Category Archives: cheating

wife discovers cheating husband emails to other woman

adultery, affair, cheating, children, divorce, Father/daughter relationship, infidelity, parenting after separation, rejection, selfishness, separation, single parent

Dad/Daughter Time and the Other Woman?

When my ex and I lived together, in marriage, with our 2 children, we enjoyed a variety of family activities every week. We also recognized that it was important for us, within that week, to have one-on-one time with each other, no kids. As well, we both agreed that within that week, it was important for both of us to spend individual time with each of our daughters, “dates”, separately. That personal relationship with each of our children was so important and foundational for building our individual relationships with them.

So why is it that my ex saw the value of spending one-on-one time with each of his daughters when he lived with them and he saw them every day but cannot spend time alone with them now when he sees them at best once/week? When that time is so little, why does Janice Andrews feel the need to inject herself in the midst of their relationship especially when it is the only time that my daughter has to see her dad (his choice, not hers)?

Lately, if my daughter does see her dad, it is to go for a walk. Three weeks ago she told me she was meeting her dad at 1 pm. I was shocked when she walked back through the door and it was 1:37 pm. I asked if her dad bailed on her but she said, “No, he came.” And then she asked me if we could go to Starbucks. I commented, “Well that was a pretty quick walk. Why didn’t you ask dad to go to Starbucks?” She had no answer. And of course I took her to Starbucks.

Her dad doesn’t even come and pick her up for their date. Our house is on the way to the beach where they walk. If Covid is the excuse they can each wear masks in his vehicle and even roll down the window. It is a short drive down the street. My daughter drives to meet him and he had her doing this as soon as she got her license which was pre-covid. I asked if he wears his mask when they walk together and she said that he doesn’t but Janice does because she has compromised health. So why does Janice Andrews even bother to go?

This women has proven time and time again that she is nothing but incredibly selfish and self-centered. She has no children so maybe she is just clueless. Maybe she is jealous; maybe she is insecure. Who knows? This is a woman who pursued a married man with kids, had no problem tearing apart a family, and invited my ex back to her house while her husband was away and slept with him in their bed. She is morally inept. I don’t know if she is amoral or immoral but this woman is base. I am guessing she celebrated Valentine’s Day with her husband in 2013 because mine celebrated with me, even though they also celebrated together on that weekend. She went to a Valentine’s dinner with my husband who gave her a gift that she asked him to exchange because she wanted a different, more expensive, Pandora charm than the one he gave her. So yep, this is a woman who cannot allow a dad a half hour walk with his daughter without creeping along beside them because some how it has to do with her.

My ex didn’t see my daughter for another 2 weeks. On the third week they walked again, exact same scenario, same place, same time, same masked Janice towing along, and my daughter was home at 2:00 p.m. If I hadn’t been heading out the door, I would have gone to Starbucks again with her because I feel like the time she spends with her dad and Janice just leaves her empty.

I have dated men with children and men that actually live with their kids or at least have them one week on and one week off. A man who does not have a relationship with his children is a huge red flag for me. I have never interfered with any activities that these dads and their kids were doing together. As as matter of fact, of these men, I have only been involved with the minor child of one. When I was dating a man who lived with his daughter I would go to their place and sometimes have dinner with them. The daughter came to my place at least once because she wanted to ask me if I would look after her cats for a couple of days. I helped them with a garage sale. I went with her dad to see where she worked as he was dropping off lunch for her (she gave me a tour) and I went with her dad to cheer her on at one sporting event, and that was it over a 2-year period. He got plenty of one-on-one time with his daughter, I never made it about me, and he saw her every day.

It could very well be that my ex knows he has been a shit dad and is just putting his time card in the slot to check off that he saw his kid, in case someone asks. It is a superficial relationship at best that he has single handedly destroyed with betrayal, maltreatment, callousness and neglect. He does not know his daughter and maybe it is extremely awkward and uncomfortable for him to be alone with her. Or maybe he and Janice have great plans on Sunday and have places to go before and after he checks off “dad stuff”. Janice certainly couldn’t just drive herself to meet him afterwards. It is okay for my daughter to have to do that but not for Janice.

Regardless, it is always now just about him; just about them. Mr. Dolittle with his masked Ms. Didenough.

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adultery, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, infidelity, loss, marriage breakdown, yoga

The Never Not Broken Goddess

My friend, Amy, shared this with me:

“I want to introduce you to one of the most badass goddesses out there. She’s lesser known, but quite honestly I believe it’s because she is the most feared, for she actually rides fear itself, firmly on the back of a fierce crocodile. Her name?

Akhilandesvari: The Never Not Broken Goddess

You know those moments when we have felt/feel like we are falling apart? When what we have known seems to be coming apart at the seams, we have little to no comfort, and we are nothing but a crumpled mess on the floor?

Yes, we all do.

And Akhilandesvari teaches us that in these moments, we are more powerful than we’ve ever been.

Akhilandesvari lives for the breaking apart. She derives her power from being broken, in flux, pulling herself apart, living in different constant selves at the same time, from never becoming a whole that has limitations.

This broken is not one of weakness or terror. This broken is the kind that tears apart all the stuff that gets us stuck in toxic routines, repeating the same relationships or habits over and over, rather than diving into the scary process of trying something new and unfathomable.

When we break apart, Akhilandesvari cheers, because she says now we get to make a choice. Your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new way and this is an incredibly powerful opportunity to CHOOSE how you want to put yourself back together as YOU would like to.

Oh yes, and she does all that before she heads to the river and selects her ride: the crocodile.

Crocodiles represent our reptilian brain, where we feel fear. And their predatory power is that they pluck their prey from the banks of the river and spin it until it is beyond disoriented.

By riding on this spinning, predatory, fearsome creature, Akhilandesvari refuses to reject her fear, nor does she let it control her. She rides on it. She gets on this animal that lives inside the river, inside the flow, and uses its power to navigate the waters and waves.”

So if things seem scary right now because life is going in the complete opposite direction to what seemed expected, and you find yourself having to do things you never thought you would have to do, that is perfect for someone like Akhilandesvari.

Amy told me to harness that and ride it. And if it doesn’t work, perfect, break apart and put yourself back together again as many times as you like.

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adultery, cheating, divorce, infidelity, Male abuse of power and wealth, moving on, other woman

40-Day Sadhana Practice

I am participating in a Sadhana challenge. This is a daily spiritual practice to support clarity on my San Kalpa (personal intention) and align my actions with my deepest and truest dreams and desires. A friend of mine is giving me direction and guidance that I can harness any way that I like. I will share more about the practice and if anyone would like to follow I would be so interested to hear about your experience.

Today I didn’t even look at the direction until 6 pm. I spent the day helping a friend pack for a big move. It was my 3rd 7-hour day at his place over the Christmas break. When we sat down to eat dinner I saw that the title of today’s practice was “Pleasure, Presence, and Purpose.”

With respect to Purpose I was asked to notice what I feel when I move with a sense of purpose. What does it look like? Is it a feeling, is it how people respond to me? Is it engaging in a project that feels in line with a sense of who I am in the world? Just notice.

Volunteering and serving others is a huge part of my purpose. It is a part of who I am; it is what I do on a regular basis.

With respect to Pleasure the direction was to engage in something pleasurable today. After standing, bending and lifting for 7 hours it felt so good to sit down. I noticed how my muscles craved to be stretched. I mentioned to my friend that it had been 9 months since I soaked in a hot tub and I really missed it. Then I commented that I haven’t even had a bath in about 6 months. I decided that was what I was going to do for pleasure. But when I got home I felt too tired to even bother. I put away some Christmas decorations and thought about just going to bed when I found a pile of mail that I had set aside and forgot about. It was a month old. I opened one envelope. It was from my sister and was fat so I thought it was photos. I was shocked to open it up and find a package of bubble bath. She put a note on it with my name “Enjoy a day in the bath”. I immediately left the other mail, ran a bath with the packet from my sister, lit a candle and stayed there for a good hour. When I was finished I opened the box of my favourite chocolate that my daughter gave me for Christmas and ate 4 pieces enjoying it thoroughly.

With respect to Presence the direction was to simply take 10 minutes to notice–sensations, sounds, feelings, thoughts staying fully aware of what happens in that time. I did that in the bathtub. I was in awe of how my practice today was supported by surrendering to things unfolding. I thought of other very specific times in my life that the universe made it entirely clear to me what my next decision, action or step needed to be. I am very excited for what awaits me as I move forward into 2021.

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adultery, breach of contract, cheating, child support, infidelity, legal proceedings, separation, Supreme Court of British Columbia

Court Settlement Agreement–$155,000

Shocker!  My ex showed up at court.  He has never attended a hearing for any court application that I have had to file due to his breach of contract.  There were two hearings in 2016 and this was the 4th hearing for the application that I filed in December 2018.  He never attended any of them. When I saw him, my heart started beating out of my chest.  I thought, “What tricks are he and his lawyer up to this time?”

For about 2 1/2 hours he had to sit and listen to how his behaviour was “egregious” and “inappropriate”.  After our last hearing in October 2019, the judge ordered him to pay the child support amount he owed after filing his 2018 taxes. He did not comply.   He never did provide an accounting of what happened to the RESP money for our children.  He never provided any banking information about his rental property, just receipts showing maintenance that was required on the property.  He tried to show losses but failed to provide an accounting for any rental income. He listed the value of his share of the rental property as $40,000 yet he conveniently sold it to a business partner, the day after our January 2019 hearing, for just $4,500.  He also failed to provide documentation surrounding other income he received during his employment.

His lawyer had no submissions.  His lawyer didn’t have much of a defense for my ex’s behaviour except to say that he could have done better with his accounting and that he knew he owed me support payments and had no problem with my lawyer’s numbers.  Yet, he chose not to pay the arrears.  He could have made a “Without Prejudice” payment as far back as December 2018 when he acknowledged his income increased significantly.

Instead, his lawyer tried to discredit my character by saying that my 2019 tax return failed to show all of the support that I received in 2019.  My ex didn’t even show up to court with a completed 2019 tax return (despite the reason we are at court is that he failed to exchange tax information with me, as per our agreement,  for 3 years, now 4 years, knowing his income increased every year) and yet they are picking apart mine, an area that does not even affect anything that my ex owes?

I could see my lawyer’s frustration and she explained to my ex’s lawyer and the judge that I have no idea what the actual support amount should be because my ex failed to provide the information for it to be calculated. The judge agreed and indicated that it is between me and my accountant and is irrelevant.

At the time I filed my taxes, I had no idea what the support amounts were as my ex hadn’t completed a tax return for 2016, 2017 and 2018.  The judge was not able to rule on spousal support owing until my ex provided the accounting he had requested which he did not.  The judge ordered my ex increase support payments to me by paying $8000/month until spousal support could be calculated.  My ex couldn’t even manage to obey that order for an entire year and arbitrarily decided to reduce the payment by $800/month just in time for Xmas,  I filed my taxes with a support amount as per our last court order. If he is ordered to pay more for subsequent years then there is a specific CRA form my ex is required to complete. I have to submit that and have my taxes recalculated for all of the years so that I am not unfairly penalized in the tax year I receive an arrears lump sum amount.

The judge mentioned three ways he could award me and penalize my ex for his conduct.  He mentioned applying interest to the outstanding support payment.  He mentioned not allowing my ex to receive the tax deduction for spousal support and not requiring me to have to claim the lump sum spousal support figure as taxable income.  He also mentioned my ex having to pay my legal expenses.

Just before the lunch break, the judge did ask us to try to settle the matter because he said that he did not believe the court could grant me the justice I probably deserved.  I learned afterwards that it was unlikely that I would be awarded all three things discussed because the judge would not want to leave it open for my ex to appeal.  If it was deemed to be too punitive towards my ex, he may have a case.

My ex offered to pay the full amount of arrears for spousal and child support for our younger daughter only–$125,782 for spousal and $4016 for our daughter and special expenses of $1716.  (The judge had already ordered him to pay the outstanding child support for our younger daughter in the order received in July 2019, which was about $17,000 and he had been paying me around $5000/month more for  the 12 months after our first appearance for the December 2018 court application and then $4200/month more for the last 6 months).  If he had not made any increases, and he only did because I filed the court application, arrears would have been significantly higher. He also agreed to pay $23,486 towards my costs.

Having him acknowledge he owed me costs was important and is reflected in the order so if we have to go back to court again it shows that my ex agreed his conduct was improper.

My lawyer felt that I would receive more if I left it with the judge but last time it took 6 months for a decision and it has never been my intention to punish my ex, no matter how deserving.  Practicing mercy is good for me and even though I thought it might soften his heart and that he might show some humility and appreciation, his actions following this have shown there has been no change in his attitude.  He is digging his heels in further and it is highly likely we will be back in court again.

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, cheating, ego, infidelity, unfaithfulness

Coco the Cat Came Back!

I was on my way to get something out of my bedside table when I saw a little face peering in my window.  I noticed the coloring and saw that she was standing on her hind legs trying to look inside. Coco?  The long hair, her tail…I scanned her and was obviously squealing in delight. It was her! Coco!  I yelled for my daughter who was all ready on her way to my room hearing my excitement.  She told me to calm down that I was so loud. I ran passed her to go to the patio and the little cat came right to me.  I scooped her up, squeezing her and telling her how happy I was to see her. My youngest daughter had followed me outside and we were both loving up on her.  I brought her downstairs to see my oldest daughter who bolted up in her bed when I told her who was in my arms.  I called the owner to make sure she knew she was back. She was gone almost a month.

I was so certain that Coco was dead. I envisioned many scenarios of harm befalling this poor sweet animal.  I relived the horrible sound that jolted me from sleep; the sound of something being killed. I spent days trying to recollect the day that happened. I went over texts to people who I thought that maybe I shared that with to see if there was a timeline that could correlate to Coco’s disappearance.  I shed many tears. I looked for her every day; out my windows, going to my car, driving home.  I prayed but I confessed to God my lack of faith that she was alive.

This situation is a perfect representation of what Eckhart Tolle talks about in A New Earth.

The voice in my head, a thought, created a situation out of my perceptions and emotions that was not true. I was simply observing possible facts: outdoor cat, busy street, fast cars, heavy vehicles, eagles nesting over our houses, cougars, racoons, worry I already had had about her safety, etc.

I was angry with my neighbour, “How could she just let Coco roam around in a dangerous environment. How could she think her cat is too heavy for an eagle to pick up?”

I judged the owner, “I have cats and I would not let them roam the neighbourhood. It is irresponsible.”

I personalized the cat’s disappearance.

Eckhart says, “Every ego confuses opinions and viewpoints with facts. Furthermore, it cannot tell the difference between an event and its reaction to that event.  Every ego is a master of selective perception and distorted interpretation. Only through awareness–not through thinking–can you differentiate between fact and opinion.  Only through awareness are you able to see: There is the situation and here is the anger I feel about it, and then realize there are other ways of approaching the situation, other ways of seeing it and dealing with it.  Only through awareness can you see the totality of the situation or person instead of adopting one limited perspective.”

For the most part, I consider myself aware. After Coco’s disappearance but before she returned, I felt compassion for Coco’s owner.  She put flyers up everywhere and handed them out to each home on our street and in the  large subdivision located behind our houses.  She is a nurse who works long shifts, day and night, and she lives alone in a tiny basement suite.  Of course she loved Coco and didn’t want to leave her inside, alone, for hours on end.  Coco was the neighbourhood cat. She would sleep in another neighbour’s sunroom and in another neighbour’s tree house.  There were 2 other outdoor cats, Max and Minnie, and the 3 of them would congregate in my backyard.  The other 2 were still present. It broke my heart when I heard my neighbour out calling Coco’s name. I put on my shoes and went to her to offer support and encouragement.  I told her that my cat escaped and went on an adventure for 7 weeks before coming home. I stopped crying about it.  I also started praying and begging God to please just bring Coco home.

It is just easy sometimes to get caught up in our emotions, our stories and sometimes our perceptions are not real; they are just illusions that we created.  It can rob us from joy and turn us into compulsive thinkers. Coco’s disappearance and return was a huge light bulb reminder that I still need to check in with my ego, especially in times of stress, conflict and emotion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, cheating, desperation, infidelity, Janice Andrews

GLOW

It has been a tougher few months than normal and sadness has crept in.

I was off work for 3 weeks with my hospitalization and recovery and then laid off due to Covid 19.  My youngest daughter’s 19-day trip to Tanzania was cancelled less than 48 hours before she was set to leave.  We moved and with Covid we could not have much outside help. All of my younger daughter’s dance classes, competitions, festivals, shows, and her grade 12 graduation cancelled. School moved to online. My youngest daughter sank into a depression and I couldn’t get her out of bed.  She slept on a bare mattress and did not unpack one single moving box. They were piled around her bed practically burying her inside her room.  My older daughter was suffering her own serious illness and my ex did nothing to help us. Instead he chose to blame and sow division.

One of our unexpected joys after moving was a little cat named Coco.  She would visit and sit at our back door all the time waiting for us to come out and see her. When we got out of our car she would come running to welcome us back home. She would follow us to our car whenever we were going somewhere and she would sit on top of our car when we were home.  My youngest daughter would sit with her on our front porch or our back patio and just pat her and talk to her.  Our cats would sit at the door and wait for her to make an appearance. My older daughter even found her in our garage one night. We were concerned about eagles nesting in the trees by our house and the busy street below our property so we did worry for her.  We wouldn’t let our own cats outside.

A couple of weeks ago I woke up suddenly to a terrible cry that sounded to me like an animal being killed.  My cat sleeping with me in bed jumped to the window as well.  I didn’t see anything and went outside to see if I could help.  I thought it might have been a cat catching a baby bunny.  A week and a half later my next door neighbour left a poster on our front step that 2 year old Coco was missing.  I burst into tears and so did my older daughter.

There was also the typical angst with my ex who would not provide details of my younger daughter’s RESP. I has having to put money out to accept her offer to attend university and to apply for residence.  He refused to provide any details of how much money was in her account. He would not forward payment for his share of any of the school expenses I was incurring and told me to take it out of child support. It appeared as though he had not only withdrawn all of her RESP money 5 years prior to the fund maturing but that as a result of him doing that we incurred penalties that involved losing the government grant money and all of the interest accumulated from day one. It also appeared by his responses to my inquiry that he had spent whatever was left. There was no money for my daughter to go to university.

The George Floyd killing was the final straw.  I could not stop crying.

In my grief, I contacted one of my favourite friends for help. He has been in the entertainment business since he was 18. He lived in Hollywood for years. He had his own business, wrote a screenplay, directed, produced and was cast in his own movie that was nominated for several awards.  His film won “best documentary” at 3 film festivals as well as the Orson Welles Award.  We reconnected 2 years ago and have had some very memorable dates including one that ended at the house of David Foster’s first wife. Prior to Covid our dates centred around trying to watch all the Oscar nominated movies. He knows me, knows my situation, knows what I like and he knows entertainment.  I needed a Netflix series to escape and his immediate recommendation for me was ‘Glow’–Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.

Season One, Episode 3: The Wrath of Kuntar (pronounced Cunter)

“Men walk in fear through these city streets for it is there you may meet me. And though I am only moderately attractive I am desperate. And there is nothing more dangerous than a desperate woman. And there is no woman more desperate than the Homewrecker.”

 

 

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, ex spouse, Janice Andrews, other woman, reputation, separatiion, unfaithfulness

Smeeps, At least she knows who she is

I am not sure why this just popped into my head. I was doing a jigsaw puzzle with the TV on in the background at 1:15 a.m. and something reminded me of a conversation I had several months ago.

I was at a table with a bunch of people at a large event.  I could see that someone kept leaning forward, three seats down from me, whenever I started to talk, trying to listen to my conversation. We were all just talking randomly about nothing private or personal that I remember, laughing, but I was aware of her interest in me.

People shuffled in to find a seat or out to get food, drink and to use the bathroom.  This woman was now closer to me with someone in between us.  Eventually she leaned forward to introduce herself and to tell me that we share a connection. I exchanged pleasantries with her but in my mind I am processing that she knows who I am because the connection she mentioned was not at the event.

I was up and down a few times myself and when I came back to the table I was seated beside this woman. Finally she tells me, “I know Janice Andrews.”  She was very kind to me and told me how sorry she was and that people initially were shocked to find out about Janice and my ex.  She told me that they later learned that Janice’s intent was very calculated. I did not engage.  I did not know this person or trust this person. I simply  thanked her for seemingly sympathizing with me.  I had no idea what she knew or who she knew it from.  She then asked me if I was on Twitter.  I said that I was not.  She said that Janice goes by the name Smeeps. I remembered that word. I feel like my ex had used that name in his phone as her contact to hide her true identity, ‘Ricky Smeeps’. She asked me if I knew what it meant.  I said that I did not. She said that it is a seductress. I joked something to the effect about Janice at least naming herself appropriately and then thankfully there was more shuffling and I was pulled in one direction and she in another and that was it.  I don’t remember her name and I haven’t seen the friend that we have in common but I would never say anything to her about my encounter anyway.

So tonight, after that popped into my head, I grabbed my phone to look up that word and there it is in the urban dictionary, “highly seducing woman”. The entry is dated March 3, 2009, four years before my separation in March 2013.  I looked down further and there is another definition with the entry of April 19, 2011: “One of those involuntary farts a male gets when his buttocks are in the air with legs spread out and the warm fart gently ruffles his scrotum. Few true smeeps have been recorded in human history. Only the great masters of flatulence can produce such pungent pearls of fragrance.”

Hmmm, I wonder what definition she named herself after?

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adultery, affair, cheating, child support, children, divorce, Family Law, in sickness and in health, legal system, parenting

As I Lay Dying

I had cold symptoms for 2 weeks that started with a sore throat but mostly involved just a dry cough.  I continued to work but towards the end of the first week of symptoms, the cold seemed to move to my right side; I had a swollen eye and my ear was plugged.  Two days later my left eye also was affected.  My eyes were red but it didn’t feel or look like pink eye so  I continued to work through the second week with no improvement but no new symptoms. I was still running, swimming, socializing and found a new place to live for me and my girls for April 1.

Saturday night, February 22, I walked into our downtown and back (an hour total).  It was 10 pm when I returned and I felt a bit chilled.  It had been drizzling, I walked home quickly so just thought I was little sweaty and cooling down. I sat on the couch and put a blanket around me and then I got a bad headache, which is very rare for me. I found some Tylenol but it did nothing. Three hours later I took Ibuprofen.  I was still chilled and shaking and thought I was definitely coming down with the flu.

I continued piggy backing between Tylenol and Ibuprofen getting no relief. I had no appetite all day Sunday and mostly slept but managed to have some soup Sunday night. It did not sit well.  I called in sick for Monday. I slept 10 hours through the night and into the next morning.  Monday at noon I tried to make a smoothie.  I would get up from the couch and put one ingredient in the blender and have to sit back down because I thought I was going to pass out. I did this 3 times for each ingredient. My oldest daughter came home for lunch and blended it for me and brought it to me.  I could barely drink it. I slept and then threw it up.  I was not able to eat anything else after that and by Monday night I couldn’t even keep fluids down. I texted my boss that I was not able to come in Tuesday either.

Late Tuesday morning my boss contacted me to see how I was doing.  I had slept 11 hours, had no energy or appetite and was still nauseous. I told him I thought I should go to the hospital.  He offered to drive me. I told him that I thought I needed to call an ambulance because there was no way I could even sit up to be a passenger in his vehicle, i was still vomiting even though there was nothing in my stomach and I could not envision being able wall into the hospital and wait.

The paramedics tried to measure my pulse and oxygen level in the ambulance. They placed the oximeter on every finger and thumb of each hand and were not able to get a reading.  They took my blood pressure when I arrived at Emergency and it was 82/51. My temperature was 38,3. A nurse was assigned to stay with me and she said she would not leave my side.  They placed me in an isolation room, started IV fluids and they took blood. They moved me to another room where the doctor came and told me that I was a very sick woman.  She said that my kidneys were shutting down. She said for a young woman like me that was very concerning and that I would have to stay in the hospital for at least a couple of days until they figured out what was going on.  They started me on 2 different IV antibiotics.

I remained in Emerg for 11 hours. I texted my girls and my boss and then I had a long time to just lie and think. I thought about my life and was very grateful for the life I had been given and the life that I led.  There was no one that I felt I had wronged and needed to apologize to or that there was anything left unsaid in any of my relationships. I was concerned for my girls and what they would do without me.  We were moving April 1, would they still go; I hoped my ex would pay for their needs but I had my doubts and I wondered how they would pack everything themselves.  I suspected my friends would step in and help. I wondered if my ex and Janice would move into my place and look after my girls but I doubted that. I was disappointed that I never did get the money my ex owed me and wondered what would happen to our court case; maybe my lawyer would carry through on behalf of my estate so she could get her bill paid, too. I wondered if anyone would step in to advocate on behalf of my youngest daughter to ensure she received from her dad everything that she needed and was entitled to receive. I knew there was nothing in him that would say, “I calculate that I owe your mom $117,000. I will provide each of you with half of that money.” Nope, he would be dancing on my grave and would not give up a dime without being ordered by a judge to do so.

These were all just thoughts that didn’t matter. They floated through my mind and left. I never wanted to leave my girls or leave them in a precarious position with a parent who didn’t want to parent but I was content to die. I was at peace. There was nothing I felt I still had to do.  I tried my best to do what was right for me and my girls in the time that I was given and I did my best.  I wondered if anyone at my volunteer job, as an advocate to help others fight poverty, would know what happened to me.  I didn’t want them to think I just quit. I left all my unfinished business behind though and started to focus on the hope of seeing my parents, my grandmother, my dog who just passed in the summer and my pets before him and my very good friend who had just passed 2 months earlier as well as 3 other friends who were in my mind at that time.  As sick as I was, I was ready to let everything on this earth go.

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce, ego, ex spouse, family, graduation, hypocrisy, Janice Andrews, marriage breakdown, separatiion, the other woman

What Reality do they Live–Parallel Universe?

Parallel Universe:

To say there was angst amongst our family prior to the grad is an understatement.

My grad daughter wrote a very mature group email to her dad and me simply expressing her wishes for the day and asking about the plans. Instead of responding to her direct questions my ex started to talk about me “suing” him; the “utter crap” I write in my blog; stating that I have “lied to the kids for years to gain favour”; that I have “lied for financial gain at (his) expense”; that “(his) parents are well aware of (my) actions and they have no interest in spending a second with (me)”;  that “you are disgraceful and will never sit at a table with my family again.” There is much, much more but you get the gist of his rant.

On top of this, I went to his place in person to talk to him.  He saw me and knew I was there yet he sent Janice to answer the door.  I asked to speak with Dave and she said, “No!” She shut the door and walked away. I simply left.  I have never gone to his place in 6 years to talk to him about anything.  As soon as I got home my grad daughter texted me asking if I went to Janice’s place to “confront” her.  Firstly, I didn’t know it was Janice’s place and that he moved in with her, neither did my kids. Secondly, confront her about what? Thirdly, my ex and/or Janice texted my child to involve her in something she didn’t need to know. He put our child in the middle yet again.  They told my grad daughter that I only knew he moved in with Janice because I hacked into one of his accounts. Then they texted my younger daughter accusing her of brining me to Janice’s place.  She knew nothing about it so now both my kids are terrified I am dying or something as they would never think I would go there unless it was a matter of life or death. Not only that, Janice Andrews called the police to report an “incident”. They wanted the police to call me to say that I wasn’t welcome at their place.

My kids were losing sleep, crying and extremely stressed over this entire grad fiasco. And yet when it was all over what does my ex write to both my children?  This:

“Below was a post I read from a woman I’m a friend with on FB. Couldn’t have been said any better. 

When Mike and I divorced things weren’t pretty, feelings were hurt, on both sides…one thing I knew was in-spite of how we ever treated each other, or how ugly things got between us…I took a vow on the day I got married…”in good times and bad”. The bad had happened we divorced our family unit split up…why should that vow cease to matter in divorce? Ego should never be bigger than the love for our children and what is best for them…we don’t have the right to make them uncomfortable, or choose, or see their other parent painted in a bad light fueled by our hate.  I had an amazing day spent with my ex husband sharing “our” daughters graduation.  Family came together… My ex Father in Law and Mike’s ex Mother in law and we sat after all of us and enjoyed a meal together and family photos…creating more memories for our daughter to take along with her for a lifetime. It was her day..she earned it, worked for it…and that’s why we were there to celebrate her and that our efforts combined as her mother and father helped get her there and not create unnecessary obstacles and emotional long term damage along that journey of her life.  I am fortunate to have married a man that in divorce has been able to also put ego aside and love his daughter first and foremost and be a supportive ex husband and friend. Just because. Marriage ends a family does not…relationships don’t end, they change. Their dynamic changes…and we have to ask ourselves what you want that dynamic to look like and is my ego really more important than my child’s overall well being for a lifetime to come…do I want a life time hating and fighting and never winning battle. No body wins…not him, not me, not the children when you spread hate. Just because an ex may have been a bad wife, or bad husband doesn’t mean they are a bad parent…focus on rebuilding even better and not what was lost.  Thanks Mike for being an amazing dad and friend!”

Janice Andrews responded: “Beautiful” with a heart beside it.

My kids did not respond.

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