abuse of power, adultery, affair, Betrayal, bullying, cheating, child support, court, ex spouse, Family Law, infidelity, insurance adjuster, lawyer, legal proceedings

He probably tries to rip everyone off

After all, he is an insurance adjuster and the stereotypical reputation is that they can’t be trusted.  Their interest is the insurer’s interest, not that of the insured person making a claim.

This is a copy of the email that I sent to my ex on June 13, 2016:

I am just confirming our conversation today that you are refusing to pay any portion of (daughter’s name) dance enrollment for next year.

Firstly, she was asked to audition for Team Canada yesterday which she did.  The audition fee was $35.  If she makes this team it will really help her with respect to university applications as she could get some scholarship money.

Secondly, as you aware from the (daughter’s dance studio) emails, registration for (daughter’s name) for next dance season is tomorrow.  I have told you that she is not adding any dances to her schedule.  Please let me remind you that she dropped classes each year following our separation to make payment for her classes easier for us.  She also was not able to participate in the Summer Dance Intensive program following our separation which she did every year prior to us separating.  She wanted to join baseball and take gymnastics camp to help with the acro portion of her dance, all of which she sacrificed participating in due to our financial situation. Now you have indicated that you will not pay any portion of the following:

  • Registration fee due tomorrow:  $25
  • Costume deposit for her regular 7 classes post-dated for October 1: $420
  • Monthly fee for 9 hours of dance classes: $366
  • Company (I paid her audition fee and she was accepted on this team again)
  • Company annual fee—$375 (can be split over 10 months and added to monthly withdrawal or paid all at once due September 1)
  • 2 Company costume deposits due October 1: $120

Your 71% share based on your 2014 income is as follows: 

  • $17.75 due tomorrow for registration fee
  • 9 Costume deposits post-dated cheque for October 1: $383.40
  • Company annual fee due September 1: $266.25
  • Monthly regular classes: $259.86

David, dance is (daughter’s) passion.  This is her social base and emotional outlet. It is also what she wants to do for her career. “

I am guessing that with my lawyer getting ready for us to go to court again she has had a conversation with my ex’s lawyer because now my ex has provided our older daughter with payment of her tuition for her first term of university in the amount of $3700 (I think this was the figure my daughter told me). It sounds generous but remember we did have this saved for our daughter’s education.  My ex somehow withdrew her entire RESP of $19,000–figure he gave me in May 2015, and used it to pay for entire last year expenses instead of using his own money and my support money.  If she had have been living with me, he would have paid support to me for her and from this money I would have had to pay her food, clothing, accommodation and other items. Why does he think then he is entitled to waste her entire RESP on one year and then tell her too bad you are an adult now and have to pay your own tuition?

Secondly he sent me a lump sum payment today for our youngest daughter’s dance expenses but only paid based on her monthly regular class fee of $366. He gave me one payment of $2598.60.  I thanked him for his but pointed out it is short $667.40.  He insists I only asked him to pay his share of the monthly regular classes.  He has confirmed the correct amount with the studio but insists I made the error, didn’t ask for the correct amount, my mistake, I lose, should have been more careful, why has the amount suddenly changed now, why am I asking for increased payment, etc. I see that the studio responded to him also explaining all of the correct information and informed him, as I did, that the Company fee is calculated differently and there is a registration fee.

Sigh.  It took lawyer involvement to get him to pay anything. The fact that he has $6298.60 that he can pay and the fact that my account is in a negative situation from  having to pay his share of expenses for the past year plus won’t make him look very good in court. His argument to me is that if I could go to Florida at Christmas (accommodation and flight for me and our girls was paid for in full by a family friend but he doesn’t know this) and Hawaii then I can handle paying his share.

I hope that his lawyer will advise him to pay the rest of his share of expenses including full child support.  I know his lawyer has been frustrated in the past by his obstinance. I know there is some reason for me to be happy and it does alleviate a bit of financial stress for some payment but in the end he will feel it is okay to continue to short change me and his children. He has been doing that for the past 3 1/2 years.  In his mind he thinks–she might take me to court for $6966 but if I pay that amount less $677.40 will she really take me to court for $677.40 as it will cost her more to get that amount back if she even wins.

He should have learned from January’s court experience. If he was there and heard the judge lambaste him maybe he would have learned that this judge in particular was going to make an example of this derelict father. I feel like I have no choice but to continue with court or I am doing my girls and me a disservice.  The only way that I am going to be able to move forward and receive full reimbursement for items he legally is responsible to pay is to have clearly written court orders for those amounts that can be enforced.

 

 

 

 

 

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abuse of power, affair, breach of contract, child support, control, divorce, Family Law, finances, infidelity, running

Marathon

I went for a run this morning and forgot my ipod.  I really didn’t feel like being alone with my thoughts but I wasn’t going to drive back to get it. I was on my way to run around Elk Lake and took the dog with me so he could explore off leash.  It was a gorgeous sunny day but I was feeling like the run was going to be a slog without music.

My financial situation was foremost on my mind.  Not only does my ex owe me for pet expenses, our daughter’s dance expenses and a few other random expenses that are now more than a year old (we ran out of time to settle these in court in January of this year) but now he is refusing to pay some ongoing support payments, his share of our daughter’s dance expenses for this dance season and he is throwing as many obstacles my way as he can to prevent me from doing things that need to be handled.

Our oldest daughter moved back in with me when she returned from her first year of university at the end of April. Initially, my ex refused to even acknowledge that she was living with me. Finally he agreed to pay $500/month for her starting in May.  This is technically only $300/month because I am still paying $200/month support to him for her since she lived with him the year before she went to university.  He just deducts what I owed from his support payment for our younger daughter who lives with me.

The BC Family Law Act states that child support is payable until age 19 years and then after that if the child is still dependent.  Our oldest daughter meets the dependent definition as she is attending school full-time. However, my ex determined in August that since our daughter will be 19 in 4 months she should learn responsibility as an adult and pay for her own tuition, school supplies including text books, cell phone, rent, food, clothing, etc. and be working while she is attending school. He indicated that he would therefore not be paying me support anymore for her and he stopped this September 1.  He continues to deduct the $200 of support for me to pay him as though she lives with him and he is paying her full living expenses.

He apparently spent her entire $19,000 RESP (registered education savings plan) during her first year of university. He continues to refuse to provide me any documentation about her RESP or any breakdown of the expenses he paid last year.  I have never seen a tuition invoice, residency invoice or meal plan invoice.  He claims that his accountant did her taxes but he has failed to provide us with a copy of her tax return.  She needed information from her tax return to apply for a student loan.  He also told my daughter she received a tax refund of $750 but she has never seen a cheque.

I have written post dated cheques for her monthly rent that started September 1.  I got the back to school items that she needed and I took her to school which involved an $88.20 ferry ride each way.  I’ve made sure she has spending money for food.  She did work full-time during the summer so she has some spending money and paid $549 for some of her text books but still needs more.  She asked her dad to help take her to school as well since she needed his vehicle to bring her larger items but he refused.   Not only did he refuse to help, he told her that if I showed up at his place to help her move any of her belongings that she had stored there that he would call the police on me.

 

Our youngest daughter made Team Canada for dance.  My ex has indicated that not only will he not pay for any aspect of this but that he will also not take her to any of her rehearsals.  She competes in Riesa, Germany in November.  Practices are on the mainland in BC which again means $166 in ferry fare each weekend (14 x) plus the 2 other times I had to take her there for a workshop and choreography week which involved hotel stays. Plus $3600 for the trip, competition fees, choreography fees, team jacket, etc.  Costume fees on top of that.  It is such a huge opportunity and with her dad apparently spending her RESP as well I feel like this might be what helps her to get into a university with hopefully some scholarship money.

I did try to apply for some sponsorship for the cost of her participating on Team Canada but I was also asked for my tax information.  Canada Revenue Agency stopped my taxes for pre-assessment this year.  They asked for confirmation that I am paying support to my ex for our older daughter and that our younger daughter is my dependent.  My ex said if I wrote a letter to that effect he would sign it as it isn’t his responsibility to write letters for me.  I did that and resent it several times.  He finally acknowledged he received it but still failed to sign and return the letter despite several follow ups on my part.

My rent at my new place was already $150 more and on October 1 it goes up another $300. My lawyer doesn’t think we can get a court date until November but in the meantime said she would write my ex’s lawyer for him to provide full support payments and request again the other expenses he is being asked to pay as per the mediation agreement he signed. This is just the most frustrating, long, expensive and what seems to be an unfair process in many ways.

I finished my run.  It was tiring and a little painful but I felt strong and accomplished at the end.  I was glad it was done though.  Prayerfully I can get to court in November and my year ends with me feeling the exact same way. I want to look back and know that the process was grueling, painful and there may have been no music to motivate me through but I did not give up despite the difficulty.  I know it will feel so good when it is over. This is my marathon on a very rugged and hilly terrain with terrible weather conditions and very little water to drink.

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, children, court, divorce, Family Law, infidelity, legal obligations, marriage, pets, the other woman, Uncategorized

It is about Fair Compensation, Not Winning

I guess last week’s court ruling didn’t phase Dave.  The court orders were sent to his lawyer and Dave still has not provided me with the support arrears payment or my court costs.

Instead, Dave sent me an email telling me that we have “a fundamental difference of opinion”.  He plans to continue to fight me in court with respect to refusing to pay any pet expenses.  He believes that his support payments should cover those expenses and even though he agreed in mediation to pay 50% of the pet expenses he wants a court to rule.

He believes that the same holds true for our daughter’s dance expenses.  He wrote that he agrees to pay for 70% of her “dance lessons” (even though our mediation agreement says “dance expenses”). But Dave doesn’t want to pay any portion of her dance shoes (she can’t participate unless she wears proper footwear in each class–ballet shoes, pointe shoes, tap shoes, hip hop shoes, jazz shoes, and foot undies for Lyrical).  Plus our daughter is enrolled in competitive dance classes. Dave doesn’t want to pay any portion of the competition or festival fees, or any travel expenses to get her to the competitions. And yet, when we signed her up he knew all of these expenses are part of our daughter taking dance.  This is her 7th year dancing at this studio so it isn’t a sudden surprise we have to pay for these things.

Why does a parent pay for all of these things when they are part of a family without any issue yet when they decide to fool around and leave the family they feel their kids should do without? Did they every love their child? I don’t believe Dave ever did love our children more than he loves himself.

It isn’t a financial issue.  I saw his bank account balance in his court documentation.  He can certainly afford to pay.  His dividend cheque alone that he deposited for one month is more than my entire year income by 1 1/2 times and he will have another one in a couple of months. I have managed to pay these expenses without going into debt but it has meant me and my children had to do without in other areas. It has been a 3 year struggle. I try to spend wisely and cautiously and I abhor the wasteful cost of having to fight for our rights. I can’t afford the alternative either.  The Divorcemate calculations are tested and considered fair and equal to both parents based on their earnings.  Dave doesn’t want to do without for himself and I wonder how much influence the Other Woman is applying.

He wrote to me today saying that “the court speaks clearly” on these items and “it’s not that complicated.” I believe this to be true, in our child’s favour and our pets’ favour, not his.  My lawyer doesn’t go to court to lose and she is very mindful of my financial situation. We have accepted chiselled down reimbursement by Dave every time in the interest of avoiding court and its costs but I cannot be taken advantage of by him any further and this is the only way to put an end to it.

Then Dave added:  “The reality is that there is no negotiation with you. You want to win. So you end up submitting ridiculous expenses like $5.49 for this or that. Or even the fact that you mention the expenses are now being divided 71-29 rather than the current 70-30 and I will owe extra. It’s so ridiculous and counterproductive. That’s why nothing ever gets done with you. You take silly positions and then spend thousands on your lawyer for what? Just so you can say you won? But in the end you’re paying thousands out that could be used for many other things.”

This is the exact thing I would say back to him. I have no idea what he thinks there is to win.  I just want fair compensation.

He sums up his email as follows:  “So while I appreciate the “offer to negotiate” with you, the past has spoken very clearly that isn’t something you really want to do unless you get everything you demand. You’ve proven to be unreasonable and submitting unending expenses regardless of the value. I’m tired of this constant badgering and so I’m left with no choice but to let the courts decide what is or isn’t reasonable.”

I find it so interesting that he is trying to make me look like the bad person just for submitting expenses to him that he agreed to pay because he considers the amount to be too minor.  That shows that money is not a concern to him and that it is a day-to-day worry for me.  There will be an end to the expenses at some point in time but currently we share pets together and our daughter participates in dance so there will be ongoing expenses. David should have expected that when he agreed to adopt 3 pets into our family and when he decided to have children. I appreciate that he has decided to leave the family and it would be much more convenient if he could just continue to run away from his responsibilities associated with his family, too.

Dave feels badgered simply because there are consequences to his actions that he prefers to ignore.  He is now being held accountability for his failure to honour agreements, take care of his responsibilities, follow court rules, pay bills and for making stupid decisions in his life.  Dave’s decision to just let the courts decide saves him from having to own his life decisions and accept the consequences now. He will avoid, delay and refuse for as long as that works for him. When he loses he will just blame the courts, his lawyer and he will continue to blame me.

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, breach of contract, cheating, child support, children, control, court, divorce, Family Law, infidelity, lawyer, legal process, marriage, separatiion, spousal support

Back to Business

We were supposed to go to court on December 17, 2015 but Dave’s lawyer pushed it into the new year. We are scheduled to appear on January 20, 2016.

Dave owes me more than $11,000 from July 1 – December 31, 2015 for spousal and child support as well as pet expenses.  The amount is based on a formula as per our income tax figures and the amount agreed upon as per our mediation agreement but he chooses not to pay. I need the court order to enforce payment.

My name is on our older daughter’s school account that Dave was responsible to pay from September 2014 to June 2015.  The bill is for  incidentals, not tuition. She was living with him at that time.  He hasn’t paid a dime. When she lived with me for the 2 years she incurred these expenses I paid them 100% with no child support. That amount is now $1229.88.

There are a few other things we are requesting.

There isn’t a whole lot more you can do when you have an agreement with someone who has zero integrity. I wish I had never wasted time, energy, and money with the Collaborative process or mediation.  You have to know who you are fighting against and a court decision is the only hope that I have in putting an end to my ex’s game playing  with my finances and putting an end to our marriage officially.

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adultery, affair, British Columbia, cheating, divorce, ex spouse, Family Law, legal system, separation agreement

Consent Order

I have given my lawyer all the receipts that my ex has failed to reimburse. Given the difficulties that I am experiencing with respect to reimbursement she has advised that an enforceable court order is required. I am only asking for reimbursement of items that we agreed to in mediation.  I sent him an email today to confirm his position.  This was his response:
“There is no failure to honour our agreement? I chose to pay those expenses you had incurred at mediation to resolve the issue. There was no agreement that going forward those expenses would be reimbursed.   You receive spousal support and within that you have to make due with whatever expenses you choose to incur. You claim to the girls you have no money but yet you’re going away this upcoming weekend?? Maybe you should focus your efforts on unpacking boxes and getting your new home in order rather than emailing me incessantly. Move on with your life and stop trying to get me to pay every little thing here and there. I have never asked you to contribute to anything but you are always asking me to pay for some little thing here and there. I pay my support on time and in full. You say you want nothing to do with me, so please don’t. Stop contacting me. If there is something that was a legitimate expense, then email or regular mail it. You don’t have to see me or drop off things to me. There’s no reason other than something to do with our kids that you need to have any contact with me.”
My ex’s lawyer is away on vacation for 2 weeks.  He is aware this is how we are proceeding.  He told my lawyer that if I proceed to get a court order then my ex will request a restraining order against me from attending his work.  We are fine with this.  The only reason I have ever attended his work (twice in the last 2 1/2 years) is to drop off expenses. The first time I attended his office with receipts my scanner wasn’t working and this most recent time my scanner is still packed in a box somewhere. Regardless of him receiving receipts, he isn’t paying.
We will write my ex’s lawyer our position in 2 weeks upon his return from vacation.  Failing a response that my ex agrees to give a Consent Order, we are immediately filing an application in court.
I just reviewed the mediation agreement and it is very clear that pet expenses were not an “interim expense pending the sale of the house” as some things in our mediation agreement were written up under this category. Even my ex’s lawyer, when he wrote up the good copy of the separation agreement based on the mediation agreement, wrote up a 50/50 split of pet expenses.  My lawyer indicates that pets are treated like children in family law.
We are applying to have the anticipated future expenses added on to the spousal/child support payments so I don’t have to finance my ex’s share or chase him down for reimbursement.  I can then provide the order to Family Maintenance and they will collect the monthly amount from my ex and provide it to me.  They do the chasing down and they have procedures in place to enforce payment.  It gives me an even further distance from my ex as I don’t even have to get a monthly etransfer notice from him.  The sum is directly deposited into my account by Family Maintenance.
The order is also to ensure we get full disclosure from my ex.  He still hasn’t provided his 2014 tax return. Therefore, the spousal and child support amounts are inaccurate. His lawyer promised it in June and is now promising it again in August.  Filing tax returns in Canada is considered late and penalties are imposed if your return is not filed by April 30. Avoiding, delaying and refusing has been the same old pattern we have experienced for the past 2 years.  They are also refusing to provide my ex’s banking information saying it is not relevant when in fact we have a very legitimate reason for requesting it.  There are transactions that don’t make sense so it appears he has failed to disclose at least one account. As per the mediation rules, if he failed to disclose, that money is automatically awarded to me.
After my ex sent me the quoted email above he sent me a further email today.
“Oh by the way i bought (younger daughter’s name) some sandals today that cost $125 which i expect you to reimburse me for. You can do an etransfer for me.”
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