adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, Christianity, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, lying, marriage

How “the other woman” Thinks: Part I

I often wonder about what would make another woman justify in her mind that it is okay to sleep with a married man.

I am sure most women have experienced flirting and come-ons from men in committed relationships.  I find it is the most repugnant characteristic.  There is nothing about that behavior that makes me think, “Yes, you are the man I want to be with.”  I don’t find it flattering, it doesn’t make me think I am better than his wife in any way, it doesn’t make me feel desirable.  It only makes me think, “Creep. I feel sorry for your wife. She deserves better.”

I am a woman so I am trying to understand another woman’s thinking.  Janice Andrews was either pursued by my husband or she pursued him.  They each conveyed somehow to each other that even though we are married (Janice was living with her spouse in a 12-year common-law marriage), we are open and available to each other.

I hold my ex husband 100% responsible for straying and for leading Janice Andrews astray regardless of the semantics of how it all began.  He knew better. He studied the bible shortly after we married, was baptized as an adult, vowed to follow Jesus, lead ministries and studied the bible with other men, counseling them in their lives and marriages. He saw the consequences first hand of marriages destroyed by infidelity. He knew the pain caused to families and the struggle for relationships to continue after cheating.

At some point though he began to live a lie to pursue cheating himself.  It was before he met Janice because after discovering his affair with her I searched deeper.  I found that his pursuit of an affair had started at least a year before we moved to British Columbia. That was 4 years before he began to work with Janice. Even though he was clearly professing his love and lust for Janice to her via texts, he was at the same time flirting and making plans with other women as well.   He was casting out his net.   Initially, at least, he wasn’t going to be limited just because he caught fish Janice.  But what made her bite?

Janice’s own retweet of DeAndre Page from November 16, 2017 may offer an explanation: “think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”  It is the Law of Attraction. Whatever vibe he was putting out, she was lured.  She seems to have been putting out the same vibe with her willingness to cheat on her spouse.  Maybe deception vibes run on a different frequency path than loyal and faithful vibes.  After all, Satan knows how to light things up to make it look and feel more exciting than God’s promises.

Let’s explore other thoughts from Janice that could provide some insight into a mind that might need to try and justify her need to feed her own desires over consideration of the lives of other people.

adultery, Betrayal, cheating, Christianity, divorce, infidelity, marriage

Do angels feel pain?

My older daughter texted me from university with this question, “Angels can suffer right? Like feel pain or die or be sad?”

“Well”, I said. They were created by God but I don’t know about them dying. I don’t think they can die because they are in heaven with God. Although Satan was found to be wicked and got kicked out of heaven, but he’s still alive causing destruction on earth. I don’t know if Satan feels like he is suffering or not as a result of God casting him out. He rules the world and probably feels very successful in that sense. I am guessing they can feel. Satan is described as the most beautiful angel, esd ordained by God and believed he should be higher than God. He must be able to feel in order to be so prideful. I am guessing he can feel because he hates us and it must make him happy to hurt us or why not just follow God?”

My daughter responded, “He got kicked out because he was jealous of God’s love of humans and because of that disobeyed right?” Then she asked another totally unrelated question about coming home this weekend and we didn’t talk about it further. I followed up with her a couple of days later to see if she figured it all out and what prompted the question.  It was for a debate she was working on in her Philosophy class.  She had to respond in an atheist point of view.

I don’t know how you respond to a question about angels in an atheist point of view except to say they don’t exist but it got me thinking about Satan. I remembered how in Job he was “roaming in and out of the earth” and when I read it again (Job 1-6) it says in the NIV that he was “going back and forth on it.”  I wonder how many times in the past few years Satan has been going back and forth over my life. I honestly don’t think there is anything he can do to me to shake my faith in God, or God’s love for me, and promised plan to prosper me (favourite scripture has always been Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”.) but I sure don’t want to tempt Satan to bring it on! I feel like I’ve had enough.

As I write this, the song in the background repeats, “If I lose myself I lose it all.” (Naughty Boy, ‘Runnin’ ft. Beyoncé)

I remember talking to my husband about his affair in a spiritual light.  I reminded him that after Satan tempted Jesus while he was in the desert for 40 days that he was unsuccessful and left until a more “opportune time.” (Matthew 4: 1 – 11) I suggested that Satan knew everything going on in Dave’s life, heart and mind–probably because he was whispering in his ear, and it was the opportune time to trip him up. I reminded him that Ephesians 4:27 commands, “…and do not give the devil a foothold.”  Dave let the door open for Satan even just a crack. That was all Satan needed to stick his foot in and kick it wide open.  Dave responded to me saying, “Or maybe we just did a lousy job at taking care of our marriage.”  I didn’t think so.

If you think spiritually and stay spiritual and have spiritual people guiding you and supporting you in your life, there are spiritual solutions for infidelity.  Not easy ones because although I can’t respond for angels I know for sure that as humans we do suffer. We do feel sadness and we do feel pain.  We do die physically and can feel like we are dying of a broken heart. We can still be alive but experience spiritual death, separation from God, which for a Christian is supposed to be more painful than physical death.  I think that is why as much as the bible makes it clear that God hates divorce, knowing us as humans, he allows infidelity as the only reason for divorce to be granted. How hard it would be to stay with someone who betrayed you.

Comfort on earth in all of this–angels!  I have had many angels show up in various forms to me during these last 3 years. And it is confirmed in Matthew 4:11. When Satan failed to tempt Jesus, Satan went away at Jesus’ command. When Satan left Jesus, “angels came and attended him.”

Praying that we all experience the attendance of angels in our life, especially after Satan has played with our lives directly or indirectly.

adultery, cheating, divorce, God

Jesus Cheaters

After Dave’s scripture quoting on August 27, look what I found! Since Dave “Happy” is begging for a new post, this one is for him. 

Time again for Jesus Cheaters

Jesus CheatersWith Josh Duggar in the news, what with his Ashley Madison accounts, and recent 6-month sentencing to the Gulagsex addiction re-education camp, I thought it was time again to trot out my post on Jesus Cheaters.

(Originally, this column was a spinoff of “Don’t Date This Person” in which I had forgotten Jesus cheaters and thus had to devote a whole column to them.)

Here’s to you, Josh! — Tracy

Could anything be more narcissistic than thinking you speak for God?

I realize the other major world religions have their versions of Jesus Cheaters too. Christianity doesn’t have the market cornered on hypocritical douchebags. But that said, I do think the New Testament lends itself to a certain sort of spackle that the disordered love to exploit.

So — you asked for it — here are the Jesus cheaters!

Phillip Forgiveness — God has spoken to Phillip and forgiven him, so I think you should too. Phillip forgives himself! So what’s your problem? He prayed on this! We’re all good! I think you need to cast out the demons of bitterness and get over it. Jesus told Phillip that’s what Jesus would do.

Holier Than Holly — Holly has slept with half the choir and most of the finance committee. She doesn’t understand why God made you so ugly that you can’t keep your man. She’s just trying to sustain these men from the affliction of your inadequacies. Holly considers herself a saver of marriages, really. If it weren’t for the Wake Up Call of Infidelity to make you realize how much you suck, you never would’ve tried to improve. You can thank her. I think you should.

Deacon Dan  Don’t let the sweater vest fool you. Dan’s a pervert.

Martyre Martha — You weren’t meeting her emotional needs. But Bob on the liturgy committee, he understands. You have such a dirty mind! They went to that hotel for BIBLE STUDY. Martha is a SPIRITUAL person, unlike you. Of course you wouldn’t understand because you’ve never wanted her to be happy. You’re jealous of her relationship with God… and Bob.

Ezekiel Love Bunny —  Ezekiel would like a hug. And another longer lingering one. Maybe a kiss? Hey, Ezekiel is just that kind of guy! Friendly! Would you begrudge someone FRIENDS? You’re so withholding. Can Ezekiel help it if people like him better than they like you? Maybe it’s because you’re so uptight. You should work on that. He’ll be sending you some scripture to meditate on while he’s out with his “friends.”

Amazing Grace — God saved a wretch like her. Was she stealing opiates from sick people? Did she lift your wallet? Well, that’s all in the past. Why won’t you put her on the finance committee? Are you going to hold those youthful embezzlement charges against her? That was THEN. Before God’s grace! Don’t you believe in Grace?

Willy We’re-All-Sinners! An emotional assassin whose weapon of choice is the false equivalency. Did Willy cheat? Well you don’t load the dishwasher right! We’re all sinners. Ye without sin cast the first stone. You make mistakes too and we’re all equal before the eyes of God. Did he mention how much you SUCK at loading the dishwasher? Because you do, but he was too much of a Christian to mention it before.