adultery, affair, Betrayal, children, Christianity, divorce, God, infidelity, moving on, other woman, separatiion, single parent, unfaithfulness

Waiting

I feel like my life is on hold.

I have a cancer diagnosis hanging over my head.  My stitches were removed yesterday but the pathology report remains outstanding.  My doctor is watching for the results and promised to call me directly.

Even though the stitches are out the area will take a year to heal.  The doctor explained that there is a lot of repairing still to take place inside. The outside skin is very weak and the wound can reopen so there are still limitations in what I am able to do with my arm.

I usually start my run clinic at this time of year preparing for races.  This is the first time in 6 years I haven’t joined Sole Sisters.  When Dave and I initially separated he said he would pick up our daughter on Tuesday nights so I could continue to run with my group.  That was only because it worked for his schedule.  Now that it doesn’t, I am picking up my daughter from dance on clinic night.   I was going to join a different group on a different day or try training on my own or with a friend who used to coach running but with my 2 surgeries and diagnosis it seemed like a waste of money until I know if I will have to have further testing and treatment.

My ex is still fighting me on so many issues.  We are waiting for his compliance on the court orders before returning to court on outstanding issues and new ones. He did pay me the support arrears and court cost amount but he has several other orders with actions to complete and information to provide. As usual, the information he did provide is incomplete or insufficient so my lawyer has had to write to his lawyer again making further requests.

I am only staying in Victoria at this time because of my children.  I have tried for the last 3 years, in the midst of the destruction of our family and finances, to do what I could to keep the daily lives of my children stable. I don’t want to take our younger daughter away from her dad, her friends or her dance studio but we have talked about moving.  She said she would move if we could go to Florida.  I asked why and she said it was warm and she liked all the places we have stayed there. Both of her grandparents go there for the winter months and one of my best friends lives there. I told her that it is too difficult to get into the States to reside.  She suggested we move up island but I told her that I didn’t really see the benefit.  She wants us to have a house and our own space. Housing costs are less up island but I told her that if she was going to move hours away from her dad and friends the reality is that she wouldn’t get to see them very often.  We may as well go where we would really like to go or have a reason to go. She said she would move anywhere if her best friend and her mom came with us.  I said that all of their family is here and her best friend’s mom has a career so that was very unlikely to happen.  She mentioned one other dance friend and her mom who is my friend (even though there is a dad and 3 other siblings) that she said she would like to have move with us.

My older daughter has been staying with me during her Reading Week break from university. I talked about the possibility of moving with my older daughter as well.  She agreed that it made more sense for us to move to Vancouver or back to Ontario where more options exist for all of us and where we have family.  I told her that I don’t want to move away from her and that my thinking at this point is to wait until she is finished university (3 more years anyways) and for her sister to finish high school (4 more years). We also talked about the pets. As sad as it is to think about it, the reality is that our 12 year old dog would not have to be considered in a move 4 years from now. Flying for him, seven years ago, was so stressful that I wouldn’t put him through that again.

The three of us talked about a four year plan.  We discussed making the most of the next 4 years here by visiting places that are more easily accessible living on the west coast.  We talked about going to Hawaii, Alaska and Mexico. We have already driven down the west coast to San Diego but there are some interior places that I would still like to visit in California.

At this point, there is no clear cross road in my path. If it was only about me, I would be gone.  So in the middle of waiting, I am going to try to live with a 4 year plan to help me prepare for next steps. I am going to register my younger daughter at two high school because she is currently undecided which direction she should follow. I am going to get divorced with an enforceable court ruling on payments owed by Dave and do whatever I can do to get him out of my life.  I am going to focus on my health. I am going to liquidate as much of my belongings as possible. I am going to try to rebuild my finances. I am going to plan trips.

Jeremiah 29:11 has always been one of my favourite scriptures and is impressed in my brain.  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” So within my 4 year plan, I know God has a plan. It is probably the other way around. Within God’s plan, I am going to focus on my plan for me and my girls and he will handle the rest. I honestly believe it is all for my good. So, I wait.

 

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8 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. Plan of course, but change ID needed. Without a plan, for me I feel helpless for some reason,so I plan alot. Good to hear from you, I am sorry about the surgery. I also had a breast cyst removed while in divorce and it caused a short reconciliation between me & the ex. But it was all lies. Just take care if yourself & don’t fall pray to anything from him during this time. He will use your down time to help himself. Be strong!

  2. This is so positive. I’m worried, and thinking all about your stuff. There’s lots to be concerned with. Realistically- you having this level a head amidst this, amazing! Rational! Grounded. Focus on one step at a time and enjoy your family.

    Much love to you.

    • Thank you for worrying about me. I wish I could just leave the worrying with you but I am doing it too. Couldn’t sleep last night. It was 3:45 a.m. when I last looked at the clock. Woke up feeling sick to my stomach but have a busy day so the one step at time is starting now.

  3. So sorry about the surgery and all that encompasses. But your thoughtful planning, considering others and options for change are really solid. Love that you are focusing on Jeremiah 29:11…and something to bolster that promise: Joshua 1:9 – Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. HUGS.

    • Thank you so much. Joshua 1:9 is a great scripture. Joshua was so faithful. It is the “don’t be discouraged” part that is tough so thanks for the reminder. I am stuck in my situation from what seems to me 4 different areas–finances, legal battle, health and children. It is probably Philippians 4:11-13 New International Version (NIV) about being content in any and every situation that I should focus on.

      “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

      I guess that is the secret that I have not learned.

  4. Thank you for your encouragement. It is a practice for sure. It is also about being able to let go of what we used to do, letting go of what is expected of us by others (including those who don’t care about us at all) and finally doing what works best for us. Not because we are being selfish or inconsiderate of others but because they are selfish and inconsiderate of us. We are finally saying “No” to their behaviour and “Yes” that we matter. . .

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