I went for a run this morning and forgot my ipod. I really didn’t feel like being alone with my thoughts but I wasn’t going to drive back to get it. I was on my way to run around Elk Lake and took the dog with me so he could explore off leash. It was a gorgeous sunny day but I was feeling like the run was going to be a slog without music.
My financial situation was foremost on my mind. Not only does my ex owe me for pet expenses, our daughter’s dance expenses and a few other random expenses that are now more than a year old (we ran out of time to settle these in court in January of this year) but now he is refusing to pay some ongoing support payments, his share of our daughter’s dance expenses for this dance season and he is throwing as many obstacles my way as he can to prevent me from doing things that need to be handled.
Our oldest daughter moved back in with me when she returned from her first year of university at the end of April. Initially, my ex refused to even acknowledge that she was living with me. Finally he agreed to pay $500/month for her starting in May. This is technically only $300/month because I am still paying $200/month support to him for her since she lived with him the year before she went to university. He just deducts what I owed from his support payment for our younger daughter who lives with me.
The BC Family Law Act states that child support is payable until age 19 years and then after that if the child is still dependent. Our oldest daughter meets the dependent definition as she is attending school full-time. However, my ex determined in August that since our daughter will be 19 in 4 months she should learn responsibility as an adult and pay for her own tuition, school supplies including text books, cell phone, rent, food, clothing, etc. and be working while she is attending school. He indicated that he would therefore not be paying me support anymore for her and he stopped this September 1. He continues to deduct the $200 of support for me to pay him as though she lives with him and he is paying her full living expenses.
He apparently spent her entire $19,000 RESP (registered education savings plan) during her first year of university. He continues to refuse to provide me any documentation about her RESP or any breakdown of the expenses he paid last year. I have never seen a tuition invoice, residency invoice or meal plan invoice. He claims that his accountant did her taxes but he has failed to provide us with a copy of her tax return. She needed information from her tax return to apply for a student loan. He also told my daughter she received a tax refund of $750 but she has never seen a cheque.
I have written post dated cheques for her monthly rent that started September 1. I got the back to school items that she needed and I took her to school which involved an $88.20 ferry ride each way. I’ve made sure she has spending money for food. She did work full-time during the summer so she has some spending money and paid $549 for some of her text books but still needs more. She asked her dad to help take her to school as well since she needed his vehicle to bring her larger items but he refused. Not only did he refuse to help, he told her that if I showed up at his place to help her move any of her belongings that she had stored there that he would call the police on me.
Our youngest daughter made Team Canada for dance. My ex has indicated that not only will he not pay for any aspect of this but that he will also not take her to any of her rehearsals. She competes in Riesa, Germany in November. Practices are on the mainland in BC which again means $166 in ferry fare each weekend (14 x) plus the 2 other times I had to take her there for a workshop and choreography week which involved hotel stays. Plus $3600 for the trip, competition fees, choreography fees, team jacket, etc. Costume fees on top of that. It is such a huge opportunity and with her dad apparently spending her RESP as well I feel like this might be what helps her to get into a university with hopefully some scholarship money.
I did try to apply for some sponsorship for the cost of her participating on Team Canada but I was also asked for my tax information. Canada Revenue Agency stopped my taxes for pre-assessment this year. They asked for confirmation that I am paying support to my ex for our older daughter and that our younger daughter is my dependent. My ex said if I wrote a letter to that effect he would sign it as it isn’t his responsibility to write letters for me. I did that and resent it several times. He finally acknowledged he received it but still failed to sign and return the letter despite several follow ups on my part.
My rent at my new place was already $150 more and on October 1 it goes up another $300. My lawyer doesn’t think we can get a court date until November but in the meantime said she would write my ex’s lawyer for him to provide full support payments and request again the other expenses he is being asked to pay as per the mediation agreement he signed. This is just the most frustrating, long, expensive and what seems to be an unfair process in many ways.
I finished my run. It was tiring and a little painful but I felt strong and accomplished at the end. I was glad it was done though. Prayerfully I can get to court in November and my year ends with me feeling the exact same way. I want to look back and know that the process was grueling, painful and there may have been no music to motivate me through but I did not give up despite the difficulty. I know it will feel so good when it is over. This is my marathon on a very rugged and hilly terrain with terrible weather conditions and very little water to drink.
8 thoughts on “Marathon”
You need a forensic accountant. He’s hiding money and being a tool.
I agree. There were transactions he tried to claim in mediation that weren’t put into our joint account like he said. He had no explanation as to which account he deposited $5000 into but was trying to say it was our joint account for joint expenses. He got caught and we did get a court order for all of his bank accounts from the same back but there was no record. He has gone to a different back and has additional money. Trying not to incur any more expenses and let it go. You would think if he has gotten away with something he wouldn’t be dicking around on things he should be responsible to pay. I don’t get it.
I feel for you. STBX told me in June that he lost his new job and wouldn’t be sending anymore money. I’ve been living off savings, pulled my kids out of school, left the house behind and moved 600 miles in with my mother, and am trying to find a job. Unfortunately since I haven’t worked in 18 years basically I’m looking at working to strictly pay my bills and buy food and household supplies. God forbid anybody gets sick or grows or wants something just for fun. Meanwhile he’s shacked up with the mistress, drinking, and watching the DirectTV he had installed. Kids? What kids? Hey, he’s got PTSD and can’t work despite making 6 figures for the last 15 years. Guess someone else will have to take care of them.
What is it with these men?
I don’t understand how these men can live with themselves. It breaks my heart for so many reasons. We are smart, education women. We invested in things that are important–love, family, our husband’s and their careers, our properties and making a nice home for everyone to live, our jobs, our wellness but it is all such false security. We can lose it in a minute.
Some men are just the worst. And it’s sad because they really think that what they do to us women, doesn’t trickle down to the kids. Of course, we try to shield them from what’s going on, but in the end, why would you want to hurt someone like this? You’re not asking for things for yourself, just to be fair and provide for the kids. And they claim to be so happy with their mistresses, but still act like resentful, miserable arseholes.
Thanks Phoenix. So true.
SpaghettiSam asks “what is it with these men?” THEY’RE SCUMBAGS! THAT’S WHAT.
They seem to be so emotionally stunted and immature. If they could just face and verbalize what makes them do what they do to go after other women and if they could be open and honest and get help for how they are feeling they would be much more sympathetic creatures. Even if the marriage was a disaster why not take ownership, work things out in accordance with the law and be done with it instead of denying, avoiding, refusing, lying, blaming, deceiving, cheating, stealing and all the other poor behaviours that they are doing to destroy what they were supposed to once love and what they committed to and what they proclaimed they would do for better or worse, sickness and in health till death do us part.