adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce, ex spouse, family, father/daughter, loss, Love, marriage, marriage breakdown, parenting after separation, unfaithfulness

Mr. Lakusu Stories

My 20-year old daughter posted this on her Facebook page on February 13.  She was home this weekend and asked me if I saw it.  I am not on Facebook very often and told her I had not.  She said that her dad did. He messaged her and asked her what the post was all about.  She said she felt it was important that people don’t take people for granted and that they are appreciated for all they do.  He apparently replied that it was a good message.  It certainly sounds like the story of our family.  If it resonates with my ex–good:

“I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.

We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.

I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she ‘got’ me.

This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

She spent her free time taking care of us — our kids, making our suppers, doing out washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie — everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

I moved to another province with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual ‘Dad’ set up.

New beginnings

Life was sweet!

Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realisation one night, at about 2am.

I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I’d treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

Regret sets in

But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

Too late

And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes — they got married.

My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.

It should have been me.

Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love.”

“HOPE this helps a few marriages, Love and appreciate a Good woman”.


affair, anger, Betrayal, cheating, deceit, ego, ex spouse, infidelity, lies, marriage breakdown, other woman, separation

The Girl on the Train

My 14-year old announced this week that she wanted to read The Girl on the Train.

I was excited for her to declare that she wanted to read anything.  She doesn’t enjoy reading. I have bought many books on many subjects and ones she has chose that she thinks she might be interested to read but the cover is never cracked or she can’t make it past the first chapter.

She went on to tell me that her teacher has the book in their Grade 9 classroom but that she needs parental consent before being able to sign it out as the teacher described the content as “edgy”.

I loved reading the same books as my older daughter. That started when she was 10.  She is a voracious reader and it gave us a bond we share today recommending and discussing literature with each other.  So I suggested to my 14-year old that we go to Costco and buy the book so that I can read it first. Then if I think the subject matter appropriate she can read it next.

When she found the book at Costco the first thing she did was exactly what her dad does–flip to the back to see how many pages. My ex wasn’t a reader before meeting me. When he finally joined me reading in bed before we turned out the lights, if a book had more than 180 pages, regardless of how great the story was supposed to be, he refused to read it.

My daughter moaned about it’s thickness and small print. I admonished her to put the book in the cart before she saw the 395 pages.

As I start to read the book tonight, one theme is clear: infidelity.

When the main character finds out that the wife of a couple she admires is having an affair she reacts:  “I can’t believe it.  I snatch air into my lungs and realize that I’ve been holding my breath.  Why would she do that?…I can’t believe she would do that to him, he doesn’t deserve that.  I feel a real sense of disappointment.  I feel as though I have been cheated on.  A familiar ache fills my chest.  I have felt this way before.  On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain.  You don’t forget it.”

“I found out the same way everyone seems to find out these days: an electronic slip. Sometimes its a text or a voice mail message: in my case it was an email, the modern-day lipstick on the collar….Once, I answered his phone when he was in the shower and he got quite upset and accused me of not trusting him. I felt awful because he seemed so hurt…There was a message at the top….I clicked. XXXXX.  That was it, just a line of X’s. I thought it was spam at first, until I realized that they were kisses…It was a reply to a message he’d sent a few hours before, just after seven, when I was still slumbering in our bed.”

Her husband’s message to the other woman was in a folder marked ‘Admin.’ and it read:  “I fell asleep last night thinking of you.  I was dreaming about kissing your mouth, your breasts, the inside of your thighs.  I woke this morning with my head full of you, desperate to touch you.  Don’t expect me to be sane. I can’t be, not with you.”

The main character discovered “that my husband was in love with her.  He told her so, often.  He told her that he’d never felt like this before, that he couldn’t wait to be with her, that it wouldn’t be long until they could be together.”

Witnessing the wife she admires with another man evoked these feelings in her: ” I don’t have words to describe what I felt that day (the discovery of her own husband’s betrayal), but now, sitting on the train I am furious, nails digging into my palms, tears stinging my eyes.  I feel a flash of intense anger. I feel as though something has been taken away from me.  How could she? How could Jess do this?  What is wrong with her ?  Look at the life they have, look at how beautiful it is!  I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts.  Who was it who said that following your heart is a good thing?  It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all.  Hatred floods me.  If I saw that woman now, if I saw Jess, I would spit in her face.  I would scratch her eyes out.”

Her response when the Other Woman contacts her complaining that it is an inconvenience when she calls her ex is this: “Fucking bitch.  She is a cuckoo laying her egg in my nest. She has taken everything from me. She has taken everything and now she calls me to tell me that my distress is inconvenient for her?…I am going to tell her that I don’t care about her…I’m going to tell her that the line he used with her–don’t expect me to be sane–he used it with me, too, when we were first together; he wrote it in a letter to me, declaring his undying passion.  It’s not even his line: he stole it from Henry Miller. Everything she has is second hand.”

My daughter was just 11 when I found out about her dad’s affair.  She has her own strong opinions about her dad and the other woman which I tend to learn about indirectly. It is usually when she talks to her sister about them in my presence or when she talks to me about her best friend’s cheating dad and that other woman.

This is just the first 43 pages and I’ve read 60.  The plot is thickening and the characters are developing.  I promise not to reveal any spoilers.




abuse, adultery, affair, Betrayal, blogging, bullying, cheating, children, control, cruelty, Defamation, divorce, Janice Andrews, marriage, marriage breakdown, other woman, reputation, separatiion

My Ex’s latest Threat and Bullying

My ex has been texting me a lot again.

Last month there were weird texts that he would end with an emoticon of lips (after wishing me to have a great day), or one blowing a kiss (after he told me to go fuck myself) or ending it with xoxoxo (after he told me he had inner joy knowing he didn’t have to come home to me).

It ramped up again after he unexpectedly attended our youngest daughter’s dance open house on Tuesday at 3:30 p.m.  I certainly didn’t anticipate seeing him at all for the week long open house, let alone at one of her earliest classes because work is an excuse he uses most times to break commitments and avoid these types of activities.

He initiated talking to me as soon as he saw me asking where was our daughter.

“I don’t know, probably getting changed for class,” I responded.  I had just visited with her in the bathroom and she entered the classroom shortly afterwards.

Then he asked me what the plan was for Christmas because I didn’t respond to his text.  I told him I never received one asking about Christmas so he resent it. Turns out he had in fact sent it previously but it was buried in several rants he had sent me and it looks like I responded to one of his rants at the same time he sent this completely unrelated message so I never saw it. I told him that if he had something important to ask me that it was best if he did it via email as texting for me is a tool just for quick answer and response forms of communication.

His next question to me was where he could pick up the poinsettias. I told him I didn’t know. He said that the email said that pick up was between 4:30 – 5:30. Ah, that was the reason he was there. He had to get the plants he ordered. When he disappeared shortly after my daughter’s second class started my girlfriend told me he had to get his poinsettias and then go to hockey. That also explained to me why he changed picking up our daughter on Tuesdays.  His hockey schedule changed.  His change meant that I could no longer participate in my run group that I was part of for the last 5 or 6 years every Tuesday night.

He texted me the next day, yesterday, and it happened again that he sent a message, I responded and before I could respond he sent another message at the same time that got buried behind my response.  When I mentioned that he didn’t respond to my question he became very belligerent. He asked me if I was taking so many medications that I had an inability to read.  He said I only look at the negative and complain about everything. He criticized me comparing me to people in my life he thought were negative and then chastised me for not being more like other people in my life that he named as being positive. He said that I asked him not to text me but I spent our daughter’s dance class texting. He accused me of doing it on purpose because I like everyone to know what I am doing. He told me he thought I had bipolar issues. He said I waste a lot of my personal time on him for someone who is supposed to be happy and having the time of her life. He said that even though I tell him he is wasting my time I contact him a lot. He said that for someone who has moved on I am writing about him a lot. I claim one thing but do the opposite. Then he told me I was like a used car. I am a lemon and that he’s happy to get a new, better and improved model.  He said that getting rid of me almost 3 years ago was the best decision he ever made. He suggested that if I win my court case against him I should use the money towards a make over because I am in dire need. He then said he couldn’t care less what I look like because he is happy being with someone who loves him and our kids. He said I can spend thousands of dollars chasing my tail but money is meaningless. He assured me that when I act like an ass he will treat me like an ass.

Then today he texted me saying that he, Janice and Coast Claims are suing me for defamation for my blog. He said I have harmed their reputations by identifying them which has resulted in lost business opportunity. He said that I have made their case quite easy to win. They will be seeking damages and I may want to get some legal advice.  Then he ranted that I lost our older daughter’s passport photos and I lose everything, including my dignity and sanity.  He texted me again saying that my anger and bitterness has gotten the best of me and because of my blog, the statements I have made about him, Janice, releasing information that was confidential about Coast Claims and the employees is damaging and I am going to be sued and will pay financially very dearly for my repeated abuse. He told me to get myself a good lawyer because I am going to need it.

His final text to me tonight said they are all suing me because of our kids. A lawyer last night at their client Christmas party apparently mentioned the blog and the impact on the kids when they see it and this lawyer apparently recommended suing me. He said that his partners have wanted to for awhile so its really just good timing. He said that no one asked me to take down the blog. I was asked to remove personal and identifying information. Now they are going to ensure that happens legally and I will end up paying their costs and damages. I better get a job to pay for my legal fees and their award because they will enforce the award and if it means I will live on the street so be it. He told me to remember what I said about karma…It’s a bitch darling and now its your turn. Merry Christmas!!


affairs, Betrayal, cheating, children, family, father/daughter, infidelity, loss, marriage breakdown, parenting, relationships, separation, single parent

The ex discovers I am dating

I’ve just taken out identifying names but here is a cut and paste from the email I received from my ex on January 20, 2015:

“I am concerned about (our older daughter who lives with my ex). But I’m also concerned about (our younger daughter who lives with me). You may be enthralled that someone is paying attention to you, but don’t forget your obligations to protect your daughters. Moving in with a guy you know nothing about after a few months is ridiculous. It again goes to show the lack of good judgment exhibited by you over the last two years. Get a grip on your emotions and start being a positive example rather than an embarrassment to your children. I’m happy that you’re dating someone, but keep a proper distance and allow yourself the time to get to know him before you introduce him to our children, let alone move in with him and tie yourself financially and emotionally. That’s all (our younger daughter) needs is for you to move in with someone and then 6 mths from now you realize he’s not all what you thought he was and you’re moving again.

He has his own issues to work out, such as his own divorce, so I’d like to think you’d consider that in your thought process before even contemplating things like this. It scares me to think that you’d even entertain this, let alone talk about it with the kids when our own situation is not resolved. You have no idea what the kids think of him, which as I understand it they are not over the moon about him. That should be your priority. Not having a companion to help with your bills and someone to sleep with.”

Wow, this coming from the guy who was lying to me and his kids while having an affair with a co-worker choosing to do things still with her or for himself instead of putting our children’s needs above his own. Is he really talking to me about “obligations”, “priorities”, being “an embarrassment” to my children, my need to be a “positive example”, “protection” and “lack of good judgement”?

Firstly, I have been seeing this man for 8 months. My ex is only getting wind of him now because I have not talked about him or introduced him to my children or had him even know where I live until recently. My older daughter has only met him 2 times and that is because she chose to come into the house to specifically meet him when she saw his vehicle in the driveway when she and her dad were dropping her sister off. They exchanged hello’s and that was it.

The man I am dating is so respectful of my situation and of me being a mom first. He has never slept at my house except when I was called that my older daughter was in emergency. He was the one who drove my younger daughter back home from visiting her sister in the hospital. He came and picked her up after midnight. My ex would not do that. In fact, my ex was more concerned that he was at the hospital when he had a 7:00 a.m. hockey game. I had girlfriend coming to the hospital to pick my younger daughter up but when the man I am dating offered to get my daughter and sleep on the couch until I came home she chose that instead. My ex raised zero concern about an unrelated male driving our daughter and staying alone with her. Instead he jealously said in front of both our children that I could go and get our younger daughter’s bag from his vehicle as he didn’t want to interrupt my “love fest”. When I arrived home at 2:00 a.m. he stayed on the couch with me for 1 1/2 hours and let me talk about the situation and calm down so I could go to sleep and then he left.

I have met his parents and his 20 year old daughter. I like them all very much. Both his daughter and his parents know that he is 100% reliable and I have witnessed all the things he does for them. He is the one who picks his daughter up if she is out with friends on the weekend to ensure she gets home safely and to ensure she is actually home. I have been to his beautiful home and have seen the house that he built with his own hands. He’s invited me to visit him at work. He’s taken me out with his best friend. He rarely drinks and doesn’t do drugs or smoke. He is a coach and runs and cycles regularly. I continue to ask all of the hard questions. I have introduced him to 3 of my friends and their husbands/boyfriends who also have been brutal at times looking for deep sincere answers to their questions. He told me after our Super Bowl party that one of my friends talked to him when I wasn’t around. He said he knows what a valuable friend I am and how much I am cared for because of how they have pressed him.

However, I am not interested in anything other than dating this kind, gentle man who respects me. I have no intention of moving in with him. He was kind enough to offer us a home he recently bought near my daughter’s school, that he plans to fix up and flip, if I haven’t found a suitable living option when my house sells. My daughter knows this because she is feeling very insecure about having to move. She is afraid we will have to give up our dog and 2 cats. Knowing we have options has given her more of a feeling of security. Her dad has taken all her security away. She has no positive male role models in her life and the counselor has impressed it is really important to surround her with men who do not behave badly. Unfortunately her best friend’s dad did the exact same thing that her dad did so having a man in her life who didn’t use an affair to end his marriage and who actually wants to be with his own children and my daughter, too, is a big deal.

To address my ex’s concerns: I think our children have suffered far more damage by their dad moving out after living with them for 15 and 10 years than if I were ever to move in with someone and move out after 6 months. They were far more tied emotionally and financially to a dad who no longer provides or meets those needs and worse has crippled us in both of those areas. I think our kids have suffered far more by realizing we are being forced to move because it is their own father who is not the person we thought he was.

affairs, Betrayal, cheating, control, desperation, ego, infidelity, marriage breakdown, other woman, promiscuity, Victoria British Columbia, wealthy men


The population of Victoria, BC, Canada is 80,017.  The population of the metropolitan area of Greater Victoria is 344,615 making it the 15th most populous Canadian urban region. Victoria is situated on Vancouver Island, a 1 1/2 hour ferry ride from Vancouver.

Interestingly, Victoria is dubbed Chicktoria because of the gender imbalance of 4:1 women for every man.  The girl to guy ratio and nickname are compiled in the Urban Dictionary and there are articles speculating the causes of the man shortage in Victoria. I have heard it said that the imbalance is as high as 7:1.

The Times Colonist printed an article on October 14, 2012 citing statistics that Victoria’s wealthiest men are the most promiscuous in Canada and even in North America.  Victoria men are the most sexually active in Canada with 78% having at least 7 sexual partners a year.

When women are desperate, feeling that above all else they need to have a man for their security–emotional, financial, sexual, status, etc. they selfishly pursue a target.  Married men are not off limits to them. When men have so many “opportunities” (the word my husband used), it doesn’t take much for them to dispose of lives that were once important to them to instead chase whatever ego-stroking benefits these determined women satisfy.

By Victoria standards, my husband is a catch.  He is employed. He is a very small partner in his company but he never fails to mention that he is a partner to anyone he speaks to and women who know this think he has a lucrative employment future.  He has a vehicle.  He has vanity so he dresses nicely, spends a lot of time gelling and styling his hair and keeps a salon hair appointment every 4 weeks. He throws money around picking up dinner tabs, buying drinks and tipping. To Victoria women, he conveys wealth.  When he moved to Victoria and joined his company, he suddenly became a big fish in a small pond and he subscribed to the idea of his power on the job and as an interest to women.

He admired the way his boss flirted with and treated women and he began emulating that behaviour.  He shared daily examples with me of his boss’s outrageousness and always said to me, “I don’t know how he gets away with it.”  My girlfriend told me that she and her husband both felt that my husband put off the “I want to fuck you vibe.” He started to go out to more “work functions”.  He started to drink a lot, use drugs and had a driving service his work paid for to ensure he didn’t drive under the influence.  He was arrogant and self-important. When his grandmother died and he was not consulted about the date of the funeral, he called his uncle to ream him out and made him cry. When I was volunteering at my daughter’s school with another mom who worked in his industry he told me, “make sure you look hot.”

The changes in my husband’s behaviour, mood, absence from our family, increase in his ego became a repulsion to me. It obviously fueled the desires of other women or was it their interest in my husband that caused the behaviour change in him? I never stopped paying attention to my husband and we were having sex up until I found out about his affair but I was taking a stand against his chauvinistic treatment and uncaring attitude toward me and my girls. I was definitely aware that he was putting “work” before us and his attitude that everything else was my responsibility started to cause rifts.

Patti Stranger, founder and CEO of the Millionaire’s Club International Inc. and who stars in and produces The Millionaire Matchmaker reality show visited Victoria.  Two of my friends met with her.  Her advise to them for meeting a quality man in Victoria: “Get off the island.”

My other single friends started to share stories about men they dated.  Finding someone who didn’t smoke, had “a pot to piss in”, and had a job became their ideal.  Less than that, the best they could hope for. Some had flat out given up.

Victoria women, have we only perpetuated the problem by settling and accepting men who do not meet our needs in the first place?  Do we have such low self-esteem and self-worth that we don’t expect more and so impatient, fearful and lonely we can’t wait for more?  Do we latch on to whoever we can and then spend the rest of our relationship looking to trade up?

Any decision to pursue married men and men in committed relationships should never allow you to feel secure in your relationship.  It should always be in your subconscious that women like you are just waiting to strike and that you are in a relationship with a weak man. You do have control over your own actions.  Let’s chose self-respect and respect for others. Let’s have a higher moral standard for our behaviour and our men’s behaviour. By being the other type of woman you have said to men, “It is okay to screw around; it is okay to go after whatever you want for your own selfish gain.” Why would that type of man ever be satisfied with just you?  There is nothing you can do to keep that type of man faithful because you already set the standard that cheating is okay.

Men, how stupid are you?  If women are prepared to fool around with you, don’t you think there is a highly probable chance they will fool around on you?  There is always someone better than you around the corner–more hair, more money, better teeth, better skin, better athlete, better body, bigger penis, better work ethic, younger/older, blonder, darker, healthier, smarter, wiser, whatever the perceived “better” is, there is better than you.

Everyone reaps what they sow.

Women of Victoria, we are in control.  There are more of us than men. All of this poor behaviour of cheating on our partners and cheating with married men allows men to act like dicks.  Women should be less concerned about their sensed disadvantage living in Chicktoria and be more concerned about the long-term effect and disadvantage of living in Dicktoria.






cheating, children, emails, family, feelings, infidelity, insensitivity, marriage breakdown, relationships

The sensitivity of a gnat

My husband’s birthday is January 26.  He was already having sex with the other woman by this time.  He actually celebrated his birthday with her after playing hockey on Friday, January 25.  They went to the Keg for dinner.  I assumed he was out with his hockey buddies having some beers celebrating his birthday.  I was home with our girls.

In the summer at a golf tournament, my husband won tickets for a Royals hockey game.  He could choose any game to attend.  He chose 4 tickets on the date of his birthday to attend the Royals Pink in the Rink Game raising funds for breast cancer.  We attended as a family all dressed in pink.

I bought my husband and kids souvenir scarves to wear as well as 8 ‘chuck a-pucks’ to throw out during one of the intermissions.  We split the pucks so we each had 2 to throw.  My husband won closest to one of the 3 circles.  I went to collect his prize.  The prize was 2 tickets to the Rihanna concert on April 1 in Vancouver, hotel for the night and air fare.  The prize package was probably worth about $1000.  When I gave my husband his prize he thought it was great.  We were all so excited.  The girls indicated they wanted to go to the concert so we talked briefly about how we would have to see if we could get 2 more tickets.

Then we looked at the date of the concert.  It was the date we were booked to fly home from Florida.  My husband literally had a tantrum.   He yelled at me that I booked our trip to come home from Florida that day and he hadn’t wanted to stay that long in Florida in the first place.  It was all my fault we now wouldn’t be able to go to the concert and he wanted to go.  I suggested that we could do something; maybe change our return flight home to a day earlier or still go the concert as we arrived home 5 hours before the concert started.  I suggested that maybe we could fly from Florida into Vancouver instead of Victoria and I was trying to think in my mind how we would handled our luggage, etc.

Firstly, I couldn’t believe he was acting this way and then acting this way in front of the kids.  Yes, it would have been nice to go to the concert but it was on a Monday night, there were only 2 tickets so we either had to get 2 more tickets for the kids and the kids would miss school the next day or we had to find them some place to stay on a school night while we attended.  We have no family here to look after the kids.  We would also need to find someone to look after the dog if we went over night.  It wasn’t simple logistically to figure out so wasn’t it a great prize to sell to someone else and take the money to use on our vacation?   Plus, wasn’t our family vacation going to be great enough.  It was our Christmas gift to the kids.  Wouldn’t we want that extra day to enjoy Disney World?

I mentioned his tantrum and how his behaviour made me feel and he did apologize to me afterwards.  We decided to sell the tickets.

On March 5, 2013 my husband made comments to me about e-mails that I sent my friends including a photograph of the girl that I thought was the other woman.  I thought the only way he could possibly know this is because he went onto my computer when he came in the house with no one here as we knew he had done the night before when he knew the rest of us were out of the house.

When I called my husband out on that he said in an email to me on March 5, 2013 @ 9:00 a.m.:

“No…I’ve been told what you’re sending to people…. but you went through my emails?  Isn’t that a little hypocritical of you?” 

He is referring to me taking his Blackberry on February 28 to see if I could find any evidence of indiscretions.  I responded by e-mail on March 5, 2013 @ 12:37 p.m.:

“I never went through your e-mails–ever in the 23 years I have been with you.  I’ve never snooped through your drawers, pockets, pagers, phones, etc.  I don’t even know how to use your Blackberry.  Sadly, I trusted you explicitly and let you live your life completely free.  I never once thought you would do this to us and our family.  I thought you loved me.  I thought you loved your kids.  I thought you loved and valued everything we built together.  I am devastated.  I am betrayed.  I am the saddest person on this planet right now.  I ache so deeply for this loss especially for my children who have lost every security they thought they had.  It is unrepairable.  This will affect forever the relationships that they will have.   The best gift my parents every gave me was raising me in a secure marriage.  I am so sad I can’t give my children that gift.  I am so sad my husband didn’t love or respect me enough to fight for our marriage, to fight for our family, to go to counseling like I suggested.  I got counselor names, I told you how much I loved you and would do anything for you.  I am sad that my kids know that you gave up on us.  That we weren’t enough for you.”

His response on March 6, 2013 @ 7:57 a.m.:

“Did you pack the Rihanna tickets somewhere.  I haven’t seen them and would like to sell them.”




cheating, control, debt, deceitfulness, family, infidelity, legal proceedings, lies, marriage breakdown, other woman, parenting, relationships, separation

My emotions start spilling out

On Monday, March 4 at 7:24 a.m. my husband sends the following e-mail:

“Can you tell me why you’ve put $30,000 on our line of credit?”

I respond at 9:27 a.m.:  “You are the one who owes me explanations, not the other way around.”

He responds at 9:37 a.m.:

“I’m happy to discuss whatever you’d like to chat about.  What I would appreciate is you stopping the childish behaviour so that we can all try and move on.  I asked a valid question and you come back with a childish response.  I ask you that I would like to leave my stuff until I can get a rental and you dump it in front of the office.  If that’s what makes you feel better fantastic but you aren’t helping us to move forward.  I sure hope you didn’t have the kids involved in that little stunt.  Really makes you look petty in the long run.

Anyways I’ve got a line on a rental basement suite on (street that leads to my street) that I wanted to discuss with you.  Are you open to this?

My response at 11:21 a.m.:

“I am so glad you’d be “happy” to discuss whatever I want.  We know how important it is for it to be (husband’s name) who is happy at the expense of everyone else.  So here is my “chat”.

Don’t you dare talk to me about being childish and don’t you dare try to pull your morality bullshit with me.  I don’t give a shit what you appreciate–You want to leave your stuff here, you want to live in the neighbourhood, you want to fuck who you want to fuck and come home and play house.  You couldn’t even tell me the truth when I asked you point blank.  If you had have acted like a man instead of a child we wouldn’t be in this place.  You would have just manned up and said you met someone else and moved out and no one would have seen your depraved fucked up love life spilled out and now spewed and polluted in our minds forever.  If you had have been a man you would have said you couldn’t meet us for dinner at Red Robin instead of making us wait 45 minutes while you were with your GF/LF and then lied and tried to make me look like the idiot by saying you never said you’d be there for 6 and had a claim to go out on.  If you had have been a man you wouldn’t have lied about going out for your birthday with your hockey team, your phone being on vibrate so you couldn’t hear it, working, working, working and then us finding out you are even missing work to be with someone other than your family.   And how dare you fuck someone else and come back and fuck me so now I have to go and be concerned about my  health.  Even children know better, are less selfish and have more of a conscience, more of a heart and sense of well-being and concern for others.  Only children can be as ungrateful as you are for what you had.  You are the petty one in the long and short run.

I want nothing to do with you and I want you as far away from me as possible.  If I never, ever see you again it will be way too soon.

So let’s try this again:

I want your stuff gone from our house.  You can tell me today when would be the most convenient time for you to pick it up on Tuesday and I will do my best to accommodate that time.  I will have everything in the driveway for you.  Your bike and hockey equipment will be there so be prepared to make 2 trips if necessary.  There isn’t that much stuff left but if you do not do this, I will be kind enough to hire a delivery service directly to your office for your convenience.  You can get a storage unit.  I will no longer be your storage unit for anything.  I also expect you to stay to the time window you tell me.  Do not come earlier and do not come later.

You’re concerned about the $30,000? Maybe if you were more concerned with our finances and your family than what you have been concerned about lately and sat down to create a budget with me like I asked you would know we have no money right now to pay for a family vacation and at the same time pay for you to have another life on the side, our daughter in private school, our other daughter with all her new dance expenses and our regular ooh oohs like needing new tires and new brakes, etc.  I used the $30,000 to pay the Visa, Amex, trip, etc.  It is all documented and the transfers will be shown on our account.

I was disappointed by you yet again when you managed to take all the documents I left out for you except the legal information.  If you say you want the kids to be a priority then get your legal affairs in order now so we can move forward with the separation agreement.  That is the one way you can start to let them know and me to know that you do want to make them a priority in your life.”

(my name)