abuse, affair, Betrayal, bullying, cheating, children, cruelty, difficult personality, divorce, domestic abuse, ex spouse, infidelity, other woman, parenting, single parent, unfaithfulness, verbal abuse

Ask and You shall Receive…an Insult

I asked my ex tonight if he was able to pick our daughter up from the ferry on Sunday, October 2 at 5:30 p.m.  He responded, “Sure”.  I was surprised not only that he responded to my request but that he responded so positively and so quickly.

Just when I started to text a thank you back I immediately received another response from him that is much more typical, “Oh no wait I’m away I cant”. Then he sent another saying, “That’s your weekend I believe”.  He knew all along he wouldn’t do it but thought he would play with me by saying ‘yes’ to start.

I responded, “Okay. Thank you for considering.”

His response: “Well thnka s for offering”.  (yes that is how it was received, same with the last text spelling.)

I mentioned however how the month of September has been going for seeing his children:  “I didn’t know we had weekends.  You didn’t see (daughter’s name) when it was “your” weekend and then you didn’t see her the next weekend to make up for it.  We just figure it is always my weekend unless you make plans to see her.”  It has actually been 3 weekends in a row he hasn’t seen our daughter.

His response:  “Whatevs tubs. Go eat some cheese cake and chocolate cookies.”

I didn’t respond and had no interest in communicating further.

His next text: I have plans…as usual you’re last minute Larry…if you asked sooner might have been able to do something for you.”

I had to point out: “Last minute?  It isn’t this Sunday it is next Sunday.  That is 10 days from now. Does that mean you will be having (daughter) this weekend?

His response:  “I’m not wasting my time conversing with you…good night and eat another piece of cake darling”

 

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affairs, Betrayal, cheating, control, domestic abuse, God

Authentic Love

Prior to Katy Perry singing “By the Grace of God” at the 2015 Grammy Awards tonight, Brooke Axtell made a speech in reference to surviving domestic violence. This is an excerpt from what she shared:

“Authentic love does not devalue another human being. Authentic love does not silence, shame or abuse. If you are in a relationship with someone who does not honour and respect you I want you to know that you are worthy of love. Please reach out for help. Your voice will save you. Let it extend into the night; part the darkness. Let it set you free to know who you truly are: valuable, beautiful, loved.”

I didn’t even know I was in an abusive relationship. It was verbal, mental and emotional torture. I know that I felt devalued and unloved many times but it has taken friends and professionals and the distance of separation to make it clear. I had friends say that I would laugh things off that were so mean, degrading and not funny at all and that their husbands would never say or do things like mine did.

Some of the things he has texted me recently are as follows:

‘You are sad and pathetic; you can’t move on and look pathetic for it; your older daughter already sees how pathetic you are and your younger one is not far off; even your friends are falling by the wayside; you’re an idiot; #crazylady; hypocrite; figure it out tubby; what a fat cunt you are; fuck you; spoiled bitch; fuck you and figure it out; mom of the year; take a look in the mirror Broom Hilda; you ain’t what its all cracked up to be; ole miss big mouth forgets how hypocritical she sounds; hey rockstar, learn how to use your phone; you’re such an awful example of not only a mother but a person; if anything happens to (our daughter) it will be all your fault; and how dumb are you; it’s no wonder the kids are damaged; you really have some mental issues; it’s no wonder the kid hates your guts; go put another cookie in your mouth; Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa! Waaaaaaaa!; keep your opinions to yourself because I don’t want or need to hear them. That’s why we’re divorcing…so I don’t have to hear them any longer; angry ex-wife; get the story straight before you beak off; my truth is fuck off; get the facts and shut the fuck up; you are a vindictive money grabbing angry sad sack of a being; you’re a joke; what a two-faced hypocrite you are; you’re delusional; don’t put your big nose in our daughter’s business; you aspire to do nothing with your life; the smartest thing I ever did was leaving you.”

I haven’t gone back and looked at emails but I remember him calling me a “waste of skin”, telling me I need to do something with my appearance, too bad I let myself go; have another slice of cheesecake; I needed to wear makeup; my life has no purpose; calling me Einstein, etc.

I know I started to push back in the months before I found out about the affair when he said my food “tastes like shit” in front of the kids.

There was no authentic love from my husband towards me. However, I have made the decision that I will not be shamed, silenced and abused by him any more. I told him by text on January 21, 2015, after a harassing phone call that had no purpose other than to abuse, that if he continues to call or text me I will get a restraining order against him. His response: “Hahaha”. I haven’t had any phone calls or texts since.

I am worthy of love. I am lovable. I am loved by God and see him working in my life showing me his love every day. I am loved by many, many people who show me love with their actions, words, gifts, service and affection every single day. I have tons of friends and I am a very good friend. I have value and I am beautiful inside and out. I know who I truly am. Authentic love does exist in my life; just not from my ex.

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