adultery, affair, cheating, divorce, other woman, Twitter

DC@thegoalie29

Both of my children follow their dad on Twitter.  He claims my blog will hurt them if they find it yet he feels it is okay to post sexual images and comment on sexual images that exploit and degrade women that the other woman, Janice Andrews, tweets.

Even his profile photo is of a banana taking advantage of another banana.Dave's twitter photo

His comment on the yoga oral sex photo is “Sign me up”. Janice's yoga tweet to Dave

He mocks the cheating husband sign with his comment “Oh my!” Janice's tweet to Dave re cheating

Dave's twitter sex photo image

Another sexual image on his Twitter account.

If he wants our children to think more highly of him then maybe he should be less concerned with my blog and more concerned about his own words and actions.

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adultery, affair, cheating, children, divorce, Sexual images, Twitter

Jannypoo@smeepsmeep

The other woman, Janice Andrews, under her user name, “Sally”, insists I should take down my blog and specifically her identifying information for “the sake of the children”. Both Janice and my ex, under his user name, “Happy” as well as the other fake followers they created, insist if my children found my blog it would do them harm.

Yet, they both have Twitter accounts that my children follow. Janice knows my older daughter follows her. They have commented back and forth to each other yet she feels it is okay to tweet images with sexual content that exploit and degrade women and contain inappropriate comments like, “Fox me real good”. She even mocks a story about 23 cheating husbands getting what they deserve and she specifically tweets all of the images to my children’s father @goalie29.

Here is a sampling of how she protects my children from harmful content on line.

 Janice tweets boob  photoJanice's fox twitter post to DaveJanice Andrew's twitter, Big Boobs parade 16 sexy picsJanice tweets photo to DaveJanice tweets sexy girlJanice's yoga tweet to DaveJanice's tweet to Dave re cheating Janice tweets erection photos

Janice's twitter to DaveJanice tweets naked girl's butt

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adultery, affairs, Betrayal, cheating, divorce, the other woman

“Out Damned Spot”

It is very fascinating to me that Dave is trying so hard to turn me into a guilty person.

He is specifically trying to shift blame off himself and accuse me of a variety of offences: I don’t shower, I don’t get out of bed, I don’t enjoy a beautiful day, I do yoga, I do expensive yoga, I go to Starbucks, I am a bad mother, I don’t work, I don’t unpack boxes, I expect him to pay my ferry fare, I am defrauding the government, I steel photos, I bully, and the list goes on and on including the bizarre claim that I have kitty litter all over my house.

What is especially interesting to me is that Dave is fabricating my involvement in an adulterous affair.  He’s even trying to name names, describe vehicles and pull in other people and details to pad his lie. Then he takes it further and calls me a slut.

I came to the realization that he must be feeling so guilty of committing adultery on me that he is trying to get me to share in his guilt. He is trying to shed his own experience and deal it to me instead.

Guilt is described in Macbeth as “Life’s fitful fever”. When you look at the comments made by Dave and his underlings they are certainly exhibiting feverish fits. 2 1/2 years post my discovery of the affair, the fits rage on.  They are consuming Dave’s life to the point that he can’t suppress them anymore.  These are not new rants to me (except for the kitty litter).  These are obviously not new rants to his henchman because they repeat the exact same accusations he has been trying to heap on me from the beginning. That ‘s why all of the 12 (yep, a new one appeared since I last counted) identities commenting on my blog lately seem like Dave himself.  But now he has a new audience of blog followers to try to relieve himself on.

Like Lady Macbeth tried to assure Macbeth “what’s done is done”, Dave has tried repeatedly to convince me of the same thing. I am to “get over it” and “stop living in the past.” “Move on” is his modus operandi. The problem for Dave is that he can’t convince himself. The truth is that adultery is permanent and the guilt it casts on the perpetrator sticks to the conscience despite actions to try and feign otherwise.  Like the wife Dave left, he can’t ignore his guilt either.

Macbeth got no peace from satisfying his ambition to take King Duncan’s throne. Dave is getting no peace either. He may have conquered Janice and tried to make her into a legitimate relationship but his life experience is miserable. He gives glimpses of his life by indicating he “isn’t living in the lap of luxury” and with his anger and nasty attacks on anyone who would dare support my side of events and his paranoia over my cause of anything that goes wrong in his and Janice’s life, his guilt is all-consuming.  Probably because he feels he and Janice deserve to have bad things happen to them and deserve to have people stand against them.

Wikipedia describes guilt as “an emotion that occurs when a person believes that they have violated a moral standard that they themselves believe in.” I remember Dave’s indignation when we found out, shortly after attending our friend’s wedding, that her new husband was having an affair. The affair started before the wedding.  Deceit has always been a huge moral faux pas for Dave. I now think it is because he lives with deceit in his character.  He has difficulty with trust because he himself is untrustworthy and as happened with one of his business partners, if he catches you in a lie, watch out!

Well Dave, keep screaming and washing your hands. The blood, so to speak, isn’t coming out. Like the scarlet letter ‘A’ (was that what was spray-painted on Janice’s car?), your mark is permanent.  It is going to follow you around for life.  Spoiler alert: It doesn’t end well for Macbeth.

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abuse, adultery, affair, bullying, cheating, deceit, divorce, fighting, lies, pack behaviour, pack mentality

Feeding Frenzy and Understanding Dave’s Pack of Wolves

wolf pack mentalityThe Two Wolves

A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves.

One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth.

This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.”

The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather,

“Which wolf will win?”

The Cherokee elder replied…

“The one you feed.””

The pack leaders are the alpha male and female. These two animals are dominant over all the other wolves in the pack. The beta wolf comes next acting as the second in command.  The omega wolf is the weakest and least cared for in the pack.  It tends to be bullied by other members and gets the brunt of aggression during inter-pack fighting.  The omega instigates play among the pack as a way to ease tensions.

The alpha male and female get to eat first at kills.  A pack usually consists of 6 wolves but can be anywhere from 2 – 36 wolves. The pack can consist of adult subordinates. They can hunt in packs or singly.  To establish the dominant position they show superiority in their fighting. Wolves are intensely territorial.

Pack rankings are built on strength and the ability to win fights. I’ll let Dave, Janice and the rest of their pack figure out where they rank. If Dave isn’t creative enough to be organizing 11 different user names all trying to attack me and other bloggers or people who have made supportive comments on my site then it is likely Janice, the beta in the group or quite possibly the omega, trying to better themselves and prove their worth amongst the pack.

As they continue to stalk their pray, I will likely not respond and choose instead to let them starve. They can snarl all they want about me taking down my blog.  They can bark all of the lies that Dave has fed them. They can bristle their fur and pounce.  They will be the ones to whimper, running away with their tails between their legs.  My tail is still wagging!

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abuse, affair, anger, blogging, bullying, cheating, cruelty, divorce, the other woman, unfaithfulness

The ex finds my blogs and shares with his friends

I apologize for a bunch of nasty comments left by my ex, the other woman and their friends.

I deleted some horrific ones but I will just let them reveal themselves for who they are and then I think you will see that my experience as reported is on mark.

I think it is very low of them to be communicating with a 15-year old who’s parents are causing her a lot of emotional distress and who reached out to me for support. The lies they told her about my daughter being kicked out are very far from reality. I cannot control their actions but I will not let their bullying stop me from sharing my experience or trying to help someone else manoeuvre through their experience.

This is my journey, my experience and my truth. I am only reporting what is going on in my life as it relates to my experience with a cheating spouse and the legal system. This was never a blog about bashing my ex or the other woman. This was never a blog about trying to make me look good. I know I look very ugly with my responses and actions. This is the reality of a nasty divorce and being on a path I never expected to be on.

This was a forum where I could share my experience. I had never blogged before and had no idea how to do it or how many people I would meet going through similar experiences. Everyone has been so kind and generous with support, compassion and advice. These were private, vulnerable posts. These were never meant to be seen by my ex.

It was pointed out to me by several professionals and friends throughout the last 2 1/2 years that I was in an abusive relationship. I have never posted the emails that would likely confirm this. It might be very difficult for me to go back and read those. I am told I may still be protecting my ex and that I may even be in denial about the abuse as I defend him sometimes for the cruel things he said to me. I had a friend share that she was horrified when we went out to dinner as couples one night. She shared that the mean things he would criticize me about were not funny and yet I would laugh as though it was a joke. I would never want his children to see the things he wrote to me and I did share with a handful of my friends about my blog so I might be embarrassed for them to see that as well. Now that my ex has discovered the blog and started posting things one friend contacted me telling me that she is afraid for me as she always considered my ex to be “dangerous”. She feels like I should contact the police because these are clearly messages meant to harass me. She texted me this morning saying, “You have had years of systematic emotional abuse by Dave…I’m really sorry.” She went on to say, “I’m worried about you and the girls.” It is clear he is continuing to try and abuse me emotionally and trying to use my blog against me.

Her advise is for me to take the blog off line. I think this is again part of my journey with my ex and it is being documented as such. I hope that anyone who happens upon my blog will learn from it. Maybe both people going through the break up can read this and say, “We do not want to be these people.” “We want to make better decisions and hurt as few people as possible through this process as well as protect our children and our finances.”

Clearly by my ex and his friends posting my name, they do not care about my children being identified. As one blogger pointed out, they have now seen my Facebook page and photos of my children. I have no problem sharing my name and identity as I stand by what I write. I never exposed my ex’s identity as I never wanted my children to read these posts. Thank you Dave, Janice and friends for being so concerned about protecting children.

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adultery, cheating, children, deceit, destruction, divorce, family, lying, other woman

The Boov

outdoor movie, Home, in Parksville

When my youngest daughter (13 years old) and I were on vacation this summer in Parksville, BC, we decided to go to an outdoor showing of the movie Home.  She had already seen it with my ex and the other woman, Janice Andrews.

The movie started at dusk which happened to be 9:56 p.m. It was held at a huge park near the ocean. It was very busy with people and cars and there was a lot going on around the park including a sand castle/sculpture competition and a huge playground/water park area. We set up our chairs, blankets and snacks with friends of ours (another mom and her 2 kids, one who is my daughter’s best friend) who were also vacationing in Parksville.

Just before the movie was about to start my daughter decided she needed to go to the bathroom.  I didn’t want her to go alone so I said I would come with her.  Just when we were at the edge of the park the movie started to play.  She said, “Mom, you need to see the beginning. You stay.”  I looked around to see if there might be a bathroom closer, even a port-a-potty, as the bathrooms we went to before we set up were really far away and it was now dark. There was nothing.  I hesitated and told her that I didn’t feel great about her going alone but she said, “Just wait here” and she ran off.

As soon as she left I regretted letting her go.  She didn’t have her phone with her and I didn’t have mine with me.  I was afraid she wouldn’t even be able to find the bathroom.  I considered running after her but had a quick vision of her deciding not to go alone and coming back to find me not in my spot. Then while the minutes passed I contemplated going to meet her but didn’t want to miss her in case we took different paths.  I tried to focus on what was happening at the start of the movie as my daughter obviously felt it was important but I kept turning to look for her.  In probably less than 10 minutes she was back.  I told her that I was so relieved to see her, regretted letting her go alone and that I was so grateful she was back safely.  She said it was scary and she ran the entire way.

Interestingly enough, the movie ran 2 parallel themes of what I just experienced. One theme involved a young daughter, Tip, who had been separated from her mom after the Boov invaded Earth. Tip hated The Boov for taking her mom from her and did everything to hurt them, stop them and escape them.  The Boov are selfish, lying, aliens who displaced all humans for their own self-interest. They were so self-absorbed they weren’t even kind to other Boov in their own species.

Then there is The Gorg. The Gorg was chasing The Boov because the leader of the Boov stole an egg containing the last of the Gorg species.

After the movie, I was reflecting on the commentary and wondered if my ex and Janice were at all uncomfortable with this theme as they watched with my daughter.  After all, they destroyed family. My daughter and I talked about this as we walked back to our car. We talked about how she would do anything to track me down if we were separated from each other and I told her that I would be like the Gorg and would never stop searching for her.  Then we discussed that Janice was like The Boov.  It made no difference to her that my ex had a wife and kids. She was self-seeking and lied and schemed to her own husband to go after what she wanted.

This movie gave us a nickname for Janice Andrews.  Now we just call her “The Boov”.

 

 

 

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adultery, affair, cheating, children, divorce, intimidation, lying, threats

Bullshit–If you smell something, say something

John Stewart ended his final hosting of the Daily Show tonight on Comedy Central with a segment on bullshit.  He made the above statement.  I just so happen to smell bullshit so I am saying something.

When my ex and Janice Andrews were in Ontario with my children, they returned to apparently find Janice’s vehicle vandalized.  They reported the incident to Victoria Police.  My ex texted my older daughter telling her that the police said that I was the number one suspect because I have an agenda.  My older daughter texted my younger daughter saying that a window had been smashed in Janice’s car, it had been spray painted and keyed and that mom did it. My younger daughter told me that she had something funny to tell me. I asked what that was and then she asked me if I vandalized Janice’s car.  I told her I did not and when she gave me the details I said that I didn’t think it was funny.  She asked me what “agenda” meant and what it meant that the car was “keyed”. She also texted my older daughter back asking what was written on the car.  My older daughter texted her back saying, “That is totally mom asking that and you weren’t suppose to tell her.”  I never asked that question although I have to say that I am curious.

I explained to my younger daughter what “agenda” meant and I assured her that my only agenda was to make sure that daddy paid us what he agreed to pay in mediation and what he was legally responsible to pay.  I told her I would just email my lawyer to handle.  She said, “No, you can’t do that because then daddy will know we told you.”  He was purposely trying to make me look bad to our children by making a very serious allegation against their mom without considering what that would do to them and how it would make them feel.

I did nothing wondering if it was even true but then the next morning I received a call from Vic PD.  I told the constable that my kids already gave me a heads up.  I told her that I had no idea what type of vehicle Janice drove or where she lived. The constable said that Janice’s vehicle was parked on my ex’s street, that the window hadn’t been smashed and that it appeared to be a random act of mischief as it was keyed and spray painted. She said that I was not a suspect, there was no evidence against me but because Janice and my ex made the complaint against me she told them she would speak with me.

Later that day I received an email that my ex sent to my lawyer, his lawyer and copied to me.  It was filled with false statements and outright lies as well as a list of concerning actions that he was now taking.

This is what he wrote:

“Unfortunately I have to write to you both again with respect to an incident that occurred at my residence.

As you both are aware, I took my kids and girlfriend to Ontario to visit family from July 23 – Aug 2/15. Janice had parked her car in the driveway while we were away. We came home to find the vehicle had been vandalized. The car was spray painted and keyed causing considerable damage. The matter has been reported to Victoria Police and I believe they have been in contact with (my name). (My name) has denied any involvement which was expected, however I’m sure you will agree that it seems somewhat coincidental that the damages occur while we are away. It is also somewhat odd that the perpetrator only targeted her vehicle. There was no other reported incidents of vandalism or damage to others property or vehicles during that time period on the street.

(My name) for the last two and a half years has continued to harass Janice and myself. She was told by her first lawyer to have no contact with Janice, however she immediately left the appointment to confront Janice at her place of employment. She then wrote a letter to her employer asking that she be fired or disciplined. She contacted Janice’s former boyfriend. She has contacted people who work and formerly worked with my company to try and obtain information…(private information) She entered my home knowing full well I was away in Vancouver  looking for a binder. She proceeded to search my home and went through my personal papers. This was brought to your attention and she was asked to not come to my home again unless invited. She proceeded to come to my home again.

She has recently come to my place of business, which I remind all, Janice also is a part time employee, to deliver receipts. This despite the fact that I asked her in 5 separate emails/text to not come to my office. I asked that she email her receipts, hand deliver to my home mailbox, or send by regular mail. She ignored my requests and showed up the next day to the office with receipts in hand. Her excuse was she hadn’t unpacked her scanner from moving.

In light of this latest incidence of vandalism, and the fact that (my name) shows a complete disregard for barriers, I have met with my partners this morning and advised them of the above. We are understandably concerned for the safety of our employees as well as our property. As such, (my name) is banned from the premises. She is not to come to the building for any reason whatsoever. All staff have been made aware of this and if (my name) fails to comply and comes to the building she will be asked to leave immediately and the police will be called.

I have also contacted my landlords and made them aware of this latest event. They were already aware of a prior incident a few months ago when (my name) backed out of my driveway and ran over a shrub damaging same. (My name) left the scene, however both my children witnessed the event and texted me to tell me what happened so I wouldn’t be blamed for it. My landlords wanted me to pay for the damage, however given the circumstances they have not pushed forward on this. Because of the damage to their own property and now a car of a guest at the home being damaged, they have said that (my name) is not welcome under any circumstances to come to the home. If she is dropping off or picking up kids, she will have to do so on the street.

(My name) has attempted to justify and use excuses such as no scanner or that I am trying to be difficult etc. The reality is there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to have any contact with me other than by text or email regarding our children. If she has a receipt that she thinks I should review and potentially compensate her, then that is fine, she can send it by email or regular mail. There’s no reason to come to my office to get copies made and hand deliver. And going forward this will not be tolerated.

I am writing this so that this is on the record to all. These types of harassment and bullying behaviours are completely unacceptable. This has been ongoing for more than two and a half years and it needs to stop. If this continues, or (my name) fails to comply going forward, we will take whatever legal means are necessary to obtain restraining orders and ensure she is criminally charged.

I trust my position on these issues is very clear to all.”

My response just summarized briefly:

  1. Car was reported to police as being parked on the street. My ex is trying to make the act look less random and say now that the vehicle was parked in the driveway.  My kids never saw Janice’s car at all. My older daughter left the house the next morning before the damage was reported and she never saw Janice’s car.
  2. I have never harassed Janice or my ex.
  3. I attended Janice’s work place a few days after finding out about the affair. I spoke to her for 3 minutes max. I wasn’t physical, violent, threatening, rude or disrespectful. I spoke in my regular voice and I was very calm. I didn’t cause any property damage. I wanted her to see my face and to know I was a real person, that we had real children that she was helping to destroy their family and I wanted to look her in the face and say that. My ex was never a part of a meeting where my lawyer told me to not contact Janice. My ex is trying to portray me as directly disobeying my lawyer and running out of his office and doing exactly what he told me not to do. I have had zero contact with Janice since that one time in over 2 1/2 years.
  4. I never sent a letter to Janice’s work asking that she be fired or disciplined. There will be a record confirming that if we subpoena her employee file.
  5. It was a fluke I contacted Janice’s 12-year common-law husband.  My ex is trying to diminish her husband’s role in Janice’s life by calling him a “former boyfriend”. My ex also tried to diminish his role to Janice and maybe himself, too, during the affair where he referred to her husband as her  “roommate” in his emails to Janice.  Then he forgot about those emails he sent Janice that he knew I read and told me she didn’t have a roommate. He said that he had been to her house several times and no one else lived there. Caught in another lie. I never knew Janice’s husband existed but when he told me who he was I told him who I was.  I didn’t know that Janice was cheating on someone too and more than 3 months after I found out about the affair he still didn’t know.  She was continuing to live a double life with her spouse. My ex is trying to make it sound like I contacted someone from Janice’s past to stir up trouble and get information.
  6. I have never contacted anyone that my ex used to work with or continues to work with. I know he pulled a subordinate into his office and that he threatened to fire her if she spoke to me. I brought my younger daughter to see her dad one day to drop off fundraising items that her dad was supposed to bring in for her. He was to be back in 10 minutes so we waited in the lobby. One of the secretaries said she would take my daughter around to sell. I waited in the lobby and this lady who I had met only one time when my ex introduced me to her at Starbucks came out and told me what he did. I told her that I knew he was paranoid we had spoke and I showed her my phone text messages saying several times to my ex that we never had. He apparently never spoke to her again. He made her life at work hell. My older daughter told me months later that this lady had a run in with another lady at their work and my ex intervened and said for someone to call the police and to escort her from the premise.
  7. I have only gone to my ex’s home to see our daughter who lives there. I have never been there uninvited and I would never go when he was there. I did go through a large pile of opened and unopened mail that was noticeably addressed to me and my ex together. He had, unbeknownst to me, had all our banking mail redirected to his place. I was shocked to see all the mail in a pile spilling over with my name on it.
  8. I still haven’t come across the box with my printer/scanner and needed to get the receipts to my ex. He still hasn’t paid them and it has been 5 weeks so they are now being handled by my lawyer. This was the 2nd time in 2 1/2 years I attended his office with receipts. I was warmly received and even hugged by one of my ex’s business partners. I was at his office for 5 minutes max and he copied the receipts, gave them back and I left. No scene. No public safety risk. No damage to property.
  9. I did clip a bush backing out of my ex’s long, single, narrow driveway on June 4. My birth mom and both my girls were in the car with me. There was no visible damage. It made a loud scraping sound against my car though. On July 13 my older daughter was at my house and received a Facebook message from her dad. He was away and left his vehicle with my daughter. He messaged her saying he was just contacted by his landlord saying that they watched our daughter back out of the driveway and had some concern. They didn’t want her to get in trouble by her dad but just wanted to notify him to ask her to be careful because they thought a guest might have hit their bush but realized it was her. My girls and I were laughing about this. I told my daughter to tell her dad it was me.  She said she was going to. She never said I already told him when it happened. I don’t know if I did do any damage to the bush or if my ex, my daughter or anyone visiting them may have clipped the bush, too, but if my ex was asked to pay for damage and he knew I may have caused it he would be going after me for sure.  Because of the kindness of their landlord in their fear my daughter might get into trouble from her dad, I doubt they ever asked my ex to pay for damages as he claims.  Sounds like they never thought he did it. If a vehicle was vandalized in their driveway they would have seen it and reported it to my ex or the police when he was away.  It doesn’t even make sense “that given the circumstances they haven’t pushed forward on that.” I doubt they ever asked for anything. He said it was “months ago” I did this. If my kids had have texted him at the time he would have known when it happened. If they asked him months ago to pay for damage he wouldn’t say that they haven’t pushed forward on it because of an incident he just reported.

My ex is maliciously making false statements about me and spreading this to the police, public, our children and legal counselors to try to threaten, intimidate and bully me into doing what he wants. He continues to need to control where I go, who I talk to, and what I do. He has the audacity after all of this to send me an email the next day with a casual request for me to find documents for him from 2008 for his income tax return.

Until this is handled and remedied, I will have no contact with him for anything for my own protection. I have advised my lawyer and the police of his lies of which we now have written proof.

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