have a Twitter Account and would like to follow the loving and inspirational thoughts of Janice Andrews she can be reached at Agnus@smeepsmeep.  Smeep was the name, by the way, my ex had her listed as in his phone.  My contact asked about that contact name.  My contact suggested it stands for “Sucking married erections (while) enjoying porn.” Agnus apparently is the name of her doll that she pictures on her account. I think she is confusing the spelling with Agnes and Anus. My contact suggested that the “creepy” doll says it all.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, infidelity, other woman, unfaithfulness

Handling Hoes like Janice Andrews

I was working around the house this morning and ‘The View’ was on the television.  They were talking about some woman getting “handsy” with Jay Z and how Beyoncé reacted.  I started listening when they began to talk about what they would do when a woman is trying to engage with their husband while they are present.  They were saying how rude and disrespectful any woman would be to do that with a married man in general and especially with the wife present but sure enough they all had examples. What is it that makes these women think it is acceptable and justifiable to beg for attention from married men? It made me recall how Janice Andrews didn’t leave my husband’s side at their office Christmas party in December 2012 while I was there with hime (2 months before I found out about their affair).

I copied this from http://www.complex.com/music in relation to what the women on the View were discussing:

“During an interlude for Beyoncé’s iconic anthem “Formation,” Big Freedia’s voice is heard proclaiming, “I did not come to play with you hoes, haha. I came to slay, bitch.” This line echoes the authority embedded in Lemonade, and serves as a reminder that Queen Bey is not here to play with anyone when it comes to her work, her family, and especially her husband Jay Z.

Apparently one actress did not get that message, according to a story told to TV One by comedian Tiffany Haddish. In an interview for the network’s new series Uncensored, the Girls Trip star recalls an instance where she witnessed Beyoncé Knowles-Carter politely check an actress for putting her hands on Jay.”

Tiffany Haddish shares:

“I go to a Jay Z concert, and I get invited to the after party,” Haddish says. “Beyoncé just walks right up to me and she goes ‘Hi, I’m Beyoncé,’ and I’m like, ‘I know who you are girl! You are so talented!’”

Shortly after meeting the queen, Haddish was talking to Jay Z and another actress when said actress decided to put her hand on Hov. “She touched Jay Z’s chest, and Beyoncé came walking up like, ‘Biiiittcchhhh,” Haddish says, clarifying she didn’t actually use that word but “her demeanor and her body from the way she walked up on her was like, ‘Get your hand off my man’s chest.’”

Haddish explains that Bey then decided to have a polite conversation with the actress, but hints that the story didn’t stop there. “She started talking to that actress,” Haddish says. “Some other stuff happened, but I ain’t gonna say nothing yet.”

The article sums it up:

“I’d like to know which actress has the nerve to lay a finger on Jay after everything Bey went through to give us Lemonade. It’s unclear when or if we’ll hear the details Haddish left out, because as we know the Knowles-Carter family is extremely secretive. There’s one thing that’s certain though: Yoncé is still not here to play with you hoes.”

Hmmm, I really thought I had a husband with more integrity and love for me, his children and God.  I didn’t think I needed to check any of his coworkers for their lack of a moral compass.  Should I have? I really should have had the conversation with my husband at that time.

I wonder now if Janice has to live the way Beyoncé has to live.  When you know your man is a cheat there is no security.  Fame, fortune, talent–doesn’t matter. There is no protection against hoes except for a better man.

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, Christianity, divorce, Healing, melanoma, separation, unfaithfulness

Physically Challenged Summer

I moved yet again on August 1, 2017.  Three moves in two years–exhausting, stressful and expensive.  My landlord wanted to do some renovations to the place I had been living in order to add an extra suite to his home and he was also considering selling.  He informed me as well that he would need to raise my rent from $1750 to a yet undetermined amount for what was really a 2-bedroom basement suite and  a tiny extra room with no window that housed my older daughter’s single bed and a desk and computer.

I had met a male friend in February who was not enjoying condo living and sharing walls.  The only way both of us could get more space for less money was to rent a home together.  We researched what was available, included my kids in the process, included God and prayer in the process and feel like the perfect place for us was provided.

Just prior to our move I had to have my melanoma surgery on the left side of my back.  My new friend is a trauma paramedic so they allowed him to come into the surgery room and be with me for the procedure.  He said he was shocked at how much they had to cut.  One centimeter around the cancer site and one centimeter deep.  This melanoma had a deeper root than my last one so it required an additional 5 mm cut than around the cancer site than what was required for the one on my right arm last year.  It doesn’t seem like a lot until they draw it out on your back and you realize it isn’t a cm straight line but a circle.  My friend said the chunk they took was large enough to BBQ.

The requirement after that was no lifting or carrying for 2 weeks.   Because my new roommate saw how serious the surgery was he was very protective and strict with me that obey orders and not pull stitches or cause damage or impede healing. Not at all ideal when you are trying to move.  My kids and my older daughter’s boyfriend along with 3 of his friends were invaluable to me during this time.  My new roommate and his son and girlfriend also made sure we got moved in.  Although, we are still in the process of actually emptying our moving boxes.  My roommate ended up having his own health issues.  It became a stark realization that if anything happened to either of us, the other would not be able to afford to continue to live in our new place.  One day at time living without ruminating about the past or projecting worry and doubt about the future is how I am learning to live. Trusting God will provide and direct is all I can do.

Just when my 2 weeks were up and I was able to start to use both arms again to lift and carry, the very next day I was bit by a Bull Mastiff.  This 200 lb animal fractured my left hand.  My dog was being attacked and if I had not intervened I am convinced my dog would be dead.  I had to have emergency surgery with pins as my 5th metacarpal was displaced and it was an opened wound.  All of the puncture wounds were opened up further and irrigated. I had stitches and was prescribed antibiotics and painkillers.

I just had the pins taken out yesterday and started at the Hand Therapy Clinic today.  It will still be another 2 to 3 weeks before I can lift and carry with my left hand but I am so excited to be out of the cast and have the pins out.  After one treatment at the Hand Clinic today I am amazed that I am able to type with both hands (part of my homework). It is difficult and a little painful but I am doing it.

I feel like with everything that has happened to me and with all the unrest in the world right now between crazy weather, terrorism, war,  nuclear threats, acts of violence/hatred, etc. that I am being prepared for something even more difficult.  My world of what I thought was love, peace, comfort, stability and security has been rocked forever with infidelity but now I am undergoing further levels of being toughened up, challenged, changed, and forced to rethink my priorities and purpose for my life.  I am not afraid of what is to come.   With every circumstance I handle, endure, over-come, let be, or fight I am realizing more and more that my character is real.  I am a confident, independent, brave, tough, faithful and loving woman in good times and in hard times.

 

Photos are hand condition at 2 weeks post surgery getting stitches removed.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce

I know, it has been awhile…

I am so tired of my continued, frustrating situation with my ex and the way it has ruined me financially that I don’t even want to be reminded by writing it into words. However, I committed to documenting my experience with infidelity and the consequences on the lives of me, my children,  which includes the consequence for my ex, the other woman, family, friends and those we encounter along the way.  So after a pause, I am back.
Like anything we commit to and then abandon, the longer we leave it unattended, the harder it is to return.  Our marriages can crumble in the same way an exercise regime or healthy eating plan get tossed aside. You turn away from your spouse and start engaging with other people, in other activities that seem more fun than your daily responsibilities and obligations.  You chose to invest your time away from God, your spouse, family and home and suddenly the goal of what anyone who gets married strives for–building a healthy, loving, happy, supportive, successful family–turns into “I care only about doing what I want and my family is no longer important.”
I ran a half marathon in 2013 and 2014.  It was 8 1/2 months of training to be strong enough to be able to perform and complete that distance. It involved training 3 and 4 times/week; 5 kilometer races, 10 kilometer races and then building up the distance and time.  Some days I felt great and looked forward to meeting my run group.  Other days I walked or even limped my way and there were times I just endured.  I knew though I couldn’t bail on one of those sessions no matter how much I didn’t want to go because if I stopped it would only make things worse for me in the long run.  I would stop building and start staying stagnant or losing what I had built.  I was so happy when I crossed that finish line. I was so proud of myself and saw all of the benefits in my experience and ability to persevere.
I took 3 months off after each half marathon and did zero running. I always felt dread going back again because it was like starting from scratch. I had blisters, sore muscles, stiff knees, and I couldn’t keep up with the group.  I had chaffing under my boobs and my inner thighs and my lungs were on fire. It was hard but that is one of the reasons why I chose this activity. The challenge was worth it and I love how strong I feel when I am back training.  I am not an natural runner or athlete but I am building something very valuable in my character, in my body and in my life.
In 2015 my focus was on preparing our home to sell and getting rid of everything we accumulated over 23 years.  It was so much work and draining on every level. I had no time or desire to run.
In 2016 the melanoma diagnosis with it’s 3 surgeries and the downtime required afterwards kept me away from running for 6 months until I was cleared.  I also had to find a new place to live and undergo another move. I tried to start up running again on my own afterwards but running outside of the group support was hard and going back after a 9 month break was difficult.  Then my daughter made Team Canada and her practices were on my long run day.  My ex no longer was picking up our daughter on my run clinic night so I had to get her instead.  I wasn’t good at going out on my own in the rainy season when it was dark at night and dark in the morning.
I went back to my run group again this year but it hasn’t been easy.  Now I wasn’t 3 months or even 9 months behind, I was a year behind. I had to find other people to drive my daughter home from dance or I had to leave her at the studio for 45 minutes after she finished with the stress of the studio closing before I got there to pick her up.  I knew she just wanted to get home; her friends had left, she was tired, had homework to do and was hungry.  I still did it.  I ran two 10ks this year but I have already missed the first week of half marathon practice.  If I leave it any longer, it won’t happen.  When I don’t make things happen I feel guilt, stress, weight gain, etc. and I feel like there is not point in continuing to run at all.
It is this balance of decision making between what is right for us at the time, what moves us towards our long term goal and what decision will have the best consequences for us in the moment and in the long run.  Choosing what seems like the easiest path now is not always the best thing for us in the long run.  Choosing the difficult path is not always wise either. Life is supposed to be enjoyable and sometimes we unnecessarily make it more difficult and set ourselves up to fail because we aren’t being realistic or discerning enough.   Timing, patience, and day to day factors make mindful living much easier said than done.  God and the support of other people are always what gets me through and helps me to trust I am where I need to be right now and choosing what is right.
Once again I am faced with another melanoma diagnosis.  I had the surgery last week. I  have to move residence yet again and I should be back in court on August 9 asking the judge to enforce the signed promises my ex made in our mediation agreement.  My older daughter has been back from school living with me since the end of April.  She is working and struggling in her search to find a place to live in Vancouver for her 3rd year at university.  The housing crisis in that city is making me believe she needs to transfer back to Uvic and finish her last 2 years here. Thankfully her legal issues resolved.  Finances as always are a huge struggle for us.  My younger daughter had a very successful school year and dance season.  She won many awards and even some scholarship money. My kids and I have a very close relationship.  Our struggles together have not been easy but we are learning so much about each other and about what is important in life.
There is always something that can distract us from what is important. I actually started this post 5 days ago and I can’t manage to pull my thoughts together and get it completed. I am sure my ex battled with this same concept before cheating.  He had left all his friends and family back in Ontario, he left the church behind and stopped going to church out here, he starting building a new business and new friendships and didn’t include me and the girls in those relationships and stopped coming to events with friends we built together. He started partying more, staying out longer, not coming home for dinner, traveling, not doing anything to help out around the house, picking fights with me, etc.  HIs chose for himself, not his family.  It is much harder to be the one left behind to make right decisions for 3 people and 3 pets than the one who gets to be free to do whatever he wants. But I would much rather be me in my situation than he in his.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, faith, God, infidelity

I Just Saw Ugly

I saw my ex last Sunday because our daughter had a dance competition.  We sat on opposite sides of the theatre but stood with our daughter together when she was finished performing.

I looked at him while he was talking to her.  There is nothing remotely attractive to me about my ex.  He was dressed very nicely, all new clothes to me, but the expression about putting lipstick on a pig popped into my head. He is still a pig.

What was attractive to me previously about my ex was the fact that he was my husband.  We were partners. He was committed to God, to me and to our children and I trusted that with those priorities my kids and I were well loved.  I was committed to him and those same things and I never wavered in my attempt to be the giving, supportive and loving wife. I sacrificed for his career and to care for our children but I have no regrets because that was the best thing for our family.  We had built a life together that I was very grateful we had and I had no reason to believe any of those priorities had changed for him.  I thought we continued to have the same hopes and dreams and purpose.

What makes him particularly ugly to me now is way beyond him having an affair. It is how he has treated me and my children and even God since then.  It is one thing to be someone who never had a relationship with God, but it is completely another thing for someone to have known God, committed his life to God and thanked God for everything God gave him and then to suddenly throw it all back in God’s face saying it wasn’t good enough.  He is completely unrepentant. He is also ugly to me now in the way he continues to not take responsibility for his share of support and agreements he made in mediation.  The distrust and failure to keep his word makes me scrunch my nose and turn my mouth up in distaste. He is especially awful to look at because he just missed seeing our daughter on the Sunday and Wednesday he was “scheduled” to see her because he was away and yet even though he returned, he never tried to see her outside of his next scheduled visit.  Even when he picked her up at 6:30 p.m. this Wednesday she was home before 7:15 p.m. He took her to Subway and then dropped her off.  He doesn’t have a deep, personal connection or relationship with our daughter and doesn’t seem to care to have that. I was attracted to a man who knew his children, did things with his kids and for his kids, a man who joined in and participated in quality and quantity time with them and made it special.  I was attracted to a man who prayed and had a spiritual view and offered sound counsel to others including me and our children. My older daughter is going through a huge amount of difficulty right now and my ex’s response is basically, “She is 19, she needs to deal with it.” Our child needs financial, legal and a lot of emotional support, encouragement, as well as strong and sound advice right now but he has nothing to give.

It is interesting to me that the origin of the word “ugly” comes from words that mean ‘dreadful’, ‘fearful’, ‘apprehension’, ‘ill-tempered’. and ‘strife’. It is the root sense of ‘hate’ and ‘sorrow’ and the extended sense of ‘morally offensive’.    It is his attitude that oozes out from within and emotes a negative energy that makes him “frightful or horrible in appearance” to me. I have never in my life criticized his physical appearance in any way.  He has acne scars, large ears and a big head.  I never saw those things.  It is his hardened and cold heart that turns him into a grotesque figure.

There is not a single ounce of desire for this person who I simply no longer recognize as the man with who I once shared a life.

 

 

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