adultery, affair, cheating, deceit, divorce, office romance, separation

The Other Other Woman

In Feburary 2013, I suspected that my husband might be having an affair.  This was less than 2 weeks before I found the evidence.

There was only one female adjuster working in his office with him.  She is young, attractive, and probably in her late 20’s when I first met her. It was 2012. She had a baby and was only just starting back to work on a part-time basis after her maternity leave.  There was an afternoon barbecue being held at one of the business partner’s home. She left her baby sleeping in the car in the driveway while she came in to visit.  She left to go out on a claim about an hour later and then came back afterwards without the baby.

The second time I met her was at another function at the same partner’s home.  Her husband was with her this time.  She talked to me quite a bit.  I remember thinking that she seemed like a good step mom to her husband’s first child based on everything she was telling me that she did for this child. I asked my husband after the party what he thought of her and his comment was odd.  He said, “If we had children together they would have bad skin.” I never noticed her bad skin but my husband has a scarred face from acne. He obviously had given thought to having children with her.

After that, I found her to be a bit cocky. She called me by an incorrect name which was joke from a previous party when I told her that another adjuster in their office kept calling me Bonnie. She took it to the point of being disrespectful and she did it in front my husband. He laughed in support of her.

Then when I took cupcakes into their office in February 2013 for another adjuster who was just diagnosed with cancer (he had asked me specifically about these cupcakes before his diagnosis so when I was near this bakery I decided to go in and buy him some). The female adjuster saw me and called to me from her office, “I am just on the phone with your hubby.” He was on Salt Spring Island. I thought it odd that he was out on a claim and calling her. I was certain she was the one he was having the affair with and they might very well have been also.

Shortly after my separation I was told that she and her husband separated also. Then in July 2013 I learned that she had slept with one of my ex’s business partners. I told my ex that when he drove my daughter and me (a weird and rare gesture because I had a flat tire) to my girlfriend’s cabin for the day. My ex said matter-of-factly, “I didn’t know that.”

He didn’t ask me how I knew. He didn’t tell me it was bull-shit and he didn’t lambaste me as he usually does about fabricating some fantasy. He certainly wasn’t surprised or shocked. He must have suspected.

He actually told a mutual friend of ours that his office is like the t.v. series Mad Men where everyone sleeps with everyone. For all I know they all share each other (my ex did share details, shortly after he started to work there, of swinging that went out with one of the couples in his office).

I figured afterwards he was only with Janice because he was looking and she obviously showed interest. The big plus is that she doesn’t have kids. That is an important factor for him.

In October 2013, my daughter was at my ex’s office waiting for him to come back to take her around to sell a fundraising item for her dance. Another lady in the office kindly offered to take her around since my ex was late and I waited in the reception area. I saw that there was an incident occurring in front of this other woman adjuster’s office. The lady taking my daughter around looked at me apologetically. I was told after she was on the phone but she had done something to make my daughter feel very uncomfortable. I was told after by my ex that this female adjuster didn’t want me to come into their office again. I never even saw her. She shouldn’t have even know that I was there. I thought that if she was such a good mom and friend to my husband she would eagerly support my daughter in her fundraising efforts. I feel like her reaction to my daughter’s present was inexplicably over the top. My daughter made the decision then and there that she never wanted to go into my ex’s office again so I really don’t know what she saw this woman do.

After I switched lawyers because the Collaborative process was not working, I found out that my ex referred this other woman to my lawyer for representation. He confirmed that with me. He felt that my lawyer would be a good fit for her. This seemed so bizarre.

Since then my kids have mentioned the other adjuster’s name. My ex talks about her in random ways to them. He told my kids that she worked at Garage and didn’t like the job because she had to tell people they looked good in clothes when they didn’t.

My kids also told me that it was this adjuster who looked after my ex’s fish while he was in Ontario with Janice and our children. They said specifically that she would come by his place with her son to feed Waldo. I got to thinking that she must know what Janice drives since Janice works part-time in their office. She must have seen her vehicle parked on the street if it is was in fact there. She would have noticed if there was any vandalism.

Then I got to thinking that maybe she is the one who vandalized the vehicle if there is a little love triangle going on.

Standard
adultery, affair, cheating, children, divorce, intimidation, lying, threats

Bullshit–If you smell something, say something

John Stewart ended his final hosting of the Daily Show tonight on Comedy Central with a segment on bullshit.  He made the above statement.  I just so happen to smell bullshit so I am saying something.

When my ex and Janice Andrews were in Ontario with my children, they returned to apparently find Janice’s vehicle vandalized.  They reported the incident to Victoria Police.  My ex texted my older daughter telling her that the police said that I was the number one suspect because I have an agenda.  My older daughter texted my younger daughter saying that a window had been smashed in Janice’s car, it had been spray painted and keyed and that mom did it. My younger daughter told me that she had something funny to tell me. I asked what that was and then she asked me if I vandalized Janice’s car.  I told her I did not and when she gave me the details I said that I didn’t think it was funny.  She asked me what “agenda” meant and what it meant that the car was “keyed”. She also texted my older daughter back asking what was written on the car.  My older daughter texted her back saying, “That is totally mom asking that and you weren’t suppose to tell her.”  I never asked that question although I have to say that I am curious.

I explained to my younger daughter what “agenda” meant and I assured her that my only agenda was to make sure that daddy paid us what he agreed to pay in mediation and what he was legally responsible to pay.  I told her I would just email my lawyer to handle.  She said, “No, you can’t do that because then daddy will know we told you.”  He was purposely trying to make me look bad to our children by making a very serious allegation against their mom without considering what that would do to them and how it would make them feel.

I did nothing wondering if it was even true but then the next morning I received a call from Vic PD.  I told the constable that my kids already gave me a heads up.  I told her that I had no idea what type of vehicle Janice drove or where she lived. The constable said that Janice’s vehicle was parked on my ex’s street, that the window hadn’t been smashed and that it appeared to be a random act of mischief as it was keyed and spray painted. She said that I was not a suspect, there was no evidence against me but because Janice and my ex made the complaint against me she told them she would speak with me.

Later that day I received an email that my ex sent to my lawyer, his lawyer and copied to me.  It was filled with false statements and outright lies as well as a list of concerning actions that he was now taking.

This is what he wrote:

“Unfortunately I have to write to you both again with respect to an incident that occurred at my residence.

As you both are aware, I took my kids and girlfriend to Ontario to visit family from July 23 – Aug 2/15. Janice had parked her car in the driveway while we were away. We came home to find the vehicle had been vandalized. The car was spray painted and keyed causing considerable damage. The matter has been reported to Victoria Police and I believe they have been in contact with (my name). (My name) has denied any involvement which was expected, however I’m sure you will agree that it seems somewhat coincidental that the damages occur while we are away. It is also somewhat odd that the perpetrator only targeted her vehicle. There was no other reported incidents of vandalism or damage to others property or vehicles during that time period on the street.

(My name) for the last two and a half years has continued to harass Janice and myself. She was told by her first lawyer to have no contact with Janice, however she immediately left the appointment to confront Janice at her place of employment. She then wrote a letter to her employer asking that she be fired or disciplined. She contacted Janice’s former boyfriend. She has contacted people who work and formerly worked with my company to try and obtain information…(private information) She entered my home knowing full well I was away in Vancouver  looking for a binder. She proceeded to search my home and went through my personal papers. This was brought to your attention and she was asked to not come to my home again unless invited. She proceeded to come to my home again.

She has recently come to my place of business, which I remind all, Janice also is a part time employee, to deliver receipts. This despite the fact that I asked her in 5 separate emails/text to not come to my office. I asked that she email her receipts, hand deliver to my home mailbox, or send by regular mail. She ignored my requests and showed up the next day to the office with receipts in hand. Her excuse was she hadn’t unpacked her scanner from moving.

In light of this latest incidence of vandalism, and the fact that (my name) shows a complete disregard for barriers, I have met with my partners this morning and advised them of the above. We are understandably concerned for the safety of our employees as well as our property. As such, (my name) is banned from the premises. She is not to come to the building for any reason whatsoever. All staff have been made aware of this and if (my name) fails to comply and comes to the building she will be asked to leave immediately and the police will be called.

I have also contacted my landlords and made them aware of this latest event. They were already aware of a prior incident a few months ago when (my name) backed out of my driveway and ran over a shrub damaging same. (My name) left the scene, however both my children witnessed the event and texted me to tell me what happened so I wouldn’t be blamed for it. My landlords wanted me to pay for the damage, however given the circumstances they have not pushed forward on this. Because of the damage to their own property and now a car of a guest at the home being damaged, they have said that (my name) is not welcome under any circumstances to come to the home. If she is dropping off or picking up kids, she will have to do so on the street.

(My name) has attempted to justify and use excuses such as no scanner or that I am trying to be difficult etc. The reality is there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to have any contact with me other than by text or email regarding our children. If she has a receipt that she thinks I should review and potentially compensate her, then that is fine, she can send it by email or regular mail. There’s no reason to come to my office to get copies made and hand deliver. And going forward this will not be tolerated.

I am writing this so that this is on the record to all. These types of harassment and bullying behaviours are completely unacceptable. This has been ongoing for more than two and a half years and it needs to stop. If this continues, or (my name) fails to comply going forward, we will take whatever legal means are necessary to obtain restraining orders and ensure she is criminally charged.

I trust my position on these issues is very clear to all.”

My response just summarized briefly:

  1. Car was reported to police as being parked on the street. My ex is trying to make the act look less random and say now that the vehicle was parked in the driveway.  My kids never saw Janice’s car at all. My older daughter left the house the next morning before the damage was reported and she never saw Janice’s car.
  2. I have never harassed Janice or my ex.
  3. I attended Janice’s work place a few days after finding out about the affair. I spoke to her for 3 minutes max. I wasn’t physical, violent, threatening, rude or disrespectful. I spoke in my regular voice and I was very calm. I didn’t cause any property damage. I wanted her to see my face and to know I was a real person, that we had real children that she was helping to destroy their family and I wanted to look her in the face and say that. My ex was never a part of a meeting where my lawyer told me to not contact Janice. My ex is trying to portray me as directly disobeying my lawyer and running out of his office and doing exactly what he told me not to do. I have had zero contact with Janice since that one time in over 2 1/2 years.
  4. I never sent a letter to Janice’s work asking that she be fired or disciplined. There will be a record confirming that if we subpoena her employee file.
  5. It was a fluke I contacted Janice’s 12-year common-law husband.  My ex is trying to diminish her husband’s role in Janice’s life by calling him a “former boyfriend”. My ex also tried to diminish his role to Janice and maybe himself, too, during the affair where he referred to her husband as her  “roommate” in his emails to Janice.  Then he forgot about those emails he sent Janice that he knew I read and told me she didn’t have a roommate. He said that he had been to her house several times and no one else lived there. Caught in another lie. I never knew Janice’s husband existed but when he told me who he was I told him who I was.  I didn’t know that Janice was cheating on someone too and more than 3 months after I found out about the affair he still didn’t know.  She was continuing to live a double life with her spouse. My ex is trying to make it sound like I contacted someone from Janice’s past to stir up trouble and get information.
  6. I have never contacted anyone that my ex used to work with or continues to work with. I know he pulled a subordinate into his office and that he threatened to fire her if she spoke to me. I brought my younger daughter to see her dad one day to drop off fundraising items that her dad was supposed to bring in for her. He was to be back in 10 minutes so we waited in the lobby. One of the secretaries said she would take my daughter around to sell. I waited in the lobby and this lady who I had met only one time when my ex introduced me to her at Starbucks came out and told me what he did. I told her that I knew he was paranoid we had spoke and I showed her my phone text messages saying several times to my ex that we never had. He apparently never spoke to her again. He made her life at work hell. My older daughter told me months later that this lady had a run in with another lady at their work and my ex intervened and said for someone to call the police and to escort her from the premise.
  7. I have only gone to my ex’s home to see our daughter who lives there. I have never been there uninvited and I would never go when he was there. I did go through a large pile of opened and unopened mail that was noticeably addressed to me and my ex together. He had, unbeknownst to me, had all our banking mail redirected to his place. I was shocked to see all the mail in a pile spilling over with my name on it.
  8. I still haven’t come across the box with my printer/scanner and needed to get the receipts to my ex. He still hasn’t paid them and it has been 5 weeks so they are now being handled by my lawyer. This was the 2nd time in 2 1/2 years I attended his office with receipts. I was warmly received and even hugged by one of my ex’s business partners. I was at his office for 5 minutes max and he copied the receipts, gave them back and I left. No scene. No public safety risk. No damage to property.
  9. I did clip a bush backing out of my ex’s long, single, narrow driveway on June 4. My birth mom and both my girls were in the car with me. There was no visible damage. It made a loud scraping sound against my car though. On July 13 my older daughter was at my house and received a Facebook message from her dad. He was away and left his vehicle with my daughter. He messaged her saying he was just contacted by his landlord saying that they watched our daughter back out of the driveway and had some concern. They didn’t want her to get in trouble by her dad but just wanted to notify him to ask her to be careful because they thought a guest might have hit their bush but realized it was her. My girls and I were laughing about this. I told my daughter to tell her dad it was me.  She said she was going to. She never said I already told him when it happened. I don’t know if I did do any damage to the bush or if my ex, my daughter or anyone visiting them may have clipped the bush, too, but if my ex was asked to pay for damage and he knew I may have caused it he would be going after me for sure.  Because of the kindness of their landlord in their fear my daughter might get into trouble from her dad, I doubt they ever asked my ex to pay for damages as he claims.  Sounds like they never thought he did it. If a vehicle was vandalized in their driveway they would have seen it and reported it to my ex or the police when he was away.  It doesn’t even make sense “that given the circumstances they haven’t pushed forward on that.” I doubt they ever asked for anything. He said it was “months ago” I did this. If my kids had have texted him at the time he would have known when it happened. If they asked him months ago to pay for damage he wouldn’t say that they haven’t pushed forward on it because of an incident he just reported.

My ex is maliciously making false statements about me and spreading this to the police, public, our children and legal counselors to try to threaten, intimidate and bully me into doing what he wants. He continues to need to control where I go, who I talk to, and what I do. He has the audacity after all of this to send me an email the next day with a casual request for me to find documents for him from 2008 for his income tax return.

Until this is handled and remedied, I will have no contact with him for anything for my own protection. I have advised my lawyer and the police of his lies of which we now have written proof.

Standard