abuse, affair, anger, blogging, bullying, cheating, cruelty, divorce, the other woman, unfaithfulness

The ex finds my blogs and shares with his friends

I apologize for a bunch of nasty comments left by my ex, the other woman and their friends.

I deleted some horrific ones but I will just let them reveal themselves for who they are and then I think you will see that my experience as reported is on mark.

I think it is very low of them to be communicating with a 15-year old who’s parents are causing her a lot of emotional distress and who reached out to me for support. The lies they told her about my daughter being kicked out are very far from reality. I cannot control their actions but I will not let their bullying stop me from sharing my experience or trying to help someone else manoeuvre through their experience.

This is my journey, my experience and my truth. I am only reporting what is going on in my life as it relates to my experience with a cheating spouse and the legal system. This was never a blog about bashing my ex or the other woman. This was never a blog about trying to make me look good. I know I look very ugly with my responses and actions. This is the reality of a nasty divorce and being on a path I never expected to be on.

This was a forum where I could share my experience. I had never blogged before and had no idea how to do it or how many people I would meet going through similar experiences. Everyone has been so kind and generous with support, compassion and advice. These were private, vulnerable posts. These were never meant to be seen by my ex.

It was pointed out to me by several professionals and friends throughout the last 2 1/2 years that I was in an abusive relationship. I have never posted the emails that would likely confirm this. It might be very difficult for me to go back and read those. I am told I may still be protecting my ex and that I may even be in denial about the abuse as I defend him sometimes for the cruel things he said to me. I had a friend share that she was horrified when we went out to dinner as couples one night. She shared that the mean things he would criticize me about were not funny and yet I would laugh as though it was a joke. I would never want his children to see the things he wrote to me and I did share with a handful of my friends about my blog so I might be embarrassed for them to see that as well. Now that my ex has discovered the blog and started posting things one friend contacted me telling me that she is afraid for me as she always considered my ex to be “dangerous”. She feels like I should contact the police because these are clearly messages meant to harass me. She texted me this morning saying, “You have had years of systematic emotional abuse by Dave…I’m really sorry.” She went on to say, “I’m worried about you and the girls.” It is clear he is continuing to try and abuse me emotionally and trying to use my blog against me.

Her advise is for me to take the blog off line. I think this is again part of my journey with my ex and it is being documented as such. I hope that anyone who happens upon my blog will learn from it. Maybe both people going through the break up can read this and say, “We do not want to be these people.” “We want to make better decisions and hurt as few people as possible through this process as well as protect our children and our finances.”

Clearly by my ex and his friends posting my name, they do not care about my children being identified. As one blogger pointed out, they have now seen my Facebook page and photos of my children. I have no problem sharing my name and identity as I stand by what I write. I never exposed my ex’s identity as I never wanted my children to read these posts. Thank you Dave, Janice and friends for being so concerned about protecting children.

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38 thoughts on “The ex finds my blogs and shares with his friends

  1. Sally says:

    Hey Robyn Graham Cherrie of Victoria, BC did you not think that by posting an internet blog for the world to see was being “private” Do you think using people’s names, places of employment etc that is “private”? A journal is private. An internet blog posted on the world wide web and expecting privacy is stupidity! Reap what you sow!

  2. Sally says:

    Interesting Robyn Graham Cherrie of Victoria, BC that you claim you’re being abused by anyone. A read of this blog, the things you say, releasing people’s private information, photo’s etc it’s clear who is the abuser.

  3. Sally says:

    Robyn Graham Cherrie of Victoria, BC, if you wanted to protect your children why would you even post this kind of information? You posted your ex’s girlfriend’s name and photo’s and that can be easily found. You knew what you were doing and it was not protecting your children.

  4. It appears to me that if you want to write your personal thoughts and feelings online for everyone to see then you should have known that it would lead to involving your children. I am not trying to be a jerk, just stating the obvious. I noticed you had pictures of this other woman and I assume she didn’t give them to you so you must have accessed them through something like Facebook. In other words, if you can do it so can others so you should have known this would happen. Believe me, buying a leather bound journal and writing out your feelings will give you the same release that you think you are getting from your blog.

    • happy says:

      She is not trying to get a “release”, she is being a bully. She is showing her true nature and leaving it fully exposed for her child to see. She fails to accept her own responsibility for the breakdown of her relationship. Her ego can’t handle the fact that maybe there was a breakdown over numerous years, that she played a part in it as well, that maybe she is better off now than being with someone who simply didn’t love her anymore and may have been hanging on for years because his child was young.

      • If he was so unhappy, not in love with her why not divorce instead of cheating? A real man and a respectable woman do the right thing. But actions say a lot about a person.

      • Dave, I hesitate to respond and rehash but if our marriage broke down over numerous years you didn’t say or do anything about it. You had sex with me up until 2 weeks before I found out about your affair. You gave me an anniversary card that said, “Every year just keeps getting better and better” yet you were involved with another woman. You had already hooked up with Janice before your company Christmas party and she stayed close to you that whole night while I was being social with your co-workers and trying to represent you well but you left holding my hand and had sex with me. You celebrated your actual birthday at the end of January with Janice while lying to me and the kids that your hockey team was taking you out. The next night we went out as a family to the hockey game to celebrate your birthday which you planned for us to do and you acted like nothing was wrong. You took me over to meet people in your industry at that game and we planned attending the Rhianna concert and our Florida trip in March and April. I would never want to be with someone who didn’t love me. You should have just left years ago if you were really that unhappy. It was either really selfish of you to move us to Victoria for your benefit taking us away from all our family and friends or maybe you did love me and the girls. Everyone was certainly shocked with the split so you did a good job of fooling me, the girls, all or our friends and family. Yes I am better off and I have never regretted or waffled from my decision to divorce you as soon as I learned of the affair but you are continuing to drag this on. You are financially devastating the both of us by not honouring the mediation agreement. We chose mediation together, instead of court, and afterwards when an huge error was apparent in your favour, you bragged that you got the better of me with the settlement. Yet, you are fighting me over paying 50% of the pet expenses that you agreed in mediation to cover (your share is about $50/month plus $140 for boarding only during 1 month that our daughter provided.) You laugh and scoff saying it would be ridiculous to take you to court just to fight that amount so you think you can get away with screwing me over even more. There are other expenses you agreed to pay as part of the agreement relating to costs incurred to meet the sale conditions and to get the house ready to sell yet you sit back, chose to do none of the work, and make me pay 100% of the expense, just to argue over the amount or the necessity. You did everything you could to make sure you didn’t get the receipts from me for the expenses I incurred. You told me to not spend more than $200 on our daughter’s grad dress and you were going to reimburse me. I managed to do that for $145 and took an entire day to do that talking her down from the $400 dresses she really wanted. However you only paid me $80 for the dress and not the $65 for the alterations even though she couldn’t wear the dress without the alterations. You still haven’t provided your 2014 income tax return so you are only paying the minimal amount for spousal and child support. I pay you support for our daughter who lives with you (although for the month of August she has been living entirely with me) yet you tell her I don’t pay support and I need to be paying for the items she needs to go to school. She asked that we both take her to university and yet you tried to force her to choose just one of us. It was our younger daughter that stepped in and said to you, “What don’t you understand? She wants you both there.” Yet, she told me today you just laughed at her for asking you again to do this for her. I don’t need you to take me. I will get to her university on my own but I will be there, too, because that is what she wants and this is about her, not you or me. I just want this to end. Now, on the advice of my lawyer, I have to go to court to get a consent order to force you to provide documents and/or up your payments to include pet expenses and other foreseeable expenses and have Family Maintenance collect for you. I think all of your comments here as well as your refusal to honour your agreement or make it easy for me to get you documentation will help a judge to see that it is the best route for both of us. Maybe your friends can just encourage you to keep your word that is signed in a legal and binding document and not waste any more of our money and energy fighting when it could all be better spent our children’s education and used to be there for them.

  5. Winner winner chicken dinner says:

    But you DID bash, expose, and publish the other woman’s name, location, and PHOTOS!
    You did that. That isn’t therapudic, it’s malicious, vindictive and you look no better than they do.
    Try removing (if only) just THAT info… And watch the ugliness settle down.

    • perdido says:

      if I was her I would’ve put that whore on homewreckers.com that’s where she deserves to be – if she didn’t want to be identified as a whore homewrecker than she shouldn’t mess with married men – funny how they aren’t proud of their achievements isn’t it? fact is she did it and anyone anywhere can say it – maybe I’ll add her to homewreckers myself bahahahahaha

  6. Wow SWB don’t they think they have done enough heinous things by cheating in the first place? It really shows them for who they are. Actually I love it when cheats and their whores throw a hissy fit because it fits like a jigsaw. Call yourself vindicated.

    • happy says:

      I suppose you are saying that you believe the false accusations of any whackjob posting on the internet..good for you…way to keep an open mind and be a sane logical person. Perhaps instead you could possibly believe that maybe, just maybe none of this is true? That the blogger herself is a liar, a sociopath? Open your mind!

      • I’m not persuaded by the insane tone of the comments from you and your friends. We can all only judge by actions. And your actions don’t lend you any credibility. If you had any substance you would have been more dignified and convincing. A cheat is never defensible. End of story. So mud-slinging at the betrayed spouse just makes you look bad. Whatever. I like it when people show their true colours.

  7. anon says:

    Don’t you moderate the comments?

    The moment you revealed Janice Andrews’ name it identified you and your husband and children. I knew who you were nearly 2 years ago, just by googling and piecing together bits of information.

    • I stopped moderating all of these comments. I never wanted my blog to be one-sided and I have never shied away from posting comments that were negative. With respect to these comments, initially I was suspect of them as they seemed verbatim things my ex has said to me. They seemed overly sympathetic to his cause or really supportive of the other woman. However, I want to be fair to everyone and there are people who have cheated who read this blog to try and understand the other side. My ex and his friends were hiding behind several different names and tried to sound legitimate to get me to talk to them. I think one of the things that makes a blog real and relevant is the open discussion. After being hit again and again with the bombardment of malicious comments and postings just to expose me (I did just trash many) I thought I may as well just let them voice themselves.

  8. Winner winner chicken dinner says:

    Mama always said “two wrongs don’t make a right.” Childless begets childless.
    Who stole who’s pictures?
    Who first posted names occupations locations?

    Whose children are being affected?
    This insanity only serves to hurt those two beautiful children. All of this complete and utter bullshit needs to end now. It doesn’t matter who’s crazier.
    It needs to stop.
    The damage is irreversible.
    Just stop now.

    • Oh please, the children have already been affected by the father and the other woman’s actions. They knew all along what they were doing and the consequences they would face while they were cheating not only the wife but the children.

      He and the other woman made their bed now they can go lie on it and cry all they want. And coming here and attacking this woman doesn’t make them look any bit better.

  9. Don’t go off line to appease your ex or anyone else. Go private instead. Only allow those people who you know to be genuine to access your blog. It’s puts you back in control. It seems to me you were right to make this man your ex. If I were you I would check out the legal implications of having your id published on the web. In this country there are laws against it so maybe they are the same with you. Don’t let this man grind you down. It seems to me he very unhappy so perhaps the grass is greener on the othet side.

  10. Two wrongs don't make a right... says:

    Whoresnotwelcome… did you even read this blog? It was the blogger who first STOLE photos of ‘the other woman’ and posted them here, with her name, location, and job. Any idiot could put two and two together with a quick enquiry or two to find out who the ex is…. then the last name is apparent… and the dominos continue to fall.
    So WHY is it you think that the blogger’s name can’t be posted exactly?
    I submit that if the blogger had not put the other woman’s info on her blog, the ex wouldn’t be the shit disturber he’s attempting to be (but honestly just looks like an idiot of mammoth proportions)
    Frankly they’re both suffer from “whoa is me” and need to take responsibility for their lives and the decisions they make.
    Who made this blogger judge and jury?
    I don’t support infidelity…
    I DO support children. They ALWAYS come first.
    Neither of these knuckleheads are putting them first.
    They say they are… but we are only seeing what is posted online… and only what the blogger feels like letting us see.
    This is why our family vaules are going to Hell in a handbasket.
    So again Whoresnotwelcome (btw are they REALLY welcome anywhere?) WHY can the blogger name names, but the poster should be thrown in jail for naming the blogger.
    what a freaking double standard.
    He’s a louse. Yup asshole you. You’re a louse.
    But the blogger invited a whole world of hurt by publishing the other woman’s name.

    Why I’m somewhat surprised there are bitter twisted women following this blog beats me.
    I guess the victim culture is just a little to nauseating for words.
    Get over yourself.

    • “The blogger invited a whole world of hurt by publishing the other woman’s name.” Interesting. I never invited this woman into my life. Karma is a bitch. She caused a whole world of hurt to many, many people. She has only herself to blame for any hurt that comes back to her as a result of her inflicting hurt onto others in the first place because of her own selfish desires. Who is the bitter twisted woman here? You are trying to paint Janice as the victim. Boo Hoo!

  11. NothingbutBS says:

    Robyn, don’t you think it’s time to accept responsibility for your actions, and walk away with whatever pride you have left? You need to put your children first, not yourself. Your girls know about the blog. I think you need to take it down now, apologize to everyone, and move on with your life. I know it must be devastating and extremely hurtful to have been cheated on, and to lose someone you had been with for so long, but shit happens, and you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get on with life. Get a job, get out of the house, and focus on something else besides revenge and airing your dirty laundry for the world to see it. Stop this obsession, get some help, enjoy the new man in your life, salvage your dignity. Your girls will be fine, your ex is never coming back to you, and Janice is not going anywhere. Accept this and move on.

  12. Thisisme says:

    I hope you spend some time reading Chumo Lady blog. The people there have been cheated on and have come up with the idea that there is a cheater’s handbook. The way your ex and his girlfriend have acted is listed in that handbook. You three have played this out exactly like 1 million other people have. They start an affair and then they do things that make you, in your grief, act crazy. Then he can turn around and say to people, “see that is why I left her because she is crazy”. It is in the handbook

  13. Sally says:

    It seems to me that togetherabandonned forgets her role in not only the relationship ending, but also the things that are currently being written. It’s always everyone else who’s the problem or source of her problems and then she advocates bullying against the other woman by posting her name, photos and place of employment and then has the gall to say karma’s a bitch and she deserves what you get. Well if that’s what you support, then the same applies to you and the responses which you see. It’s why so many religious people, like this blogger claims to be, that give religion a bad name. They’re hypocrites and she is showing her true colours loud and clear all over this blog. The blogger and all her supporters who think this behavior to “out people” is acceptable because they have been wronged is bullying and mobbing against the other woman. Why is that acceptable? Because she was wronged? So she can bully and harass the other woman for going on 3yrs? Because the blogger had something go wrong in her life somehow that gives HER licence to do, say, post whatever she feels no matter how offensive, fraudulent, or damaging. Togetherabandonned is interested in only one thing here, and that is not to discuss her path of a difficult life event. It is to defame and injure the other party or parties. To get her pound of flesh and vindication for what she says has been done to her. Read the blog folks, not just the last post or two. Her intentions are very clear and if you think otherwise you’re part of the abuse and mobbing she speaks of.

  14. jules says:

    One more thing……’..as these Mickey mouse bloggers comment …..how do you f
    eel about the Ashley Madison hack…….names ,address ,credit info ,personal info…….everything has been revealed

    Could it be that cheaters and adultery is really a matter for all to see……..after all they are hurting families with their sinful behavior……..they are sinners……..

    Adulteres are criminals…….they kill love ,trust, families,……….so it is perfectly ok to expose them for what they are…………CRIMINALS….

  15. Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right says:

    JULES… you’re embarrassing yourself with the bastardization of the English language and your painful use of inaccurate grammar and punctuation. If you are going to try to make a point for the world to see; at least do so with some element of accuracy and decorum.
    Your posts based on that alone are hard to read.
    Your preaching from the soap box even harder.
    Why pull Ashley Madison into this? It’s all wrong; we know that.
    More importantly… you are not perfect; none of us are.
    It astounds me that all are believing of what they read online.
    Adultery is bad, hurtful, damaging, and hateful (see my use of comma’s there? take note.)
    Lighten up will you?

    You also look pathetic.

    • Really Laura. That is who you are isn’t it? I am an English major and believe me grammar and punctuation are not what is painful here or what is inaccurate or what is hard to read. Jules is also not the one who looks pathetic. Have you told your best friend Janice how bad, hurtful and damaging you believe adultery to be. And yet here you are defending her and preaching in her favour. Odd. Should we believe this is really your opinion since you don’t give any credibility to what is written online? Lighten up will you?

  16. Sally says:

    Jules this is for you and the other so called Christians posting on this blog. If you’re going to claim to act and live as Christians, then don’t forget your own ugliness and sin before God. Judge not lest ye be judged.

    John 8:1-11New International Version (NIV)

    8 1 but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

    2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

    But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

    9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

    11 “No one, sir,” she said.

    “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

    • Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right says:

      Which one of you in glass houses are going to throw stones now?

      Read: he’s not disowning his own ‘sin’… he’s quoting scripture to remind you of yours.

      He’s not tried to justify his actions. I believe he knew it wasn’t the right way to handle things. This doesn’t make him right. This makes him a flawed human. Like the rest of us.

    • Is this the cheaters defence? It is okay to sin because everyone is sinful? He is posting scripture about adultery when Jesus commanded the adulterer to go and leave her life of sin. None of us has claimed to not be sinful. We aren’t even calling Dave to leave his life of sin. Dave and Janice both continue in an adulterous relationship. I was at your baptism, Dave, when you declared Jesus is Lord. I went to church with you, watched you read your bible, listened to you pray, know you studied the bible with other men and couples to help them live a Christian life. I am not sure of your point here. Jesus does call you to leave your life of sin though, David. That is a conversation between you and Jesus, not us. Maybe you should reach out to some of the brothers you know and ask for help if you want it. Otherwise, as per Proverbs 26:11, “Like a dog returns to his vomit, so does a fool repeat his folly.” Dog, you chose Janice. Enjoy your vomit!

  17. Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right says:

    You are also committing adultery dear blogger. Don’t split hairs.

    see? more of “then he did this.. then she said that… and God says this.”
    Seriously kids… get along and get on with your own individual lives.
    this train wreck is becoming more and more stupid as it goes.

    Jesus! go out side and get some fresh air and stop spewing venom.

  18. klcross48 says:

    KcRambles, I agree with you. If a person is so unhappy in a marriage (or any type of relationship for that matter), why not just leave…walk away? There’s going to be hurt, but at least you are showing respect and dignity by not cheating and just leaving the situation, especially if there are children involved. This has turned into a mess.

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