adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, control, divorce

Spider Solitaire

When I need to relax and clear my mind or just escape from the heavy to-do-list, Spider Solitaire is my go to distraction.

It is a difficult game to win. There are a lot of moves to make. There are choices and options. I know I sometimes miss things because I am impatient and move too fast. Sometimes I am so unsure and so eager for a window of opportunity that I wait for the computer to cue me on whether a move is available or whether I do in fact need to draw more cards. I can get very tense when I am down to my last draw and then there are times I am filled with relief and gratitude when I think there are no more moves only to find out I still have cards left in my draw pile.

When I lose, I usually just play a new game with a whole new deck but lately I have been replaying the same game over, especially if I think I am close to being able to match the King through Ace all in the same suit in a single line, to see if I can change the outcome.

The replay of the same game does in fact end differently. Randomly, I just choose differently without remembering what I did in the game I just finished playing. Sometimes, I remember a specific choice I made and choose differently. I sometimes succeed in completing a set based on these different decisions. This sparks my optimism that I can in fact match 7 more lines. For the most part though, regardless of the changes, the final outcome remains the same. It still results as a loss in my statistics.

As in life, you are dealt your cards and you play them as best you can. If the cards you need are buried and you are not able to access them no matter how hard you try and no matter which decisions you make it seems futile. I think it is a worthwhile practice to see if you can make the deck work for you. I never fold and quit even if the end is inevitable. I may play quicker with less care and mindfulness but I see it through.

Why do I continue to play a game that is so difficult? The main reason is that I enjoy it. It is a challenge but it is fun. The more I play, the more I am learning that some moves are more wise and give me better odds than other moves. I also know that sometimes it doesn’t matter what I do. If the cards aren’t in my favour my effort doesn’t make a difference. I always have hope of a win. To be given a second, third, hundredth, thousandth chance with a brand new deck feels very good. Starting again feels very good. It is exciting and fortuitous to be dealt a brand new set of cards with a whole new set of possibilities. Every new deck signifies a fresh start to achieve the outcome we all want–a win! It gives me great pleasure to hear those fireworks go off when I accomplish success and match all 8 lines! And when that doesn’t happen, I try again.

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