adultery, affair, children, divorce, moving

Happy Birthday Move

June 25 was my birthday. It was also my move day.

The day started with my ex texting me wishing me a happy birthday and asking me if I would be going to our older daughter’s grad dinner the next night. I had initially planned on going, 4 days before it was to happen, even though the timing was terrible. Our house closed the day of grad dinner at 5:00 p.m. I was moving the day before and was planning on just leaving the close day as my cleaning day but based on past move experiences I was aware of the potential for unforeseen glitches.

In the weeks leading up to our move, I had no help from any of the 3 other people responsible for the accumulation of stuff that was in the house. I alone was placed with the burden to pack and move everyone else’s things. I had garage sales, took items to auction, posted items for sale on line, consignment, donation, friends, the dump, etc. but the pile remained. It was 23 years of life with someone else, 17 years of one daughter’s things and 13 years of another. It included stuff given to us when my ex’s grandmothers past away and when his parents downsized to live in their cottage as well as items boxed up and moved here when my mom passed. t included boxes that had never been opened by us when we moved here 7 years ago. Yet no one else wanted to take responsibility for going through boxes, making decisions about what to keep and throw out and actually packing those things and taking them with them.

4 days before my oldest daughter’s grad dinner (I went to her grad ceremony the night before and took her, her sister and even my ex to dinner afterwards because he bought my grad dinner ticket), she parroted her dad. I asked her to come and sort through her boxes to see what she wanted to keep and take with her to her dad’s place or university and what she wanted to discard. She told me that if she was going to be “forced” to come over I better have her boxes out and ready to go through and not waste her time. I told her that I needed her to come with an attitude to help and that she at the very least could take responsibility for her own belongings. She told me that by her not helping it would teach me not to procrastinate and that I was only trying to get someone else to do my work for me. I reminded her that in the days leading up to the move when she knew I had a zillion things to do that she had no problem asking me to do things for her. I was driving her around to get her grad dress altered, her eyebrows threaded, and other errands she had asked me to do with her between my own appointments with lawyers and packing and getting rid of unwanted items. She never showed up to help.

My birthday move, however, was going well. A friend showed up at 8:30 a.m. with a big box of giant garbage bags and an Iced Capp from Tim Hortons. Another friend showed up with cookies for me. Another friend went to school and picked up my daughter and her friend for me (last day of school and the kids only had to go for 1 1/2 hours). The movers arrived. Friends came to help clean and pack up last minute items. My youngest daughter’s friends came and helped her finish up her packing and cleaning her bathroom and bedroom. I had a ton of birthday phone calls, emails, texts and Facebook messages that I was too busy to respond to or acknowledge until 4 days later. A friend brought pizza and a birthday cake over for dinner and anyone who was around stayed and we had a little party. Another friend brought me tiny donuts still warm from the Sidney Summer market. (My friends know me and my sweet tooth very well). Another couple of friends came and moved my t.v. and computer as the cable/internet provider was coming to my new place to hook things up the next day.

It was a long, busy and tiring day but through it all I felt loved and supported. I felt very happy to be physically moving on to the next chapter in my life.


5 thoughts on “Happy Birthday Move

  1. Madeline Harper says:

    Happy Birthday! How wonderful to have such fantastic friends to come help you and support you like that! Good for you.
    My middle son parrots his father as well at 15 and its so distressing. I’m not always the nicest mom and would probably threaten to throw his stuff away if he didn’t take care of it. Or not move it at least. Kudos to you for being so patient with her!

    • I did tell both my daughter and her father that it would be at the foot of the driver. They never came by to get anything and in the end the movers took everything. She can pay part of my moving fee to reclaim her belongings. They charged me $95/hour.

      • Madeline Harper says:

        I’m so sorry you never got the help from them for their own stuff. My middle child emulates his father and I expect similar kind of behavior when he’s that age.

  2. It is so hurtful. I remember my daughter crying when she discovered her dad’s affair. She was sobbing because she said that she was just like her dad. I reassured her that we are all our own person and while there may be personality traits, both strengths and weaknesses, that are identical to our parents, we can choose which ones to develop and work on.

    She is still very angry over the hard-line parenting that I took last summer that lead her to go and live with her dad and the fact that I refuse to put up with her inconsiderate treatment of me now. My ex feels vindicated and throws it in my face as often as he can that I “kicked her out” when in fact that is not true. I said her boyfriend wasn’t welcome at my place. She responded saying that if he isn’t going to be there then she wouldn’t be.

    Now my ex pretty much gives her anything she wants. She likes it at his place because he is never there, huge lack of parenting, and she can come and go with no accountability. She knows which side her bread is buttered on and acts accordingly. It also gives her excuses for poor behaviour towards me. Sometimes she will tell me that I am better off without her dad. She tells me that Janice did me a favour because I deserve way better. However, when she is mad, she tells me that she agrees with all the stuff her dad says about me and then uses those things, his exact words because I have heard them many times, that are so damaging and bullying against me as though they are fact.

    I made the right choice. No regrets although it cost me in our relationship now; costs me financially as I now lose child support for her and in fact have to pay support for her; but I care more about the each of us as individuals and teaching her the right and wrong way to treat people and the consequences of those choices. I am trying to teach her how she needs to treat me if she wants to be in my life. I love her and do loving things for her but I also know when to say enough is enough. It was the best thing for my younger daughter, too.

  3. Sally says:

    I bet you ex doesn’t shave his balls and has a small penis. His girlfriend is a skanky spinster hoe. You were right to leave him Robyn Graham Cherrie of Victoria, BC

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