abuse, affair, anger, blogging, bullying, cheating, cruelty, divorce, the other woman, unfaithfulness

The ex finds my blogs and shares with his friends

I apologize for a bunch of nasty comments left by my ex, the other woman and their friends.

I deleted some horrific ones but I will just let them reveal themselves for who they are and then I think you will see that my experience as reported is on mark.

I think it is very low of them to be communicating with a 15-year old who’s parents are causing her a lot of emotional distress and who reached out to me for support. The lies they told her about my daughter being kicked out are very far from reality. I cannot control their actions but I will not let their bullying stop me from sharing my experience or trying to help someone else manoeuvre through their experience.

This is my journey, my experience and my truth. I am only reporting what is going on in my life as it relates to my experience with a cheating spouse and the legal system. This was never a blog about bashing my ex or the other woman. This was never a blog about trying to make me look good. I know I look very ugly with my responses and actions. This is the reality of a nasty divorce and being on a path I never expected to be on.

This was a forum where I could share my experience. I had never blogged before and had no idea how to do it or how many people I would meet going through similar experiences. Everyone has been so kind and generous with support, compassion and advice. These were private, vulnerable posts. These were never meant to be seen by my ex.

It was pointed out to me by several professionals and friends throughout the last 2 1/2 years that I was in an abusive relationship. I have never posted the emails that would likely confirm this. It might be very difficult for me to go back and read those. I am told I may still be protecting my ex and that I may even be in denial about the abuse as I defend him sometimes for the cruel things he said to me. I had a friend share that she was horrified when we went out to dinner as couples one night. She shared that the mean things he would criticize me about were not funny and yet I would laugh as though it was a joke. I would never want his children to see the things he wrote to me and I did share with a handful of my friends about my blog so I might be embarrassed for them to see that as well. Now that my ex has discovered the blog and started posting things one friend contacted me telling me that she is afraid for me as she always considered my ex to be “dangerous”. She feels like I should contact the police because these are clearly messages meant to harass me. She texted me this morning saying, “You have had years of systematic emotional abuse by Dave…I’m really sorry.” She went on to say, “I’m worried about you and the girls.” It is clear he is continuing to try and abuse me emotionally and trying to use my blog against me.

Her advise is for me to take the blog off line. I think this is again part of my journey with my ex and it is being documented as such. I hope that anyone who happens upon my blog will learn from it. Maybe both people going through the break up can read this and say, “We do not want to be these people.” “We want to make better decisions and hurt as few people as possible through this process as well as protect our children and our finances.”

Clearly by my ex and his friends posting my name, they do not care about my children being identified. As one blogger pointed out, they have now seen my Facebook page and photos of my children. I have no problem sharing my name and identity as I stand by what I write. I never exposed my ex’s identity as I never wanted my children to read these posts. Thank you Dave, Janice and friends for being so concerned about protecting children.

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Happy Birthday Husband!

On Sunday, January 26, it was my husband’s 46th birthday.  It was his weekend with our girls.  Our oldest daughter has only recently started to see him again and it is sporadic–“free food” is how she describes their relationship.  Our 11-year old daughter had dance practice on Friday and he picked her up afterwards, took her for dinner and she slept at his house.  On Saturday she made plans to stay at her friend’s place overnight so he dropped her off at her friend’s place at noon.  She never plans sleep overs when I have her for the weekend, only on her weekend with her dad. 

With my husband having no child to look after on Saturday night it made me wonder if my husband’s girlfriend would be taking him out to celebrate his birthday and reminisce over their hook up that same night a year ago.  I went to a movie on Saturday night and was constantly looking to see if they might show up.  I haven’t run into them yet but it is so rare that I go out that I just kept expecting to see them holding hands and smiling and laughing together.  They may have gone to the Keg and back to her place again.

On Saturday, he texted my older daughter and asked if she was going to “pop by” on Sunday.  She asked me, “Why would I pop by to see dad?”  She texted back, “No”. 

I didn’t tell either daughter it was his birthday.  It might be selfish but after I found out about his affair I confronted him about an item on our joint Visa card.  He confirmed he was with his girlfriend on the night before his birthday last year.  He originally told me that he was playing hockey and the guys on his team were taking him out for his birthday.  Instead, my husband and his girlfriend went to the Keg (the restaurant that my husband and I always went to with our girls for special occasions).  They had dinner and then went back to her place and had sex. Her husband was out of town.  My husband not only confirmed this happened he was cruel enough to tell me,  “It was the best birthday gift I ever gave myself.” 

The actual day of his birthday last year we went as a family to a hockey game.  He still uses a photo from this night as his Facebook photo–all smiles with the girls.  We gave him an iPad as his gift but clearly that didn’t compare to the gift he gave himself.  Those words resonate with me today so even though I gave him a lovely Father’s Day gift and Christmas gift from the girls, I refuse to acknowledge his birthday in an any respect ever again.

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