adultery, affair, child support, court, Family Law, legal proceedings, litigation, spousal support, Supreme Court of Canada

The Noose is Tightening

I showed up at court on November 22, 2018.  Our original date was November 20, 2018 but we changed the date at the request of my ex’s lawyer.  I was to meet my lawyer at 9:30 a.m. at the court house before heading to our 9:45 a.m. Supreme Court of Canada hearing.

She advised that my ex’s lawyer contacted her at 9:00 a.m. offering a sum in excess of $100,000 if I agreed to adjourn the hearing. That was still a low ball offer, was not in writing so my ex could not be trusted to keep his word and it was clearly because my ex was not prepared and wanted to buy more time until some point in the new year. He had missed the deadline for filing his response and it had still not been filed as of the day of hearing so there was a good chance my court application would be considered uncontested by him.  I had no desire to put off resolving our issues any more and I refused to accept this offer.

The hearing ended up being adjourned anyways.  Two supposedly quick 10-minute hearings were heard before our scheduled 2 hour hearing. One lady was self-represented so this hearing dragged a lot longer than anticipated. My lawyer and my ex’s lawyer were discussing numbers (of course my ex didn’t have the courage to show his face in court to a judge) until it was our turn.  Then the judge announced she was taking her scheduled break in 15 minutes (11:15) and then her lunch as scheduled and would commence with the afternoon hearings as scheduled at 1:00 p.m.  Therefore, she doubted she had time to hear my case.  She listened for 15 minutes and felt there might be a jurisdiction issue and my ex’s lawyer would have to agree she had jurisdiction to rule.  Of course he wouldn’t do this as he didn’t want the hearing to proceed so we had no choice but to reschedule.

I overheard my ex’s lawyer calling my ex to confirm his availability for a December 7 court date.  His lawyer said to him, “Ya, you can loosen the noose for now but don’t put it away in your closet.  It is going to get tight again real soon.”

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abuse of power, adultery, affair, Betrayal, bullying, cheating, child support, court, ex spouse, Family Law, infidelity, insurance adjuster, lawyer, legal proceedings

He probably tries to rip everyone off

After all, he is an insurance adjuster and the stereotypical reputation is that they can’t be trusted.  Their interest is the insurer’s interest, not that of the insured person making a claim.

This is a copy of the email that I sent to my ex on June 13, 2016:

I am just confirming our conversation today that you are refusing to pay any portion of (daughter’s name) dance enrollment for next year.

Firstly, she was asked to audition for Team Canada yesterday which she did.  The audition fee was $35.  If she makes this team it will really help her with respect to university applications as she could get some scholarship money.

Secondly, as you aware from the (daughter’s dance studio) emails, registration for (daughter’s name) for next dance season is tomorrow.  I have told you that she is not adding any dances to her schedule.  Please let me remind you that she dropped classes each year following our separation to make payment for her classes easier for us.  She also was not able to participate in the Summer Dance Intensive program following our separation which she did every year prior to us separating.  She wanted to join baseball and take gymnastics camp to help with the acro portion of her dance, all of which she sacrificed participating in due to our financial situation. Now you have indicated that you will not pay any portion of the following:

  • Registration fee due tomorrow:  $25
  • Costume deposit for her regular 7 classes post-dated for October 1: $420
  • Monthly fee for 9 hours of dance classes: $366
  • Company (I paid her audition fee and she was accepted on this team again)
  • Company annual fee—$375 (can be split over 10 months and added to monthly withdrawal or paid all at once due September 1)
  • 2 Company costume deposits due October 1: $120

Your 71% share based on your 2014 income is as follows: 

  • $17.75 due tomorrow for registration fee
  • 9 Costume deposits post-dated cheque for October 1: $383.40
  • Company annual fee due September 1: $266.25
  • Monthly regular classes: $259.86

David, dance is (daughter’s) passion.  This is her social base and emotional outlet. It is also what she wants to do for her career. “

I am guessing that with my lawyer getting ready for us to go to court again she has had a conversation with my ex’s lawyer because now my ex has provided our older daughter with payment of her tuition for her first term of university in the amount of $3700 (I think this was the figure my daughter told me). It sounds generous but remember we did have this saved for our daughter’s education.  My ex somehow withdrew her entire RESP of $19,000–figure he gave me in May 2015, and used it to pay for entire last year expenses instead of using his own money and my support money.  If she had have been living with me, he would have paid support to me for her and from this money I would have had to pay her food, clothing, accommodation and other items. Why does he think then he is entitled to waste her entire RESP on one year and then tell her too bad you are an adult now and have to pay your own tuition?

Secondly he sent me a lump sum payment today for our youngest daughter’s dance expenses but only paid based on her monthly regular class fee of $366. He gave me one payment of $2598.60.  I thanked him for his but pointed out it is short $667.40.  He insists I only asked him to pay his share of the monthly regular classes.  He has confirmed the correct amount with the studio but insists I made the error, didn’t ask for the correct amount, my mistake, I lose, should have been more careful, why has the amount suddenly changed now, why am I asking for increased payment, etc. I see that the studio responded to him also explaining all of the correct information and informed him, as I did, that the Company fee is calculated differently and there is a registration fee.

Sigh.  It took lawyer involvement to get him to pay anything. The fact that he has $6298.60 that he can pay and the fact that my account is in a negative situation from  having to pay his share of expenses for the past year plus won’t make him look very good in court. His argument to me is that if I could go to Florida at Christmas (accommodation and flight for me and our girls was paid for in full by a family friend but he doesn’t know this) and Hawaii then I can handle paying his share.

I hope that his lawyer will advise him to pay the rest of his share of expenses including full child support.  I know his lawyer has been frustrated in the past by his obstinance. I know there is some reason for me to be happy and it does alleviate a bit of financial stress for some payment but in the end he will feel it is okay to continue to short change me and his children. He has been doing that for the past 3 1/2 years.  In his mind he thinks–she might take me to court for $6966 but if I pay that amount less $677.40 will she really take me to court for $677.40 as it will cost her more to get that amount back if she even wins.

He should have learned from January’s court experience. If he was there and heard the judge lambaste him maybe he would have learned that this judge in particular was going to make an example of this derelict father. I feel like I have no choice but to continue with court or I am doing my girls and me a disservice.  The only way that I am going to be able to move forward and receive full reimbursement for items he legally is responsible to pay is to have clearly written court orders for those amounts that can be enforced.

 

 

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, Betrayal, children, court, divorce, Family Law, infidelity, legal obligations, marriage, pets, the other woman, Uncategorized

It is about Fair Compensation, Not Winning

I guess last week’s court ruling didn’t phase Dave.  The court orders were sent to his lawyer and Dave still has not provided me with the support arrears payment or my court costs.

Instead, Dave sent me an email telling me that we have “a fundamental difference of opinion”.  He plans to continue to fight me in court with respect to refusing to pay any pet expenses.  He believes that his support payments should cover those expenses and even though he agreed in mediation to pay 50% of the pet expenses he wants a court to rule.

He believes that the same holds true for our daughter’s dance expenses.  He wrote that he agrees to pay for 70% of her “dance lessons” (even though our mediation agreement says “dance expenses”). But Dave doesn’t want to pay any portion of her dance shoes (she can’t participate unless she wears proper footwear in each class–ballet shoes, pointe shoes, tap shoes, hip hop shoes, jazz shoes, and foot undies for Lyrical).  Plus our daughter is enrolled in competitive dance classes. Dave doesn’t want to pay any portion of the competition or festival fees, or any travel expenses to get her to the competitions. And yet, when we signed her up he knew all of these expenses are part of our daughter taking dance.  This is her 7th year dancing at this studio so it isn’t a sudden surprise we have to pay for these things.

Why does a parent pay for all of these things when they are part of a family without any issue yet when they decide to fool around and leave the family they feel their kids should do without? Did they every love their child? I don’t believe Dave ever did love our children more than he loves himself.

It isn’t a financial issue.  I saw his bank account balance in his court documentation.  He can certainly afford to pay.  His dividend cheque alone that he deposited for one month is more than my entire year income by 1 1/2 times and he will have another one in a couple of months. I have managed to pay these expenses without going into debt but it has meant me and my children had to do without in other areas. It has been a 3 year struggle. I try to spend wisely and cautiously and I abhor the wasteful cost of having to fight for our rights. I can’t afford the alternative either.  The Divorcemate calculations are tested and considered fair and equal to both parents based on their earnings.  Dave doesn’t want to do without for himself and I wonder how much influence the Other Woman is applying.

He wrote to me today saying that “the court speaks clearly” on these items and “it’s not that complicated.” I believe this to be true, in our child’s favour and our pets’ favour, not his.  My lawyer doesn’t go to court to lose and she is very mindful of my financial situation. We have accepted chiselled down reimbursement by Dave every time in the interest of avoiding court and its costs but I cannot be taken advantage of by him any further and this is the only way to put an end to it.

Then Dave added:  “The reality is that there is no negotiation with you. You want to win. So you end up submitting ridiculous expenses like $5.49 for this or that. Or even the fact that you mention the expenses are now being divided 71-29 rather than the current 70-30 and I will owe extra. It’s so ridiculous and counterproductive. That’s why nothing ever gets done with you. You take silly positions and then spend thousands on your lawyer for what? Just so you can say you won? But in the end you’re paying thousands out that could be used for many other things.”

This is the exact thing I would say back to him. I have no idea what he thinks there is to win.  I just want fair compensation.

He sums up his email as follows:  “So while I appreciate the “offer to negotiate” with you, the past has spoken very clearly that isn’t something you really want to do unless you get everything you demand. You’ve proven to be unreasonable and submitting unending expenses regardless of the value. I’m tired of this constant badgering and so I’m left with no choice but to let the courts decide what is or isn’t reasonable.”

I find it so interesting that he is trying to make me look like the bad person just for submitting expenses to him that he agreed to pay because he considers the amount to be too minor.  That shows that money is not a concern to him and that it is a day-to-day worry for me.  There will be an end to the expenses at some point in time but currently we share pets together and our daughter participates in dance so there will be ongoing expenses. David should have expected that when he agreed to adopt 3 pets into our family and when he decided to have children. I appreciate that he has decided to leave the family and it would be much more convenient if he could just continue to run away from his responsibilities associated with his family, too.

Dave feels badgered simply because there are consequences to his actions that he prefers to ignore.  He is now being held accountability for his failure to honour agreements, take care of his responsibilities, follow court rules, pay bills and for making stupid decisions in his life.  Dave’s decision to just let the courts decide saves him from having to own his life decisions and accept the consequences now. He will avoid, delay and refuse for as long as that works for him. When he loses he will just blame the courts, his lawyer and he will continue to blame me.

 

 

 

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abuse of power, adultery, affair, Betrayal, bullying, court, divorce, infidelity, legal proceedings, litigation, Uncategorized

The Court Sends A Strong Message

Dave chose not to attend court today.  His lawyer was present.

On November 23, 2015 my lawyer contacted Dave’s lawyer to advise that I gave her instructions to pursue Dave in court for the outstanding expenses he continued to refuse to pay as per our mediation agreement.   These included pet expenses, dance expenses, alterations to my daughter’s grad dress, and orthodontic expenses. His share totalled $1212.11.

We were also asking Dave to increase my spousal and child support from July 1, 2015 to January, 31, 2016 as per our agreement based on our 2014 income information.

We were asking Dave to pay our older daughter’s school account that he still hasn’t paid for the September 2014 – June 2015 school year and where my name is still included as being responsible for this account.  This amount is over $1200. Our daughter was living with him at the time these expenses were incurred.

We were asking for Dave to provide me with interest on the RRSP amount he was to roll over to me on November 6, 2014 that I have yet to receive.

We asked him to provide details of the life insurance that he was to get in November 2014.

We asked for information from his bank outlining all bank accounts he had at the time of our separation because there were unexplained transactions leading us to believe he carried an undisclosed bank account.

We asked for details of RESP accounts for both our daughters that he had control of and failed to disclose at mediation and has failed to provide details about.

My lawyer filed our documents on December 4.  Dave has to meet the court rules and provide a response within 5 days.  When my lawyer hadn’t received anything by December 9 she contacted his lawyer.  He had a lot of excuses for the delay and urged my solicitor to push our December 17 court date to January 20, 2016.  She did.  She asked that Dave’s response be at her office by January 11 so she had time to review it.  When it wasn’t received by this time she contacted Dave’s lawyer again.  She told him that she was in court on Thursday and Friday and then after court on Friday she had to fly to Vancouver for a family death.  She needed the documents by Wednesday in order to have time to review them.  Dave’s lawyer served her on Friday at 3:50 p.m. when he knew she wasn’t available to receive them.  She did not receive Dave’s affidavit until Monday morning, 2 days before our scheduled court date.

I did manage to drop everything to respond to Dave’s 21 points in case Dave’s affidavit was admitted into court despite him failing to meet the filing deadline.  My lawyer filed our response to Dave’s affidavit the night before our court appearance.  The judge therefore had none of this information.

The judge ruled Dave’s affidavit was inadmissible.  Dave’s lawyer had to try to explain why Dave ignored court rules but instead tried to just make excuses why the judge should hear his evidence.  The judge again asked why he should admit Dave’s affidavit when Dave was “thumbing his nose at the rules”, “inconveniencing the courts”, “not abiding by the rules that are in place to avoid hearings by ambush”.   Dave’s lawyer finally conceded there was no excuse.

Dave’s lawyer’s big mistake was still trying to get his client’s affidavit admitted by using the words “in the name of Justice.” The judge said,  (and I might be paraphrasing a little but I wrote down as many of his comments as I could):  In the name of justice we should be able to move forward today because your client responded to the action brought against him in accordance to the rules.  Instead, he has played every game he can play.  He has not done his job. He makes north of $100,000 more than the claimant.  He controls everything. He has applied the pressure to the claimant, hammered her against the wall and twiddled his thumbs for a year plus.  He has forced her to make an application to the court. Why doesn’t he give his paycheck over to the claimant and let her decide how much he should have?  I bet the claimant would love to have his difficulties. What in the world do we have to control people like him if we don’t have court rules.  He just waits in the weeds.  We need to send a message to people like him that we are not kidding.

The judge then ruled that he found it fit to not receive his evidence because Dave’s actions are to be frowned upon. Otherwise, it is just a license for people to show up last minute and cry “in the interest of justice.” The lower income party has been on the short end of the stick.  The higher income party was well equipped to be able to do what mattered and he chose not to. He used the court as a way to apply pressure to squeeze the side with the least means. There will be financial consequences to Mr. Cherrie for essentially his “bare faced ignoring of court rules.”

As such, I won all the orders we were seeking.  Dave was ordered to pay me spousal support and child support arrears in the amount that was agreed upon prior to the court hearing.  In fact 7/10 of the items we were seeking were agreed upon by Dave’s lawyer prior to us being heard which made the judge indicate that if Dave had have filed on time court may have been avoided all together.  Dave was ordered to pay me TODAY support arrears in the amount of $5663, to start paying me an increase in spousal and child support as of February 1, 2015 plus an additional $1300 in punitive damages to pay my court fees and legal fees.  The judge also said that if we have to come back to court on any of these issues that Dave will be ordered to pay my costs again.

In essence, Dave just spent $2600 (both of our court costs) to fight me on $1200 worth of expenses. While he was scrambling to get his documents in just before our proceedings he agreed to pay the support arrears (although he tried to haggle off $28/month from the calculation) and tried to send over some documentation that we requested in our order but still didn’t satisfy what we required.  What a waste of time, energy and money. We ran out of time so the expense issue had to be adjourned. Therefore, Dave will still have to go back to court with me to fight those expenses and we are still asking for costs because they are agreed upon expenses.  We will be back in court unless Dave pays me in full. I have no more patience for this man and the court agrees.

 

 

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, breach of contract, cheating, child support, children, control, court, divorce, Family Law, infidelity, lawyer, legal process, marriage, separatiion, spousal support

Back to Business

We were supposed to go to court on December 17, 2015 but Dave’s lawyer pushed it into the new year. We are scheduled to appear on January 20, 2016.

Dave owes me more than $11,000 from July 1 – December 31, 2015 for spousal and child support as well as pet expenses.  The amount is based on a formula as per our income tax figures and the amount agreed upon as per our mediation agreement but he chooses not to pay. I need the court order to enforce payment.

My name is on our older daughter’s school account that Dave was responsible to pay from September 2014 to June 2015.  The bill is for  incidentals, not tuition. She was living with him at that time.  He hasn’t paid a dime. When she lived with me for the 2 years she incurred these expenses I paid them 100% with no child support. That amount is now $1229.88.

There are a few other things we are requesting.

There isn’t a whole lot more you can do when you have an agreement with someone who has zero integrity. I wish I had never wasted time, energy, and money with the Collaborative process or mediation.  You have to know who you are fighting against and a court decision is the only hope that I have in putting an end to my ex’s game playing  with my finances and putting an end to our marriage officially.

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adultery, cheating, court, divorce

Carefree versus Careless

I received 3 harassing texts from my ex today all with the same 2-word message.  These came under his new email handle, “happyandcarefree”.

I think he is mistaking being carefree with being careless.  He may very well be acting like he has no worries, troubles or stress in his life but all of the things he is avoiding will catch up with him.  He may feel carefree because he physically left all of his responsibilities except his job behind.  However, I continue to receive some of his mail.  He hasn’t paid his medical service plan for months, he hasn’t paid our older daughter’s school bill, he owes a bill from an expense on our Cambridge property, he owes income tax and he still hasn’t filed taxes for 2014.

My lawyer is getting ready to file our order in court so my ex will have to appear before a judge to answer for not paying expenses he legally is required to pay me and that he agreed to pay in our mediation. He will also be required to obtain banking information that we suspect will show he failed to disclose money he has hidden in a bank account he failed to list in his prior affidavit.

There is a side to the definition of being carefree as someone who acts irresponsibly.  So if it was my ex’s intention of acknowledging himself as being irresponsible in his new handle then perhaps it does fit.

Synonyms for being carefree include lighthearted, joyous, blithe, airy, gleeful, cheery, elated, and happy-go-lucky.  Anyone who knows my ex would never describe him using any of those words.

I simply deleted all 3 of his messages without responding.  That feels carefree.

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affair, court, divorce, fighting, legal issues, separation agreement

The Wolf and the Lamb

I received an email from my lawyer today with a copy of an email from my ex’s lawyer. He was complaining I let myself into his house when he was away in Vancouver. Then he said I did the same thing the next week. His lawyer wrote my lawyer saying my behaviour was “troubling” and I had “boundary issues”. This is how he wastes our money. Money that could be spent on our kids’ needs, on my housing needs, on debt repayment and I am sure he has needs as well. Making up stories with half-truths to try and paint me in a poor light is only my ex’s ploy to deflect from the real issues of his non-compliance. There is no legal issue. No reason to involve lawyers. No crime committed. Nothing the lawyers can do.

His complaints come only because I have outlined the next steps that I have to take if he continues to refuse to split the pre-separation debt with me. I cannot and should not have to pay back $75,000 all on my own. He asked for the supporting documentation which I sent him and spelled it out very clearly. He said he would discuss this with his lawyer. He got back to me later in the day giving his reason that he wasn’t going to contribute because he didn’t think I would take him to court as it will cost me more than the $35,000 I will gain from him if I am successful.

Then I asked him about the documents he has failed to provide to my lawyer that we need to move forward. He claims first he only just received notice they were needed last week and he was out of town. Then that changed to him saying he already provided everything. That changed to him saying he couldn’t provide his full income tax return because he hasn’t filed it yet. Then he claimed his life insurance never lapsed and it has been in force all along for $500,000. I asked him then why his lawyer wrote saying he was shopping for premium rates and that he should only have to get $300,000 in coverage instead of the $750,000 he had before. Then he claimed that his lawyer released funds to my lawyer from a property we sold that was to pay for all the things he was supposed to pay for in our mediation agreement but hasn’t. He said that I chose not to use this money. He said as a result I can pay the consequences for that decision. My lawyer is not at liberty to disperse any of that money without my ex and his lawyer confirming in writing how it can be spent and I have seen her letters following up repeatedly for this information.

I will address his complaint about my boundary issues and letting myself into his place in my next post. But as I was watching a rare electrical storm for this area and unable to sleep, I pulled out a copy of Aesop’s Fables. I came across one about the wolf and the lamb and it underscores perfectly what is happening between me and my ex with this current situation.

“As a wolf was lapping at the head of a running brook he spied a lamb daintily paddling her feet some distance down the stream.
“There’s my supper,” thought the wolf. “But I’ll have to find some excuse for attacking such a harmless creature.”
So he shouted down at the lamb: “How dare you stir up the water I am drinking and make it muddy?”
“But you must be mistaken, ” bleated the lamb. “How can I be spoiling your water, since it runs from you to me and not from me to you?”
“Don’t argue,” snapped the wolf. “I know you. You are the one who was saying those ugly things about me behind my back a year ago.”
“Oh, sir,” replied the lamb, trembling, “a year ago I was not even born.”
“Well,” snarled the wolf, “if it was not you, then it was your father, and that amounts to the same thing. Besides, I’m not going to have you argue me out of my supper.”
“Without another word he fell upon the helpless lamb and tore her to pieces.”

“The Application: ANY EXCUSE WILL SERVE A TYRANT.”

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