Category Archives: Family Law

adultery, affair, cheating, child support, children, divorce, Family Law, in sickness and in health, legal system, parenting

As I Lay Dying

I had cold symptoms for 2 weeks that started with a sore throat but mostly involved just a dry cough.  I continued to work but towards the end of the first week of symptoms, the cold seemed to move to my right side; I had a swollen eye and my ear was plugged.  Two days later my left eye also was affected.  My eyes were red but it didn’t feel or look like pink eye so  I continued to work through the second week with no improvement but no new symptoms. I was still running, swimming, socializing and found a new place to live for me and my girls for April 1.

Saturday night, February 22, I walked into our downtown and back (an hour total).  It was 10 pm when I returned and I felt a bit chilled.  It had been drizzling, I walked home quickly so just thought I was little sweaty and cooling down. I sat on the couch and put a blanket around me and then I got a bad headache, which is very rare for me. I found some Tylenol but it did nothing. Three hours later I took Ibuprofen.  I was still chilled and shaking and thought I was definitely coming down with the flu.

I continued piggy backing between Tylenol and Ibuprofen getting no relief. I had no appetite all day Sunday and mostly slept but managed to have some soup Sunday night. It did not sit well.  I called in sick for Monday. I slept 10 hours through the night and into the next morning.  Monday at noon I tried to make a smoothie.  I would get up from the couch and put one ingredient in the blender and have to sit back down because I thought I was going to pass out. I did this 3 times for each ingredient. My oldest daughter came home for lunch and blended it for me and brought it to me.  I could barely drink it. I slept and then threw it up.  I was not able to eat anything else after that and by Monday night I couldn’t even keep fluids down. I texted my boss that I was not able to come in Tuesday either.

Late Tuesday morning my boss contacted me to see how I was doing.  I had slept 11 hours, had no energy or appetite and was still nauseous. I told him I thought I should go to the hospital.  He offered to drive me. I told him that I thought I needed to call an ambulance because there was no way I could even sit up to be a passenger in his vehicle, i was still vomiting even though there was nothing in my stomach and I could not envision being able wall into the hospital and wait.

The paramedics tried to measure my pulse and oxygen level in the ambulance. They placed the oximeter on every finger and thumb of each hand and were not able to get a reading.  They took my blood pressure when I arrived at Emergency and it was 82/51. My temperature was 38,3. A nurse was assigned to stay with me and she said she would not leave my side.  They placed me in an isolation room, started IV fluids and they took blood. They moved me to another room where the doctor came and told me that I was a very sick woman.  She said that my kidneys were shutting down. She said for a young woman like me that was very concerning and that I would have to stay in the hospital for at least a couple of days until they figured out what was going on.  They started me on 2 different IV antibiotics.

I remained in Emerg for 11 hours. I texted my girls and my boss and then I had a long time to just lie and think. I thought about my life and was very grateful for the life I had been given and the life that I led.  There was no one that I felt I had wronged and needed to apologize to or that there was anything left unsaid in any of my relationships. I was concerned for my girls and what they would do without me.  We were moving April 1, would they still go; I hoped my ex would pay for their needs but I had my doubts and I wondered how they would pack everything themselves.  I suspected my friends would step in and help. I wondered if my ex and Janice would move into my place and look after my girls but I doubted that. I was disappointed that I never did get the money my ex owed me and wondered what would happen to our court case; maybe my lawyer would carry through on behalf of my estate so she could get her bill paid, too. I wondered if anyone would step in to advocate on behalf of my youngest daughter to ensure she received from her dad everything that she needed and was entitled to receive. I knew there was nothing in him that would say, “I calculate that I owe your mom $117,000. I will provide each of you with half of that money.” Nope, he would be dancing on my grave and would not give up a dime without being ordered by a judge to do so.

These were all just thoughts that didn’t matter. They floated through my mind and left. I never wanted to leave my girls or leave them in a precarious position with a parent who didn’t want to parent but I was content to die. I was at peace. There was nothing I felt I still had to do.  I tried my best to do what was right for me and my girls in the time that I was given and I did my best.  I wondered if anyone at my volunteer job, as an advocate to help others fight poverty, would know what happened to me.  I didn’t want them to think I just quit. I left all my unfinished business behind though and started to focus on the hope of seeing my parents, my grandmother, my dog who just passed in the summer and my pets before him and my very good friend who had just passed 2 months earlier as well as 3 other friends who were in my mind at that time.  As sick as I was, I was ready to let everything on this earth go.

 

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abuse of power, child support, Family Law, infidelity, legal proceedings, Male abuse of power and wealth, special expenss, spousal support, Supreme Court of British Columbia

Apparently I am a Bar Joke

2019 ended with my ex sending an email acknowledging he owed me $117,000 in retroactive support payments but advised that his lawyer told him not to pay me unless I sign an order dismissing all outstanding matters before the court.  He also reduced his support payments to me by more than $700/month to put pressure on me to do this.

We have a mediation agreement in place that spells out exactly how he is to pay support. For 3 years he chose not to disclose his income.  I had no choice but to go to court in order for him to do this.  That forced him to disclose 2 years of income information and to file his taxes for the 3rd year of income. He still failed, however, to disclose all sources of income as per the agreement so the judge gave him an additional 60 days to do that.  He did not.  Now we have to secure another court date.  It is clear from what has been disclosed that he at least owes $117,000 but he said he isn’t going to pay voluntarily.  He will wait for the judge to order that.

This is not a negotiable issue. We have an agreement in place since 2014 but as usual, even though he gloated about how much he “won” in that agreement, he still wants to play games and withhold support as a power and control move over me. His response:

“You’ve become a bar joke Robyn. People always have a horror story about divorce and the crazy ex’s and what they have to pay in support. No one can top me. I tell people to read the blog so they can see what type of person I’m dealing with. I tell people how much I pay in support and they are flabbergasted at what you do. That’s what you’ve become at age 53, a bar joke, and not much else.”

He’s got one thing right.  No one can top him.

He makes in excess of $225,000/year.  He won’t pay any portion of our daughter’s dance expenses even though he agreed this would be a special expense where we pay our share according to our income. He never paid a dime towards our pet expenses even though he agreed to pay 50%.  He hasn’t contributed a dime to support our daughter’s Global Perspectives trip to Tanzania where she has worked for 2 years in school to raise funds to build a library for a girls’ dorm.  He came to one meeting, signed the consent for her to go, made an appearance at one of the fundraisers (although apart from his $15/ticket he never gave any money to the cause or donated anything for the silent auction) and even though he knows exactly from the meeting the cost of the trip he still asked me twice to send over the information. (I actually have sent it at least 3 times and every time I followed up asking if he was forwarding his share of the payments to me he asked me to send the documentation again).  There are a lot of things she needs for this trip but all I asked him to contribute towards is the flight and hotel–$4800, $180 for the passport and $250 for vaccinations and malaria pills. He recognizes that the trip is considered an Extraordinary Expense under the Family Law Act for our daughter’s education and knows he is required to pay his share.  His response to me in December is that I can’t have my cake and eat it too. He wants me to sign the consent saying I won’t go after him for anything else he is responsible to pay, he will pay me the $117,000 and he will then consider paying me the trip (the expense was incurred after our court application was filed so it is not currently before the court, but we will now just add it).

If he wants to complain about what he has to pay in support, he should at least pay it. If he didn’t want to pay support, he never should have had an affair and left the marriage.  If he now spends his time sitting in bars telling his story to anyone who will listen then I suspect that 7 years after having an affair and destroying his family and everything we built together, that the grass is not so green on the other side.

 

 

 

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abuse of power, adultery, breach of contract, child support, court, divorce, Family Law, judgement, legal proceedings, marriage breakdown, single parent

Court Update

It is difficult to believe that it has been over a year since we applied to go to court and we still have no final resolution. This is the reality of dealing with a bitter ex who is not interested in resolving issues and dissolving the marriage. His behaviour from 7 years ago, when I first found out about his affair and we split immediately, has not changed. In all of his bluster, repeatedly admonishing at the end of each of his emails for me to move forward, he is the one who is stuck. He is either so damaged, broken and paralyzed that he cannot let go or he is just plain evil acting out against me and in spite of his children with vindictiveness, bullying, control, intimidation, anger and abuse of power. Whatever the reason, he is blind and cannot see.

When the final decision comes in, I will outline everything.  It is a stark warning for any couple who cannot work out their differences fairly and honestly with the best interest of the children, and the partner who stays with the children as the primary caregiver, in mind.

We appeared before the judge at the end of January 2019.  The judge released a partial decision in July.  It is common for a decision to take up to 6 months.  There are procedures in place if the decision has not been received by then but if you go to court don’t expect a quick outcome.

My ex was ordered to pay me $17,700 in back child support for our youngest child.  He was also ordered to pay Canadian Revenue Agency $8544.84 directly under my name for tax debt that he caused me by claiming he paid spousal support when he did not.

The mediated agreement that was put in place in November 2014 is the biggest regret of my life.  Part of that agreement allowed my ex to claim support he didn’t pay but he was required to pay any tax implication that claim created. He did not do it at the time it was incurred.  He needed to be ordered to pay this by a judge and as a result there is a large amount of interest outstanding. That is an issue that I may now have to deal with in another court with a tax lawyer. Calculating daily interest back to 2015 is another, separate issue.

At the end of our court hearing in January 2019, my ex was also ordered to continue to pay me $8000/month for child and spousal support.  This was the amount my ex voluntarily started to pay in December 2018 at the advice of his lawyer so he would not look as bad to the judge for not providing income information for the previous 3 years.  He knew that his income had increased substantially. He had been paying $2728/month.

We will likely not appear before the judge again until the new year.  I will go through the entire decision once it has been received in full.  I think it will be helpful to anyone considering court.  It should only be a last resort option for sure.  The entire $17,700 that my ex owed for support for our child went directly to my lawyer and it only paid for 50% of my outstanding legal fee.  Not to mention what I have paid in fees over the past 7 years and what my ex has paid.

It is clear that the financial burden of going to court is why many single parents left to care for their children are not able to hold their ex’s accountable for support payments. I think it is wrong for any spouse and parent to abandon their obligation to their family.  My conscience compels me to stand up for myself and my girls. It would be a disservice to me, my children and to society as a whole who ends up burdened in social services costs and the consequences of poverty and lack of hope, especially with our youth. That is a whole other blog topic.

 

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adultery, divorce, Family Law, Janice Andrews, legal proceedings, marriage breakdown, spousal support

It is all in the Judge’s hands

Court is finished for now.  There is a lot of material for the judge to review before making his ruling.  He did, however, make an order for my ex to start paying me $5300/month more than he had been paying me.  He commented that there is no chance of my ex over paying pending his decision as there are “significant arrears”.

My ex never showed his face in court.  His lawyer attended on his behalf and just read from my ex’s affidavit.

They did try some dirty tricks. My ex hired a private investigator to surveil me the week before our hearing.  He and his lawyer also travelled to Vancouver the day before our hearing getting my older daughter to swear an affidavit against me.  The judge did not allow these documents to be entered.  He commented that having a child, even an adult one, swear against another parent can cause significant, long term damage to the family.  He also found them to be irrelevant.

This was all done for the purpose of trying to sully my character to the judge. My ex also quoted my “scornedwifeblog” in his affidavit and his lawyer read the example title “How to Handle Hoes like Janice Andrews”. It is a very benign entry just relaying a Beyoncé story but it was chosen to try to embarrass me. Two ways that I think this backfired: 1) Now the judge knows that my ex is the cheater which is another strike against his moral character. 2) The blog, that my ex has tried so hard to get me to halt, is now documented in the Supreme Court of Canada, specifically highlighting Janice Andrew’s name. people bringing you down quote

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adultery, cheating, children, court, divorce, Family Law, judgement, litigation, separatiion, spousal support, Supreme Court of Canada

Justice

I had two court dates scheduled in November and December 2018 to pursue money owed to me by my ex.  Both dates were adjourned and we are now scheduled to proceed on Monday, January 28, 2019.

It is interesting to me that the word of the year for 2018, as chosen by Merriam Webster dictionary was in fact “Justice.” Apparently the search for this word increased by 74%.

In keeping with the theme, I just returned home from watching the movie Serenity starring Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway. Matthew’s character just happened to be trying to catch a monster tuna fish that he named “Justice”.

Here’s hoping I finally catch this fish!justice image

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adultery, affair, child support, court, Family Law, legal proceedings, litigation, spousal support, Supreme Court of Canada

The Noose is Tightening

I showed up at court on November 22, 2018.  Our original date was November 20, 2018 but we changed the date at the request of my ex’s lawyer.  I was to meet my lawyer at 9:30 a.m. at the court house before heading to our 9:45 a.m. Supreme Court of Canada hearing.

She advised that my ex’s lawyer contacted her at 9:00 a.m. offering a sum in excess of $100,000 if I agreed to adjourn the hearing. That was still a low ball offer, was not in writing so my ex could not be trusted to keep his word and it was clearly because my ex was not prepared and wanted to buy more time until some point in the new year. He had missed the deadline for filing his response and it had still not been filed as of the day of hearing so there was a good chance my court application would be considered uncontested by him.  I had no desire to put off resolving our issues any more and I refused to accept this offer.

The hearing ended up being adjourned anyways.  Two supposedly quick 10-minute hearings were heard before our scheduled 2 hour hearing. One lady was self-represented so this hearing dragged a lot longer than anticipated. My lawyer and my ex’s lawyer were discussing numbers (of course my ex didn’t have the courage to show his face in court to a judge) until it was our turn.  Then the judge announced she was taking her scheduled break in 15 minutes (11:15) and then her lunch as scheduled and would commence with the afternoon hearings as scheduled at 1:00 p.m.  Therefore, she doubted she had time to hear my case.  She listened for 15 minutes and felt there might be a jurisdiction issue and my ex’s lawyer would have to agree she had jurisdiction to rule.  Of course he wouldn’t do this as he didn’t want the hearing to proceed so we had no choice but to reschedule.

I overheard my ex’s lawyer calling my ex to confirm his availability for a December 7 court date.  His lawyer said to him, “Ya, you can loosen the noose for now but don’t put it away in your closet.  It is going to get tight again real soon.”

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adultery, affair, breach of contract, Family Law, infidelity, legal proceedings, mediation, unfaithfulness

The Thanksgiving Turkey has been Served!

The Friday of our Canadian Thanksgiving long weekend, we served my ex with our court application outlining all the areas that he continues to owe me money.  They are all items that he agreed to pay in our Mediation Agreement back in November 2014. He also promised, as per the Mediation Agreement, to provide his tax information on May 1 of every year but he has not done that for the past 2 years.  Any other items are in accordance with the Family Law Act.

We just heard back from his lawyer.  They have asked that we change the date, which we agreed, and they will be providing us with their response shortly. November 22 will hopefully bring a long over-due resolution to our ongoing legal issues.

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abuse of power, adultery, affair, Betrayal, bullying, cheating, child support, court, ex spouse, Family Law, infidelity, insurance adjuster, lawyer, legal proceedings

He probably tries to rip everyone off

After all, he is an insurance adjuster and the stereotypical reputation is that they can’t be trusted.  Their interest is the insurer’s interest, not that of the insured person making a claim.

This is a copy of the email that I sent to my ex on June 13, 2016:

“I am just confirming our conversation today that you are refusing to pay any portion of (daughter’s name) dance enrollment for next year.

Firstly, she was asked to audition for Team Canada yesterday which she did.  The audition fee was $35.  If she makes this team it will really help her with respect to university applications as she could get some scholarship money.

Secondly, as you aware from the (daughter’s dance studio) emails, registration for (daughter’s name) for next dance season is tomorrow.  I have told you that she is not adding any dances to her schedule.  Please let me remind you that she dropped classes each year following our separation to make payment for her classes easier for us.  She also was not able to participate in the Summer Dance Intensive program following our separation which she did every year prior to us separating.  She wanted to join baseball and take gymnastics camp to help with the acro portion of her dance, all of which she sacrificed participating in due to our financial situation. Now you have indicated that you will not pay any portion of the following:

  • Registration fee due tomorrow:  $25
  • Costume deposit for her regular 7 classes post-dated for October 1: $420
  • Monthly fee for 9 hours of dance classes: $366
  • Company (I paid her audition fee and she was accepted on this team again)
  • Company annual fee—$375 (can be split over 10 months and added to monthly withdrawal or paid all at once due September 1)
  • 2 Company costume deposits due October 1: $120

Your 71% share based on your 2014 income is as follows: 

  • $17.75 due tomorrow for registration fee
  • 9 Costume deposits post-dated cheque for October 1: $383.40
  • Company annual fee due September 1: $266.25
  • Monthly regular classes: $259.86

David, dance is (daughter’s) passion.  This is her social base and emotional outlet. It is also what she wants to do for her career. “

I am guessing that with my lawyer getting ready for us to go to court again she has had a conversation with my ex’s lawyer because now my ex has provided our older daughter with payment of her tuition for her first term of university in the amount of $3700 (I think this was the figure my daughter told me). It sounds generous but remember we did have this saved for our daughter’s education.  My ex somehow withdrew her entire RESP of $19,000–figure he gave me in May 2015, and used it to pay for entire last year expenses instead of using his own money and my support money.  If she had have been living with me, he would have paid support to me for her and from this money I would have had to pay her food, clothing, accommodation and other items. Why does he think then he is entitled to waste her entire RESP on one year and then tell her too bad you are an adult now and have to pay your own tuition?

Secondly he sent me a lump sum payment today for our youngest daughter’s dance expenses but only paid based on her monthly regular class fee of $366. He gave me one payment of $2598.60.  I thanked him for his but pointed out it is short $667.40.  He insists I only asked him to pay his share of the monthly regular classes.  He has confirmed the correct amount with the studio but insists I made the error, didn’t ask for the correct amount, my mistake, I lose, should have been more careful, why has the amount suddenly changed now, why am I asking for increased payment, etc. I see that the studio responded to him also explaining all of the correct information and informed him, as I did, that the Company fee is calculated differently and there is a registration fee.

Sigh.  It took lawyer involvement to get him to pay anything. The fact that he has $6298.60 that he can pay and the fact that my account is in a negative situation from  having to pay his share of expenses for the past year plus won’t make him look very good in court. His argument to me is that if I could go to Florida at Christmas (accommodation and flight for me and our girls was paid for in full by a family friend but he doesn’t know this) and Hawaii then I can handle paying his share.

I hope that his lawyer will advise him to pay the rest of his share of expenses including full child support.  I know his lawyer has been frustrated in the past by his obstinance. I know there is some reason for me to be happy and it does alleviate a bit of financial stress for some payment but in the end he will feel it is okay to continue to short change me and his children. He has been doing that for the past 3 1/2 years.  In his mind he thinks–she might take me to court for $6966 but if I pay that amount less $677.40 will she really take me to court for $677.40 as it will cost her more to get that amount back if she even wins.

He should have learned from January’s court experience. If he was there and heard the judge lambaste him maybe he would have learned that this judge in particular was going to make an example of this derelict father. I feel like I have no choice but to continue with court or I am doing my girls and me a disservice.  The only way that I am going to be able to move forward and receive full reimbursement for items he legally is responsible to pay is to have clearly written court orders for those amounts that can be enforced.

 

 

 

 

 

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abuse of power, affair, breach of contract, child support, control, divorce, Family Law, finances, infidelity, running

Marathon

I went for a run this morning and forgot my ipod.  I really didn’t feel like being alone with my thoughts but I wasn’t going to drive back to get it. I was on my way to run around Elk Lake and took the dog with me so he could explore off leash.  It was a gorgeous sunny day but I was feeling like the run was going to be a slog without music.

My financial situation was foremost on my mind.  Not only does my ex owe me for pet expenses, our daughter’s dance expenses and a few other random expenses that are now more than a year old (we ran out of time to settle these in court in January of this year) but now he is refusing to pay some ongoing support payments, his share of our daughter’s dance expenses for this dance season and he is throwing as many obstacles my way as he can to prevent me from doing things that need to be handled.

Our oldest daughter moved back in with me when she returned from her first year of university at the end of April. Initially, my ex refused to even acknowledge that she was living with me. Finally he agreed to pay $500/month for her starting in May.  This is technically only $300/month because I am still paying $200/month support to him for her since she lived with him the year before she went to university.  He just deducts what I owed from his support payment for our younger daughter who lives with me.

The BC Family Law Act states that child support is payable until age 19 years and then after that if the child is still dependent.  Our oldest daughter meets the dependent definition as she is attending school full-time. However, my ex determined in August that since our daughter will be 19 in 4 months she should learn responsibility as an adult and pay for her own tuition, school supplies including text books, cell phone, rent, food, clothing, etc. and be working while she is attending school. He indicated that he would therefore not be paying me support anymore for her and he stopped this September 1.  He continues to deduct the $200 of support for me to pay him as though she lives with him and he is paying her full living expenses.

He apparently spent her entire $19,000 RESP (registered education savings plan) during her first year of university. He continues to refuse to provide me any documentation about her RESP or any breakdown of the expenses he paid last year.  I have never seen a tuition invoice, residency invoice or meal plan invoice.  He claims that his accountant did her taxes but he has failed to provide us with a copy of her tax return.  She needed information from her tax return to apply for a student loan.  He also told my daughter she received a tax refund of $750 but she has never seen a cheque.

I have written post dated cheques for her monthly rent that started September 1.  I got the back to school items that she needed and I took her to school which involved an $88.20 ferry ride each way.  I’ve made sure she has spending money for food.  She did work full-time during the summer so she has some spending money and paid $549 for some of her text books but still needs more.  She asked her dad to help take her to school as well since she needed his vehicle to bring her larger items but he refused.   Not only did he refuse to help, he told her that if I showed up at his place to help her move any of her belongings that she had stored there that he would call the police on me.

 

Our youngest daughter made Team Canada for dance.  My ex has indicated that not only will he not pay for any aspect of this but that he will also not take her to any of her rehearsals.  She competes in Riesa, Germany in November.  Practices are on the mainland in BC which again means $166 in ferry fare each weekend (14 x) plus the 2 other times I had to take her there for a workshop and choreography week which involved hotel stays. Plus $3600 for the trip, competition fees, choreography fees, team jacket, etc.  Costume fees on top of that.  It is such a huge opportunity and with her dad apparently spending her RESP as well I feel like this might be what helps her to get into a university with hopefully some scholarship money.

I did try to apply for some sponsorship for the cost of her participating on Team Canada but I was also asked for my tax information.  Canada Revenue Agency stopped my taxes for pre-assessment this year.  They asked for confirmation that I am paying support to my ex for our older daughter and that our younger daughter is my dependent.  My ex said if I wrote a letter to that effect he would sign it as it isn’t his responsibility to write letters for me.  I did that and resent it several times.  He finally acknowledged he received it but still failed to sign and return the letter despite several follow ups on my part.

My rent at my new place was already $150 more and on October 1 it goes up another $300. My lawyer doesn’t think we can get a court date until November but in the meantime said she would write my ex’s lawyer for him to provide full support payments and request again the other expenses he is being asked to pay as per the mediation agreement he signed. This is just the most frustrating, long, expensive and what seems to be an unfair process in many ways.

I finished my run.  It was tiring and a little painful but I felt strong and accomplished at the end.  I was glad it was done though.  Prayerfully I can get to court in November and my year ends with me feeling the exact same way. I want to look back and know that the process was grueling, painful and there may have been no music to motivate me through but I did not give up despite the difficulty.  I know it will feel so good when it is over. This is my marathon on a very rugged and hilly terrain with terrible weather conditions and very little water to drink.

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, children, court, divorce, Family Law, infidelity, legal obligations, marriage, pets, the other woman, Uncategorized

It is about Fair Compensation, Not Winning

I guess last week’s court ruling didn’t phase Dave.  The court orders were sent to his lawyer and Dave still has not provided me with the support arrears payment or my court costs.

Instead, Dave sent me an email telling me that we have “a fundamental difference of opinion”.  He plans to continue to fight me in court with respect to refusing to pay any pet expenses.  He believes that his support payments should cover those expenses and even though he agreed in mediation to pay 50% of the pet expenses he wants a court to rule.

He believes that the same holds true for our daughter’s dance expenses.  He wrote that he agrees to pay for 70% of her “dance lessons” (even though our mediation agreement says “dance expenses”). But Dave doesn’t want to pay any portion of her dance shoes (she can’t participate unless she wears proper footwear in each class–ballet shoes, pointe shoes, tap shoes, hip hop shoes, jazz shoes, and foot undies for Lyrical).  Plus our daughter is enrolled in competitive dance classes. Dave doesn’t want to pay any portion of the competition or festival fees, or any travel expenses to get her to the competitions. And yet, when we signed her up he knew all of these expenses are part of our daughter taking dance.  This is her 7th year dancing at this studio so it isn’t a sudden surprise we have to pay for these things.

Why does a parent pay for all of these things when they are part of a family without any issue yet when they decide to fool around and leave the family they feel their kids should do without? Did they every love their child? I don’t believe Dave ever did love our children more than he loves himself.

It isn’t a financial issue.  I saw his bank account balance in his court documentation.  He can certainly afford to pay.  His dividend cheque alone that he deposited for one month is more than my entire year income by 1 1/2 times and he will have another one in a couple of months. I have managed to pay these expenses without going into debt but it has meant me and my children had to do without in other areas. It has been a 3 year struggle. I try to spend wisely and cautiously and I abhor the wasteful cost of having to fight for our rights. I can’t afford the alternative either.  The Divorcemate calculations are tested and considered fair and equal to both parents based on their earnings.  Dave doesn’t want to do without for himself and I wonder how much influence the Other Woman is applying.

He wrote to me today saying that “the court speaks clearly” on these items and “it’s not that complicated.” I believe this to be true, in our child’s favour and our pets’ favour, not his.  My lawyer doesn’t go to court to lose and she is very mindful of my financial situation. We have accepted chiselled down reimbursement by Dave every time in the interest of avoiding court and its costs but I cannot be taken advantage of by him any further and this is the only way to put an end to it.

Then Dave added:  “The reality is that there is no negotiation with you. You want to win. So you end up submitting ridiculous expenses like $5.49 for this or that. Or even the fact that you mention the expenses are now being divided 71-29 rather than the current 70-30 and I will owe extra. It’s so ridiculous and counterproductive. That’s why nothing ever gets done with you. You take silly positions and then spend thousands on your lawyer for what? Just so you can say you won? But in the end you’re paying thousands out that could be used for many other things.”

This is the exact thing I would say back to him. I have no idea what he thinks there is to win.  I just want fair compensation.

He sums up his email as follows:  “So while I appreciate the “offer to negotiate” with you, the past has spoken very clearly that isn’t something you really want to do unless you get everything you demand. You’ve proven to be unreasonable and submitting unending expenses regardless of the value. I’m tired of this constant badgering and so I’m left with no choice but to let the courts decide what is or isn’t reasonable.”

I find it so interesting that he is trying to make me look like the bad person just for submitting expenses to him that he agreed to pay because he considers the amount to be too minor.  That shows that money is not a concern to him and that it is a day-to-day worry for me.  There will be an end to the expenses at some point in time but currently we share pets together and our daughter participates in dance so there will be ongoing expenses. David should have expected that when he agreed to adopt 3 pets into our family and when he decided to have children. I appreciate that he has decided to leave the family and it would be much more convenient if he could just continue to run away from his responsibilities associated with his family, too.

Dave feels badgered simply because there are consequences to his actions that he prefers to ignore.  He is now being held accountability for his failure to honour agreements, take care of his responsibilities, follow court rules, pay bills and for making stupid decisions in his life.  Dave’s decision to just let the courts decide saves him from having to own his life decisions and accept the consequences now. He will avoid, delay and refuse for as long as that works for him. When he loses he will just blame the courts, his lawyer and he will continue to blame me.

 

 

 

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