13, Collaborative Family Law, divorce, flu, God, litigation, New Year's Eve, resolutions, Schindler's List, separation

Happy New Year?

I think I shed more tears on New Year’s Eve than I did throughout the entire 2013.  I guess I was finally ready to grieve a year that will go down in my history as the year my marriage ended.

Number 13 was never unlucky to me previously.  Now it not only marks a horrible year but it was the day my husband quoted in a text I saw from him to the other woman that said he could feel the sexual tension in documents she sent him even though they were sent prior to December 13.  I will remember the 13th as the date he said their relationship, on some level, started.  That was the day they attended a client party hosted by their company.

It has been more than a year they have been seeing each other.  That is how I can mark that time flies.  It is still so fresh for me that I wouldn’t believe any time passed at all if not for the celebration of a new year.  My divorce still seems no closer.  I switched lawyers to allow me to pursue the litigation route.  The Collaborative Process did not work.  There is no penalty for failure to complete required documents, failure to produce proof of income and proof of expenses, or failure to comply with agreements made in the four-ways meetings involving me and my husband and both our lawyers.  There are no time guidelines so one party can just drag, delay and avoid at the expense of the other.   7 months and $7500 was a huge waste of time and money resources, and that was only my bill, just to find myself in the same position I was in when the process started–no financial assistance and no separation agreement.

I know that my petition for divorce and my request for spousal and child support was filed in the court on November 26, 2013.  Although embarrassing for my husband but satisfying to me for my husband  be served divorce papers at his work, his lawyer was provided the notice instead to save on costs.  I know his lawyer received the documents and said he would serve his client (my husband) with them.  He also asked my lawyer where she saw the file going.  I did not expect to hear anything before Christmas but my new year’s resolution is to get this settled on all levels so I can freely move on.

There is always the hope of what a new year can bring.  I had a ticket to spend New Year’s Eve with friends seeing The Timebenders.  We were going to have a lovely dinner first and then dance, laugh and probably drink some champagne on our way into 2014. Instead I am home alone, with the flu, peeing everytime I have a deep coughing fit, sweating and shivering on the couch watching True Hollywood stories that help me think my life could be worse if I were Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Paula Dean, or Sarah Palin.  My champagne was Schindler’s List.  I had never wanted to see it but tonight I felt I could.  The tears really started flowing during the liquidation of the ghetto when I saw the little girl with the red coat, standing out in a black & white film, running for her life while people are gunned down around her, no parent to hold her hand, to offer her comfort or to try and protect her.

Crying and coughing, I sat on the toilet so the pee could flow there instead of into a pad and I just stayed.  It was my scared dog that came in and broke my attention away from me.  He was shaking.  Then I heard the fireworks, the air horn, and I got off the toilet and looked out the window.  It was midnight and people were celebrating.  I cried for another 20 minutes then went back to watch the movie.  The little girl in the red coat found an open door and got off the street. Hope for somewhere safe. Others who had been hiding though were discovered and killed.

Maybe 13 won’t be unlucky.  There is always the possibility that what seems terrible at the time has some grander purpose for the better.  Maybe the future will reveal that the number 13 was actually my lucky day; my lucky year, because so much more fulfillment comes or I am saved from something that I just don’t see or understand yet.

In Schindler’s List I come to the part where they have to exhume bodies and burn them.  There on a cart being carried to be burned with the others is the body of the little girl in the red coat.  For what grand purpose did that happen? For what grand purpose was the war; the holocaust; the near extermination of an entire race?

What I have to hold on to when I feel like I am running all alone for my life in the chaos of gun shots and fear, is my deep core value that God is in control.  He loves me; He has a plan for me; He won’t be mocked and if He is for me, who can be against me?  I trust in that over any understanding or lack of understanding regarding my circumstances.  I go crazy if I start to focus on the “why?” because there is no answer.  I have to just believe that good will triumph evil.  I believe there is a grand plan and I am a part of it in some way that I don’t understand now.

 

 

 

 

 

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cheating, children, control, deceitfulness, family, father/daughter, infidelity, lawyer, legal advice, legal proceedings, parenting, property disposal, relationships, separation, threats

Husband gets a lawyer

On March 4, 2013 @ 12:23 p.m. my husband sends me the following email:

“I’ve sent your email to my lawyer and you have no legal right to do anything with my belongings.  You will be receiving a letter today which will be a cease and desist order.  When I’ve got my accommodations sorted out I will pick up the remaining contents.”

I received an e-mail from his lawyer on March 4, 2013 @ 2:33 p.m. stating the following:

“Please be advised that we represent (husband).  It has come to our attention that you have been removing and disposing of his personal property.  This action needs to stop immediately.  My client has been attempting to reasonably vacate the premises in an orderly and cooperative manner.  He is still an owner of the property and there is no reason that his property needs to be removed in anything but a reasonable manner.  My client simply needs a reasonable amount of time to find another place and he can collect his belongings once that happens.”

I respond by e-mail to my husband’s lawyer on March 5, 2013 @ 8:02 a.m. with a copy to my husband:

“None of (husband’s) property has ever been disposed.  As a matter of fact, I rescued his Arsenal hat from the garbage.  When I asked my daughter why daddy’s hat was in the garbage she said, “Because the slut was wearing it in the photo.”  My daughter also said she couldn’t believe that I packed up his belongings so nicely in boxes and bags and placed everything in a neat and organized manner and easy location inside the house for him to access.  She also was upset that I gave him “everything” instead of keeping some things that she thought should be ours to keep.  When (husband) was not able to pick up very many items, we just had them delivered to the building in which he is an owner and where he claims to spend most of his time.  The items were delivered shortly before he arrives at the office, well labeled, well protected and sheltered.

He was asked to pick up the rest of his items while I was at the house and to give  me advanced notice.  This is because it is not appropriate for him to be walking around the premises when someone is not here and removing items without my knowledge.  Furthermore, my children have been very traumatized by his appearances at the house.

While I was at a school function last night with my older daughter, we both received frantic texts and phone calls that my younger daughter was “freaking out” because (husband) was at the house when we weren’t there and without our knowledge or permission.  She was sure he was “stealing” our dog.  When he was at our house the first time, my daughter called to me frantically saying that daddy came to the house 30 minutes before he was supposed to be there.  She didn’t want to be there and she didn’t want the dog to be there when he arrived.  She was hiding because she didn’t want him to see her.  She was shaking because she needed to leave the house so I had to help her go out the front door with the dog and to just keep walking and not look back.  She had her friend call another mom to come over because s he was afraid of what her dad might do to me.  She called me on the phone 45 minutes later asking why he was still at the house saying his truck position had moved and was backed up to the garage and she was sure he was taking my things that are in the garage to dump because he always threatened to do this.  Although I assured her that her daddy wouldn’t be wasting his time doing that now, the thoughts that have been going through my children’s heads are real to them.

Both my children are not sleeping, have been missing school since Friday and are incredibly anxious, emotional, scared and worried.  It is upsetting to my older daughter that her dad didn’t come to her school last night to hear about her Experiential Learning Program that she is going to be a part of this upcoming term and that he chose not to be involved in parent/teacher interviews.  It is even more upsetting to her that he used that opportunity while we were out of the house to do yet another thing that she considers to be deceitful.  She is terrified to be at the house by herself because she thinks he is going to come by and/or try to contact her.

It appears that (husband) came through the house and did take the rest of his items.  There doesn’t appear to be anything left in the garage that belongs to him.  I trust that there will be no reason for him to come by our home again unannounced.  If there is something that he might need in the future that he thinks he left here, I will be happy to try and locate that item and leave it outside our home at a time convenient to us both for him to retrieve this.”

The only response I received was from my husband on March 5, 2013 @ 8:24 a.m. by e-mail:

“Do you think (my lawyer) cares about my Arsenal hat or any of the other drivel that you put in the email?  The simple fact is you have no right to restrict my access to the house to get, store or use my belongings.  I am a legal owner of the property and am entitled to any of the benefits that an owner may enjoy.

I am trying to be nice and accommodating to you.  But when you threaten to throw out my belongings on the driveway or leave them out front my office that is not rational or acceptable.  So I went and got most of my things.  There are still others that I will retrieve when I am able.

Stop using the kids in this process.  Stop making them feel insecure and hiding them in the house and allowing crazy irrational behaviours.  You are perpetuating things that aren’t real and that is simply unacceptable.  You are attempting to punish me through the kids and that is petty, childish and frankly wrong.  You can either start to accept what has happened, move forward and start to work with me or I will retain legal counsel to commence action for my rights to the kids.  Take your pick.”

 

 

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