adultery, breach of contract, cheating, child support, infidelity, legal proceedings, separation, Supreme Court of British Columbia

Court Settlement Agreement–$155,000

Shocker! My ex showed up at court. He has never attended a hearing for any court application that I have had to file due to his breach of contract. There were two hearings in 2016 and this was the 4th hearing for the application that I filed in December 2018. He never attended any of them. When I saw him, my heart started beating out of my chest. I thought, “What tricks are he and his lawyer up to this time?”

For about 2 1/2 hours he had to sit and listen to how his behaviour was “egregious” and “inappropriate”. After our last hearing in October 2019, the judge ordered him to pay the child support amount he owed after filing his 2018 taxes. He did not comply. He never did provide an accounting of what happened to the RESP money for our children. He never provided any banking information about his rental property, just receipts showing maintenance that was required on the property. He tried to show losses but failed to provide an accounting for any rental income. He listed the value of his share of the rental property as $40,000 yet he conveniently sold it to a business partner, the day after our January 2019 hearing, for just $4,500. He also failed to provide documentation surrounding other income he received during his employment.

His lawyer had no submissions. His lawyer didn’t have much of a defense for my ex’s behaviour except to say that he could have done better with his accounting and that he knew he owed me support payments and had no problem with my lawyer’s numbers. Yet, he chose not to pay the arrears. He could have made a “Without Prejudice” payment as far back as December 2018 when he acknowledged his income increased significantly.

Instead, his lawyer tried to discredit my character by saying that my 2019 tax return failed to show all of the support that I received in 2019. My ex didn’t even show up to court with a completed 2019 tax return (despite the reason we are at court is that he failed to exchange tax information with me, as per our agreement, for 3 years, now 4 years, knowing his income increased every year) and yet they are picking apart mine, an area that does not even affect anything that my ex owes?

I could see my lawyer’s frustration and she explained to my ex’s lawyer and the judge that I have no idea what the actual support amount should be because my ex failed to provide the information for it to be calculated. The judge agreed and indicated that it is between me and my accountant and is irrelevant.

At the time I filed my taxes, I had no idea what the support amounts were as my ex hadn’t completed a tax return for 2016, 2017 and 2018. The judge was not able to rule on spousal support owing until my ex provided the accounting he had requested which he did not. The judge ordered my ex increase support payments to me by paying $8000/month until spousal support could be calculated. My ex couldn’t even manage to obey that order for an entire year and arbitrarily decided to reduce the payment by $800/month just in time for Xmas, I filed my taxes with a support amount as per our last court order. If he is ordered to pay more for subsequent years then there is a specific CRA form my ex is required to complete. I have to submit that and have my taxes recalculated for all of the years so that I am not unfairly penalized in the tax year I receive an arrears lump sum amount.

The judge mentioned three ways he could award me and penalize my ex for his conduct. He mentioned applying interest to the outstanding support payment. He mentioned not allowing my ex to receive the tax deduction for spousal support and not requiring me to have to claim the lump sum spousal support figure as taxable income. He also mentioned my ex having to pay my legal expenses.

Just before the lunch break, the judge did ask us to try to settle the matter because he said that he did not believe the court could grant me the justice I probably deserved. I learned afterwards that it was unlikely that I would be awarded all three things discussed because the judge would not want to leave it open for my ex to appeal. If it was deemed to be too punitive towards my ex, he may have a case.

My ex offered to pay the full amount of arrears for spousal and child support for our younger daughter only–$125,782 for spousal and $4016 for our daughter and special expenses of $1716. (The judge had already ordered him to pay the outstanding child support for our younger daughter in the order received in July 2019, which was about $17,000 and he had been paying me around $5000/month more for the 12 months after our first appearance for the December 2018 court application and then $4200/month more for the last 6 months). If he had not made any increases, and he only did because I filed the court application, arrears would have been significantly higher. He also agreed to pay $23,486 towards my costs.

Having him acknowledge he owed me costs was important and is reflected in the order so if we have to go back to court again it shows that my ex agreed his conduct was improper.

My lawyer felt that I would receive more if I left it with the judge but last time it took 6 months for a decision and it has never been my intention to punish my ex, no matter how deserving. Practicing mercy is good for me and even though I thought it might soften his heart and that he might show some humility and appreciation, his actions following this have shown there has been no change in his attitude. He is digging his heels in further and it is highly likely we will be back in court again.

abuse of power, adultery, breach of contract, child support, court, divorce, Family Law, judgement, legal proceedings, marriage breakdown, single parent

Court Update

It is difficult to believe that it has been over a year since we applied to go to court and we still have no final resolution. This is the reality of dealing with a bitter ex who is not interested in resolving issues and dissolving the marriage. His behaviour from 7 years ago, when I first found out about his affair and we split immediately, has not changed. In all of his bluster, repeatedly admonishing at the end of each of his emails for me to move forward, he is the one who is stuck. He is either so damaged, broken and paralyzed that he cannot let go or he is just plain evil acting out against me and in spite of his children with vindictiveness, bullying, control, intimidation, anger and abuse of power. Whatever the reason, he is blind and cannot see.

When the final decision comes in, I will outline everything. It is a stark warning for any couple who cannot work out their differences fairly and honestly with the best interest of the children, and the partner who stays with the children as the primary caregiver, in mind.

We appeared before the judge at the end of January 2019. The judge released a partial decision in July. It is common for a decision to take up to 6 months. There are procedures in place if the decision has not been received by then but if you go to court don’t expect a quick outcome.

My ex was ordered to pay me $17,700 in back child support for our youngest child. He was also ordered to pay Canadian Revenue Agency $8544.84 directly under my name for tax debt that he caused me by claiming he paid spousal support when he did not.

The mediated agreement that was put in place in November 2014 is the biggest regret of my life. Part of that agreement allowed my ex to claim support he didn’t pay but he was required to pay any tax implication that claim created. He did not do it at the time it was incurred. He needed to be ordered to pay this by a judge and as a result there is a large amount of interest outstanding. That is an issue that I may now have to deal with in another court with a tax lawyer. Calculating daily interest back to 2015 is another, separate issue.

At the end of our court hearing in January 2019, my ex was also ordered to continue to pay me $8000/month for child and spousal support. This was the amount my ex voluntarily started to pay in December 2018 at the advice of his lawyer so he would not look as bad to the judge for not providing income information for the previous 3 years. He knew that his income had increased substantially. He had been paying $2728/month.

We will likely not appear before the judge again until the new year. I will go through the entire decision once it has been received in full. I think it will be helpful to anyone considering court. It should only be a last resort option for sure. The entire $17,700 that my ex owed for support for our child went directly to my lawyer and it only paid for 50% of my outstanding legal fee. Not to mention what I have paid in fees over the past 7 years and what my ex has paid.

It is clear that the financial burden of going to court is why many single parents left to care for their children are not able to hold their ex’s accountable for support payments. I think it is wrong for any spouse and parent to abandon their obligation to their family. My conscience compels me to stand up for myself and my girls. It would be a disservice to me, my children and to society as a whole who ends up burdened in social services costs and the consequences of poverty and lack of hope, especially with our youth. That is a whole other blog topic.

adultery, affair, breach of contract, Family Law, infidelity, legal proceedings, mediation, unfaithfulness

The Thanksgiving Turkey has been Served!

The Friday of our Canadian Thanksgiving long weekend, we served my ex with our court application outlining all the areas that he continues to owe me money. They are all items that he agreed to pay in our Mediation Agreement back in November 2014. He also promised, as per the Mediation Agreement, to provide his tax information on May 1 of every year but he has not done that for the past 2 years. Any other items are in accordance with the Family Law Act.

We just heard back from his lawyer. They have asked that we change the date, which we agreed, and they will be providing us with their response shortly. November 22 will hopefully bring a long over-due resolution to our ongoing legal issues.

abuse of power, affair, breach of contract, child support, control, divorce, Family Law, finances, infidelity, running

Marathon

I went for a run this morning and forgot my ipod. I really didn’t feel like being alone with my thoughts but I wasn’t going to drive back to get it. I was on my way to run around Elk Lake and took the dog with me so he could explore off leash. It was a gorgeous sunny day but I was feeling like the run was going to be a slog without music.

My financial situation was foremost on my mind. Not only does my ex owe me for pet expenses, our daughter’s dance expenses and a few other random expenses that are now more than a year old (we ran out of time to settle these in court in January of this year) but now he is refusing to pay some ongoing support payments, his share of our daughter’s dance expenses for this dance season and he is throwing as many obstacles my way as he can to prevent me from doing things that need to be handled.

Our oldest daughter moved back in with me when she returned from her first year of university at the end of April. Initially, my ex refused to even acknowledge that she was living with me. Finally he agreed to pay $500/month for her starting in May. This is technically only $300/month because I am still paying $200/month support to him for her since she lived with him the year before she went to university. He just deducts what I owed from his support payment for our younger daughter who lives with me.

The BC Family Law Act states that child support is payable until age 19 years and then after that if the child is still dependent. Our oldest daughter meets the dependent definition as she is attending school full-time. However, my ex determined in August that since our daughter will be 19 in 4 months she should learn responsibility as an adult and pay for her own tuition, school supplies including text books, cell phone, rent, food, clothing, etc. and be working while she is attending school. He indicated that he would therefore not be paying me support anymore for her and he stopped this September 1. He continues to deduct the $200 of support for me to pay him as though she lives with him and he is paying her full living expenses.

He apparently spent her entire $19,000 RESP (registered education savings plan) during her first year of university. He continues to refuse to provide me any documentation about her RESP or any breakdown of the expenses he paid last year. I have never seen a tuition invoice, residency invoice or meal plan invoice. He claims that his accountant did her taxes but he has failed to provide us with a copy of her tax return. She needed information from her tax return to apply for a student loan. He also told my daughter she received a tax refund of $750 but she has never seen a cheque.

I have written post dated cheques for her monthly rent that started September 1. I got the back to school items that she needed and I took her to school which involved an $88.20 ferry ride each way. I’ve made sure she has spending money for food. She did work full-time during the summer so she has some spending money and paid $549 for some of her text books but still needs more. She asked her dad to help take her to school as well since she needed his vehicle to bring her larger items but he refused. Not only did he refuse to help, he told her that if I showed up at his place to help her move any of her belongings that she had stored there that he would call the police on me.

Our youngest daughter made Team Canada for dance. My ex has indicated that not only will he not pay for any aspect of this but that he will also not take her to any of her rehearsals. She competes in Riesa, Germany in November. Practices are on the mainland in BC which again means $166 in ferry fare each weekend (14 x) plus the 2 other times I had to take her there for a workshop and choreography week which involved hotel stays. Plus $3600 for the trip, competition fees, choreography fees, team jacket, etc. Costume fees on top of that. It is such a huge opportunity and with her dad apparently spending her RESP as well I feel like this might be what helps her to get into a university with hopefully some scholarship money.

I did try to apply for some sponsorship for the cost of her participating on Team Canada but I was also asked for my tax information. Canada Revenue Agency stopped my taxes for pre-assessment this year. They asked for confirmation that I am paying support to my ex for our older daughter and that our younger daughter is my dependent. My ex said if I wrote a letter to that effect he would sign it as it isn’t his responsibility to write letters for me. I did that and resent it several times. He finally acknowledged he received it but still failed to sign and return the letter despite several follow ups on my part.

My rent at my new place was already $150 more and on October 1 it goes up another $300. My lawyer doesn’t think we can get a court date until November but in the meantime said she would write my ex’s lawyer for him to provide full support payments and request again the other expenses he is being asked to pay as per the mediation agreement he signed. This is just the most frustrating, long, expensive and what seems to be an unfair process in many ways.

I finished my run. It was tiring and a little painful but I felt strong and accomplished at the end. I was glad it was done though. Prayerfully I can get to court in November and my year ends with me feeling the exact same way. I want to look back and know that the process was grueling, painful and there may have been no music to motivate me through but I did not give up despite the difficulty. I know it will feel so good when it is over. This is my marathon on a very rugged and hilly terrain with terrible weather conditions and very little water to drink.

adultery, affair, breach of contract, cheating, child support, children, control, court, divorce, Family Law, infidelity, lawyer, legal process, marriage, separatiion, spousal support

Back to Business

We were supposed to go to court on December 17, 2015 but Dave’s lawyer pushed it into the new year. We are scheduled to appear on January 20, 2016.

Dave owes me more than $11,000 from July 1 – December 31, 2015 for spousal and child support as well as pet expenses. The amount is based on a formula as per our income tax figures and the amount agreed upon as per our mediation agreement but he chooses not to pay. I need the court order to enforce payment.

My name is on our older daughter’s school account that Dave was responsible to pay from September 2014 to June 2015. The bill is for incidentals, not tuition. She was living with him at that time. He hasn’t paid a dime. When she lived with me for the 2 years she incurred these expenses I paid them 100% with no child support. That amount is now $1229.88.

There are a few other things we are requesting.

There isn’t a whole lot more you can do when you have an agreement with someone who has zero integrity. I wish I had never wasted time, energy, and money with the Collaborative process or mediation. You have to know who you are fighting against and a court decision is the only hope that I have in putting an end to my ex’s game playing with my finances and putting an end to our marriage officially.

affair, breach of contract, divorce, mediation, negotiation

Selling our Home

The listing for our home went out on Wednesday, April 15. On April 18 we accepted a conditional offer just $4000 less than our listing price. Conditions are to be removed by April 30. House closes June 26 if all goes through.

My ex was ready to jump on the first offer. I held out, explained my reasoning and he argued with me. I suggested that if he was adamant to go with the last counter offer he could pay me the difference. His response to our realtor was, “I am not paying her to sell the house.”

My gut paid off and we were offered $5000 more. The realtor congratulated me, especially in my steadfastness, and said that the reason we were getting such a high offer so quickly is because of all the hard work that I put in to readying the home. She commented that it looked “amazing.”

My ex has still refused to help in any of the work or contribute to any of the expenses in readying the home. He emailed me saying, “I left you. Do some maintenance.” He is talking about doing work, not on our home, but on my appearance. I was just complimented the other day by a couple of different people telling me how great they think I look. I’m not sure why he cares or why he feels the need to constantly spread hate towards me. Not sure how he even knows what I look like. He kept trying to get close to me and talk to me at our daughter’s dance competition last weekend but I wasn’t interested and separated myself from his presence. I was happy that he decided to attend one of her competitions for her sake. It was his weekend to have her. She wanted to stay after she had performed and watch some of the competition. He said, “No.” She was so hurt so I stayed with her. It is always about him and what he wants. Even this weekend for her birthday he took her out for lunch but brought his girlfriend. She didn’t want that. I had a party for her on Friday with her friends, not my friends and on Sunday I took her for a birthday dinner with her friends, not mine. But I digress.

I texted my ex after receiving the signed, agreed upon offer, to be prepared. When I go with my gut I am rewarded. I told him that my gut is speaking loud and clear and that he will be experiencing the effects of me listening to it and standing firm. I have given my lawyer instructions to go back to the mediator/arbitrator and/or to apply for a court date. My ex’s word, verbal or signed, legal representation or not, means nothing. I am going after him for everything he owes me plus interest. His time has run out.

scornedwifeblog

A wife's personal experience of infidelity

Category Archives: breach of contract