abuse of power, adultery, affair, Betrayal, bullying, cheating, child support, court, ex spouse, Family Law, infidelity, insurance adjuster, lawyer, legal proceedings

He probably tries to rip everyone off

After all, he is an insurance adjuster and the stereotypical reputation is that they can’t be trusted. Their interest is the insurer’s interest, not that of the insured person making a claim.

This is a copy of the email that I sent to my ex on June 13, 2016:

“I am just confirming our conversation today that you are refusing to pay any portion of (daughter’s name) dance enrollment for next year.

Firstly, she was asked to audition for Team Canada yesterday which she did. The audition fee was $35. If she makes this team it will really help her with respect to university applications as she could get some scholarship money.

Secondly, as you aware from the (daughter’s dance studio) emails, registration for (daughter’s name) for next dance season is tomorrow. I have told you that she is not adding any dances to her schedule. Please let me remind you that she dropped classes each year following our separation to make payment for her classes easier for us. She also was not able to participate in the Summer Dance Intensive program following our separation which she did every year prior to us separating. She wanted to join baseball and take gymnastics camp to help with the acro portion of her dance, all of which she sacrificed participating in due to our financial situation. Now you have indicated that you will not pay any portion of the following:

Registration fee due tomorrow: $25
Costume deposit for her regular 7 classes post-dated for October 1: $420
Monthly fee for 9 hours of dance classes: $366
Company (I paid her audition fee and she was accepted on this team again)
Company annual fee—$375 (can be split over 10 months and added to monthly withdrawal or paid all at once due September 1)
2 Company costume deposits due October 1: $120

Your 71% share based on your 2014 income is as follows:

$17.75 due tomorrow for registration fee
9 Costume deposits post-dated cheque for October 1: $383.40
Company annual fee due September 1: $266.25
Monthly regular classes: $259.86

David, dance is (daughter’s) passion. This is her social base and emotional outlet. It is also what she wants to do for her career. “

I am guessing that with my lawyer getting ready for us to go to court again she has had a conversation with my ex’s lawyer because now my ex has provided our older daughter with payment of her tuition for her first term of university in the amount of $3700 (I think this was the figure my daughter told me). It sounds generous but remember we did have this saved for our daughter’s education. My ex somehow withdrew her entire RESP of $19,000–figure he gave me in May 2015, and used it to pay for entire last year expenses instead of using his own money and my support money. If she had have been living with me, he would have paid support to me for her and from this money I would have had to pay her food, clothing, accommodation and other items. Why does he think then he is entitled to waste her entire RESP on one year and then tell her too bad you are an adult now and have to pay your own tuition?

Secondly he sent me a lump sum payment today for our youngest daughter’s dance expenses but only paid based on her monthly regular class fee of $366. He gave me one payment of $2598.60. I thanked him for his but pointed out it is short $667.40. He insists I only asked him to pay his share of the monthly regular classes. He has confirmed the correct amount with the studio but insists I made the error, didn’t ask for the correct amount, my mistake, I lose, should have been more careful, why has the amount suddenly changed now, why am I asking for increased payment, etc. I see that the studio responded to him also explaining all of the correct information and informed him, as I did, that the Company fee is calculated differently and there is a registration fee.

Sigh. It took lawyer involvement to get him to pay anything. The fact that he has $6298.60 that he can pay and the fact that my account is in a negative situation from having to pay his share of expenses for the past year plus won’t make him look very good in court. His argument to me is that if I could go to Florida at Christmas (accommodation and flight for me and our girls was paid for in full by a family friend but he doesn’t know this) and Hawaii then I can handle paying his share.

I hope that his lawyer will advise him to pay the rest of his share of expenses including full child support. I know his lawyer has been frustrated in the past by his obstinance. I know there is some reason for me to be happy and it does alleviate a bit of financial stress for some payment but in the end he will feel it is okay to continue to short change me and his children. He has been doing that for the past 3 1/2 years. In his mind he thinks–she might take me to court for $6966 but if I pay that amount less $677.40 will she really take me to court for $677.40 as it will cost her more to get that amount back if she even wins.

He should have learned from January’s court experience. If he was there and heard the judge lambaste him maybe he would have learned that this judge in particular was going to make an example of this derelict father. I feel like I have no choice but to continue with court or I am doing my girls and me a disservice. The only way that I am going to be able to move forward and receive full reimbursement for items he legally is responsible to pay is to have clearly written court orders for those amounts that can be enforced.

adultery, affair, breach of contract, cheating, child support, children, control, court, divorce, Family Law, infidelity, lawyer, legal process, marriage, separatiion, spousal support

Back to Business

We were supposed to go to court on December 17, 2015 but Dave’s lawyer pushed it into the new year. We are scheduled to appear on January 20, 2016.

Dave owes me more than $11,000 from July 1 – December 31, 2015 for spousal and child support as well as pet expenses. The amount is based on a formula as per our income tax figures and the amount agreed upon as per our mediation agreement but he chooses not to pay. I need the court order to enforce payment.

My name is on our older daughter’s school account that Dave was responsible to pay from September 2014 to June 2015. The bill is for incidentals, not tuition. She was living with him at that time. He hasn’t paid a dime. When she lived with me for the 2 years she incurred these expenses I paid them 100% with no child support. That amount is now $1229.88.

There are a few other things we are requesting.

There isn’t a whole lot more you can do when you have an agreement with someone who has zero integrity. I wish I had never wasted time, energy, and money with the Collaborative process or mediation. You have to know who you are fighting against and a court decision is the only hope that I have in putting an end to my ex’s game playing with my finances and putting an end to our marriage officially.

cheating, confrontation, control, infidelity, lawyer, other woman

The Other Woman

On March 5, 2013, I was driving home from my lawyer’s office. I was close to the location of the other woman’s office. I knew where she worked because of the e-mail address of her text messages and e-mails to my husband.

On a whim, I decided to pay her a visit. I pulled into the parking lot, parked in the visitor parking and entered the building. It was a 3-story office building. The front lobby was very busy, the front information desk was crowded and I had no idea how I would find her. I looked at the directory and noticed that the Risk Management Department was on the 3rd floor. I knew again by her e-mail and texts that this was the department where she worked.

I walked up to the 3rd floor and saw a maze of cubicles. I just stood and stared wondering how on earth I would find her. Then I saw a sign over a door to my right that said “Risk Management Department”. I walked through. No one was at the front reception so I continued passed it walking down a corridor with open cubicles to each side. On my right, a woman asked if she could help me. I told her I was looking for J.A. I said that I was Tiffany. It was a name that I remembered from the other woman’s Facebook page that of course I checked out when I discovered the affair. The woman said she was in and went to tell her that I was here. I was considering following her down the corridor and into the office where she turned but I remained standing where I was. The woman came back out and said she would be with me in a moment. She told me I could sit down. I remained standing. The woman returned to her desk to my right. Another woman came out of J.A.’s office, smiling, saying also, “She’ll be with you in a minute.” That woman took a seat at her desk to my left. I would have an audience. Then a man exited J.A.’s office, looked down at me and turned the other way into the office beside J. A. Then J. A. came out of her office towards me. I was not aware at the time that she knew what I looked like or that she was the one that lingered by my husband the entire evening of his company Christmas party on December 14, 2012, hanging on his every word.

She started to walk towards me, looked at me and hesitated but kept moving forward. “Are you J.A.”, I asked?

“Yes”, she said.

“I’m R.C. I just wanted to see the face of the woman who is fucking my husband and I thought you might want to see the face of the woman who’s family you are contributing in tearing apart.”

She bowed her head and said, “I’m sorry.”

“That’s nice”, I said. “I’ve never got a sorry from my husband.” “Just to let you know I have a lab requisition to get tested for a multitude of sexually transmitted diseases. I’ll be kind enough to extend to you the courtesy of letting you know if I have anything. It might not be from you. For all I know, he could be fooling around with other women.” Then I turned and walked out. I heard her say, “I’m sorry, R.” as my back was turned to her and I was leaving.

I arrived home about 20 minutes later and walked through the front door. My phone was ringing. It was my lawyer. He said to me that I didn’t tell him I was going to leave his office and go and make a scene at the other woman’s office. I told him that I didn’t know I was going to do that. He said that if he had known that he would have told me not to do it. He said that he gave me the name of a counselor so I could talk to her about my feelings and not act out on them. He said that he had hoped I would be working with him and that if I had feelings to do something like that again to tell him and not to do it.

I have no regrets. It felt great. I am very glad that I confronted her.

cheating, children, control, deceitfulness, family, father/daughter, infidelity, lawyer, legal advice, legal proceedings, parenting, property disposal, relationships, separation, threats

Husband gets a lawyer

On March 4, 2013 @ 12:23 p.m. my husband sends me the following email:

“I’ve sent your email to my lawyer and you have no legal right to do anything with my belongings. You will be receiving a letter today which will be a cease and desist order. When I’ve got my accommodations sorted out I will pick up the remaining contents.”

I received an e-mail from his lawyer on March 4, 2013 @ 2:33 p.m. stating the following:

“Please be advised that we represent (husband). It has come to our attention that you have been removing and disposing of his personal property. This action needs to stop immediately. My client has been attempting to reasonably vacate the premises in an orderly and cooperative manner. He is still an owner of the property and there is no reason that his property needs to be removed in anything but a reasonable manner. My client simply needs a reasonable amount of time to find another place and he can collect his belongings once that happens.”

I respond by e-mail to my husband’s lawyer on March 5, 2013 @ 8:02 a.m. with a copy to my husband:

“None of (husband’s) property has ever been disposed. As a matter of fact, I rescued his Arsenal hat from the garbage. When I asked my daughter why daddy’s hat was in the garbage she said, “Because the slut was wearing it in the photo.” My daughter also said she couldn’t believe that I packed up his belongings so nicely in boxes and bags and placed everything in a neat and organized manner and easy location inside the house for him to access. She also was upset that I gave him “everything” instead of keeping some things that she thought should be ours to keep. When (husband) was not able to pick up very many items, we just had them delivered to the building in which he is an owner and where he claims to spend most of his time. The items were delivered shortly before he arrives at the office, well labeled, well protected and sheltered.

He was asked to pick up the rest of his items while I was at the house and to give me advanced notice. This is because it is not appropriate for him to be walking around the premises when someone is not here and removing items without my knowledge. Furthermore, my children have been very traumatized by his appearances at the house.

While I was at a school function last night with my older daughter, we both received frantic texts and phone calls that my younger daughter was “freaking out” because (husband) was at the house when we weren’t there and without our knowledge or permission. She was sure he was “stealing” our dog. When he was at our house the first time, my daughter called to me frantically saying that daddy came to the house 30 minutes before he was supposed to be there. She didn’t want to be there and she didn’t want the dog to be there when he arrived. She was hiding because she didn’t want him to see her. She was shaking because she needed to leave the house so I had to help her go out the front door with the dog and to just keep walking and not look back. She had her friend call another mom to come over because s he was afraid of what her dad might do to me. She called me on the phone 45 minutes later asking why he was still at the house saying his truck position had moved and was backed up to the garage and she was sure he was taking my things that are in the garage to dump because he always threatened to do this. Although I assured her that her daddy wouldn’t be wasting his time doing that now, the thoughts that have been going through my children’s heads are real to them.

Both my children are not sleeping, have been missing school since Friday and are incredibly anxious, emotional, scared and worried. It is upsetting to my older daughter that her dad didn’t come to her school last night to hear about her Experiential Learning Program that she is going to be a part of this upcoming term and that he chose not to be involved in parent/teacher interviews. It is even more upsetting to her that he used that opportunity while we were out of the house to do yet another thing that she considers to be deceitful. She is terrified to be at the house by herself because she thinks he is going to come by and/or try to contact her.

It appears that (husband) came through the house and did take the rest of his items. There doesn’t appear to be anything left in the garage that belongs to him. I trust that there will be no reason for him to come by our home again unannounced. If there is something that he might need in the future that he thinks he left here, I will be happy to try and locate that item and leave it outside our home at a time convenient to us both for him to retrieve this.”

The only response I received was from my husband on March 5, 2013 @ 8:24 a.m. by e-mail:

“Do you think (my lawyer) cares about my Arsenal hat or any of the other drivel that you put in the email? The simple fact is you have no right to restrict my access to the house to get, store or use my belongings. I am a legal owner of the property and am entitled to any of the benefits that an owner may enjoy.

I am trying to be nice and accommodating to you. But when you threaten to throw out my belongings on the driveway or leave them out front my office that is not rational or acceptable. So I went and got most of my things. There are still others that I will retrieve when I am able.

Stop using the kids in this process. Stop making them feel insecure and hiding them in the house and allowing crazy irrational behaviours. You are perpetuating things that aren’t real and that is simply unacceptable. You are attempting to punish me through the kids and that is petty, childish and frankly wrong. You can either start to accept what has happened, move forward and start to work with me or I will retain legal counsel to commence action for my rights to the kids. Take your pick.”

cheating, Collaborative Family Law, control, divorce, family, lawyer, legal advice, legal proceedings, marriage breakdown, other woman, parenting, relationships, separation

Letter to husband regarding separation and initial action

On March 1, 2013, the day my husband knew I was aware he was having an affair, at 11:50 p.m., I sent the following e-mail:

(Husband’s name),

This is a very difficult time for (daughters’ names) and me. We would all prefer if you could find alternative accommodations and to please not come back home at this time. I know you will need some personal items. Both girls have asked that you not come to the house when they are present. I require being home but I do not want to see you or talk to you. Please give us an hour notice by text before you arrive so the girls can leave to a place where they will feel more comfortable. Please make sure you receive a responding text from me before you come by. You can enter through the back door which I will leave unlocked and all of the items from your closet, drawers and bathroom will be there packed up so you can easily move them. You can take your hockey equipment out of the garage. Please let me know if there is anything else you would like me to leave for you.

(15-year old daughter’s name) has made it clear to you by text that she does not want to talk to you at this time. Although you have a need to share your side of the story with her, this is not what the girls need at this time. Both (daughters’ names) have told me separately that they do not want to see you or talk to you at this time. Please respect their needs.

I would like to use Friday, March 1, 2013 as our first day of separation. This is the day that your adultery was made clear to me and this is the day that you chose to leave us.

I have retained the services of a Family Law Group lawyer. I am leaving you a folder that outlines the 4 Family Law Options. These include:

1. Court Proceedings
2. Mediation
3. Traditional Negotiation
4. The Collaborative Family Law Option

Choosing number 4 will keep us out of the court which could cost us a total of up to $120,000. We are the ones that retain control of the process and who determine what we think is fair in terms of issues to be settled which will eventually lead to the signing of a binding, enforceable Separation Agreement. The process involves the use of four-way meetings which can include us, our lawyers, divorce coaches, financial advisors, psychologists, counselors, support for all of us and a number of other professionals who can be part of the process based on our family needs. The objective is to enable the family to restructure in a positive way without the enormous emotional and financial costs of traditional litigation.

The folder also has a pamphlet about the ‘Parenting After Separation’ program. This is a requirement for us both to attend. These sessions run for 3 hours on Wednesday morning or Wednesday evening at the library. We must do this separately. You can get more information about the program by calling (250) 387-6121.

You can obtain a list of the lawyers involved in this process by calling (250) 704-2600. My lawyer is Robert Klassen and his contact information is attached to the folder. There is other helpful information included in the folder.

Important:

Both girls have indicated that they want to continue with our trip to Florida to see their grandparents, family and friends. You have indicated that you will not be coming. You must contact Visa travel cancellation and ensure you have a valid reason that will cover the cancellation of your flight. You will then be charged a $250 fee by the airline but you will have a flight credit. You have to do this ASAP as your ticket is attached to (oldest daughter’s name). As soon as you cancel with Visa you must call the Flight Centre at (250) 360-0246 to cancel the flight so they can issue (daughter) a new ticket. She won’t be able to fly if this isn’t done. We tried to have your airline ticket changed to (daughter’s friend’s name) but they would not grant a name change, even for a fee. Perhaps you can talk to whoever you need to for this to happen. (Daughter) doesn’t feel comfortable flying alone with 2 plane changes and she has also made it clear that she will not fly with you. We tried to get them to cancel your flight and then just reissue the ticket in (daughter’s friend’s name) but this will cost an additional $2500 as the flight is full and it will go back into the Economy pool. You have all the paperwork in your e-mail as per your request for me to send that to you. It might really be good for your relationship rebuilding with (daughter) if you can get strings pulled for (daughter’s friend) to take your place.

If you have any questions about any of the content of this e-mail, please respond by e-mail only.

Thank you,

(my name)

cheating, control, divorce, family, father/daughter, friendship, infidelity, lawyer, other woman, relationships, separation

Looking for help in all the right places

It is Friday, March 1 at about 7:00 a.m. I am in information relaying and gathering mode. I am in action mode. While my husband is heading to Vancouver for a weekend of business partying, I am sharing with the key people in my life about the fresh discovery of my husband’s infidelity. I am getting support, help, advice and encouragement for me and my girls.

I contacted lawyer Robert Klassen after finding his information on the internet. I called at 7:15 a.m., right after my husband walked out the door for the weekend. My husband knew I knew about his affair with another woman but he chose not to acknowledge me in anyway before leaving. There was no, “I’m sorry.” He told our 15-year old daughter, who was lying beside me at the time, that he was sorry she found out about his infidelity and that he wanted to talk to her when he returned, but he said nothing to me. He just left.

I was very surprised that Robert’s secretary answered the phone that early in the morning. She asked me if I wanted a divorce. I said, “Yes.” She asked me if I wanted to go through court. I said, “Yes.” Then I told her I really didn’t know what I was supposed to do or how I should proceed and explained my situation. She put Robert on the phone with me. He was very kind and made time to meet with me later that afternoon. I had to get $3000 for a retainer fee. I took the money from my husband and my joint bank account.

Prior to meeting Robert, I had an appointment to get fake eyelashes applied to my top lids. I am blond and have fair, short, invisible lashes. After paying a ridiculous sum of money for lashes that only last 2 – 4 weeks and then require a $50 fill thereafter, I was told that I can’t allow my eyes to get wet for the next 24 hours as it would affect the glue adhesion. When I met Robert he gave me a hug, told me he’s been through divorce personally and knows how difficult this time is for me. He sat me down with a box of Kleenex. I promised him that I wouldn’t need the Kleenex due to my expensive new eyelashes. I answered his questions, listened to him, filled out forms, wrote down information, took pamphlets, accepted his advice on how to proceed and I did not require a single Kleenex.

While I was out, I had a call from a friend saying that my 15-year old daughter had answered the phone and she broke down crying. My 15-year old had missed school that day. When I got home I found that she got rid of all our family photos around the house. She told me they make her sick to see them. She was replaying things in her mind and determined that her dad took the dog with him on one of his trysts. That was very upsetting to her. She remembered that her dad recently punished her younger sister for lying and recalls that her dad was lying at this same time as to what he was doing and where he was spending his time. She wanted to call the other woman. She wanted to confront her face to face. The movie ‘The Women’ was on t.v. while I was out. She taped it for me because she thought it would be helpful for me to watch it and she said it would make me laugh. She suggested that I go out with my friends for the night. I told her I didn’t want to go anywhere. She offered to take my younger daughter swimming in the evening so I could have friends over. I told her I didn’t feel like having anyone over. She suggested that we all go to a movie. I told her that she could go out and she should do whatever would make her feel better at this time but that I didn’t want to go anywhere. She said, “Mom, I feel like your friends can help you better than I can.” I assured her that she was already a huge support to me and that she didn’t need to feel it was her responsibility to help me.

Another one of my friends had her mom pick up my younger daughter after school with her own daughter and take them to their dance class. Her mom took them back to her place afterwards and then when my friend was done work she picked the girls up from her mom’s place, went to McDonalds and brought us all back dinner. She visited my 15-year old in her room and came out and told me that my daughter broke down into tears. My friend left and offered to come back after dinner.

I knew that I needed to tell my younger daughter as simply as I could that mommy and daddy were separating. I wanted to wait until she was done eating her McDonalds. She actually overheard her sister and I talking about her daddy and about Florida so she asked, “Is Daddy not going to Florida?” I told her that daddy doesn’t want to be married to mommy right now and that is why he doesn’t want to come on the trip with us. My older daughter blurted out, “Tell her the truth mom” and she turned to my younger daughter and said, “Dad has been cheating on mom with a whore.” I admonished my older daughter for speaking that way and at the same time my younger daughter said, “Is that true?” I don’t even know if she knew what that meant. I just confirmed that daddy is seeing another woman.

I did end up allowing 3 friends to come over and I am so glad that I did. One friend brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. The other 2 friends ended up cleaning out my fridge and cleaning up my kitchen. 2 of these friends have experienced divorce. They were all amazing at helping both my older daughter and me just by listening and providing the comfort of friendship. Two friends also brought their daughters over who are friends with my youngest daughter so they were able to play and be distracted while the rest of us talked.

After meeting with Robert, I felt like I was in very capable hands legally. After spending time with my friends and reading e-mails from other friends and family who now had a chance to respond to my e-mail news about the affair, I felt very built up emotionally and supported. I felt like I was taking control in a situation that was completely out of my control. It had been a long day. I had been up now for about 36 hours but did not feel capable of sleeping. I was now in business mode and I felt like I could write my husband direction on how I was planning to move forward.

scornedwifeblog

A wife's personal experience of infidelity

Category Archives: lawyer