adultery, affair, British Columbia, cheating, divorce, ex spouse, Family Law, legal system, separation agreement

Consent Order

I have given my lawyer all the receipts that my ex has failed to reimburse. Given the difficulties that I am experiencing with respect to reimbursement she has advised that an enforceable court order is required. I am only asking for reimbursement of items that we agreed to in mediation.  I sent him an email today to confirm his position.  This was his response:
“There is no failure to honour our agreement? I chose to pay those expenses you had incurred at mediation to resolve the issue. There was no agreement that going forward those expenses would be reimbursed.   You receive spousal support and within that you have to make due with whatever expenses you choose to incur. You claim to the girls you have no money but yet you’re going away this upcoming weekend?? Maybe you should focus your efforts on unpacking boxes and getting your new home in order rather than emailing me incessantly. Move on with your life and stop trying to get me to pay every little thing here and there. I have never asked you to contribute to anything but you are always asking me to pay for some little thing here and there. I pay my support on time and in full. You say you want nothing to do with me, so please don’t. Stop contacting me. If there is something that was a legitimate expense, then email or regular mail it. You don’t have to see me or drop off things to me. There’s no reason other than something to do with our kids that you need to have any contact with me.”
My ex’s lawyer is away on vacation for 2 weeks.  He is aware this is how we are proceeding.  He told my lawyer that if I proceed to get a court order then my ex will request a restraining order against me from attending his work.  We are fine with this.  The only reason I have ever attended his work (twice in the last 2 1/2 years) is to drop off expenses. The first time I attended his office with receipts my scanner wasn’t working and this most recent time my scanner is still packed in a box somewhere. Regardless of him receiving receipts, he isn’t paying.
We will write my ex’s lawyer our position in 2 weeks upon his return from vacation.  Failing a response that my ex agrees to give a Consent Order, we are immediately filing an application in court.
I just reviewed the mediation agreement and it is very clear that pet expenses were not an “interim expense pending the sale of the house” as some things in our mediation agreement were written up under this category. Even my ex’s lawyer, when he wrote up the good copy of the separation agreement based on the mediation agreement, wrote up a 50/50 split of pet expenses.  My lawyer indicates that pets are treated like children in family law.
We are applying to have the anticipated future expenses added on to the spousal/child support payments so I don’t have to finance my ex’s share or chase him down for reimbursement.  I can then provide the order to Family Maintenance and they will collect the monthly amount from my ex and provide it to me.  They do the chasing down and they have procedures in place to enforce payment.  It gives me an even further distance from my ex as I don’t even have to get a monthly etransfer notice from him.  The sum is directly deposited into my account by Family Maintenance.
The order is also to ensure we get full disclosure from my ex.  He still hasn’t provided his 2014 tax return. Therefore, the spousal and child support amounts are inaccurate. His lawyer promised it in June and is now promising it again in August.  Filing tax returns in Canada is considered late and penalties are imposed if your return is not filed by April 30. Avoiding, delaying and refusing has been the same old pattern we have experienced for the past 2 years.  They are also refusing to provide my ex’s banking information saying it is not relevant when in fact we have a very legitimate reason for requesting it.  There are transactions that don’t make sense so it appears he has failed to disclose at least one account. As per the mediation rules, if he failed to disclose, that money is automatically awarded to me.
After my ex sent me the quoted email above he sent me a further email today.
“Oh by the way i bought (younger daughter’s name) some sandals today that cost $125 which i expect you to reimburse me for. You can do an etransfer for me.”
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cheating, Collaborative Family Law, control, divorce, family, lawyer, legal advice, legal proceedings, marriage breakdown, other woman, parenting, relationships, separation

Letter to husband regarding separation and initial action

On March 1, 2013, the day my husband knew I was aware he was having an affair, at 11:50 p.m., I sent the following e-mail:

(Husband’s name),

This is a very difficult time for (daughters’ names) and me. We would all prefer if you could find alternative accommodations and to please not come back home at this time. I know you will need some personal items. Both girls have asked that you not come to the house when they are present. I require being home but I do not want to see you or talk to you. Please give us an hour notice by text before you arrive so the girls can leave to a place where they will feel more comfortable. Please make sure you receive a responding text from me before you come by. You can enter through the back door which I will leave unlocked and all of the items from your closet, drawers and bathroom will be there packed up so you can easily move them. You can take your hockey equipment out of the garage. Please let me know if there is anything else you would like me to leave for you.

(15-year old daughter’s name) has made it clear to you by text that she does not want to talk to you at this time. Although you have a need to share your side of the story with her, this is not what the girls need at this time. Both (daughters’ names) have told me separately that they do not want to see you or talk to you at this time. Please respect their needs.

I would like to use Friday, March 1, 2013 as our first day of separation. This is the day that your adultery was made clear to me and this is the day that you chose to leave us.

I have retained the services of a Family Law Group lawyer. I am leaving you a folder that outlines the 4 Family Law Options. These include:

1. Court Proceedings
2. Mediation
3. Traditional Negotiation
4. The Collaborative Family Law Option

Choosing number 4 will keep us out of the court which could cost us a total of up to $120,000. We are the ones that retain control of the process and who determine what we think is fair in terms of issues to be settled which will eventually lead to the signing of a binding, enforceable Separation Agreement. The process involves the use of four-way meetings which can include us, our lawyers, divorce coaches, financial advisors, psychologists, counselors, support for all of us and a number of other professionals who can be part of the process based on our family needs. The objective is to enable the family to restructure in a positive way without the enormous emotional and financial costs of traditional litigation.

The folder also has a pamphlet about the ‘Parenting After Separation’ program. This is a requirement for us both to attend. These sessions run for 3 hours on Wednesday morning or Wednesday evening at the library. We must do this separately. You can get more information about the program by calling (250) 387-6121.

You can obtain a list of the lawyers involved in this process by calling (250) 704-2600. My lawyer is Robert Klassen and his contact information is attached to the folder. There is other helpful information included in the folder.

Important:

Both girls have indicated that they want to continue with our trip to Florida to see their grandparents, family and friends. You have indicated that you will not be coming. You must contact Visa travel cancellation and ensure you have a valid reason that will cover the cancellation of your flight. You will then be charged a $250 fee by the airline but you will have a flight credit. You have to do this ASAP as your ticket is attached to (oldest daughter’s name). As soon as you cancel with Visa you must call the Flight Centre at (250) 360-0246 to cancel the flight so they can issue (daughter) a new ticket. She won’t be able to fly if this isn’t done. We tried to have your airline ticket changed to (daughter’s friend’s name) but they would not grant a name change, even for a fee. Perhaps you can talk to whoever you need to for this to happen. (Daughter) doesn’t feel comfortable flying alone with 2 plane changes and she has also made it clear that she will not fly with you. We tried to get them to cancel your flight and then just reissue the ticket in (daughter’s friend’s name) but this will cost an additional $2500 as the flight is full and it will go back into the Economy pool. You have all the paperwork in your e-mail as per your request for me to send that to you. It might really be good for your relationship rebuilding with (daughter) if you can get strings pulled for (daughter’s friend) to take your place.

If you have any questions about any of the content of this e-mail, please respond by e-mail only.

Thank you,

(my name)

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