adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, Christianity, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, lying, marriage

How “the other woman” Thinks: Part I

I often wonder about what would make another woman justify in her mind that it is okay to sleep with a married man.

I am sure most women have experienced flirting and come-ons from men in committed relationships.  I find it is the most repugnant characteristic.  There is nothing about that behavior that makes me think, “Yes, you are the man I want to be with.”  I don’t find it flattering, it doesn’t make me think I am better than his wife in any way, it doesn’t make me feel desirable.  It only makes me think, “Creep. I feel sorry for your wife. She deserves better.”

I am a woman so I am trying to understand another woman’s thinking.  Janice Andrews was either pursued by my husband or she pursued him.  They each conveyed somehow to each other that even though we are married (Janice was living with her spouse in a 12-year common-law marriage), we are open and available to each other.

I hold my ex husband 100% responsible for straying and for leading Janice Andrews astray regardless of the semantics of how it all began.  He knew better. He studied the bible shortly after we married, was baptized as an adult, vowed to follow Jesus, lead ministries and studied the bible with other men, counseling them in their lives and marriages. He saw the consequences first hand of marriages destroyed by infidelity. He knew the pain caused to families and the struggle for relationships to continue after cheating.

At some point though he began to live a lie to pursue cheating himself.  It was before he met Janice because after discovering his affair with her I searched deeper.  I found that his pursuit of an affair had started at least a year before we moved to British Columbia. That was 4 years before he began to work with Janice. Even though he was clearly professing his love and lust for Janice to her via texts, he was at the same time flirting and making plans with other women as well.   He was casting out his net.   Initially, at least, he wasn’t going to be limited just because he caught fish Janice.  But what made her bite?

Janice’s own retweet of DeAndre Page from November 16, 2017 may offer an explanation: “think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”  It is the Law of Attraction. Whatever vibe he was putting out, she was lured.  She seems to have been putting out the same vibe with her willingness to cheat on her spouse.  Maybe deception vibes run on a different frequency path than loyal and faithful vibes.  After all, Satan knows how to light things up to make it look and feel more exciting than God’s promises.

Let’s explore other thoughts from Janice that could provide some insight into a mind that might need to try and justify her need to feed her own desires over consideration of the lives of other people.

Advertisements
Standard
adultery, Betrayal, Bible, cheating, children, Christianity, deceit, divorce, God, infidelity, lies, other woman, separation

David and Bathsheba

The reason I think that commenter “Sally” is most likely my husband is because his (Sally’s) arguments for himself (Sally) are always skewed in the most narcissistic way showing himself favour and steering away from anything that points negatively in his direction.

He (Sally) commented October 26, 2015, under the “What are you trying to create” post:

   “King David was an adulterer. Even had the husband of the woman he desired killed for his own benefit. God still loved him and he was thought of as being a man after God’s own heart. One of Israel’s greatest Kings.”

My husband is trying to justify and defend his act of adultery by suggesting that God sees things differently than those of us who have been betrayed by the same act. He tries to minimize his infidelity and elevate himself higher than King David by pointing out that he at least didn’t kill Janice’s husband.  But what my husband chooses to ignore is how God really felt about David’s actions and the devastating resulting consequences of his adultery. Just as Satan and the Pharisees did before David Cherrie, he twists scripture to his benefit to build a case for arguing that cheating is no big deal.

King David and Bathsheba is a sad story showing how sin can start, the depths one will go to in order to deceive and hide their sin for their own protection and that the sinner can’t even recognize his own actions needing the help of others to point it out.

The story is found in 2 Samuel 11 – 12.

How did God really feel about David’s act of adultery?

“But the thing David had done displeased the Lord.” (2 Samuel 11:27)

“This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites.” (2 Samuel 12: 7-9)

Consequences?

Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’”11 “This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’”…because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.” (2 Samuel 12:10-12)

There are comparisons to be made between King David and David Cherrie.  In Samuel 11:1, we learn that King David was supposed to be off at war with his men, yet we find him instead in the comfort of his palace and bed.  When he saw Bathsheba bathing he didn’t turn away. Instead, he inquired about her and was told she was married yet sent for her and slept with her anyway.  In the same way, David Cherrie was supposed to be either working or home with his family. Yet he made up lies to go and be with Janice instead. He knew she was in a 12-year common-law relationship yet he pursued her anyways.  In the same way Janice can be compared to Bathsheba. They both did inappropriate things to get noticed by their pursuer. Both knowingly betrayed their husband and slept with each David then went back home to their spouse.  Both Davids were superiors in their lives taking advantage of their position, King and boss.

After King David found out Bathsheba was pregnant he tried to get her husband to go home and sleep with her so he would think the baby was his own. But Uriah was too loyal to King David and his men who were fighting in war and stayed with the servants at the palace gate instead of going to eat, drink and sleep with his wife. King David tried to get him drunk the next night for the same purpose but Uriah remained faithful to his King and his men. When that didn’t work King David sent him to the front line to fight and be killed. Other men went to help him fight so innocent lives in King David’s army were killed too. David Cherrie was equally as desperate to cover up his adultery in the lies he told and accusations he tried to place on me. He had no problem slaughtering innocent lives like his wife, children, family, friends, Janice’s husband and their family and friends just to keep up his life of sin and to keep his adultery hidden.

Both David Cherrie and King David were cold as stone afterwards.  King David’s response to the death of Uriah and the innocent men who were fighting for him is, “Don’t be upset. The sword devours one as well as another.”  David Cherrie’s response was “Everybody saw it coming. I’ve been unhappy for 8 years.” Both statements are just callous misrepresentations of the true motive to justify their selfish actions.

It took the prophet Nathan to come to King David to share a parable about another terribly selfish and cruel man for King David to understand how God viewed his adultery. King David was indignant by Nathan’s story and his response reveals what he thinks his own punishment should be for his act of adultery, “David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.” (2 Samuel 12:5-6)  Nathan’s response is, “You are the man!” (2 Samuel 12:7)

God kept his word. Although David Cherrie will only see the good in King David and the blessings in his life and want to compare himself to King David suggesting all was well in his life post-affair, that is not true. God let the baby son of King David and Bathsheba die 7 days after he was born. God did not bless their sin. Amnon, David’s eldest son by Ahinoam (1 Chron. 3:1), raped his half-sister, Tamar. Two years afterward, Absalom, the king’s son by Maacah (2 Sam. 3:3), had Amnon murdered (2 Sam. 13). Then, later, Absalom “stole the hearts of the men of Israel,” rebelled against his father, and was ultimately killed by Joab (2 Sam. 18). Prior to being killed, Absalom rose up against King David causing him to have to flee the palace. Interestingly, Absalom pitched his tent on King David’s roof (the same place King David had watched Bathsheba bathe) and then took all of David’s concubine for his own in front of everyone. And even after David’s death, Adonijah, the king’s son by Haggith (2 Sam. 3:4), was slain by Solomon (1 Kgs. 2:24-25). A truly bloody price was paid for King David’s lust and violence.

Fast forward to the new testament when Matthew chronicles the genealogy of Christ.  Matthew 1:6 logs, “and Jesse the father of King David. David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah’s wife”. Centuries later it is recorded that Solomon was the product of adultery. Bathsheba’s name isn’t even mentioned as his mother because she rightfully belonged to someone else and we are reminded of this fact by her husband’s name appearing instead.

In summary, David Cherrie wants to gloss over his adultery and believe it is okay; that God will turn a blind eye. It is not acceptable in the eyes of God nor in the eyes of the majority of people who know what he did. David Cherrie may very well be the modern day King David. God certainly blessed him with everything he wanted and yet his ingratitude, greed, selfishness and lust led him away from God. There has never been any repentance by David Cherrie. I wonder what agonizing consequences will continue to follow David and Janice as a result of their adultery. Like it took the prophet Nathan to show King David who he really is especially in the eyes of God, it may take the comments of other people on this blog to be prophets in David Cherrie’s life by sharing their stories about the hurt of adultery and by continuing to comment on posts with their insights and truths. David and Janice are reading it. Maybe one day they will actually see themselves as they really are and take responsibility for their actions. Even if they don’t, it is recorded here for history.

*Thank you Wayne Jackson for helping me to easily summarize the consequences of David’s sin from the Christian Courier in your article, “Does the Case of David and Bathsheba Justify Adultery Today?”

y

 

Standard
adultery, Betrayal, cheating, children, Commitment, divorce, God, infidelity, marriage

What are you trying to create?

When you say, “I do” and declare it publicly to your partner in front of all of your friends and family, promising to be faithful, for better or worse, till death do us part and announce this in a church in the presence of God, signing the marriage certificate witnessed by your chosen best man and best woman so it can be filed as public record of your declaration to each other, you set a trajectory in motion that changes your future. All of the choices you now make are based on your vows.  And so they should be.  That was what you wanted and knew to be right with the new life you chose to live together.

When you get baptized, shortly after your marriage, confessing that Jesus is Lord in your life, died for your sins, was buried and raised on the third day and do so after studying the bible and implementing the teachings in your life because you experience the difference it makes and you want to make a difference in the lives of others, you set a trajectory in motion that changes your future. All of the choices you now make are based on your conviction.  And so they should be.  That was what you wanted for the good of your life and what you knew to be right.

Who would ever want to be the person who breaks their vow to God, breaks the promise and trust of their spouse, lets down their children and fails to be everything they proclaim to be to their friends, family, children, coworkers and people who are watching their life and doctrine closely.  No one wants to be the king who couldn’t finish building the tower or the person who knocks on the door and God doesn’t know who they are.  Why do we take actions then and choose behaviours that work against our commitments?

Commitment to marriage and to God is not easily undone. Try dissolving a marriage and tearing apart lives that were built together.  It is not a simple, easy, fast or inexpensive process.  It is not void of emotion, complication, legalities, turmoil, pain and strife for all parties involved. Try leaving God and making selfish decisions now that you know separate you from the Being who was most important in your life, that created you in His image, the entity you claim is the Creator of Earth and all living things, is the Father, the Great I Am, the Lord and Saviour. Life never seems to go so well when someone makes decisions against what they believe to be right. We’ve witnessed it with people in our lives and with public figures.

How does anyone, who knows what they know to be true, choose to purposely make things go so wrong in their life? There has to be an internal battle that eventually manifests physically, emotionally or mentally, when you live a life that is contrary to the one you declared publicly that you intended to live. This sets your life on a different path that you some how think will lead to happiness but the bible tells us in 2 Peter 2:21 that it would be better off for people to have never known than to turn their backs on what they knew to be right.

Do we just lose sight of our commitment and the possibilities of what we were trying to achieve? Why did we choose to go against what we were committed to? What would have been the next step in our life that we wanted to avoid? What did we need to stop from happening? Why were we willing to take action to cause destruction ensuring it couldn’t happen? What were we so afraid of that the alternative is our current situation? What was so bad that we chose to hurt so many others in the process just to try to protect ourselves? Yet, didn’t we hurt ourselves the most?

If divorce is the answer to happiness and you want someone out of your life and have taken legal action to make it happen, why would anyone now thwart actions to finalize exactly what they want? Why would someone resist the process for 2 years and then refuse to honour the mediation agreement that they know is to their financial benefit? Why would they not complete the actions that are part of the legal agreement that they signed with their lawyer such as forwarding the other person’s share of  RRSP money? Why would they refuse to provide their share of expenses they agreed to pay when all supporting documentation confirming the expenses is in their hands?  Why would someone make phony accusations to the police against the person they don’t want anything to do with? Why would they get their friends involved with a person they want out of their life? Why would anyone’s friends want to be involved? Why keep attaching the energy around you to someone that you want gone? Why continue to try and submit claims through the other person’s medical and dental insurer instead of getting your own coverage because why would you want to contact the person you supposedly want out of your life to say they owe you claim money? Why can they not take action to separate everything from the other person’s life? Why haven’t they filed for divorce?

There has to come a point when you stop and ask yourself, “What am I trying to create?” It is a lot of racket and chaos but what is really going on here?  Is it that you don’t want a divorce?  Is that why you created a fake persona on my blog using my identity saying things like “I forgive you” and “we are back together”.  Is that what you really want to hear out of my mouth so you made that happen on my blog? Is that why you were trying to list men’s names and say things about me sleeping with them hoping to get a reaction out of me just to see if it was true? Why create so much energy in reactive, angry, spiraling behaviour when none of these things should even matter to you because you have moved on and in your mind it is a fictional tale.

If I discovered a blog about me I wouldn’t have told a soul. If anyone found it I would have just said, “Yes, he clearly is hurt and angry over things and I will just chose to not comment on his interpretation of the facts.” End of story. I certainly wouldn’t have responded and I would not read entries. There would be no benefit to me.  Why feed something you hope dies? I would never have created fake names to comment on posts and I would never dream of asking my friends to do that. I would never make up lies about the author and publicly try to smear their character. How would hurting the other person benefit me? It would only hurt me.

There has to come a point when you decide: “I want this divorce so these are the actions I have to take in order to live in peace with my ex; to surround my children with love, protection and security; to meet my children’s needs on every level; to honour my legal obligations so I can be a man of integrity and keep my word.  I have broken trust with my ex and children so many times but I am going to keep my word and honour my agreements. Therefore, I need to follow the decisions I have made to ensure this happens as quickly as possible. I created this situation but I want to stop creating negativity and I don’t want to perpetuate it further.  I have created so much hurt, pain and expense with my actions and I now need to minimize that as much as I can control. I need to take responsibility for what I created and do whatever I can to help everyone that I hurt heal so I can heal, too. ”

If this is what you want, everything else you have been creating is counter-intuitive.  If it isn’t what you want, you better start thinking what you do want and work to create that in your life.  No progress will be made otherwise. Fence sitting is not moving forward.

Standard