adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, Christianity, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, lying, marriage

How “the other woman” Thinks: Part I

I often wonder about what would make another woman justify in her mind that it is okay to sleep with a married man.

I am sure most women have experienced flirting and come-ons from men in committed relationships.  I find it is the most repugnant characteristic.  There is nothing about that behavior that makes me think, “Yes, you are the man I want to be with.”  I don’t find it flattering, it doesn’t make me think I am better than his wife in any way, it doesn’t make me feel desirable.  It only makes me think, “Creep. I feel sorry for your wife. She deserves better.”

I am a woman so I am trying to understand another woman’s thinking.  Janice Andrews was either pursued by my husband or she pursued him.  They each conveyed somehow to each other that even though we are married (Janice was living with her spouse in a 12-year common-law marriage), we are open and available to each other.

I hold my ex husband 100% responsible for straying and for leading Janice Andrews astray regardless of the semantics of how it all began.  He knew better. He studied the bible shortly after we married, was baptized as an adult, vowed to follow Jesus, lead ministries and studied the bible with other men, counseling them in their lives and marriages. He saw the consequences first hand of marriages destroyed by infidelity. He knew the pain caused to families and the struggle for relationships to continue after cheating.

At some point though he began to live a lie to pursue cheating himself.  It was before he met Janice because after discovering his affair with her I searched deeper.  I found that his pursuit of an affair had started at least a year before we moved to British Columbia. That was 4 years before he began to work with Janice. Even though he was clearly professing his love and lust for Janice to her via texts, he was at the same time flirting and making plans with other women as well.   He was casting out his net.   Initially, at least, he wasn’t going to be limited just because he caught fish Janice.  But what made her bite?

Janice’s own retweet of DeAndre Page from November 16, 2017 may offer an explanation: “think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”  It is the Law of Attraction. Whatever vibe he was putting out, she was lured.  She seems to have been putting out the same vibe with her willingness to cheat on her spouse.  Maybe deception vibes run on a different frequency path than loyal and faithful vibes.  After all, Satan knows how to light things up to make it look and feel more exciting than God’s promises.

Let’s explore other thoughts from Janice that could provide some insight into a mind that might need to try and justify her need to feed her own desires over consideration of the lives of other people.


18 thoughts on “How “the other woman” Thinks: Part I

  1. I wonder about this all the time – why would any woman want to be a sick secret? I will never understand that! The skank in my situation was my friend- what kind of woman fucks her friend over like that? My H never spent anytime with her ( other than the few minutes for sex) he never took her anywhere, he did nothing for her and she knew he wouldn’t leave me so what was the point? She did it to destroy us, plain and simple, she was jealous of our life and marriage so she wanted to break it and she did – I so hope she gets what she deserves one day.

  2. Burned so bad says:

    I have been following your blog for many years and must say, even though I found your posts helpful at first, I am growing concerned that you are unable to move on after so many years have passed. I understand your hatred toward this woman, but am concerned by your latest posts. I think the best thing for you is to find love, and not look back. I too was in your position, but at some point you have to let it go. If your ex is still with this woman, perhaps you need to accept that he has moved on, and has found love again. Please do the same.

    • Thank you for your concern.

      I am equally as frustrated that the process is dragging on this many years. I keep blogging to show people that severing a 23-year relationship can be a long and expensive process and I am committed to documenting my journey until I have my divorce and the court orders that are obviously required to get my ex to follow through with any agreements. When my ex finally lets me go and ends our marriage legally by providing the divorce he keeps promising and when he pays according to the mediation agreement he signed with his lawyer and according to what he owes by law, there will be nothing more to write about. I will be done.

      I hope “the other woman” can convince him to do what he needs to do to be rid of me and then she won’t have to follow what I write about her anymore. I honestly don’t have any hatred towards Janice Andrews. There is zero emotion to what I write about her. The only thing that continues to anger me is that my ex still can’t be trusted to do what is right. He just needs to pay what he agreed to pay. His emails to me are filled with anger and bitterness. I simply don’t respond. They evoke no emotional response at all. Why is he so filled with emotion in his emails to me? If he is so in love, why isn’t he moving on with his love. He has to let me go to do that. They have been together more than 5 years and he won’t even give up his apartment.

      My post was just a simple curiosity about what causes people to stray. It is just thoughts that come up that I think are interesting to explore. I am just committed to writing about this journey until it ends. It is slow and annoying and expensive. If people can recognize the character of their ex in my ex, they may know in advance what they are up against and can strategize accordingly. I have an ex that for whatever reason continues to drag this on. Why won’t he let me go? Another theme to explore.

      I think it is interesting that you say “he has moved on and has found love again.” Has he? He chooses to not sever ties with me. If you have followed my blog for many years it wasn’t a question of us separating because we lost love for each other and then each of us moved on to date other people to find love. He would sleep with the other woman and come home and sleep with me. We left a party that the other woman was at with him holding my hand.

      I was the one that let him go the day I found out he was cheating. Never considered being with him again. I was so repulsed by this man and his deceit that I did not offer him a single opportunity for him to come back in my life. Please don’t think I am hanging on to him, our relationship on any level, or that I cannot move on. I would never trust this guy for a minute. I am sad for him, not for me. I am sad for my kids but for me I choose to not invite my ex into my life on any level. I am choosing my personal life incredibly carefully. I am very content with all my choices and very happy with my current life. My children and I have plans, hopes and dreams for our future that are exciting for us. We have fun and enjoy life together and we are at peace. My children come first before anything and that is my choice. I feel no need to search for anything. I don’t feel like I am lacking in any area of my life. There is certainly plenty of love, joy and gratefulness that we experience every day.

      I completely accept that my ex is with the other woman but I wonder if he is able to accept that. I feel nothing when I see him or see them together. They truly are nothing to me. It is interesting that they seem to be the ones that have a problem seeing me. That just happened at my daughter’s dance event the last weekend. I took pictures of my daughter with my ex’s parents who were visiting from Ontario. I invited my ex into the picture. My daughter has next to no pictures with her dad since our separation. I did this for her as one day she may be happy to have that and I wanted to make sure she had photos with her grandparents as well. It was his parents that had to ask him to take pictures, too. Janice walked away when I approached and my ex kept trying to get his mother to stop talking to me and my daughter and to leave.

      It makes no difference in my life if they continue to stay together. I suspect though that if they have any insight, they should each be equally insecure in their relationship. After all, they know who they are individually. They know what they did to each other and to their spouses. Neither of them is anyone I would want to be in a relationship with and I suspect they know they deserve each other and the consequences that brings. They don’t need to worry about me or my love life either. Very soon my children will both be adults and building their own path. There will be very few reasons we will have to cross paths again. I can also guarantee that neither one of them, Janice or my ex, will know when their relationship is over until it is over. These are both the type of people that don’t have the courage to move on unless they feel there is someone else to move on to. They won’t be real with each other about their feelings and will pretend to be in love until whatever they are pursuing outside the relationship looks like it may bring them more fulfillment. This is another theme I will explore. They just use affairs as reasons to leave a relationship. I wonder which one will blind-side the other one first? But truly, it makes no difference to me. The grass for me isn’t greener but it isn’t brown either. I know what my ex gave up so I can guess why he can’t sever ties and move on with Janice. I am guessing the grass on the other side for him is starting to brown if it isn’t already dead.

      • Omg! I want to tell that burned so bad to stick that comment up their ass especially if they have been through this before they should know it takes a long time to heal from such a betrayal- it’s probably a troll!

        It’s been 4.5 years for me and it still haunts me everyday! Most days I feel like I’m in worse shape now than I was in the beginning. So I want to thank you for sharing your story. I hate you are dealing with this too but it helps me to know I’m not alone.

      • I allow everyone’s comments to be posted and I respond as I truly feel but I would not be surprised if this was the “other woman” herself posing as a follower. My ex and her have been known to “troll” my blog. I think if she legitimately was burned by an ex having an affair her choice of terminology regarding my ex having “found love” might have been different. That seemed just a little off to me.

    • Even people who reconcile blog and have to deal with things years out. When the divorce is a battle and drags out it’s totally ok for a person to blog about it, and have to deal with it because it becomes central to their life. Because real life won’t happen until they have peace. Additionally, this isn’t about spouse. This post is about understanding character. I don’t get women who want an untrustworthy person. And that’s what cheaters are… I dont love how TA mentions affair partner by name but realistically I think it’s part of Affair partners reality and if she didn’t like it she shouldn’t have had an affair.

      Regardless, people heal differently, and TA needs someplace to vent this out. And shes raising two strong kids and battling cancer and if she wants to blog about the callous choices thrust upon her by her at the time husband and how it continues to mess with her everyday…. that’s her prerogative. It’s not hurting you so I don’t get why you need to hate on.

      • Thank you. Sorry you don’t like that I named Janice. I know it sparked controversy at the time for sure and it was how my ex and Janice discovered my blog (I guess she googled her name or someone did). I didn’t know she would ever know I named her. I did it for me, not to hurt her. It is interesting though in this “me too” and “times-up” movement that naming names has become important. The victims used to protect their perpetrators. By naming them, it gave them their power back. I hope naming Janice catches the attention of other would-be cheaters who might think, “Ya, I don’t want to ever be called out for cheating, so I just won’t do it.”

      • I understand. I actually don’t mind it, for her, it’s that it makes it easier to identify your children and you, but that’s your choice. I don’t think i would name names because I am trying to not have it be worth it to em, but healing is different for many.

    • I agree with the “meal ticket” thought. When I told Janice Andrew’s husband she was having an affair with my husband, he did tell me that he had no money for her to go after in their separation. He said that she would have to pay him. She saw that my husband was a partner in the company they both work at so that probably made her feel like she had status, too. He bought her gifts and meals on my credit card that I ended up paying for in full. I know that she saw $$$ signs and I believe that financial security was definitely one of the attractions. My ex tends to throw money to impress. He would pay the entire bill a lot of times when we would go out with other couples for no reason. When we first separated, I got stuck with a $800 credit card charge from a bar when his cousin was in town and he took her, his girlfriend and other friends out to dine and drink. That was what prompted me to cancel his credit card. I have no idea how he affords a girlfriend, an ex-wife and 2 kids. Guess that is why I have to chase him down in court to get him to pay his support and Special Expense requirements. I hope that Janice Andrews ends up having to support his guy, too, even more so than her last husband.

      • Oh, my darling “ex” was writing his tramp checks for $1,000.00 “to pay her taxes” out of our joint checking account. He was buying her gifts, paying for her beer and who knows what else? Now, according to word about town, he’s shacking up with her in her house that has no stove and no washing machine and dryer. He’s always whining about having no money, yet he’s taken her to Denmark and Norway, on a cruise and they take regular “vacations.” Poor thing. Kind of makes me smile, knowing that he’s living in squalor. LOLOL

  3. My ex’s other woman made the “come up” after he left me and the kids for her. She was already a single mom with a little baby and I guess she upped the stakes when he was obviously complaining to her about how “unhappy” he was in our marriage. So, she was younger, living with her parents and she saw a man who “needed a good woman” (so what if he was married, right?) and she saved him and he saved her. Yet, he won’t leave me alone either. even after moving in together, getting pregnant and having another baby, and planning a wedding to this other woman, he won’t leave me alone. He won’t stop taking me to court for stupidity. And he won’t stop trying to get out of his responsibilities. I mean, when you write it on paper, he won, right? He got the better girl, a new family, and is about to get married to the love of his life. So why continue battling with me? Let me rephrase that, why continue to START battles with me? Cause I leave him all the way alone, don’t bother him for NADA! So there has got to be some truth in that statement, he has not moved on, nor is he completely in love because if our exes were, they would stay the heck outta our lives.

    • He definitely didn’t get the better girl and he knows it or he would be long gone from your life. Adding a new baby to the mix and a child that isn’t his will not make his life easier or happier. Those things are expensive, stressful, take time away from him and his needs and mama will be too tired to do anything about it.

      He might need to take you to court in hopes he can finance his new life through you.

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