children, dance, divorce, mediation, separation agreement, special expenss

A moment of conscience and acceptance of responsibility

I was shocked when my ex turned up at my house on Friday with cheques for 70% of my youngest daughter’s dance payments to begin September 2015 including a direct withdrawal authorization form for her studio.

As per our mediation agreement, he is to pay this amount but he was also to pay 50% of these payments for the period of November 6, 2014 to June 26, 2015 (date of mediation to when the house sale closes) and it never happened. The arrears will be deducted from any amount he is due from the sale of the house.

I suggested several times that he attend my daughter’s dance registration on June 12 so he can participate in the process of determining what dance classes he is prepared to help finance. He was already relaying to my lawyer through his lawyer that he couldn’t afford to pay for any dance so when he asked me the cost of what she wanted to take I figured it was only so he could say, “No.”

To help save money, my daughter dropped Hip Hop classes for last season and agreed to not participate in the summer dance camp. To help ensure she could continue to dance next season, she chose to drop Musical Theatre and again to not participate in the summer dance camp. I explained this to my ex, calculated what I thought the monthly fee would be for next year, the costume deposit amount and the registration fee.

When I returned from registration I texted him to thank him for paying his share of the expenses and to confirm she was registered. I also let him know that I had miscalculated the amount. At her level, she is required to take a Ballet Tech class for 1 1/4 hours/week. That translates to $23 additional monthly dollars ($230 in total for the whole year). I also missed one costume deposit. She takes Pointe ballet. At her level for next season she is required to perform Pointe in the recital. The costume deposit, that doesn’t have to be paid until October 1, 2015, is $60. I apologized twice for my mistake and let him know the amount he owed is $201. I let him know that I already covered this with the studio by adding it to my monthly withdrawal and in my costume deposit cheque.

I anticipated an angry, “you messed up, you pay the difference”, response but instead I received, “That’s okay. We’ll work it out.”

I actually texted back to him, “Who are you and what did you do with my ex?”


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