adultery, Uncategorized

Souper Bowl

I heard about an event on the radio that I felt absolutely compelled to attend. The fundraiser was for “YES”, Victoria Youth Empowerment Society.  For $30 you pick out a bowl of your choice made by local artists and then you use that bowl to try soup created by Master Chefs. The money raised provides emergency shelter, life skills, health care, mental health, detox services, counseling and assists youth to transition from high risk environments like the street to healthier and more constructive life situations. I invited 5 people to come with me.  No one was able to go so I went by myself.

It was held at Inn at Laurel Point.  I had never been there before.  After paying my admission, I was sent into the bowl room.   There were at least 4 tables filled with beautiful hand-crafted pieces, all different shapes, sizes, styles, designs and colours.  I picked up the first one that caught my attention and held on to that one until I found a second that spoke to me more.  Then I found my bowl on the second table.  I didn’t have to look further because I knew this was the one for me.  I was then given a bag to put my bowl in because this year they were serving soup in the hotel bowls instead.

 

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There were 3 soup choices.  I had the seafood chowder.  It was delicious.  Huge chunks of salmon, clams, white fish (maybe halibut) potatoes and carrots. I had 2 bowls.  There was also tomato basil with little bite sized grilled cheese sandwiches that people put on top as croutons. The third choice  was  vegetable mulligatawny.

I took my bowl and walked into a lovely room that overlooked the ocean.  It was a beautiful sunny day so I decided I wanted to look out the window. I perused the round tables that seated about 12 but decided to stand up and eat at a higher table.  As soon as I placed my bowl down on the table a gentleman came over and asked if he could join me for lunch.  He introduced himself as Frank and I told him my name. He was wearing what I thought was a military dress uniform and he was wearing a poppy.

I have never had such an enjoyable conversation with a man in a very long time. We were fully engaged with each other, laughing and joking for at least 20 minutes. We showed each other our bowls and why we chose them. His had a very manly, deep dish shape with a beautiful chestnut, brown glaze.  It was gorgeous.  He had also never been to this event. He is originally from BC on the mainland but he just moved back here from Sudbury, Ontario, 2 years ago, where he plans to retire.  I am from Ontario so we talked about life back east versus west coast. He has two daughters, as do I. They are ages 22 and 14 (similar in age and gap as my girls).  His older daughter stayed back east to finish up university. This is her last year and she will have a teaching degree in French and PhysEd.  He went to Western University (as did I) to get his Masters degree.  We talked about Western and he stated, “So you are one of the Western babes.” “Well, yes I am I confirmed laughing.”  There used to be ratings of the hottest girls at university and when I went to Western, and when Frank did, too, it was ranked number 1 (it clearly had nothing to do with me) but it had this reputation. Frank said he suggested to his daughter that she attend Brescia College, the all girls school affiliated and on the campus of Western University.  He said she would have nothing to do with that.  I told him that was good because it is the last place he would want his daughter because that is where all the guys hang out.  He laughed and said that he  never thought about it being a magnet for men. His wife was a teacher in Ontario but when they moved here she got a job at UVic critiquing student teachers.

While we were talking people would come up and shake Frank’s hand and say “hi” to him. He had on a name tag but I couldn’t read it as it was on the opposite side of me and we were standing side by side.  Another man came to our table while were just starting to talk about Hawaii and shook his hand and asked if he could eat with us. He was a Victoria city councilor and commented to Frank that he was happy to see him two days in a row. He introduced himself to me as Chris and when I told him my name he said, “I know who you are.” He definitely does not know who I am.  We have never met before.  I just stared at him and he said, “I can’t remember where but we have met.” Nope, we haven’t. He then started name dropping and as he was taking away my new friend from me I was able to look at Frank’s name tag.  Frank Elsner, Chief of Police, Victoria Police Department.

I stayed for a little bit longer at the table and then excused myself. There was a raffle, live auction, silent auction, dessert trays, coffee and tea, and booths to buy bowls, pottery, cards and other art work.  I had a thoroughly enjoyable time, helped a great cause that I didn’t know existed (last year they raised $80,000 and this was their 18th year of the event) and I will definitely attend next year as well.

 

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adultery, Betrayal, Bible, cheating, children, Christianity, deceit, divorce, God, infidelity, lies, other woman, separation

David and Bathsheba

The reason I think that commenter “Sally” is most likely my husband is because his (Sally’s) arguments for himself (Sally) are always skewed in the most narcissistic way showing himself favour and steering away from anything that points negatively in his direction.

He (Sally) commented October 26, 2015, under the “What are you trying to create” post:

   “King David was an adulterer. Even had the husband of the woman he desired killed for his own benefit. God still loved him and he was thought of as being a man after God’s own heart. One of Israel’s greatest Kings.”

My husband is trying to justify and defend his act of adultery by suggesting that God sees things differently than those of us who have been betrayed by the same act. He tries to minimize his infidelity and elevate himself higher than King David by pointing out that he at least didn’t kill Janice’s husband.  But what my husband chooses to ignore is how God really felt about David’s actions and the devastating resulting consequences of his adultery. Just as Satan and the Pharisees did before David Cherrie, he twists scripture to his benefit to build a case for arguing that cheating is no big deal.

King David and Bathsheba is a sad story showing how sin can start, the depths one will go to in order to deceive and hide their sin for their own protection and that the sinner can’t even recognize his own actions needing the help of others to point it out.

The story is found in 2 Samuel 11 – 12.

How did God really feel about David’s act of adultery?

“But the thing David had done displeased the Lord.” (2 Samuel 11:27)

“This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites.” (2 Samuel 12: 7-9)

Consequences?

Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’”11 “This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’”…because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.” (2 Samuel 12:10-12)

There are comparisons to be made between King David and David Cherrie.  In Samuel 11:1, we learn that King David was supposed to be off at war with his men, yet we find him instead in the comfort of his palace and bed.  When he saw Bathsheba bathing he didn’t turn away. Instead, he inquired about her and was told she was married yet sent for her and slept with her anyway.  In the same way, David Cherrie was supposed to be either working or home with his family. Yet he made up lies to go and be with Janice instead. He knew she was in a 12-year common-law relationship yet he pursued her anyways.  In the same way Janice can be compared to Bathsheba. They both did inappropriate things to get noticed by their pursuer. Both knowingly betrayed their husband and slept with each David then went back home to their spouse.  Both Davids were superiors in their lives taking advantage of their position, King and boss.

After King David found out Bathsheba was pregnant he tried to get her husband to go home and sleep with her so he would think the baby was his own. But Uriah was too loyal to King David and his men who were fighting in war and stayed with the servants at the palace gate instead of going to eat, drink and sleep with his wife. King David tried to get him drunk the next night for the same purpose but Uriah remained faithful to his King and his men. When that didn’t work King David sent him to the front line to fight and be killed. Other men went to help him fight so innocent lives in King David’s army were killed too. David Cherrie was equally as desperate to cover up his adultery in the lies he told and accusations he tried to place on me. He had no problem slaughtering innocent lives like his wife, children, family, friends, Janice’s husband and their family and friends just to keep up his life of sin and to keep his adultery hidden.

Both David Cherrie and King David were cold as stone afterwards.  King David’s response to the death of Uriah and the innocent men who were fighting for him is, “Don’t be upset. The sword devours one as well as another.”  David Cherrie’s response was “Everybody saw it coming. I’ve been unhappy for 8 years.” Both statements are just callous misrepresentations of the true motive to justify their selfish actions.

It took the prophet Nathan to come to King David to share a parable about another terribly selfish and cruel man for King David to understand how God viewed his adultery. King David was indignant by Nathan’s story and his response reveals what he thinks his own punishment should be for his act of adultery, “David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.” (2 Samuel 12:5-6)  Nathan’s response is, “You are the man!” (2 Samuel 12:7)

God kept his word. Although David Cherrie will only see the good in King David and the blessings in his life and want to compare himself to King David suggesting all was well in his life post-affair, that is not true. God let the baby son of King David and Bathsheba die 7 days after he was born. God did not bless their sin. Amnon, David’s eldest son by Ahinoam (1 Chron. 3:1), raped his half-sister, Tamar. Two years afterward, Absalom, the king’s son by Maacah (2 Sam. 3:3), had Amnon murdered (2 Sam. 13). Then, later, Absalom “stole the hearts of the men of Israel,” rebelled against his father, and was ultimately killed by Joab (2 Sam. 18). Prior to being killed, Absalom rose up against King David causing him to have to flee the palace. Interestingly, Absalom pitched his tent on King David’s roof (the same place King David had watched Bathsheba bathe) and then took all of David’s concubine for his own in front of everyone. And even after David’s death, Adonijah, the king’s son by Haggith (2 Sam. 3:4), was slain by Solomon (1 Kgs. 2:24-25). A truly bloody price was paid for King David’s lust and violence.

Fast forward to the new testament when Matthew chronicles the genealogy of Christ.  Matthew 1:6 logs, “and Jesse the father of King David. David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah’s wife”. Centuries later it is recorded that Solomon was the product of adultery. Bathsheba’s name isn’t even mentioned as his mother because she rightfully belonged to someone else and we are reminded of this fact by her husband’s name appearing instead.

In summary, David Cherrie wants to gloss over his adultery and believe it is okay; that God will turn a blind eye. It is not acceptable in the eyes of God nor in the eyes of the majority of people who know what he did. David Cherrie may very well be the modern day King David. God certainly blessed him with everything he wanted and yet his ingratitude, greed, selfishness and lust led him away from God. There has never been any repentance by David Cherrie. I wonder what agonizing consequences will continue to follow David and Janice as a result of their adultery. Like it took the prophet Nathan to show King David who he really is especially in the eyes of God, it may take the comments of other people on this blog to be prophets in David Cherrie’s life by sharing their stories about the hurt of adultery and by continuing to comment on posts with their insights and truths. David and Janice are reading it. Maybe one day they will actually see themselves as they really are and take responsibility for their actions. Even if they don’t, it is recorded here for history.

*Thank you Wayne Jackson for helping me to easily summarize the consequences of David’s sin from the Christian Courier in your article, “Does the Case of David and Bathsheba Justify Adultery Today?”

y

 

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affairs, blogging, cheating, children, divorce, God, Identifying the other woman, Outing

The Purpose of My Blog

I started this blog in May 2013, 2 months after discovering that my husband was having an affair with a co-worker.

Reading their sexually explicit messages, reading them tell each other how much they couldn’t wait to be together and the future plans they were making, reading them telling each other “I love you”, reading about the things they had been doing together and piecing that into the way my husband was living his life with me and our children at the same time sends a lump to my throat even today as I think about it.

As if it wasn’t bad enough for me to have all of this information imprinted in my brain, it was imprinted in my 15-year old daughter’s brain as well. On top of my own grief I had a very angry teenager who would never see her dad the same way again.  I also had a 10-year old daughter who I was trying to protect from the bluntness of her angry, older sister; from the cold detachment of her father; and from my sadness for what was lost as well as my new fear for our future.

It was like a death.  Firstly, I knew it was permanent. What my children and I had was gone forever.  I knew I could never be with this man again. Secondly, when it happened, everyone was there for me and my children–visiting in person, travelling far to see us, sending or dropping off cards, letters, flowers, food; emails, phone calls, acts of service, etc. I knew how much I was loved by so many people. I felt strong, courageous and I was confident in my decision to end the marriage.  I was at peace, trusted in God’s plan and was hopeful for the future.

But like a death, everyone else goes on with their life and I was left with having to handle the grieving process in all of its stages; not just for me but for my children. I was left with still being responsible for taking care of bill payments, taking my kids to all of their activities and trying to find a way they could to do what they loved and to continue to keep that part of their life unchanged, all of the chores and maintenance (inside and out) that go along with 2 kids, 3 pets and a large home. I was literally a single parent with no support on any level.  Both my kids had a lot of difficulties but my older daughter suffered the most.

I actually only had 4 friends who had been divorced. Two involved infidelity. I have gained many more friends since who have undergone similar losses just through being open about our lives, but at the time I started my blog I felt very alone and very overwhelmed. The blog was just a way for me to journal.  I am a scrapbooker and I felt this was a life changing event that I needed to document. I was vulnerable, real, honest and writing from my heart. Very sad and difficult things were coming to light and the blog was a way for me to sort out my thoughts and to try and make sense of them.  I was reporting my observations and trying to understand my ex’s behaviour.

Although I was writing just for me, I soon realized that other people going through similar situations were reading my blog. Their offers of encouragement and support for me and my kids was so appreciated and helped me to keep moving forward. I was able to read other people’s experiences including that of trying to gain some insight from those who cheat. I hated that I was part of this community but I was so grateful for its existence. I was 100% authentic in everything that I shared and found that the more real and vulnerable I was with my thoughts, emotions and my situation that the more I benefited and the more I benefited others.

If you have never been betrayed by the person you love most and who you think loves you the most in the world, you will never understand the gut-wrenching feelings that exist when your heart is torn out.  Tears fill my eyes as I write and remember. I lost everything. I allowed our little family of 4 to be uprooted from our huge pool of friendships, our family and our church. Our entire support system was gone when we moved across the country. We knew nobody. We moved only so my husband could pursue his career aspirations. All I wanted was for him to be happy and for him to know that I would do anything for him and go anywhere with him .  I trusted that he loved me and our girls more than anything in the world.  I prayed specifically about our situation, sought advice and I have no regrets about the decision. I thought the experience actually knit us closer together.

I know people think it always takes 2 people for a marriage to disintegrate. In this case, it took 3 people. My husband never made me aware that he was unhappy. We rarely fought. We came together every evening as a family and spent weekends together doing family things. We always put our family first. My girlfriend just told me on the weekend that she had been jealous of my marriage. She said that we did so much together, had so much to talk about together and enjoyed spending time together. We never had marriage counseling because there didn’t seem to be anything seriously wrong. We were intimate together right up until 2 weeks before I discovered his sexting and the photos the other woman sent to him of herself. I was completely blindsided. We had been together 23 years and none of this made sense to me. I only felt my husband’s distance in October 2012 when he let me down in terrible ways and was inexplicably cruel.  He would apologize, we would make up, and then it would start again.

My post-separation experience was getting worse instead of stabilizing or resolving. I thought that my husband having had  the affair was the worst thing he could do to me and my kids but I was wrong.  He was being a selfish, neglectful father and a punishing ex-husband who was resisting efforts to reach a fair separation agreement. His obstinance continues.

In the past 28 months I have published 70 posts. I am hardly obsessed with talking about my situation. Many bloggers post daily or more. There were months I didn’t post at all.  As things happened that I felt were important in my journey, I reflected or reported in my blog. The other woman is part of my journey. I understand why she isn’t happy I posted her identity. Nobody wants to be exposed for shameful behaviour.  For me, it was important that I did.

I think by the entries I have published outlining the actions of my ex during this entire process and the comments  my ex recently made on my blog (under user name Happy) confirm that there is no reason that I would have any good will to extend to him. For my ex to then go to the extent that he did to try and bully me, shame me, harass me and lie about me all in the name of doing what is right for my children, only hardens my heart more against him. He came to my site to defend himself and the other woman and to cause chaos and attack anyone might have a differing opinion.

Why would I adhere to the request of unknown user names that were degrading and mocking me and pretending to be me and pretending to be friends supporting me? Lies and Deceit got us here in the first place. I don’t want anything to do with that type of behaviour and the people who carry it out.

The same is true for the other woman. If she had children, I never would have published that post. She certainly didn’t have my kids’ best interest in mind when she was pursuing their father and instrumental in the destruction of their family. To this day, she does not treat my children equally or put their needs above her own.  Perhaps if instead she came to me with some semblance of humility, acknowledging what she did and the hurt and the damage she caused me and my girls, and then sharing how me posting the information that I did has hurt her, I might have shown some compassion and deleted at least some part of it. Instead, she thinks by blaming me and putting me down that I will bow down to her. I don’t owe her anything. Yet, she feels justified in trying to hurt and damage me more?

I allowed them their say on my blog to be fair and for people who have been following since the beginning to understand and experience a little of what I have had to taste during this entire process. it is one thing to read about it from me but to experience it first hand makes the picture clearer. It is all part of showing the ugliness of divorce. This is my story and my experience. It is ugly. We were good people who I thought loved each other very much and now we don’t. I will leave up their comments. I didn’t edited any of them. But now I take back control and will delete any of their comments going forward.

There are so many lessons in real life underscoring the reasons to not cheat.  The possibility of getting caught may be part of the thrill but you never looked at the consequences of what could happen if you did get caught. You screwed around with my life and the life of my kids and at the same time you thought it was fun to screw around with my husband. Now you are exposed. I hope by me shining it under a light it may be a reminder to you to find your thrills in places that don’t ruin lives. If your life is ruined now too, as a result of my post, consider it your own doing. I never invited you into my life. You opened that door all on your own.

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adultery, cheating, divorce, God

Jesus Cheaters

After Dave’s scripture quoting on August 27, look what I found! Since Dave “Happy” is begging for a new post, this one is for him. 

Time again for Jesus Cheaters

Jesus CheatersWith Josh Duggar in the news, what with his Ashley Madison accounts, and recent 6-month sentencing to the Gulagsex addiction re-education camp, I thought it was time again to trot out my post on Jesus Cheaters.

(Originally, this column was a spinoff of “Don’t Date This Person” in which I had forgotten Jesus cheaters and thus had to devote a whole column to them.)

Here’s to you, Josh! — Tracy

Could anything be more narcissistic than thinking you speak for God?

I realize the other major world religions have their versions of Jesus Cheaters too. Christianity doesn’t have the market cornered on hypocritical douchebags. But that said, I do think the New Testament lends itself to a certain sort of spackle that the disordered love to exploit.

So — you asked for it — here are the Jesus cheaters!

Phillip Forgiveness — God has spoken to Phillip and forgiven him, so I think you should too. Phillip forgives himself! So what’s your problem? He prayed on this! We’re all good! I think you need to cast out the demons of bitterness and get over it. Jesus told Phillip that’s what Jesus would do.

Holier Than Holly — Holly has slept with half the choir and most of the finance committee. She doesn’t understand why God made you so ugly that you can’t keep your man. She’s just trying to sustain these men from the affliction of your inadequacies. Holly considers herself a saver of marriages, really. If it weren’t for the Wake Up Call of Infidelity to make you realize how much you suck, you never would’ve tried to improve. You can thank her. I think you should.

Deacon Dan  Don’t let the sweater vest fool you. Dan’s a pervert.

Martyre Martha — You weren’t meeting her emotional needs. But Bob on the liturgy committee, he understands. You have such a dirty mind! They went to that hotel for BIBLE STUDY. Martha is a SPIRITUAL person, unlike you. Of course you wouldn’t understand because you’ve never wanted her to be happy. You’re jealous of her relationship with God… and Bob.

Ezekiel Love Bunny —  Ezekiel would like a hug. And another longer lingering one. Maybe a kiss? Hey, Ezekiel is just that kind of guy! Friendly! Would you begrudge someone FRIENDS? You’re so withholding. Can Ezekiel help it if people like him better than they like you? Maybe it’s because you’re so uptight. You should work on that. He’ll be sending you some scripture to meditate on while he’s out with his “friends.”

Amazing Grace — God saved a wretch like her. Was she stealing opiates from sick people? Did she lift your wallet? Well, that’s all in the past. Why won’t you put her on the finance committee? Are you going to hold those youthful embezzlement charges against her? That was THEN. Before God’s grace! Don’t you believe in Grace?

Willy We’re-All-Sinners! An emotional assassin whose weapon of choice is the false equivalency. Did Willy cheat? Well you don’t load the dishwasher right! We’re all sinners. Ye without sin cast the first stone. You make mistakes too and we’re all equal before the eyes of God. Did he mention how much you SUCK at loading the dishwasher? Because you do, but he was too much of a Christian to mention it before.

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