adultery, affair, cheating, children, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, Janice Andrews, marriage, other woman, separatiion

How “The Other Woman” Thinks: Part II

I was very disappointed to learn that the wife of a couple, who my ex and I have known for about 20 years, cheated on her husband.  They have 3 kids ages 16 to 22.  Her husband had to drive to another city to find her and bring her home. They are separated and the husband lives with their youngest daughter.  The other 2 children go to college. Their son wants nothing to do with his mother and refused to celebrate Christmas with her.

What was shocking and interesting at the same time to me was that the cheating wife said that there is no one that will ever love her like her husband does and she hopes that in 3 years they can remarry. That instantly flashed me back to a May 2013 phone conversation with my ex where he said, 2 1/2 months post separation, that he would need to be gone for a year and then he would come back.  What fantasy land do these cheaters live in?

The betrayed husband of this couple had the same reaction that I did towards my ex.  He wants nothing to do with her.  And like most spouses of cheaters, he too was left to handle all the responsibilities of real life. He is still friendly with her and he pays her spousal support with no court order telling him to do so.  He also is paying for all of the children’s expenses and taking care of the full needs of their youngest daughter. His expenses are about $6000 US/month and he will not be able to maintain this but this is the sad reality of these situations.

Cheaters possess a selfish, escape from reality need to seek some instant gratifying, ego-stroking attention that leads them to a place they think they can return from when they are ready and everyone will just wait and be thrilled they are back.  They seek some band aid  cover up to whatever they are too emotionally immature to communicate or comprehend on any deep level. To me, it mimics high school infatuation where kids jump from one relationship to the next based on feelings and hormones.

So in follow up to my blog post “How the Other Woman thinks Part I” I went to Janice Andrews Twitter account to share 10 recent retweets (because she has no original thought of her own) to learn how her thinking aligns with that of a cheater.  It sounds exactly like she has the insight and life experience of a teenager where love is based in fantasy, not real life.

January 10, 2018:

“Real love doesn’t meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.” J.S. Park

December 30, 2017: here’s your reminder list of cute things:
• you
• also you
• hey look you
• and you
• wait wait wait
• you
• you’re cute

December 3, 2017:

“I hope we last. I hope we do.

But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me:

I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable – only for you though, only for you.

Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too.

If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending.

Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.”

November 20, 2017:

“Choose people who choose you.”

November 21, 2017: 

“excuse me. I just wanted. to. remind you. that. this love I have. is for you.”

November 21, 2017:

“Magic is believing in yourself. If you can do that you can make anything happen.”–Goethe

November 21, 2017:

“Just be like a child. Embrace your ignorance. Love unconditionally. And don’t take anything too seriously. Especially yourself.”

November 22, 2017:

“Don’t get stuck in what might have been. It prevents you from going after what might become.”

November 22, 2017:

“You are a warrior and these are your weapons: kindness, gentleness, patience, presence, understanding, peace, love, restraint.”

November 15, 2017: “21 ways to keep her”

  1. Text her back as soon as you see her messages
  2. Don’t lie to her
  3. Don’t let her fall asleep without telling her you love her
  4. Don’t let her fall asleep mad
  5. Don’t make stupid mistakes
  6. Call her and say you love her at least once a week
  7. Make time for her
  8. Don’t get mad at her for dumb things
  9. If you have a reason to be mad at her then talk about it and work it through
  10. Listen to her, anything she says is important
  11. Remind her of how beautiful she looks when she smiles
  12. Don’t build walls between you two
  13. Trust her enough to tell her how you really feel
  14. Make her remember she is yours every time you kiss her
  15. Show her songs, poems, anything that reminds you of her
  16. Call her baby, babe, beautiful, etc. all the time
  17. Don’t break her heart
  18. Hold her hand in public no matter who is looking
  19. Don’t take her for granted
  20. Be spontaneous when you take her out
  21. Love her with every breath of your existence

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, other woman, separatiion

The Creepy Doll says it All

It is next to impossible to avoid the reminder that your husband had an affair with another woman (Janice Andrews) and left you, your children, your finances and your life in one big mess!

My daughter and I were at a dance competition yesterday. One of the competitors performed a Lyrical Jazz routine to Kelly Clarkson’s emotional song, ‘Piece by Piece’.  The words are a reminder that my child has a dad who left.  Kelly Clarkson said, in one interview that I read by Alyse Whitney, that she was thinking after having her daughter, “How could anyone walk away from that?” I wonder that myself a lot.  We had a great life; a great family together.

My daughter and I also just went to see the movie “The Greatest Showman”. There is a scene where P.T. Barnum leaves his wife and 2 daughters behind to travel with a female singer. His daughters run behind his carriage after him and he doesn’t turn around.  His place is empty at the table and he is absent from the theatre where his daughter fulfills her dream of ballet dancing. He leaves his wife to do everything including raising his girls. My daughter and I talked about the scene after and she said she did think of the parallel to our situation.  She ended up seeing the movie twice.  Happy endings are hopeful and she said she had to hold her hands together to keep from clapping.

Today, while watching ‘The View’ as they talked about women who throw themselves on married men, I received information about Janice Andrew’s Twitter Account.  I don’t have a Twitter account but every now then someone feels the need to share the irony of something that Janice retweets about love or being kind in this world or some other airy, fairy idealization about how life should be lived with no concept of her creating a life with actions that are the complete opposite to her dreamlike façade.

My contact started out by saying it is no surprise she likes porn (the quote was from a site called Poems Porn). It was a retweet (the other woman apparently has no original tweets) of a quote from JS Park:

“Real love doesn’t meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.”

Then the contact tried to dissect this:  “Does she think she has real love with your ex or did she think it was real while she was screwing a man who went back and screwed his wife after? Does she think Dave is capable of real love towards her or anyone for that matter? Does she think his love to you and your kids wasn’t real? Does she think cheating and going after a married man or him going after her when she is married is real love? Did she have a fake love relationship with her spouse? Does she realize she isn’t her best by behaving this way or is she acknowledging he certainly isn’t at his best? Is she directing this quote to Dave telling him he isn’t at his best and he is the mess or is she sharing this quote to Dave to try to convince him that he really loves her because she isn’t at her best as she is just a mess. Maybe she just wants him to believe she can be better as she isn’t at he best yet or she wants to believe that he will be better.”

My response.  “Who cares what she thinks.  It seems to be an acknowledgement though that it is not an ideal relationship because at least one of them isn’t at their best and there is mess but she wants to bundle it under the guise of “real love” to make it all seem okay.”

The fact is, they both created a mess that I am still cleaning up and my kids are trying to step over or around! If they want to label it “real love” that is their deception.  What they did and continue to do is not love.  Whatever they have together; it isn’t real.  It isn’t love.

If you have a Twitter Account and would like to follow the loving and inspirational thoughts of Janice Andrews she can be reached at Agnus@smeepsmeep.  Smeep was the name, by the way, my ex had her listed as in his phone.  My contact asked about that contact name.  My contact suggested it stands for “Sucking married erections (while) enjoying porn.” Agnus apparently is the name of her doll that she pictures on her account. I think she is confusing the spelling with Agnes and Anus. My contact suggested that the “creepy” doll says it all.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, infidelity, other woman, unfaithfulness

Handling Hoes like Janice Andrews

I was working around the house this morning and ‘The View’ was on the television.  They were talking about some woman getting “handsy” with Jay Z and how Beyoncé reacted.  I started listening when they began to talk about what they would do when a woman is trying to engage with their husband while they are present.  They were saying how rude and disrespectful any woman would be to do that with a married man in general and especially with the wife present but sure enough they all had examples. What is it that makes these women think it is acceptable and justifiable to beg for attention from married men? It made me recall how Janice Andrews didn’t leave my husband’s side at their office Christmas party in December 2012 while I was there with hime (2 months before I found out about their affair).

I copied this from http://www.complex.com/music in relation to what the women on the View were discussing:

“During an interlude for Beyoncé’s iconic anthem “Formation,” Big Freedia’s voice is heard proclaiming, “I did not come to play with you hoes, haha. I came to slay, bitch.” This line echoes the authority embedded in Lemonade, and serves as a reminder that Queen Bey is not here to play with anyone when it comes to her work, her family, and especially her husband Jay Z.

Apparently one actress did not get that message, according to a story told to TV One by comedian Tiffany Haddish. In an interview for the network’s new series Uncensored, the Girls Trip star recalls an instance where she witnessed Beyoncé Knowles-Carter politely check an actress for putting her hands on Jay.”

Tiffany Haddish shares:

“I go to a Jay Z concert, and I get invited to the after party,” Haddish says. “Beyoncé just walks right up to me and she goes ‘Hi, I’m Beyoncé,’ and I’m like, ‘I know who you are girl! You are so talented!’”

Shortly after meeting the queen, Haddish was talking to Jay Z and another actress when said actress decided to put her hand on Hov. “She touched Jay Z’s chest, and Beyoncé came walking up like, ‘Biiiittcchhhh,” Haddish says, clarifying she didn’t actually use that word but “her demeanor and her body from the way she walked up on her was like, ‘Get your hand off my man’s chest.’”

Haddish explains that Bey then decided to have a polite conversation with the actress, but hints that the story didn’t stop there. “She started talking to that actress,” Haddish says. “Some other stuff happened, but I ain’t gonna say nothing yet.”

The article sums it up:

“I’d like to know which actress has the nerve to lay a finger on Jay after everything Bey went through to give us Lemonade. It’s unclear when or if we’ll hear the details Haddish left out, because as we know the Knowles-Carter family is extremely secretive. There’s one thing that’s certain though: Yoncé is still not here to play with you hoes.”

Hmmm, I really thought I had a husband with more integrity and love for me, his children and God.  I didn’t think I needed to check any of his coworkers for their lack of a moral compass.  Should I have? I really should have had the conversation with my husband at that time.

I wonder now if Janice has to live the way Beyoncé has to live.  When you know your man is a cheat there is no security.  Fame, fortune, talent–doesn’t matter. There is no protection against hoes except for a better man.

 

 

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adultery, affair, cheating, infidelity, other woman

Cheaters Get Caught

In follow up to the post about Stealing and Giving Back, I am happy to report that the thieves who stole from my daughter’s friend who was trying to raise money for the European Golf Championship tournament in Scotland to which she qualified, were arrested.

There was a follow up news story on TV reporting this information as well as another interview with my daughter’s friend because two additional cheques from anonymous donors were sent in to the TV station–one for $1001 and another for $2001. Cindy was thanking the donors stating that now she could use her weekends to practice instead of fundraising.

The next day my daughter came home to tell me that the police officer, who investigated the theft and then replaced the $160 that was estimated to have been in the jar stolen from her friend as she sold samosas at a market, called her and asked her to come down to the station.  He presented her with another cheque for $1880 from people who had given him money because they were inspired by his act of kindness to give the girl, from his own pocket, all she had lost.

One of the thieves was not happy to be caught.  When he was being released from jail he chose to punch a door and caused damage.  That landed him back in his cell.  His heart was clearly not remorseful. He seems to just be mad he got caught and now has consequences to face as a result.

Cindy was trying to raise $6000 plus for her trip. Due to her own hard work and time spent fundraising and because of the kindness and generosity of strangers she has reached her goal months ahead of her hoped expectations. Despite thieves and actually as a direct result of the greediness and selfishness of others she was victorious.

Cheaters never prosper.  Love hearing that their victims do.

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adultery, cheating, divorce, ex spouse, other woman, separation

Burning our Portrait

In episode 9 of ‘The Crown’ on Netflix there is a scene where artist Graham Sutherland has been commissioned to paint the portrait of Sir Winston Churchill as a gift for his 80th birthday.

Winston Churchill wants to see Graham’s work in progress so he offers, “I could give you advice.  After all, I know this face better than you do.”

Graham Sutherland refuses to show him the incomplete portrait and responds, “I find in general people have very little understanding of who they are.  One has to turn a blind eye to so much of one’s self to get through life.”

This scene came at exactly the time I had just ended texting with a friend.   I hadn’t heard from him for awhile. The introductory two words in his four-word message offended me.

I responded by asking him why he would say what he did to me and that I found it insulting. I explained why.

His response: “Be nice. I am just messing.”

I suggested that he take his own advice and be nice because what he was insinuating in his text was not nice. I then said, “If you want to be one of those people that pops up in my life when you are bored then you might try to make it a more positive experience.”

His response: “Good Bye Robyn, omg. When you finish being a bitch let me know.”

My response:  “You insulted me and I let you know that you did.  Instead of apologizing you called me a bitch.”

His response: “Pretend I never existed. Just trying to be funny and you take it the wrong way again. I am dead to you.”

My response:  “It is a very immature way to deal with someone who is only telling you that you made an insulting comment. You could have owned it, accepted responsibility, apologized and learned from it so you don’t make the same mistake to others.  A little self-awareness goes a long way.”

His response: “Good luck with your life.  When you want to be nice and realize I am just playing let me know. You are the immature one, chill out and relax. Grow up. I was just trying to be funny. Drama queen.”

Although I don’t think he was intentionally trying to hurt me with his comment, he has used similar sentiments to purposely attack me in the past so I was very sensitive to his words. I explained that. He might have made a dig but I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and just told him it was a hurtful comment that was not funny to me.

I have offended people unintentionally, in business and in my personal life.  If it is brought to my intention, I feel terrible and it is honestly my heart to do and say what I need to in order to make it right.  I don’t blame the person for feeling offended by what I have done or said. I go out of my way to apologize and to hopefully make them feel better about the situation, to know I am genuine, sincere and remorseful in hurting them and I do what I can and need to in order to mend any tear in our relationship.

In the episode of The Crown that I was watching, Sir Winston Churchill hated the portrait when it was revealed.  He met with the artist afterwards in private at his Chartwell home where the painting was sent but never hung and called the portrait a “humiliation”.  He said it looked like he was “sitting on a chair producing a stool.  A broken, sagging, pitiful creature, squeezing and squeezing.” He felt it was “treacherous, an unpatriotic, cowardly assault by the left.”

The prime minister felt it was “a betrayal of friendship”. The artist explained that he took the commission because he greatly admired the PM and came through the experience of painting his portrait admiring him even more.  The PM quipped, “Do you make monsters of everyone you admire?” The artist compassionately spoke, “It’s not vindictive. It is art. It is not personal.”

Then the PM did what my friend did after I spoke my truth.  Where the artist said it wasn’t personal, the PM made it personal and attacked, “You are a lost soul, a narcissist without direction or …”(he is cut off by Graham Sutherland.)

Mr. Sutherland advised Mr. Churchill to give it time and not to over react.  He shared that he showed Lady Churchill, his wife, the sketches during the process and she felt it was accurate. The PM responded:  “That is the whole point. It is not a reasonably truthful image of me.”  The artist said, “It is sir.” The PM angrily responded, “It is cruel.”

Then Graham Sutherland firmly and directly speaks his truth, “Age is cruel.  If you see decay there is decay.  If you see frailty it is because there is frailty. I can’t be blamed for what is and I refuse to hide and disguise what I see.  If you are engaged in a fight with something then it is not with me.  It is with your own blindness.!”

At the end of the episode Sir Winston Churchill is shown burning the portrait.  It is reported in history, though, that it was Lady Churchill who destroyed the portrait because of the distress it caused her husband.

sand_painting_of_sir_winston_churchill

Maybe we should all have a commissioned portrait and see if we have the courage to hang it, look at it and recognize ourselves.

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, Bible, cheating, children, Christianity, divorce, ex spouse, faith, God, infidelity, Janice Andrews, other woman, sin

Is the Honeymoon Over?

I like the idea of Dave and Janice being together for the rest of their lives and having to live with the consequences of choosing their new path. I know they will be repaid accordingly in life for the hurt, damage and selfishness they chose instead of doing right but I don’t need to know how that destiny unfolds.

I would not want to be Janice and be held accountable to God for what he brought together and she chose to tear apart. Dave carries an even higher onus of responsibility. As a Christian, baptized as an adult, choosing to live for Christ, he knows the scripture promises. He should be shivering, as even Satan trembles at the mention of God, but instead lives in arrogance and debauchery denying God, his word, his children, his faith and his responsibilities.

So I have to say I was a little disappointed when my younger daughter happily proclaimed to my eldest daughter, when she came home for Canadian Thanksgiving in October, that she hadn’t seen Janice since my older daughter left for university in the summer. My oldest daughter said that Janice was coming to dinner with their dad and them over the weekend but she didn’t show up. The kids discussed that Janice and Dave went to Vegas for her 50th birthday in September and talked about how they went to a Cirque du Soleil show (unimaginative gift since he took me for my 40th and took me to a Cirque du Soleil show, too)but they were speculating whether or not the relationship had hit the end of the road.

When my youngest daughter told me that Janice was in the vehicle when we saw them coming off the ferry in November my youngest daughter told my oldest daughter. When he wasn’t bringing her to see my daughter dance I then wondered to myself if maybe the trip to Vancouver was last minute and a way to try and rekindle something or simply Dave using her for company so he didn’t have to be alone or maybe another girl bailed. My experience with him when we dated was that he would pick fights and use that as an excuse to go out with other women and probably did that in our marriage as well now that I have hindsight. I suspect this leopard shows off his same spots and that Janice will fail to acknowledge the truth of Mr. Duplicity at least until her guaranteed destruction can’t be ignored.

It was only yesterday that my youngest daughter came home and announced her lucky streak was over. Janice came with them to lunch (actually at a new burger place right around the corner from my yoga studio where my daughter pointed out my car to them in the parking lot as they drove by and it is a place that I frequent and almost went for lunch yesterday as well).

So I smile as the two of them deservingly are still together. I would never want them to miss out on everything that is still to come.

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, Janice Andrews, narcissism, other woman, parenting, the other woman

Team Canada Showcase this Weekend

It is a huge honour that my youngest daughter was selected to dance for Team Canada.  We leave for Riesa, Germany next week where she will compete on the world stage.

Today we are back in Fort Langley, British Columbia for the Team Canada performers to put on a show for friends and family.  This is their first and only dress rehearsal performance before the competition.

Our daughter was allowed 6 tickets maximum.  She wasn’t going to ask her dad to come to see her dance.  He has had zero involvement in encouraging her and supporting her Team Canada dancing.  He refused to pay any portion of the expense–$3600 was just the starting point and he refused to take her to any of her rehearsals which involves a 1 1/2 hour ferry ride every Sunday ($88.20 one way for me and my daughter) and then a 45 minute drive to get to the studio. Then we do it all again coming back. He did end up giving her $250 this week for her trip and he bought a raffle ticket from her for a draw at the show.

I, however, cared more about my daughter having audience members who were there specifically to watch her.  I thought it would mean something to her if her dad was one of those people so I invited him to attend. He didn’t respond right away but he eventually said he would go.  I asked how many tickets he wanted and he said “just me”.

I invited him 3 weeks before the performance. When he replied he would come I asked him if he would be getting a hotel in Fort Langley because it would be too late after the show to make the last ferry.  He asked what time the show started and after I told him I didn’t hear from him for two weeks.  A week before the performance I asked him again about his hotel stay and got to my point about asking him directly if our daughter could stay over night with him in Fort Langley as she had her final rehearsal the next day from 12 to 2.  I asked him if he could take her to that rehearsal and then bring her home on the ferry afterwards. I told him how cute the downtown was and how it was filled with interesting history, amazing eateries and shops to help pass the 2 hours.  His response was that he had other plans and she couldn’t stay with him.

I don’t know why I was surprised or why I even felt annoyed by his response as it is completely on par with everything else he has done or hasn’t done for his children since our separation. I also tried not to speculate on what he was doing that he couldn’t have our daughter stay over night with him. I figured he was bringing Janice Andrews, the other woman, with him but then was wondering why he would leave her at the hotel and not bring her to support our daughter.  She went to her recital in June.  Also, our daughter has had to stay in a hotel with them before so could they really not sacrifice having sex one evening (they could have it before the show) in order to support her?  I wondered if he was planning on bringing a different woman with him instead.

Now I was going to have to drive back to Vancouver after the show only to return back to Fort Langley the next day.  It is close to an hour drive. At least I am staying for free with my older daughter. I couldn’t justify getting a hotel room myself in Fort Langley  as I can’t afford it and I have to drop my niece off at her place in Vancouver after the show. Even if I didn’t have my niece and just had my older daughter with us I would still have to drive into Vancouver the next day to bring my daughter home which would  then add another hour and 45 minutes on to our commute after the Sunday rehearsal.

Both the girls and I had hoped that Dave would have allowed our daughter to stay over night with him because I would have been able to spend Sunday with my older daughter as her 19th birthday will occur while we are in Germany.  We had talked about going shopping for some things she really needed and that she hoped I might get her for her gift.  We can’t do that today as we have to be in Fort Langley for 12:45 p.m. for my daughter’s lighting and technical blocking rehearsal before the show. Now instead I will have to take my younger daughter back to Fort Langley again on Sunday. My younger daughter made a disgusted type gesture blowing air out of her mouth and  rolling her eyes when I told her that she wasn’t able to stay with her dad after the show.

Friday, November 11 was the Canadian statutory holiday in British Columbia for Remembrance Day.  As both my daughters had no school, we decided to head over to Vancouver a day early.   My ex texted our daughter while we were waiting to board the ferry.  He asked which ferry we would be on.  She told him and he said he was going to be on the same ferry.  He told her that he was going to Vancouver to meet friends for dinner that night. How lovely for him.  He was going to be getting a hotel in Vancouver not just Friday night but going back there Saturday night, too, after the show.

We never saw him during the trip across.  While we were driving off the ferry my daughter noticed him in the lane beside us.  I wouldn’t have recognized him because he bought a new vehicle. She waved to him and announced to me that Janice Andrews was with him.

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