adultery, affair, Betrayal, cheating, children, dance, divorce, ex spouse, Janice Andrews, other woman, separatiion

He let the Bat out of the Cave

It was my youngest daughter’s recital on the weekend.  She danced in 4 shows.  She had 7 dances in the Saturday evening show and 4 dances in the Sunday afternoon show.  The other 2 shows she just danced in the final production number.

When my husband left us for another woman he decided that it no longer mattered if my daughter had anyone watching her perform.  He certainly has been a “no show” at many of her events. Where we used to support her completely as a family and go to all her shows, he now may pick just one main one.  She has no other family who live locally to come and watch her and this year none of her grandparents flew in for recital. She has worked so hard all year practicing for this final event that it would make me sad to think that she didn’t have anyone personal in the audience attending specifically for her.  I usually buy an extra ticket and invite a girlfriend to come and watch just so she has more people to cheer her on and appreciate her talent and hard work.

In that respect, I was fine with my ex bringing “the other woman”. I just wanted my daughter to feel like people cared enough to come and see her and if that is what gets her dad out then so be it. It is the first time he has brought the OW out to something where he hasn’t hidden with her in the back and ducked out early.

I was walking down the aisle of the theatre with my older daughter to find our seats before the show started when my daughter exclaimed, “Oh well look at who is here.” She walked up and talked to her dad and Janice Andrews and when I realized who she was talking to I just kept going. I spoke to a friend who caught my attention as we were sitting in the same row and I was trying to figure out where in the row my seats were located. She said, “Yuck, did you see who is behind us?”  Interestingly enough she was sitting with her ex.  They always attend things as a family to support their daughter.  I just smiled and said that I better go around to the other side to access my seats.  Thankfully, I was sitting well away from my ex and the OW.  While I was walking to my seat another family engaged me in conversation and my thoughts were long from my ex already.  I had a glass of wine and was very excited for the show.

At intermission, my ex and the OW didn’t leave their seats.  My older daughter went to talk to them and after coming back from the washroom I stopped at seats just in front of them to speak to friends who had just returned from celebrating their wedding anniversary in Hawaii.

When the show was finished we all met outside at the backstage door and encouraged my daughter.  The OW didn’t say anything. When we were ready to go my ex and the OW walked ahead hand in hand.  It wasn’t even weird that my husband was holding hands with someone else. I have no emotional tie to him or them at all.  There was nothing about them that made me care what they did, where they were going or how they got there.  I was happy to be with my girls and to be going home with them.

I was back to see my daughter perform her 4 dances the next afternoon show and to go out for lunch with her afterwards between shows.  Her dad did not come to watch.  He obviously had more important things to do.






6 thoughts on “He let the Bat out of the Cave

  1. Phoenix says:

    I’m trying to be like you. Not giving one iota of a shi…… It’ll happen. Each and everyday, I get closer to that goal. But, I am glad he came to support his daughter and that he behaved. Amen to small miracles.

  2. I might care more if he wasn’t such an ass. Everything he has done and said since our separation makes me realize that he is such a dick. His character is a complete turn off to me. What is important in his life is not important in my life and vice versa. If he was kind to me, a great father to his girls, if he wasn’t a liar, if he didn’t keep jerking me around there might be room for attraction, longing, jealousy or something but even as I type this there is a sour look on my face. As they walked away holding hands I looked at the other woman and I have no idea what he sees in her and I didn’t care to try and guess what that might be. I was just so happy to be going home with my girls. We were laughing and having fun. Even they said they didn’t know what he sees in the other woman. He grows uglier to me by the day. He is nothing like the man I thought I knew and now that he is revealed I don’t want a thing to do with him. He is a fraud.

    I don’t want you to have to go through all the nastiness that I have just so you can feel this way but it is interesting if you step back and look at him and your relationship with him from a third-party view. It is so easy for me to look at friends and say, “Why would you ever want him back?” I can think to myself, “What did they ever see in him in the first place?” My friends have all said those things to me and now I am seeing it. I know they don’t know what my relationship was like when we were together but I don’t even know if it was real. I don’t believe that it was. He was fooling around and deceiving me for however long he was but was acting a completely different way with me. Because of that, I know I am just better off without this guy anywhere in my life. I never wanted this, I never chose this, I never caused this but maybe God and the universe in its wisdom is giving me a huge gift by removing him from my life. Even if a better man is never part of my life again, I know I am better off alone than with a fake relationship.

  3. Focus on getting to Meh. He doesn’t matter. You are a good mom, single, you’re great. Do that. Start thinking of him as “the soon to be ex” and not “my husband” because- do you really want to still have that ownership moniker? He’s not yours… He’s just dragging his feet in getting this over with.

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