Twenty six years ago today, I signed my marriage certificate. Today I signed divorce papers.
I am not sure why this just popped into my head. I was doing a jigsaw puzzle with the TV on in the background at 1:15 a.m. and something reminded me of a conversation I had several months ago.
I was at a table with a bunch of people at a large event. I could see that someone kept leaning forward, three seats down from me, whenever I started to talk, trying to listen to my conversation. We were all just talking randomly about nothing private or personal that I remember, laughing, but I was aware of her interest in me.
People shuffled in to find a seat or out to get food, drink and to use the bathroom. This woman was now closer to me with someone in between us. Eventually she leaned forward to introduce herself and to tell me that we share a connection. I exchanged pleasantries with her but in my mind I am processing that she knows who I am because the connection she mentioned was not at the event.
I was up and down a few times myself and when I came back to the table I was seated beside this woman. Finally she tells me, “I know Janice Andrews.” She was very kind to me and told me how sorry she was and that people initially were shocked to find out about Janice and my ex. She told me that they later learned that Janice’s intent was very calculated. I did not engage. I did not know this person or trust this person. I simply thanked her for seemingly sympathizing with me. I had no idea what she knew or who she knew it from. She then asked me if I was on Twitter. I said that I was not. She said that Janice goes by the name Smeeps. I remembered that word. I feel like my ex had used that name in his phone as her contact to hide her true identity, ‘Ricky Smeeps’. She asked me if I knew what it meant. I said that I did not. She said that it is a seductress. I joked something to the effect about Janice at least naming herself appropriately and then thankfully there was more shuffling and I was pulled in one direction and she in another and that was it. I don’t remember her name and I haven’t seen the friend that we have in common but I would never say anything to her about my encounter anyway.
So tonight, after that popped into my head, I grabbed my phone to look up that word and there it is in the urban dictionary, “highly seducing woman”. The entry is dated March 3, 2009, four years before my separation in March 2013. I looked down further and there is another definition with the entry of April 19, 2011: “One of those involuntary farts a male gets when his buttocks are in the air with legs spread out and the warm fart gently ruffles his scrotum. Few true smeeps have been recorded in human history. Only the great masters of flatulence can produce such pungent pearls of fragrance.”
Hmmm, I wonder what definition she named herself after?
To say there was angst amongst our family prior to the grad is an understatement.
My grad daughter wrote a very mature group email to her dad and me simply expressing her wishes for the day and asking about the plans. Instead of responding to her direct questions my ex started to talk about me “suing” him; the “utter crap” I write in my blog; stating that I have “lied to the kids for years to gain favour”; that I have “lied for financial gain at (his) expense”; that “(his) parents are well aware of (my) actions and they have no interest in spending a second with (me)”; that “you are disgraceful and will never sit at a table with my family again.” There is much, much more but you get the gist of his rant.
On top of this, I went to his place in person to talk to him. He saw me and knew I was there yet he sent Janice to answer the door. I asked to speak with Dave and she said, “No!” She shut the door and walked away. I simply left. I have never gone to his place in 6 years to talk to him about anything. As soon as I got home my grad daughter texted me asking if I went to Janice’s place to “confront” her. Firstly, I didn’t know it was Janice’s place and that he moved in with her, neither did my kids. Secondly, confront her about what? Thirdly, my ex and/or Janice texted my child to involve her in something she didn’t need to know. He put our child in the middle yet again. They told my grad daughter that I only knew he moved in with Janice because I hacked into one of his accounts. Then they texted my younger daughter accusing her of brining me to Janice’s place. She knew nothing about it so now both my kids are terrified I am dying or something as they would never think I would go there unless it was a matter of life or death. Not only that, Janice Andrews called the police to report an “incident”. They wanted the police to call me to say that I wasn’t welcome at their place.
My kids were losing sleep, crying and extremely stressed over this entire grad fiasco. And yet when it was all over what does my ex write to both my children? This:
“Below was a post I read from a woman I’m a friend with on FB. Couldn’t have been said any better.
When Mike and I divorced things weren’t pretty, feelings were hurt, on both sides…one thing I knew was in-spite of how we ever treated each other, or how ugly things got between us…I took a vow on the day I got married…”in good times and bad”. The bad had happened we divorced our family unit split up…why should that vow cease to matter in divorce? Ego should never be bigger than the love for our children and what is best for them…we don’t have the right to make them uncomfortable, or choose, or see their other parent painted in a bad light fueled by our hate. I had an amazing day spent with my ex husband sharing “our” daughters graduation. Family came together… My ex Father in Law and Mike’s ex Mother in law and we sat after all of us and enjoyed a meal together and family photos…creating more memories for our daughter to take along with her for a lifetime. It was her day..she earned it, worked for it…and that’s why we were there to celebrate her and that our efforts combined as her mother and father helped get her there and not create unnecessary obstacles and emotional long term damage along that journey of her life. I am fortunate to have married a man that in divorce has been able to also put ego aside and love his daughter first and foremost and be a supportive ex husband and friend. Just because. Marriage ends a family does not…relationships don’t end, they change. Their dynamic changes…and we have to ask ourselves what you want that dynamic to look like and is my ego really more important than my child’s overall well being for a lifetime to come…do I want a life time hating and fighting and never winning battle. No body wins…not him, not me, not the children when you spread hate. Just because an ex may have been a bad wife, or bad husband doesn’t mean they are a bad parent…focus on rebuilding even better and not what was lost. Thanks Mike for being an amazing dad and friend!”
Janice Andrews responded: “Beautiful” with a heart beside it.
My kids did not respond.
Oh, the sentimental cliché that was uttered to me by my mother-in-law in the weeks following her realization that her son had in fact been cheating on me with another woman and had walked away from me and our children to pursue a relationship with Janice Andrews.
Fast forward 5 1/2 years and in that time there has been one phone call by my mother-in-law with my father-in-law on the other end and they brought me a birthday gift when they were in town 4 months later to see my daughter dance. Then…crickets. I reached out once by email to my in-laws, including my brother-in-law, about my ex’s disturbing behavior and my concern but no response. They have been to visit their son at least once/year and never once have they called or wanted to see me. I have seen them in passing at my daughter’s dance recitals during their visit but that was it. My father-in-law, in particular, especially during his visit this year, was extremely cold.
Two things got me thinking about this phrase. Firstly, I had coffee this morning with a friend of mine in her late 70’s and her husband in his 80’s. I have know their son and daughter-in-law for over 20 years. Their daughter-in-law had an affair on their son over a year ago and destroyed their marriage. There is no chance of reconciliation. Yet, even though their son was betrayed (and the details and consequences for him as a result of the affair were severe–he lead a church and lost his job) have indicated she will always be their daughter-in-law and they have proven it by continuing to have a close and personal relationship with her. My friend told me, “I forgive her.”
We talked about another couple that we both know, who are my age with 2 girls the same age as my girls. They are part of our little circle of church connections who migrated to Vancouver Island at the same time and who have also recently split. She told me that my girlfriend told her mother-in-law (we are also friends with her mother and father-in-law) she was so afraid she would lose her in the split. Her mother-in-law replied, “You will always be my daughter-in-law” and they continue to hike and kayak together even though her mother-in-law has fallen into a deep depression over the split and also as a result of her husband’s recent Parkinson’s Disease diagnosis.
My friend asked me this morning if I had a relationship with my in-laws. They had met them at our house during one of their visits. I told her that I did not. She was sorry. I didn’t cheat on their son so why did they betray me too? Why is that my friend is still able to embrace the daughter-in-law who has hurt her son and grandchildren and the rest of their family so cruelly and my in-laws don’t care about the mother who is trying so hard to raise their grandchildren despite everything their son has done to tear apart their lives.
Secondly, my ex sent me a bizarre email. This was a comment that he wrote at the end of a long rant about something completely unrelated:
“Do you think (my mom’s name) would act or request the things you do? She was selfless and always acted with kindness and regard for others. She always made a point of being inclusive when others were trying to exclude, such as (my brother-in-law’s name). You should try acting and honouring your mother rather than being the antithesis of everything she was and stood for.”
I have no idea why my ex suddenly brought my mom into his email and I was trying to understand why he was feeling excluded. He is correct that even after my sister and her husband separated my mom invited my brother-in-law to every birthday and special occasion dinner. It caused tension sometimes, especially for my sister, but we all see now how beneficial it was to everyone in the family in the long run and how amazing my mom was to put her relationship with my sister on the line to do what she felt was right and loving for her grandchildren especially but for the family as a whole because we are all still family. My mom practiced love and would have without a doubt, if she was here, done the same for my ex. I don’t think, however, he would have had the courage to step into her circle of love. A lot of my family did reach out to my ex after our split but he didn’t answer or return any of their calls. My girls have asked him to do things with me and them together but he has always refused. I told my ex, I would do things with him and our girls and put everything aside for those moments they needed for their well-being but he would not even try. He excluded himself. If he loved my mom so much as he claims that he did, why isn’t he honouring her by acting the way he says she acted. He loves to tell me what I “should” do and hold me to some standard while ignoring it himself. It is he who is the “antithesis”.
When I told my ex that I had no understanding of his comments about my mom and his feelings of being excluded in context to his email subject he responded:
“You’re exactly right you don’t understand. My point was that your mother didn’t take sides. She didn’t get caught up in the politics. She didn’t hold grudges. She didn’t try to paint people in a negative light. She looked for ways to try and draw people together despite difficult and challenging life situations. (My brother-in-law’s name) was a perfect example. He didn’t pay a dime of child or spousal support. Your sister didn’t want him around for family functions but your mother would always invite him. Make sure it was about the children and there being able to spend time with their Dad. Despite the fact that she may not have agreed or been happy with (my brother in-law’s name), she never spoke negatively in front of the kids and was trying to make the best of the situation. Completely opposite of what you have chosen to do.”
He praises my mom’s behavior but it is the complete opposite of what he and his family have done. I have no intention of ever doing anything with Janice Andrews but I have offered on many occasions to do the “family” thing for my girls. Maybe my ex should be sending his praise of my mom’s nature to his parents. After all, it was his mom that told my daughter this summer, “Your mom will always be our daughter-in-law but your dad is our son.” In reality her words are backed up by “Your mom will always be our daughter-in-law but we choose to wish the mistress Happy Birthday on Facebook instead.”
My younger daughter said to me on Wednesday night, “I was with dad from 5:15 p.m. until 8:30 p.m.” She said that was the longest amount of time she had been with him and that it was awkward. He picked her up at our home and then they picked up my other daughter at her work and went to the mall to look into my older daughter’s phone issues and to have dinner. Three hours with their dad that involved about 1 hour of driving time to various places seemed so out of the ordinary to her that it was note worthy for her to mention it.
I asked her if she looked for the shoes and pants that she wanted for back to school when they were at the mall. She said that she would not shop with her dad. He has tried to buy her things in the past. Once when they were in Vancouver she said he kept offering to buy this and that but she said, “No” to everything. When they were in Ontario this summer she had forgot her sunglasses and he offered to buy her a $40 pair because he felt she needed them and he told her that they looked good on her. She wanted them as well but she refuses to let her dad think he can buy her things and some how that will make up for everything he took from her. She would also never tell him what she really needs.
Janice, it was pointed out to me, is quite happy on the other hand for Dave to buy her everything. The only thing my daughter said that she has ever seen her buy in 5 plus years is an Imax movie ticket because she has a pass. It is like my daughter feels as dirty as his whore if he spends money on her. She does not want to be that person. She is the Taurus of the family and is very bull-headed and strong in her convictions. She is insightful and I am very proud of her for making a stand and putting up a boundary that she considers important to how she feels about herself and her relationship with her father. Although when I reflect, I think that her saying “No” to him is her way of rejecting him. She is rejecting him the way he has done to her and continues to do to her on various levels.
On Saturday, she and I were about to go for a hike with our dog. My older daughter came up and said, “Dad is picking us up at noon for lunch.” My younger daughter was annoyed, “Why didn’t he text me to tell me?” My older daughter remarked that he texted her and probably assumed that she would just tell her. She looked at me and asked if she should still go on the hike or just stay at home and get ready. I told her it wasn’t even 10:00 a.m. so we had time to go for a short hike. I got her back by 11:00 a.m. only for her to be told by her sister that their dad didn’t know she would be going for lunch too and he didn’t think he would be able to get her back in time to work at 4:00 p.m. Now my younger daughter was even more annoyed. She said to me, “Good thing I didn’t decide to not go on the hike.” I felt so badly for her that I said that I would take her for lunch. We left before her dad arrived.
That night she told me that she arranged to work during the school year on Wednesday and Saturday nights. Wednesday is the only night she doesn’t dance during the week and is the night that she usually has dinner with her dad. She told me, “I probably won’t be seeing dad at all next year.” I suggested that maybe her dad would pick her up earlier after school on a night that she starts dance a little later so she can have a bite to eat with him and I reminded her that he would probably still try to pick her up every other Friday for dinner and maybe a lunch every other Saturday or Sunday.
The other thing she told me that seemed to bother her was that when she was in Ontario with Dave and his parents over the summer her nanny, Dave’s mom, said to her, “Your mom will always be my daughter-in-law but your dad is my son”, and then she hugged him. I even cringed when she told me that happened because his mom told me as well that I would always be their daughter-in-law. She just skipped the part about putting her cheating son on a pedestal. Regardless, they were just empty words. There is zero relationship. Twenty three years of fakeness because if there was any love or care for me and my children I would hear from them. To my daughter, she just heard her grandmother say that I am less than when I am the most important person in her life. Does she hear her grandmother say that she would choose her son over her, too? What does that teach my child about love; who is worthy of her love and why (full blood relation, number of years known) when my daughter has experienced love and what must feel like hate and knows the truth about which parent has always been there for her and which parent rejected her.
I often wonder about what would make another woman justify in her mind that it is okay to sleep with a married man.
I am sure most women have experienced flirting and come-ons from men in committed relationships. I find it is the most repugnant characteristic. There is nothing about that behavior that makes me think, “Yes, you are the man I want to be with.” I don’t find it flattering, it doesn’t make me think I am better than his wife in any way, it doesn’t make me feel desirable. It only makes me think, “Creep. I feel sorry for your wife. She deserves better.”
I am a woman so I am trying to understand another woman’s thinking. Janice Andrews was either pursued by my husband or she pursued him. They each conveyed somehow to each other that even though we are married (Janice was living with her spouse in a 12-year common-law marriage), we are open and available to each other.
I hold my ex husband 100% responsible for straying and for leading Janice Andrews astray regardless of the semantics of how it all began. He knew better. He studied the bible shortly after we married, was baptized as an adult, vowed to follow Jesus, lead ministries and studied the bible with other men, counseling them in their lives and marriages. He saw the consequences first hand of marriages destroyed by infidelity. He knew the pain caused to families and the struggle for relationships to continue after cheating.
At some point though he began to live a lie to pursue cheating himself. It was before he met Janice because after discovering his affair with her I searched deeper. I found that his pursuit of an affair had started at least a year before we moved to British Columbia. That was 4 years before he began to work with Janice. Even though he was clearly professing his love and lust for Janice to her via texts, he was at the same time flirting and making plans with other women as well. He was casting out his net. Initially, at least, he wasn’t going to be limited just because he caught fish Janice. But what made her bite?
Janice’s own retweet of DeAndre Page from November 16, 2017 may offer an explanation: “think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” It is the Law of Attraction. Whatever vibe he was putting out, she was lured. She seems to have been putting out the same vibe with her willingness to cheat on her spouse. Maybe deception vibes run on a different frequency path than loyal and faithful vibes. After all, Satan knows how to light things up to make it look and feel more exciting than God’s promises.
Let’s explore other thoughts from Janice that could provide some insight into a mind that might need to try and justify her need to feed her own desires over consideration of the lives of other people.
My 20-year old daughter posted this on her Facebook page on February 13. She was home this weekend and asked me if I saw it. I am not on Facebook very often and told her I had not. She said that her dad did. He messaged her and asked her what the post was all about. She said she felt it was important that people don’t take people for granted and that they are appreciated for all they do. He apparently replied that it was a good message. It certainly sounds like the story of our family. If it resonates with my ex–good:
“I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.
We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.
I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.
We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she ‘got’ me.
This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.
Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.
I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.
She spent her free time taking care of us — our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.
Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie — everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.
We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!
I moved to another province with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual ‘Dad’ set up.
Life was sweet!
Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.
But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!
We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.
I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.
Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.
Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.
I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I’d treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.
If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.
She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.
I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!
Regret sets in
But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.
And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.
Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.
My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.
And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.
She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.
I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.
I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes — they got married.
My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.
She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.
It should have been me.
Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.
Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?
Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love.”
“HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman”.
It is next to impossible to avoid the reminder that your husband had an affair with another woman (Janice Andrews) and left you, your children, your finances and your life in one big mess!
My daughter and I were at a dance competition yesterday. One of the competitors performed a Lyrical Jazz routine to Kelly Clarkson’s emotional song, ‘Piece by Piece’. The words are a reminder that my child has a dad who left. Kelly Clarkson said, in one interview that I read by Alyse Whitney, that she was thinking after having her daughter, “How could anyone walk away from that?” I wonder that myself a lot. We had a great life; a great family together.
My daughter and I also just went to see the movie “The Greatest Showman”. There is a scene where P.T. Barnum leaves his wife and 2 daughters behind to travel with a female singer. His daughters run behind his carriage after him and he doesn’t turn around. His place is empty at the table and he is absent from the theatre where his daughter fulfills her dream of ballet dancing. He leaves his wife to do everything including raising his girls. My daughter and I talked about the scene after and she said she did think of the parallel to our situation. She ended up seeing the movie twice. Happy endings are hopeful and she said she had to hold her hands together to keep from clapping.
Today, while watching ‘The View’ as they talked about women who throw themselves on married men, I received information about Janice Andrew’s Twitter Account. I don’t have a Twitter account but every now then someone feels the need to share the irony of something that Janice retweets about love or being kind in this world or some other airy, fairy idealization about how life should be lived with no concept of her creating a life with actions that are the complete opposite to her dreamlike façade.
My contact started out by saying it is no surprise she likes porn (the quote was from a site called Poems Porn). It was a retweet (the other woman apparently has no original tweets) of a quote from JS Park:
“Real love doesn’t meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.”
Then the contact tried to dissect this: “Does she think she has real love with your ex or did she think it was real while she was screwing a man who went back and screwed his wife after? Does she think Dave is capable of real love towards her or anyone for that matter? Does she think his love to you and your kids wasn’t real? Does she think cheating and going after a married man or him going after her when she is married is real love? Did she have a fake love relationship with her spouse? Does she realize she isn’t her best by behaving this way or is she acknowledging he certainly isn’t at his best? Is she directing this quote to Dave telling him he isn’t at his best and he is the mess or is she sharing this quote to Dave to try to convince him that he really loves her because she isn’t at her best as she is just a mess. Maybe she just wants him to believe she can be better as she isn’t at he best yet or she wants to believe that he will be better.”
My response. “Who cares what she thinks. It seems to be an acknowledgement though that it is not an ideal relationship because at least one of them isn’t at their best and there is mess but she wants to bundle it under the guise of “real love” to make it all seem okay.”
The fact is, they both created a mess that I am still cleaning up and my kids are trying to step over or around! If they want to label it “real love” that is their deception. What they did and continue to do is not love. Whatever they have together; it isn’t real. It isn’t love.
If you have a Twitter Account and would like to follow the loving and inspirational thoughts of Janice Andrews she can be reached at Agnus@smeepsmeep. Smeep was the name, by the way, my ex had her listed as in his phone. My contact asked about that contact name. My contact suggested it stands for “Sucking married erections (while) enjoying porn.” Agnus apparently is the name of her doll that she pictures on her account. I think she is confusing the spelling with Agnes and Anus. My contact suggested that the “creepy” doll says it all.
I was working around the house this morning and ‘The View’ was on the television. They were talking about some woman getting “handsy” with Jay Z and how Beyoncé reacted. I started listening when they began to talk about what they would do when a woman is trying to engage with their husband while they are present. They were saying how rude and disrespectful any woman would be to do that with a married man in general and especially with the wife present but sure enough they all had examples. What is it that makes these women think it is acceptable and justifiable to beg for attention from married men? It made me recall how Janice Andrews didn’t leave my husband’s side at their office Christmas party in December 2012 while I was there with hime (2 months before I found out about their affair).
I copied this from http://www.complex.com/music in relation to what the women on the View were discussing:
“During an interlude for Beyoncé’s iconic anthem “Formation,” Big Freedia’s voice is heard proclaiming, “I did not come to play with you hoes, haha. I came to slay, bitch.” This line echoes the authority embedded in Lemonade, and serves as a reminder that Queen Bey is not here to play with anyone when it comes to her work, her family, and especially her husband Jay Z.
Apparently one actress did not get that message, according to a story told to TV One by comedian Tiffany Haddish. In an interview for the network’s new series Uncensored, the Girls Trip star recalls an instance where she witnessed Beyoncé Knowles-Carter politely check an actress for putting her hands on Jay.”
Tiffany Haddish shares:
“I go to a Jay Z concert, and I get invited to the after party,” Haddish says. “Beyoncé just walks right up to me and she goes ‘Hi, I’m Beyoncé,’ and I’m like, ‘I know who you are girl! You are so talented!’”
Shortly after meeting the queen, Haddish was talking to Jay Z and another actress when said actress decided to put her hand on Hov. “She touched Jay Z’s chest, and Beyoncé came walking up like, ‘Biiiittcchhhh,” Haddish says, clarifying she didn’t actually use that word but “her demeanor and her body from the way she walked up on her was like, ‘Get your hand off my man’s chest.’”
Haddish explains that Bey then decided to have a polite conversation with the actress, but hints that the story didn’t stop there. “She started talking to that actress,” Haddish says. “Some other stuff happened, but I ain’t gonna say nothing yet.”
The article sums it up:
“I’d like to know which actress has the nerve to lay a finger on Jay after everything Bey went through to give us Lemonade. It’s unclear when or if we’ll hear the details Haddish left out, because as we know the Knowles-Carter family is extremely secretive. There’s one thing that’s certain though: Yoncé is still not here to play with you hoes.”
Hmmm, I really thought I had a husband with more integrity and love for me, his children and God. I didn’t think I needed to check any of his coworkers for their lack of a moral compass. Should I have? I really should have had the conversation with my husband at that time.
I wonder now if Janice has to live the way Beyoncé has to live. When you know your man is a cheat there is no security. Fame, fortune, talent–doesn’t matter. There is no protection against hoes except for a better man.
I moved yet again on August 1, 2017. Three moves in two years–exhausting, stressful and expensive. My landlord wanted to do some renovations to the place I had been living in order to add an extra suite to his home and he was also considering selling. He informed me as well that he would need to raise my rent from $1750 to a yet undetermined amount for what was really a 2-bedroom basement suite and a tiny extra room with no window that housed my older daughter’s single bed and a desk and computer.
I had met a male friend in February who was not enjoying condo living and sharing walls. The only way both of us could get more space for less money was to rent a home together. We researched what was available, included my kids in the process, included God and prayer in the process and feel like the perfect place for us was provided.
Just prior to our move I had to have my melanoma surgery on the left side of my back. My new friend is a trauma paramedic so they allowed him to come into the surgery room and be with me for the procedure. He said he was shocked at how much they had to cut. One centimeter around the cancer site and one centimeter deep. This melanoma had a deeper root than my last one so it required an additional 5 mm cut than around the cancer site than what was required for the one on my right arm last year. It doesn’t seem like a lot until they draw it out on your back and you realize it isn’t a cm straight line but a circle. My friend said the chunk they took was large enough to BBQ.
The requirement after that was no lifting or carrying for 2 weeks. Because my new roommate saw how serious the surgery was he was very protective and strict with me that obey orders and not pull stitches or cause damage or impede healing. Not at all ideal when you are trying to move. My kids and my older daughter’s boyfriend along with 3 of his friends were invaluable to me during this time. My new roommate and his son and girlfriend also made sure we got moved in. Although, we are still in the process of actually emptying our moving boxes. My roommate ended up having his own health issues. It became a stark realization that if anything happened to either of us, the other would not be able to afford to continue to live in our new place. One day at time living without ruminating about the past or projecting worry and doubt about the future is how I am learning to live. Trusting God will provide and direct is all I can do.
Just when my 2 weeks were up and I was able to start to use both arms again to lift and carry, the very next day I was bit by a Bull Mastiff. This 200 lb animal fractured my left hand. My dog was being attacked and if I had not intervened I am convinced my dog would be dead. I had to have emergency surgery with pins as my 5th metacarpal was displaced and it was an opened wound. All of the puncture wounds were opened up further and irrigated. I had stitches and was prescribed antibiotics and painkillers.
I just had the pins taken out yesterday and started at the Hand Therapy Clinic today. It will still be another 2 to 3 weeks before I can lift and carry with my left hand but I am so excited to be out of the cast and have the pins out. After one treatment at the Hand Clinic today I am amazed that I am able to type with both hands (part of my homework). It is difficult and a little painful but I am doing it.
I feel like with everything that has happened to me and with all the unrest in the world right now between crazy weather, terrorism, war, nuclear threats, acts of violence/hatred, etc. that I am being prepared for something even more difficult. My world of what I thought was love, peace, comfort, stability and security has been rocked forever with infidelity but now I am undergoing further levels of being toughened up, challenged, changed, and forced to rethink my priorities and purpose for my life. I am not afraid of what is to come. With every circumstance I handle, endure, over-come, let be, or fight I am realizing more and more that my character is real. I am a confident, independent, brave, tough, faithful and loving woman in good times and in hard times.
Photos are hand condition at 2 weeks post surgery getting stitches removed.