adultery, affair, Betrayal, Bible, cheating, children, Christianity, divorce, ex spouse, faith, God, infidelity, Janice Andrews, other woman, sin

Is the Honeymoon Over?

I like the idea of Dave and Janice being together for the rest of their lives and having to live with the consequences of choosing their new path. I know they will be repaid accordingly in life for the hurt, damage and selfishness they chose instead of doing right but I don’t need to know how that destiny unfolds.

I would not want to be Janice and be held accountable to God for what he brought together and she chose to tear apart. Dave carries an even higher onus of responsibility. As a Christian, baptized as an adult, choosing to live for Christ, he knows the scripture promises. He should be shivering, as even Satan trembles at the mention of God, but instead lives in arrogance and debauchery denying God, his word, his children, his faith and his responsibilities.

So I have to say I was a little disappointed when my younger daughter happily proclaimed to my eldest daughter, when she came home for Canadian Thanksgiving in October, that she hadn’t seen Janice since my older daughter left for university in the summer. My oldest daughter said that Janice was coming to dinner with their dad and them over the weekend but she didn’t show up. The kids discussed that Janice and Dave went to Vegas for her 50th birthday in September and talked about how they went to a Cirque du Soleil show (unimaginative gift since he took me for my 40th and took me to a Cirque du Soleil show, too)but they were speculating whether or not the relationship had hit the end of the road.

When my youngest daughter told me that Janice was in the vehicle when we saw them coming off the ferry in November my youngest daughter told my oldest daughter. When he wasn’t bringing her to see my daughter dance I then wondered to myself if maybe the trip to Vancouver was last minute and a way to try and rekindle something or simply Dave using her for company so he didn’t have to be alone or maybe another girl bailed. My experience with him when we dated was that he would pick fights and use that as an excuse to go out with other women and probably did that in our marriage as well now that I have hindsight. I suspect this leopard shows off his same spots and that Janice will fail to acknowledge the truth of Mr. Duplicity at least until her guaranteed destruction can’t be ignored.

It was only yesterday that my youngest daughter came home and announced her lucky streak was over. Janice came with them to lunch (actually at a new burger place right around the corner from my yoga studio where my daughter pointed out my car to them in the parking lot as they drove by and it is a place that I frequent and almost went for lunch yesterday as well).

So I smile as the two of them deservingly are still together. I would never want them to miss out on everything that is still to come.

adultery, affair, Betrayal, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, Janice Andrews, narcissism, other woman, parenting, the other woman

Team Canada Showcase this Weekend

It is a huge honour that my youngest daughter was selected to dance for Team Canada. We leave for Riesa, Germany next week where she will compete on the world stage.

Today we are back in Fort Langley, British Columbia for the Team Canada performers to put on a show for friends and family. This is their first and only dress rehearsal performance before the competition.

Our daughter was allowed 6 tickets maximum. She wasn’t going to ask her dad to come to see her dance. He has had zero involvement in encouraging her and supporting her Team Canada dancing. He refused to pay any portion of the expense–$3600 was just the starting point and he refused to take her to any of her rehearsals which involves a 1 1/2 hour ferry ride every Sunday ($88.20 one way for me and my daughter) and then a 45 minute drive to get to the studio. Then we do it all again coming back. He did end up giving her $250 this week for her trip and he bought a raffle ticket from her for a draw at the show.

I, however, cared more about my daughter having audience members who were there specifically to watch her. I thought it would mean something to her if her dad was one of those people so I invited him to attend. He didn’t respond right away but he eventually said he would go. I asked how many tickets he wanted and he said “just me”.

I invited him 3 weeks before the performance. When he replied he would come I asked him if he would be getting a hotel in Fort Langley because it would be too late after the show to make the last ferry. He asked what time the show started and after I told him I didn’t hear from him for two weeks. A week before the performance I asked him again about his hotel stay and got to my point about asking him directly if our daughter could stay over night with him in Fort Langley as she had her final rehearsal the next day from 12 to 2. I asked him if he could take her to that rehearsal and then bring her home on the ferry afterwards. I told him how cute the downtown was and how it was filled with interesting history, amazing eateries and shops to help pass the 2 hours. His response was that he had other plans and she couldn’t stay with him.

I don’t know why I was surprised or why I even felt annoyed by his response as it is completely on par with everything else he has done or hasn’t done for his children since our separation. I also tried not to speculate on what he was doing that he couldn’t have our daughter stay over night with him. I figured he was bringing Janice Andrews, the other woman, with him but then was wondering why he would leave her at the hotel and not bring her to support our daughter. She went to her recital in June. Also, our daughter has had to stay in a hotel with them before so could they really not sacrifice having sex one evening (they could have it before the show) in order to support her? I wondered if he was planning on bringing a different woman with him instead.

Now I was going to have to drive back to Vancouver after the show only to return back to Fort Langley the next day. It is close to an hour drive. At least I am staying for free with my older daughter. I couldn’t justify getting a hotel room myself in Fort Langley as I can’t afford it and I have to drop my niece off at her place in Vancouver after the show. Even if I didn’t have my niece and just had my older daughter with us I would still have to drive into Vancouver the next day to bring my daughter home which would then add another hour and 45 minutes on to our commute after the Sunday rehearsal.

Both the girls and I had hoped that Dave would have allowed our daughter to stay over night with him because I would have been able to spend Sunday with my older daughter as her 19th birthday will occur while we are in Germany. We had talked about going shopping for some things she really needed and that she hoped I might get her for her gift. We can’t do that today as we have to be in Fort Langley for 12:45 p.m. for my daughter’s lighting and technical blocking rehearsal before the show. Now instead I will have to take my younger daughter back to Fort Langley again on Sunday. My younger daughter made a disgusted type gesture blowing air out of her mouth and rolling her eyes when I told her that she wasn’t able to stay with her dad after the show.

Friday, November 11 was the Canadian statutory holiday in British Columbia for Remembrance Day. As both my daughters had no school, we decided to head over to Vancouver a day early. My ex texted our daughter while we were waiting to board the ferry. He asked which ferry we would be on. She told him and he said he was going to be on the same ferry. He told her that he was going to Vancouver to meet friends for dinner that night. How lovely for him. He was going to be getting a hotel in Vancouver not just Friday night but going back there Saturday night, too, after the show.

We never saw him during the trip across. While we were driving off the ferry my daughter noticed him in the lane beside us. I wouldn’t have recognized him because he bought a new vehicle. She waved to him and announced to me that Janice Andrews was with him.

adultery, affair, blogging, children, Cyberbullying, divorce, ex spouse, infidelity, parenting, Stalking, unfaithfulness

He’s Still Following Me

I think my ex is still reading my blog. He sent me an email not too long ago commenting that he wasn’t following me anymore. He said that is was fun for awhile but now it is boring–the same old, same old.

I am pretty sure it was him who commented recently about my potential homeless situation post and then having gone to Hawaii in the summer. It sounded like him, saying the same things he said to me in separate emails and texts and the same writing style. It was the same email address as all the chaos created a year ago under several different user names and this was yet another user name, something like “just another single mom”. He might have been the only one involved in all of that after all. Crazy!

What makes we certain he continues to follow me is that I finished reading The Girl on the Train very quickly. I told my daughter she could read it and I gave her the book. She hasn’t started yet because she said there is a book for her English class that she has to read first. Then she told me that her dad invited her to go see the movie with him. I think that is an odd choice of movies to ask your 14 to go and watch when there are lot of family movies released but all I asked was if she was going to go. She said, “Nooooo!” She apparently told her dad that she had the book but she hadn’t started to read it yet. He said, “Your mom decided you could read it?” Even my daughter said it was “random” how the topic of me screening the book first came up. She told him that she saw the trailer and that wasn’t a movie she was going to watch with him. I haven’t seen the trailer and now am curious as I wonder if it is obvious from the trailer infidelity is involved. His commented to her that he was that he was surprised I was going to let her read it. Yet he thought it was okay to take her to see the movie?

affair, anger, Betrayal, cheating, deceit, ego, ex spouse, infidelity, lies, marriage breakdown, other woman, separation

The Girl on the Train

My 14-year old announced this week that she wanted to read The Girl on the Train.

I was excited for her to declare that she wanted to read anything. She doesn’t enjoy reading. I have bought many books on many subjects and ones she has chose that she thinks she might be interested to read but the cover is never cracked or she can’t make it past the first chapter.

She went on to tell me that her teacher has the book in their Grade 9 classroom but that she needs parental consent before being able to sign it out as the teacher described the content as “edgy”.

I loved reading the same books as my older daughter. That started when she was 10. She is a voracious reader and it gave us a bond we share today recommending and discussing literature with each other. So I suggested to my 14-year old that we go to Costco and buy the book so that I can read it first. Then if I think the subject matter appropriate she can read it next.

When she found the book at Costco the first thing she did was exactly what her dad does–flip to the back to see how many pages. My ex wasn’t a reader before meeting me. When he finally joined me reading in bed before we turned out the lights, if a book had more than 180 pages, regardless of how great the story was supposed to be, he refused to read it.

My daughter moaned about it’s thickness and small print. I admonished her to put the book in the cart before she saw the 395 pages.

As I start to read the book tonight, one theme is clear: infidelity.

When the main character finds out that the wife of a couple she admires is having an affair she reacts: “I can’t believe it. I snatch air into my lungs and realize that I’ve been holding my breath. Why would she do that?…I can’t believe she would do that to him, he doesn’t deserve that. I feel a real sense of disappointment. I feel as though I have been cheated on. A familiar ache fills my chest. I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it.”

“I found out the same way everyone seems to find out these days: an electronic slip. Sometimes its a text or a voice mail message: in my case it was an email, the modern-day lipstick on the collar….Once, I answered his phone when he was in the shower and he got quite upset and accused me of not trusting him. I felt awful because he seemed so hurt…There was a message at the top….I clicked. XXXXX. That was it, just a line of X’s. I thought it was spam at first, until I realized that they were kisses…It was a reply to a message he’d sent a few hours before, just after seven, when I was still slumbering in our bed.”

Her husband’s message to the other woman was in a folder marked ‘Admin.’ and it read: “I fell asleep last night thinking of you. I was dreaming about kissing your mouth, your breasts, the inside of your thighs. I woke this morning with my head full of you, desperate to touch you. Don’t expect me to be sane. I can’t be, not with you.”

The main character discovered “that my husband was in love with her. He told her so, often. He told her that he’d never felt like this before, that he couldn’t wait to be with her, that it wouldn’t be long until they could be together.”

Witnessing the wife she admires with another man evoked these feelings in her: ” I don’t have words to describe what I felt that day (the discovery of her own husband’s betrayal), but now, sitting on the train I am furious, nails digging into my palms, tears stinging my eyes. I feel a flash of intense anger. I feel as though something has been taken away from me. How could she? How could Jess do this? What is wrong with her ? Look at the life they have, look at how beautiful it is! I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. Who was it who said that following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. Hatred floods me. If I saw that woman now, if I saw Jess, I would spit in her face. I would scratch her eyes out.”

Her response when the Other Woman contacts her complaining that it is an inconvenience when she calls her ex is this: “Fucking bitch. She is a cuckoo laying her egg in my nest. She has taken everything from me. She has taken everything and now she calls me to tell me that my distress is inconvenient for her?…I am going to tell her that I don’t care about her…I’m going to tell her that the line he used with her–don’t expect me to be sane–he used it with me, too, when we were first together; he wrote it in a letter to me, declaring his undying passion. It’s not even his line: he stole it from Henry Miller. Everything she has is second hand.”

My daughter was just 11 when I found out about her dad’s affair. She has her own strong opinions about her dad and the other woman which I tend to learn about indirectly. It is usually when she talks to her sister about them in my presence or when she talks to me about her best friend’s cheating dad and that other woman.

This is just the first 43 pages and I’ve read 60. The plot is thickening and the characters are developing. I promise not to reveal any spoilers.

abuse, affair, Betrayal, bullying, cheating, children, cruelty, difficult personality, divorce, domestic abuse, ex spouse, infidelity, other woman, parenting, single parent, unfaithfulness, verbal abuse

Ask and You shall Receive…an Insult

I asked my ex tonight if he was able to pick our daughter up from the ferry on Sunday, October 2 at 5:30 p.m. He responded, “Sure”. I was surprised not only that he responded to my request but that he responded so positively and so quickly.

Just when I started to text a thank you back I immediately received another response from him that is much more typical, “Oh no wait I’m away I cant”. Then he sent another saying, “That’s your weekend I believe”. He knew all along he wouldn’t do it but thought he would play with me by saying ‘yes’ to start.

I responded, “Okay. Thank you for considering.”

His response: “Well thnka s for offering”. (yes that is how it was received, same with the last text spelling.)

I mentioned however how the month of September has been going for seeing his children: “I didn’t know we had weekends. You didn’t see (daughter’s name) when it was “your” weekend and then you didn’t see her the next weekend to make up for it. We just figure it is always my weekend unless you make plans to see her.” It has actually been 3 weekends in a row he hasn’t seen our daughter.

His response: “Whatevs tubs. Go eat some cheese cake and chocolate cookies.”

I didn’t respond and had no interest in communicating further.

His next text: I have plans…as usual you’re last minute Larry…if you asked sooner might have been able to do something for you.”

I had to point out: “Last minute? It isn’t this Sunday it is next Sunday. That is 10 days from now. Does that mean you will be having (daughter) this weekend?

His response: “I’m not wasting my time conversing with you…good night and eat another piece of cake darling”

abuse of power, adultery, affair, Betrayal, bullying, cheating, child support, court, ex spouse, Family Law, infidelity, insurance adjuster, lawyer, legal proceedings

He probably tries to rip everyone off

After all, he is an insurance adjuster and the stereotypical reputation is that they can’t be trusted. Their interest is the insurer’s interest, not that of the insured person making a claim.

This is a copy of the email that I sent to my ex on June 13, 2016:

“I am just confirming our conversation today that you are refusing to pay any portion of (daughter’s name) dance enrollment for next year.

Firstly, she was asked to audition for Team Canada yesterday which she did. The audition fee was $35. If she makes this team it will really help her with respect to university applications as she could get some scholarship money.

Secondly, as you aware from the (daughter’s dance studio) emails, registration for (daughter’s name) for next dance season is tomorrow. I have told you that she is not adding any dances to her schedule. Please let me remind you that she dropped classes each year following our separation to make payment for her classes easier for us. She also was not able to participate in the Summer Dance Intensive program following our separation which she did every year prior to us separating. She wanted to join baseball and take gymnastics camp to help with the acro portion of her dance, all of which she sacrificed participating in due to our financial situation. Now you have indicated that you will not pay any portion of the following:

Registration fee due tomorrow: $25
Costume deposit for her regular 7 classes post-dated for October 1: $420
Monthly fee for 9 hours of dance classes: $366
Company (I paid her audition fee and she was accepted on this team again)
Company annual fee—$375 (can be split over 10 months and added to monthly withdrawal or paid all at once due September 1)
2 Company costume deposits due October 1: $120

Your 71% share based on your 2014 income is as follows:

$17.75 due tomorrow for registration fee
9 Costume deposits post-dated cheque for October 1: $383.40
Company annual fee due September 1: $266.25
Monthly regular classes: $259.86

David, dance is (daughter’s) passion. This is her social base and emotional outlet. It is also what she wants to do for her career. “

I am guessing that with my lawyer getting ready for us to go to court again she has had a conversation with my ex’s lawyer because now my ex has provided our older daughter with payment of her tuition for her first term of university in the amount of $3700 (I think this was the figure my daughter told me). It sounds generous but remember we did have this saved for our daughter’s education. My ex somehow withdrew her entire RESP of $19,000–figure he gave me in May 2015, and used it to pay for entire last year expenses instead of using his own money and my support money. If she had have been living with me, he would have paid support to me for her and from this money I would have had to pay her food, clothing, accommodation and other items. Why does he think then he is entitled to waste her entire RESP on one year and then tell her too bad you are an adult now and have to pay your own tuition?

Secondly he sent me a lump sum payment today for our youngest daughter’s dance expenses but only paid based on her monthly regular class fee of $366. He gave me one payment of $2598.60. I thanked him for his but pointed out it is short $667.40. He insists I only asked him to pay his share of the monthly regular classes. He has confirmed the correct amount with the studio but insists I made the error, didn’t ask for the correct amount, my mistake, I lose, should have been more careful, why has the amount suddenly changed now, why am I asking for increased payment, etc. I see that the studio responded to him also explaining all of the correct information and informed him, as I did, that the Company fee is calculated differently and there is a registration fee.

Sigh. It took lawyer involvement to get him to pay anything. The fact that he has $6298.60 that he can pay and the fact that my account is in a negative situation from having to pay his share of expenses for the past year plus won’t make him look very good in court. His argument to me is that if I could go to Florida at Christmas (accommodation and flight for me and our girls was paid for in full by a family friend but he doesn’t know this) and Hawaii then I can handle paying his share.

I hope that his lawyer will advise him to pay the rest of his share of expenses including full child support. I know his lawyer has been frustrated in the past by his obstinance. I know there is some reason for me to be happy and it does alleviate a bit of financial stress for some payment but in the end he will feel it is okay to continue to short change me and his children. He has been doing that for the past 3 1/2 years. In his mind he thinks–she might take me to court for $6966 but if I pay that amount less $677.40 will she really take me to court for $677.40 as it will cost her more to get that amount back if she even wins.

He should have learned from January’s court experience. If he was there and heard the judge lambaste him maybe he would have learned that this judge in particular was going to make an example of this derelict father. I feel like I have no choice but to continue with court or I am doing my girls and me a disservice. The only way that I am going to be able to move forward and receive full reimbursement for items he legally is responsible to pay is to have clearly written court orders for those amounts that can be enforced.

abuse of power, affair, breach of contract, child support, control, divorce, Family Law, finances, infidelity, running

Marathon

I went for a run this morning and forgot my ipod. I really didn’t feel like being alone with my thoughts but I wasn’t going to drive back to get it. I was on my way to run around Elk Lake and took the dog with me so he could explore off leash. It was a gorgeous sunny day but I was feeling like the run was going to be a slog without music.

My financial situation was foremost on my mind. Not only does my ex owe me for pet expenses, our daughter’s dance expenses and a few other random expenses that are now more than a year old (we ran out of time to settle these in court in January of this year) but now he is refusing to pay some ongoing support payments, his share of our daughter’s dance expenses for this dance season and he is throwing as many obstacles my way as he can to prevent me from doing things that need to be handled.

Our oldest daughter moved back in with me when she returned from her first year of university at the end of April. Initially, my ex refused to even acknowledge that she was living with me. Finally he agreed to pay $500/month for her starting in May. This is technically only $300/month because I am still paying $200/month support to him for her since she lived with him the year before she went to university. He just deducts what I owed from his support payment for our younger daughter who lives with me.

The BC Family Law Act states that child support is payable until age 19 years and then after that if the child is still dependent. Our oldest daughter meets the dependent definition as she is attending school full-time. However, my ex determined in August that since our daughter will be 19 in 4 months she should learn responsibility as an adult and pay for her own tuition, school supplies including text books, cell phone, rent, food, clothing, etc. and be working while she is attending school. He indicated that he would therefore not be paying me support anymore for her and he stopped this September 1. He continues to deduct the $200 of support for me to pay him as though she lives with him and he is paying her full living expenses.

He apparently spent her entire $19,000 RESP (registered education savings plan) during her first year of university. He continues to refuse to provide me any documentation about her RESP or any breakdown of the expenses he paid last year. I have never seen a tuition invoice, residency invoice or meal plan invoice. He claims that his accountant did her taxes but he has failed to provide us with a copy of her tax return. She needed information from her tax return to apply for a student loan. He also told my daughter she received a tax refund of $750 but she has never seen a cheque.

I have written post dated cheques for her monthly rent that started September 1. I got the back to school items that she needed and I took her to school which involved an $88.20 ferry ride each way. I’ve made sure she has spending money for food. She did work full-time during the summer so she has some spending money and paid $549 for some of her text books but still needs more. She asked her dad to help take her to school as well since she needed his vehicle to bring her larger items but he refused. Not only did he refuse to help, he told her that if I showed up at his place to help her move any of her belongings that she had stored there that he would call the police on me.

Our youngest daughter made Team Canada for dance. My ex has indicated that not only will he not pay for any aspect of this but that he will also not take her to any of her rehearsals. She competes in Riesa, Germany in November. Practices are on the mainland in BC which again means $166 in ferry fare each weekend (14 x) plus the 2 other times I had to take her there for a workshop and choreography week which involved hotel stays. Plus $3600 for the trip, competition fees, choreography fees, team jacket, etc. Costume fees on top of that. It is such a huge opportunity and with her dad apparently spending her RESP as well I feel like this might be what helps her to get into a university with hopefully some scholarship money.

I did try to apply for some sponsorship for the cost of her participating on Team Canada but I was also asked for my tax information. Canada Revenue Agency stopped my taxes for pre-assessment this year. They asked for confirmation that I am paying support to my ex for our older daughter and that our younger daughter is my dependent. My ex said if I wrote a letter to that effect he would sign it as it isn’t his responsibility to write letters for me. I did that and resent it several times. He finally acknowledged he received it but still failed to sign and return the letter despite several follow ups on my part.

My rent at my new place was already $150 more and on October 1 it goes up another $300. My lawyer doesn’t think we can get a court date until November but in the meantime said she would write my ex’s lawyer for him to provide full support payments and request again the other expenses he is being asked to pay as per the mediation agreement he signed. This is just the most frustrating, long, expensive and what seems to be an unfair process in many ways.

I finished my run. It was tiring and a little painful but I felt strong and accomplished at the end. I was glad it was done though. Prayerfully I can get to court in November and my year ends with me feeling the exact same way. I want to look back and know that the process was grueling, painful and there may have been no music to motivate me through but I did not give up despite the difficulty. I know it will feel so good when it is over. This is my marathon on a very rugged and hilly terrain with terrible weather conditions and very little water to drink.

adultery, affair, Hawaii, Uncategorized

What Happens in the Pause

I just needed to take a break.

I needed to ignore my overwhelming ‘To Do’ list.

I needed to say “No” to doing anything.

I needed to try to halt my thoughts and clear my mind. Essentially to not focus, concentrate, reflect or ruminate on anything. To try to stop worrying. I didn’t write about anything. I tried to let everything flow in and out of my mind without judgment or consideration. I stepped back and I stepped aside.

I needed a hiatus from my friends, my routine and the day to day requirements of my pets and kids.

I needed a different scenario. An escape.

I just needed to do something that I wanted to do for me for no other purpose than enjoyment. Required respite.

My forced cessation of everything ended with a 3 week vacation. The first week was spent camping with my youngest daughter and her friend. I did have a couple of friends at the campsite and a friend who came up to visit for one day. After a week I returned home to spend a day touring friends from Ontario around Victoria and then the next day I flew to Hawaii for 2 weeks to celebrate my 50th birthday. I took my kids and I am glad that we were able to share in so many amazing experiences together. I still think that a week away in the future completely by myself or with one close friend is necessary. The urge to be able to be alone, to eat, sleep, do the things that I want to do when I want to do them without interruption or distraction is such a desire and need in my life right now. More refreshment should revitalize me further.

On the last day that I spent in Hawaii, I played in the waves all by myself on Hapuna Beach. It is apparently voted the 3rd best family beach in the world. It was a sunny day; no clouds in the sky and the water was so warm with a white sandy bottom. The waves would pull me back and then push me in. It was easy to just float and be lulled by the movement. The beach was long and I started from the middle and went all the way to the left to the Hapuna Beach Prince Hotel and then back to the other side where the rock formations make caves and lava tubes. I made this journey twice. I swam, floated, walked and jumped. Sometimes it didn’t seem like I was making any progress at all and I just stayed in one spot. Other times, the tide would pull me and I would panic a little if I got too far away from shore. Eventually I made it to where I planned to go.

Hapuna Beach

I returned home with clearer thinking and renewed energy to work toward finishing all the tasks that I need to do to end my marriage and settle our legal matters.

Some things that I noticed during my pause:

I don’t have tolerance for garbage in my life. I am letting people and things go without regret.
I say what is on my mind and I am clear with my expectations.
I am eager and excited for change, adventurers, new people in my life and new possibilities anywhere they might take me.
I am braver and fear little.
The scar on my right arm from 3 surgeries for Melanoma, that the specialist I saw in June was concerned continued to be raised and wasn’t flattening despite all the massaging with oils, now lies completely flat and is pain free.
A slit in my right thumb nail that has plagued me for the last 10 years with continual breakage down into my nail bed is miraculously healed. I can’t stop looking at it and rubbing it. I feel like I am healing all over at the cellular level.
I realized that my ex has built his entire world around his work. He gets all his needs met at the workplace. All his benefits and money come from his employment. He is fed there, drinks there, gets sex there, the other woman works there, and his 2 best male friends who extend his social life beyond the walls of the office work there. He has created his work to be his God.

adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, dance, divorce, ex spouse, Janice Andrews, other woman, separatiion

He let the Bat out of the Cave

It was my youngest daughter’s recital on the weekend. She danced in 4 shows. She had 7 dances in the Saturday evening show and 4 dances in the Sunday afternoon show. The other 2 shows she just danced in the final production number.

When my husband left us for another woman he decided that it no longer mattered if my daughter had anyone watching her perform. He certainly has been a “no show” at many of her events. Where we used to support her completely as a family and go to all her shows, he now may pick just one main one. She has no other family who live locally to come and watch her and this year none of her grandparents flew in for recital. She has worked so hard all year practicing for this final event that it would make me sad to think that she didn’t have anyone personal in the audience attending specifically for her. I usually buy an extra ticket and invite a girlfriend to come and watch just so she has more people to cheer her on and appreciate her talent and hard work.

In that respect, I was fine with my ex bringing “the other woman”. I just wanted my daughter to feel like people cared enough to come and see her and if that is what gets her dad out then so be it. It is the first time he has brought the OW out to something where he hasn’t hidden with her in the back and ducked out early.

I was walking down the aisle of the theatre with my older daughter to find our seats before the show started when my daughter exclaimed, “Oh well look at who is here.” She walked up and talked to her dad and Janice Andrews and when I realized who she was talking to I just kept going. I spoke to a friend who caught my attention as we were sitting in the same row and I was trying to figure out where in the row my seats were located. She said, “Yuck, did you see who is behind us?” Interestingly enough she was sitting with her ex. They always attend things as a family to support their daughter. I just smiled and said that I better go around to the other side to access my seats. Thankfully, I was sitting well away from my ex and the OW. While I was walking to my seat another family engaged me in conversation and my thoughts were long from my ex already. I had a glass of wine and was very excited for the show.

At intermission, my ex and the OW didn’t leave their seats. My older daughter went to talk to them and after coming back from the washroom I stopped at seats just in front of them to speak to friends who had just returned from celebrating their wedding anniversary in Hawaii.

When the show was finished we all met outside at the backstage door and encouraged my daughter. The OW didn’t say anything. When we were ready to go my ex and the OW walked ahead hand in hand. It wasn’t even weird that my husband was holding hands with someone else. I have no emotional tie to him or them at all. There was nothing about them that made me care what they did, where they were going or how they got there. I was happy to be with my girls and to be going home with them.

I was back to see my daughter perform her 4 dances the next afternoon show and to go out for lunch with her afterwards between shows. Her dad did not come to watch. He obviously had more important things to do.

adultery, affair, cheating, divorce, infidelity, unfaithfulness

Royal Theatrics from the Ex

I have been very grateful to not have any contact with my ex. I scan and email my receipts to him and I get the same negative response back that he isn’t paying. He might throw in a snide comment or two but it doesn’t even phase me and I never respond.

Then out of the blue I get an email from him with the subject line “Royal Theatre”. Our youngest daughter’s dance recital is in two weeks so I thought maybe he wanted to know if I purchased a ticket for our older daughter to attend. That thought in my own head didn’t make sense because even when she lived with him I bought her a ticket as he never did. This was his rant:

“I know you continue to have some weird fascination with me, however you need to get your own Royal Theatre account. I’ve changed my password several times as you well know, since you have gone in and changed it to something else several times. It would probably take you less time to just get your own account, but for some reason you seem stuck on using mine? I know this because I can see your order history, address info and credit card. I contemplated contacting the theatre to cancel or report your tickets (row D seats 16&17) as being stolen, but it’s frankly not worth my time or energy.”

I, too, have gone to the Royal Theatre with the same concern. This was 3 years ago after we separated. I set up the Royal Theatre account more than 4 years before that even. Dave and I actually shared my personal email. He had his work email but we just had one family address. I was the one who always purchased the theatre tickets and the account is registered with my email address. Now when I login with my email address which hasn’t changed, and put in my password, I will find he has accessed the account and changed the billing address and credit card information to his own. I change it back for ordering but when I have picked up tickets at the box office his name has been printed on them. I tried to set up a new account but because I only have one email address it tells me I already have an account and it won’t let me set up a new one. I explained the situation to the theatre 3 years ago and they made changes while I was at the box office watching them but obviously it is still a problem.

He seems to keep thinking I am changing his password but it is my account so I access it with my own password. I guess he registered his email to the account as well and maybe that is why he is able to keep changing the password and accessing my account but I have never changed the password and I have never not been able to get in to their website to order tickets because he has changed it.

I will go to the theatre again with a copy of his email to show them that there is an issue with the account and certainly a privacy concern as well. I am hoping with his threat of cancelling the tickets and/or reporting them stolen that they will ensure there is a fix to the problem.

scornedwifeblog

A wife's personal experience of infidelity

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