adultery, affair, cheating, children, divorce, Ex, family, Residence, University

Taking my daughter to university

As many times as my oldest daughter asked my ex to take me with them so she could be with both of her parents to travel to university, he refused.  She contacted me the day before she had to move into residence and told me she asked one last time but her dad said, “No!”   I assured her not to worry that I would still be there.  She told me that my ex booked a reservation on the 8:00 a.m. ferry so I told her that I would be on the same one.

I arrived at the ferries at 7:15 a.m. lining up with the other vehicles waiting to board. I went into the terminal to get something to eat for breakfast. When I came out and was walking back to my car, my younger daughter called my name. She was in the front passenger seat of a vehicle I didn’t recognize.  It was a white pick-up truck.  Both girls told me later that their dad had purchased a new vehicle.

I walked over and said “hi” to my girls.  My younger daughter was so happy she spotted me. She beamed that she could see my hair in the window so she knew I was there. I confirmed with my older daughter the name of her residence house. There are 8 houses and they have some difficult First Nation names and spellings. I told them I would meet them at the university. Then I went back to my vehicle and waited to load.

On the ferry, I sat in a row of seats by a window.  With it being the start of a long weekend it was very busy but I actually had a row of seats to myself.  I was reading for about 30 minutes when my kids found me and sat down beside me. They had gone for breakfast first. Their dad sat down with them. We each conversed with our children but didn’t say a word to each other. It made no difference to me at all that he was there.

We returned to our cars after the 1 hour and 35 minute ferry ride and then I drove by myself for the next hour to travel to the university. I ran into them as I was walking to my daughter’s residence and they were returning to my ex’s truck.  They had unloaded everything and now needed to move his vehicle to the parkade where my car was already parked. My daughter asked her dad if he would just let me walk back with them and drive with them so we could all stay together. He said that there was no room.  My daughter tried to explain to me where to go and I told her not to worry about it, that I would find it, and just meet them back at her room.

I met some great people on the way to her dorm. I chatted with parents and students about where they were from, why they chose this university, which residence would be their new home, etc.  It was a gorgeous, sunny day and there were tons of students dressed in bright blue shirts that were guides and question answerers to make everyone’s transition smooth. I bought my daughter a plant and then headed to her house with the personal guidance of one of the blue shirt students.

My daughter’s roommate hadn’t arrived yet.  We all helped our freshman unpack and set up her room. When we were done her dad left to go back home.  My younger daughter and I stayed and we all went for lunch in the residence dining hall. There was a great selection of food. Then we went back to her room and met her new roommate and mom from Winnipeg. They were so nice. They had never been to Victoria before so I invited her to come back with my daughter for Thanksgiving. They invited us to their cabin in Minnesota.

My younger daughter and I said our goodbyes and left to do some back-to-school shopping in Vancouver. Then we went to my sister’s house for dinner. Two of my nieces and their live-in boyfriends joined us. It was a whirlwind visit as the last ferry departed at 9:00 p.m. and we had at least a 40-minute drive to get there. It was so wonderful to see them. It had been almost 2 years since our last visit. We would have stayed over if I didn’t have pets to get back to and my other niece and brother-in-law were planning on visiting us the next day to go to the fair. We made it to the ferry with enough time to run into the terminal to buy an ice cream cone before being called to our vehicles to get ready to load.

My university daughter texted me just before we boarded the ferry. She thanked me for coming even though her dad tried to make it difficult for me to be there and for the “survival kit” that I left her. She had a very fun ‘Welcome BBQ’ for her house and said that she had met a ton of friends already from all over the world. She was off to play board games.

I am so excited for this new chapter in her life.  I feel like we managed, for the most part, to make the day all about her.

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affair, divorce, finances, kids, moving forward, pets, separatiion

Closer to Gone

I received a text today from our realtor indicating that the people who put the conditional offer on our house have officially sold their home.  The next step to removing the conditions is a home inspection on Tuesday.  I am optimistic the sale is going to go through and that the home that we chose over a 5 day trip in 2008 to relocate our family from Ontario to BC will be gone from my life.

I had lunch with both my girls today.  I had just spent the morning with my younger daughter at the last day of her dance in the Greater Victoria Performing Arts Festival.  We picked my older daughter up from school and went to our usual Cora’s for the all day breakfast. My girls were discussing the pending summer vacation their dad was taking them on going back home to Ontario to stay with his parents.  They were both not thrilled with the fact that Janice may be joining them on the trip.

I on the other hand feel fine about it.  It is a reminder to me that I will not have to waste any more of my vacation time in a cramped cottage with my ex’s family.  I smile now thinking of her travelling 5 hours by plane, then 1 1/2 hours by car, sleeping on a bed that fills the entire room, showering in the tiny, green bathtub or having to go downstairs and wait for the shower that everyone else lines up to use and then having the pleasure of the company of my ex’s family for at least 1 week.  Let her swelter in the 30 degree cabin that gets no breeze and let her enjoy the same boring stories that will be new for her but that I will never have to endure again.  My girls joked that Janice can look through all the scrapbooks that I made of our time there. There is not one ounce of me that wishes I was going instead.

I am now free to vacation anywhere else with anyone else.  There was a time with my ex that I wondered if I was going to live out my say 80 years not by living 80 years but by living the same year 80 times.  When we moved here I made sure I planned amazing, adventurous, fun vacations that were completely new and that involved experiences the entire family would enjoy.  My ex never appreciated that.  He never was interested in planning vacations or going anywhere.  He hadn’t travelled at all until he met me. The monotonous routine, using vacation time to do the same thing with the same people is happily gone for me.

I have had so many people contact me saying how excited they are that I am selling the house and now that it is that much closer to gone people cannot contain how happy they are for me. Not one person expressed anything resembling sadness or regret. Not even my kids. My younger daughter thinks that one of our cats will be sad but that is it. I have offers of generous living arrangements until my divorce settlement is finalized and I am able to find something more permanent. I actually don’t like the idea of “permanent”.  I am getting lots of offers of people wanting to spend time with me when my kids are back in Ontario and them asking me what do I want to do and where do I want to go. My options are expanding.

This is exactly what I have wanted. My life and opportunities are so open and my ex is that much closer to gone.

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