adultery, affair, British Columbia, cheating, divorce, ex spouse, Family Law, legal system, separation agreement

Consent Order

I have given my lawyer all the receipts that my ex has failed to reimburse. Given the difficulties that I am experiencing with respect to reimbursement she has advised that an enforceable court order is required. I am only asking for reimbursement of items that we agreed to in mediation.  I sent him an email today to confirm his position.  This was his response:
“There is no failure to honour our agreement? I chose to pay those expenses you had incurred at mediation to resolve the issue. There was no agreement that going forward those expenses would be reimbursed.   You receive spousal support and within that you have to make due with whatever expenses you choose to incur. You claim to the girls you have no money but yet you’re going away this upcoming weekend?? Maybe you should focus your efforts on unpacking boxes and getting your new home in order rather than emailing me incessantly. Move on with your life and stop trying to get me to pay every little thing here and there. I have never asked you to contribute to anything but you are always asking me to pay for some little thing here and there. I pay my support on time and in full. You say you want nothing to do with me, so please don’t. Stop contacting me. If there is something that was a legitimate expense, then email or regular mail it. You don’t have to see me or drop off things to me. There’s no reason other than something to do with our kids that you need to have any contact with me.”
My ex’s lawyer is away on vacation for 2 weeks.  He is aware this is how we are proceeding.  He told my lawyer that if I proceed to get a court order then my ex will request a restraining order against me from attending his work.  We are fine with this.  The only reason I have ever attended his work (twice in the last 2 1/2 years) is to drop off expenses. The first time I attended his office with receipts my scanner wasn’t working and this most recent time my scanner is still packed in a box somewhere. Regardless of him receiving receipts, he isn’t paying.
We will write my ex’s lawyer our position in 2 weeks upon his return from vacation.  Failing a response that my ex agrees to give a Consent Order, we are immediately filing an application in court.
I just reviewed the mediation agreement and it is very clear that pet expenses were not an “interim expense pending the sale of the house” as some things in our mediation agreement were written up under this category. Even my ex’s lawyer, when he wrote up the good copy of the separation agreement based on the mediation agreement, wrote up a 50/50 split of pet expenses.  My lawyer indicates that pets are treated like children in family law.
We are applying to have the anticipated future expenses added on to the spousal/child support payments so I don’t have to finance my ex’s share or chase him down for reimbursement.  I can then provide the order to Family Maintenance and they will collect the monthly amount from my ex and provide it to me.  They do the chasing down and they have procedures in place to enforce payment.  It gives me an even further distance from my ex as I don’t even have to get a monthly etransfer notice from him.  The sum is directly deposited into my account by Family Maintenance.
The order is also to ensure we get full disclosure from my ex.  He still hasn’t provided his 2014 tax return. Therefore, the spousal and child support amounts are inaccurate. His lawyer promised it in June and is now promising it again in August.  Filing tax returns in Canada is considered late and penalties are imposed if your return is not filed by April 30. Avoiding, delaying and refusing has been the same old pattern we have experienced for the past 2 years.  They are also refusing to provide my ex’s banking information saying it is not relevant when in fact we have a very legitimate reason for requesting it.  There are transactions that don’t make sense so it appears he has failed to disclose at least one account. As per the mediation rules, if he failed to disclose, that money is automatically awarded to me.
After my ex sent me the quoted email above he sent me a further email today.
“Oh by the way i bought (younger daughter’s name) some sandals today that cost $125 which i expect you to reimburse me for. You can do an etransfer for me.”
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adultery, affair, cheating, child support, divorce, legal system, mediation, separation agreement, settlement agreement, spousal support

Say Goodbye to the World you thought you lived in

“’cause it’s all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man
Say Goodbye to the world you thought you lived in.”
Any Other World-Mika

I don’t get it. I didn’t have the affair. My ex is still with the other woman. Shouldn’t he be happy? He has moved on and has ended pretty much every email to me over the last 2 plus years telling me to move on. Then why won’t he let me move on? Why will he not do the right thing? Why will he not give me a fair separation agreement we can both live with? He is doing anything to avoid having to pay me spousal and child support and divide our assets fairly. Why does he refuse, ignore, deny, delay, and avoid his obligations to provide documentation to his lawyer so his lawyer can get it to my lawyer. His lawyer is a personal friend. Shouldn’t there be some pride to want to show your friend you are good person; a responsible person? His lawyer is frustrated, too. Shouldn’t my ex just feel slightly bad for his actions (adultery, cheating, lying, deception, tearing family apart) that he want at the very least a fair settlement for me and his children? Shouldn’t his conscience really make him want to err on the side of generous? Not even close.

My lawyer has sent correspondence to me over the last 2 months confirming that she has “AGAIN” asked my ex’s lawyer to provide his 2014 full tax return; confirmation he has life insurance and if he won’t get it his position in writing for the lowball amount ($450,000 less than he had before we separated)that he says he will get (was supposed to be in place in November 2014 as per the mediation agreement) so we can return to the mediator for a ruling; confirmation that he is going to pay me the expenses he agreed to cover at our November 6, 2014 mediation that he still hasn’t contributed a dime towards–his daughter’s dance, just 50%, 50% of the pet expenses for pets he is the listed owner of but who he abandoned saying he isn’t allowed pets where he lives; 50% of expenses needed to get our house ready to list; 50% of our joint expenses like our home insurance and home maintenance; reimbursement of money he took out of our joint account to pay his personal bills when I was the only one putting money into that account (it was agreed at mediation we would close the account but he would never make arrangements to do that with me or respond to any of my follow ups until I finally stopped putting money in, stopped financing his personal bill payments and now it is overdrawn by $1500 because joint bills have continued to come out of it on automatic withdrawal as well as banking fee expenses and the overdraft from him taking money out.

I am not asking for back spousal and child support for the past 2 years when he made the most he has earned in his life and I had both children living with me. All I am asking for is a fair split of our pre-separation debt 50/50. This was money used to buy shares in his company that he is keeping and a rental property that he is keeping that he insists has a $0 value. Plus money that I used to pay our personal pre-separation bills, our daughter’s private school tuition, all documented, because I was the person who took care of bill payments. He makes $148,000/year. Last year he only made $139,000. I receive $13,000/year on Canada Pension Plan disability benefits because I am not able medically to work.

My lawyer spelled it out clearly to my ex’s lawyer. My ex has done everything that he can do to “exhaust me financially”.

My lawyer has asked for confirmation of the value of the rental property–the mortgage details and the account information where the rental income is received. She has asked for confirmation of the value of his company shares and other dividends he receives on shares that he never even disclosed that he had until I brought that information forward in mediation. My lawyer has asked for a print out from his bank of his bank account information because oddly enough there are mysterious transactions that would lead one to assume he has at least one other bank account he has failed to disclose. This information was asked for in the year prior to our mediation and continues to be asked for and ignored.

Mediation was supposed to save us money. I am no closer to a separation agreement and a divorce than I was on the day we separated. My legal bills would have paid for my daughter’s first year of tuition at university and her residency. I am sure my ex’s are adding up as well even with the friend lawyer.

When is enough enough? When will he stop feeding his ego with a need to “win” and understand that there is no winning. I remember him sharing with me that growing up he and his mom would fight and they both would dig in and not talk to the other for weeks. The one who spoke to the other first lost. His mom confirmed that to me. Where was the adult example here? Really, what did either of them win doing that? He was the same way with me during our marriage. Always the silent treatment to punish. Always the withholding to punish. I am sure the cheating was another form of punishing me. What does he think he is winning?

I have asked him if we would meet to see if we could try yet again to reach an agreement together avoiding further legal expenses and what will end up going to court after all. He said, “Yes.” But all I have heard is when he can’t meet with me. I’ve asked him to tell me instead when he can meet with me and I will be there–11:00 p.m. or 6:00 a.m. any day of the week. All I heard from him was this: “Can you pick up our daughter from dance next Friday? I have a golf tournament in Nanaimo and I won’t be back until 9:00 p.m.” I said, “Yes.”

As far as getting together to solve our separation, I have yet to hear from him.

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