It is difficult to believe that it has been over a year since we applied to go to court and we still have no final resolution. This is the reality of dealing with a bitter ex who is not interested in resolving issues and dissolving the marriage. His behaviour from 7 years ago, when I first found out about his affair and we split immediately, has not changed. In all of his bluster, repeatedly admonishing at the end of each of his emails for me to move forward, he is the one who is stuck. He is either so damaged, broken and paralyzed that he cannot let go or he is just plain evil acting out against me and in spite of his children with vindictiveness, bullying, control, intimidation, anger and abuse of power. Whatever the reason, he is blind and cannot see.
When the final decision comes in, I will outline everything. It is a stark warning for any couple who cannot work out their differences fairly and honestly with the best interest of the children, and the partner who stays with the children as the primary caregiver, in mind.
We appeared before the judge at the end of January 2019. The judge released a partial decision in July. It is common for a decision to take up to 6 months. There are procedures in place if the decision has not been received by then but if you go to court don’t expect a quick outcome.
My ex was ordered to pay me $17,700 in back child support for our youngest child. He was also ordered to pay Canadian Revenue Agency $8544.84 directly under my name for tax debt that he caused me by claiming he paid spousal support when he did not.
The mediated agreement that was put in place in November 2014 is the biggest regret of my life. Part of that agreement allowed my ex to claim support he didn’t pay but he was required to pay any tax implication that claim created. He did not do it at the time it was incurred. He needed to be ordered to pay this by a judge and as a result there is a large amount of interest outstanding. That is an issue that I may now have to deal with in another court with a tax lawyer. Calculating daily interest back to 2015 is another, separate issue.
At the end of our court hearing in January 2019, my ex was also ordered to continue to pay me $8000/month for child and spousal support. This was the amount my ex voluntarily started to pay in December 2018 at the advice of his lawyer so he would not look as bad to the judge for not providing income information for the previous 3 years. He knew that his income had increased substantially. He had been paying $2728/month.
We will likely not appear before the judge again until the new year. I will go through the entire decision once it has been received in full. I think it will be helpful to anyone considering court. It should only be a last resort option for sure. The entire $17,700 that my ex owed for support for our child went directly to my lawyer and it only paid for 50% of my outstanding legal fee. Not to mention what I have paid in fees over the past 7 years and what my ex has paid.
It is clear that the financial burden of going to court is why many single parents left to care for their children are not able to hold their ex’s accountable for support payments. I think it is wrong for any spouse and parent to abandon their obligation to their family. My conscience compels me to stand up for myself and my girls. It would be a disservice to me, my children and to society as a whole who ends up burdened in social services costs and the consequences of poverty and lack of hope, especially with our youth. That is a whole other blog topic.