abuse of power, affair, breach of contract, child support, control, divorce, Family Law, finances, infidelity, running

Marathon

I went for a run this morning and forgot my ipod.  I really didn’t feel like being alone with my thoughts but I wasn’t going to drive back to get it. I was on my way to run around Elk Lake and took the dog with me so he could explore off leash.  It was a gorgeous sunny day but I was feeling like the run was going to be a slog without music.

My financial situation was foremost on my mind.  Not only does my ex owe me for pet expenses, our daughter’s dance expenses and a few other random expenses that are now more than a year old (we ran out of time to settle these in court in January of this year) but now he is refusing to pay some ongoing support payments, his share of our daughter’s dance expenses for this dance season and he is throwing as many obstacles my way as he can to prevent me from doing things that need to be handled.

Our oldest daughter moved back in with me when she returned from her first year of university at the end of April. Initially, my ex refused to even acknowledge that she was living with me. Finally he agreed to pay $500/month for her starting in May.  This is technically only $300/month because I am still paying $200/month support to him for her since she lived with him the year before she went to university.  He just deducts what I owed from his support payment for our younger daughter who lives with me.

The BC Family Law Act states that child support is payable until age 19 years and then after that if the child is still dependent.  Our oldest daughter meets the dependent definition as she is attending school full-time. However, my ex determined in August that since our daughter will be 19 in 4 months she should learn responsibility as an adult and pay for her own tuition, school supplies including text books, cell phone, rent, food, clothing, etc. and be working while she is attending school. He indicated that he would therefore not be paying me support anymore for her and he stopped this September 1.  He continues to deduct the $200 of support for me to pay him as though she lives with him and he is paying her full living expenses.

He apparently spent her entire $19,000 RESP (registered education savings plan) during her first year of university. He continues to refuse to provide me any documentation about her RESP or any breakdown of the expenses he paid last year.  I have never seen a tuition invoice, residency invoice or meal plan invoice.  He claims that his accountant did her taxes but he has failed to provide us with a copy of her tax return.  She needed information from her tax return to apply for a student loan.  He also told my daughter she received a tax refund of $750 but she has never seen a cheque.

I have written post dated cheques for her monthly rent that started September 1.  I got the back to school items that she needed and I took her to school which involved an $88.20 ferry ride each way.  I’ve made sure she has spending money for food.  She did work full-time during the summer so she has some spending money and paid $549 for some of her text books but still needs more.  She asked her dad to help take her to school as well since she needed his vehicle to bring her larger items but he refused.   Not only did he refuse to help, he told her that if I showed up at his place to help her move any of her belongings that she had stored there that he would call the police on me.

 

Our youngest daughter made Team Canada for dance.  My ex has indicated that not only will he not pay for any aspect of this but that he will also not take her to any of her rehearsals.  She competes in Riesa, Germany in November.  Practices are on the mainland in BC which again means $166 in ferry fare each weekend (14 x) plus the 2 other times I had to take her there for a workshop and choreography week which involved hotel stays. Plus $3600 for the trip, competition fees, choreography fees, team jacket, etc.  Costume fees on top of that.  It is such a huge opportunity and with her dad apparently spending her RESP as well I feel like this might be what helps her to get into a university with hopefully some scholarship money.

I did try to apply for some sponsorship for the cost of her participating on Team Canada but I was also asked for my tax information.  Canada Revenue Agency stopped my taxes for pre-assessment this year.  They asked for confirmation that I am paying support to my ex for our older daughter and that our younger daughter is my dependent.  My ex said if I wrote a letter to that effect he would sign it as it isn’t his responsibility to write letters for me.  I did that and resent it several times.  He finally acknowledged he received it but still failed to sign and return the letter despite several follow ups on my part.

My rent at my new place was already $150 more and on October 1 it goes up another $300. My lawyer doesn’t think we can get a court date until November but in the meantime said she would write my ex’s lawyer for him to provide full support payments and request again the other expenses he is being asked to pay as per the mediation agreement he signed. This is just the most frustrating, long, expensive and what seems to be an unfair process in many ways.

I finished my run.  It was tiring and a little painful but I felt strong and accomplished at the end.  I was glad it was done though.  Prayerfully I can get to court in November and my year ends with me feeling the exact same way. I want to look back and know that the process was grueling, painful and there may have been no music to motivate me through but I did not give up despite the difficulty.  I know it will feel so good when it is over. This is my marathon on a very rugged and hilly terrain with terrible weather conditions and very little water to drink.

 

 

 

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affair, divorce, finances, kids, moving forward, pets, separatiion

Closer to Gone

I received a text today from our realtor indicating that the people who put the conditional offer on our house have officially sold their home.  The next step to removing the conditions is a home inspection on Tuesday.  I am optimistic the sale is going to go through and that the home that we chose over a 5 day trip in 2008 to relocate our family from Ontario to BC will be gone from my life.

I had lunch with both my girls today.  I had just spent the morning with my younger daughter at the last day of her dance in the Greater Victoria Performing Arts Festival.  We picked my older daughter up from school and went to our usual Cora’s for the all day breakfast. My girls were discussing the pending summer vacation their dad was taking them on going back home to Ontario to stay with his parents.  They were both not thrilled with the fact that Janice may be joining them on the trip.

I on the other hand feel fine about it.  It is a reminder to me that I will not have to waste any more of my vacation time in a cramped cottage with my ex’s family.  I smile now thinking of her travelling 5 hours by plane, then 1 1/2 hours by car, sleeping on a bed that fills the entire room, showering in the tiny, green bathtub or having to go downstairs and wait for the shower that everyone else lines up to use and then having the pleasure of the company of my ex’s family for at least 1 week.  Let her swelter in the 30 degree cabin that gets no breeze and let her enjoy the same boring stories that will be new for her but that I will never have to endure again.  My girls joked that Janice can look through all the scrapbooks that I made of our time there. There is not one ounce of me that wishes I was going instead.

I am now free to vacation anywhere else with anyone else.  There was a time with my ex that I wondered if I was going to live out my say 80 years not by living 80 years but by living the same year 80 times.  When we moved here I made sure I planned amazing, adventurous, fun vacations that were completely new and that involved experiences the entire family would enjoy.  My ex never appreciated that.  He never was interested in planning vacations or going anywhere.  He hadn’t travelled at all until he met me. The monotonous routine, using vacation time to do the same thing with the same people is happily gone for me.

I have had so many people contact me saying how excited they are that I am selling the house and now that it is that much closer to gone people cannot contain how happy they are for me. Not one person expressed anything resembling sadness or regret. Not even my kids. My younger daughter thinks that one of our cats will be sad but that is it. I have offers of generous living arrangements until my divorce settlement is finalized and I am able to find something more permanent. I actually don’t like the idea of “permanent”.  I am getting lots of offers of people wanting to spend time with me when my kids are back in Ontario and them asking me what do I want to do and where do I want to go. My options are expanding.

This is exactly what I have wanted. My life and opportunities are so open and my ex is that much closer to gone.

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