Happy New Year 2016 from Key West, Florida

I told my friend that the best thing for me about 2015 is that it is over.  He sarcastically commented about my “uplifting” sentiment but I wasn’t finished reflecting.

pitbull-NYE-2015-billboard-650 The best thing for me about losing all of my security or false sense of security is that I feel like I have nothing else left to lose.  Initially, I thought that meant that I would not be able to do any of the things that I really wanted to do in my life. Surprisingly, the complete opposite is becoming my reality. I am not living in deprivation.  I know what I really want and those things important to me are coming to fruition in my life.

I love to travel.  I love the new experiences, adventures, exploring, food, people, surroundings, culture, history, etc.  This Christmas, the only thing that I wanted to do was to go away.  Nothing about Christmas really appeals to me anymore and least of all the material aspect of buying and contributing to the accumulation of things. I looked into many options but nothing was affordable or really worked to the schedule of me and my children. But, the universe conspires to make my dreams come true despite my circumstances.

Out of the blue, an incredibly generous gift that I actually turned down 3 times before I finally accepted, allowed me to take both my daughters to Miami and Key West over the Christmas holiday. Just by saying “yes” and accepting that gift, more gifts followed.  I learned that Pitbull was hosting his second New Year’s Revolution Party with a free concert to be televised by Fox T.V with a star-studded line up of artists both my kids love. Then the day before the New Year’s Eve concert we watched two other artists my kids really wanted to see for another free concert on the beach–Macklemore with Ryan Lewis and Imagine Dragons.  There was a fireworks display afterwards.  And during our time here I won a trip to Cancun for 4 nights and 5 days.  All of these things were truly free gifts to me.

Experiences continued. My kids really wanted to go and see The Dash store owned by the Kardashians.  While we were there we went to dinner in the area which is in trendy South Beach.  When we came out of the restaurant, Jalapeno, after an amazing meal in a phenomenal atmosphere with the most attentive waiter, my younger daughter spotted a man riding a bicycle with a lemur in the basket of his bicycle.  We called him over and he generously allowed my kids to pet and hold the lemur.  He then took it a considerable distance away from them and had them stand still and the monkey jumped all the way from him onto their shoulders.  A crowd was gathering around as he allowed both my children turns with the monkey.  It is something they will always remember.

During our trip I found people to be so kind and friendly.  One young guy was sharing with me about his tour in Afghanistan as a marine. He showed me photos of his friends in uniform and then their blown up tank and how he lost both of those friends when their vehicle was targeted and he was lucky to be alive. He had a brain injury and was now working in the travel industry. He asked me where I was staying and when he found out that I hadn’t booked a room yet for our final day in Miami after our drive back from Key West he told me that he would book me a room with 2 king beds at the Marriott Hotel by the airport for free.  He called my cell phone so I had his contact number but I really didn’t think I would hear from him.  He contacted me again to ensure that he had the right airport and day that we needed the room. Then he contacted me to apologize that it was so busy at the Marriott that night that he was only able to get me a room with 2 queen beds. He sent me the confirmation email.

So while I was standing watching the Pitbull concert on New Year’s Eve with my children, dancing, singing, seeing the stage and the performers clearly when there were apparently 100,000 people there, seeing how excited my children were for the various acts, having 2 firework displays going off at midnight in the sky above me and then again 15 minutes later I suddenly felt so alive and awake. Colours seemed more vibrant.  I thanked God for his generosity and for knowing how to give me and my children the best gifts imaginable. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better vacation. I felt so grateful.

A couple of minutes before the end of the concert while Pitbull was  thanking everyone, rain, which seemed to come out of no where because it had been a clear, sunny, hot day, poured down on us.  I knew I was being renewed and the rain was the perfect symbol for that. I felt elated.

Today, my children and I spent our last full day together leaving the house at 10:45 a.m. not returning until 10:00 p.m. My kids were happy and grateful for everything we did, no complaints about all the walking, and even thrilled to take a ride back to the hotel in a pink taxi cab.  We lied together on my bed and looked at pictures, talked and laughed for another 1 1/2 hours. My older daughter commented that she thinks this is the best vacation we have ever taken.

Although I have never been happier to put a year behind me, I have never felt so excited and optimistic for the new year before me.  Happy New Year everyone!  Wishing you all amazing gifts and happy surprises for 2016!








adultery, Uncategorized

Souper Bowl

I heard about an event on the radio that I felt absolutely compelled to attend. The fundraiser was for “YES”, Victoria Youth Empowerment Society.  For $30 you pick out a bowl of your choice made by local artists and then you use that bowl to try soup created by Master Chefs. The money raised provides emergency shelter, life skills, health care, mental health, detox services, counseling and assists youth to transition from high risk environments like the street to healthier and more constructive life situations. I invited 5 people to come with me.  No one was able to go so I went by myself.

It was held at Inn at Laurel Point.  I had never been there before.  After paying my admission, I was sent into the bowl room.   There were at least 4 tables filled with beautiful hand-crafted pieces, all different shapes, sizes, styles, designs and colours.  I picked up the first one that caught my attention and held on to that one until I found a second that spoke to me more.  Then I found my bowl on the second table.  I didn’t have to look further because I knew this was the one for me.  I was then given a bag to put my bowl in because this year they were serving soup in the hotel bowls instead.



There were 3 soup choices.  I had the seafood chowder.  It was delicious.  Huge chunks of salmon, clams, white fish (maybe halibut) potatoes and carrots. I had 2 bowls.  There was also tomato basil with little bite sized grilled cheese sandwiches that people put on top as croutons. The third choice  was  vegetable mulligatawny.

I took my bowl and walked into a lovely room that overlooked the ocean.  It was a beautiful sunny day so I decided I wanted to look out the window. I perused the round tables that seated about 12 but decided to stand up and eat at a higher table.  As soon as I placed my bowl down on the table a gentleman came over and asked if he could join me for lunch.  He introduced himself as Frank and I told him my name. He was wearing what I thought was a military dress uniform and he was wearing a poppy.

I have never had such an enjoyable conversation with a man in a very long time. We were fully engaged with each other, laughing and joking for at least 20 minutes. We showed each other our bowls and why we chose them. His had a very manly, deep dish shape with a beautiful chestnut, brown glaze.  It was gorgeous.  He had also never been to this event. He is originally from BC on the mainland but he just moved back here from Sudbury, Ontario, 2 years ago, where he plans to retire.  I am from Ontario so we talked about life back east versus west coast. He has two daughters, as do I. They are ages 22 and 14 (similar in age and gap as my girls).  His older daughter stayed back east to finish up university. This is her last year and she will have a teaching degree in French and PhysEd.  He went to Western University (as did I) to get his Masters degree.  We talked about Western and he stated, “So you are one of the Western babes.” “Well, yes I am I confirmed laughing.”  There used to be ratings of the hottest girls at university and when I went to Western, and when Frank did, too, it was ranked number 1 (it clearly had nothing to do with me) but it had this reputation. Frank said he suggested to his daughter that she attend Brescia College, the all girls school affiliated and on the campus of Western University.  He said she would have nothing to do with that.  I told him that was good because it is the last place he would want his daughter because that is where all the guys hang out.  He laughed and said that he  never thought about it being a magnet for men. His wife was a teacher in Ontario but when they moved here she got a job at UVic critiquing student teachers.

While we were talking people would come up and shake Frank’s hand and say “hi” to him. He had on a name tag but I couldn’t read it as it was on the opposite side of me and we were standing side by side.  Another man came to our table while were just starting to talk about Hawaii and shook his hand and asked if he could eat with us. He was a Victoria city councilor and commented to Frank that he was happy to see him two days in a row. He introduced himself to me as Chris and when I told him my name he said, “I know who you are.” He definitely does not know who I am.  We have never met before.  I just stared at him and he said, “I can’t remember where but we have met.” Nope, we haven’t. He then started name dropping and as he was taking away my new friend from me I was able to look at Frank’s name tag.  Frank Elsner, Chief of Police, Victoria Police Department.

I stayed for a little bit longer at the table and then excused myself. There was a raffle, live auction, silent auction, dessert trays, coffee and tea, and booths to buy bowls, pottery, cards and other art work.  I had a thoroughly enjoyable time, helped a great cause that I didn’t know existed (last year they raised $80,000 and this was their 18th year of the event) and I will definitely attend next year as well.



Hmmm, why the sudden interest in our daughter?

I have long since given up expecting my ex to take our youngest daughter every other weekend. He has cancelled on her for the entire weekend on so many occasions. He took her one time and fed her dinner and then just went out to a party. He left her alone at his place without any phone contact.  She was terrified. After that she refused to ever stay at his place overnight again.  For weekend day visits, he would say he is picking her up at one time and wouldn’t show up for as much as 4 hours later.  He even failed to pick her up at the dance studio. It was the last class of the night and he left me scrambling to get a ride home for her with another parent until I could get there.

So you can imagine my surprise when he told her that he was going to pick her up from dance two weekends ago at 8:00 p.m. I asked another dad to just have an eye on her when he picked up his daughter to make sure that my daughter did get picked up.  My ex showed up and took her to dinner before dropping her off at home.

When she arrived home she told me that she was going with her dad the next day, Saturday. He was picking her up at noon. I was shocked and didn’t want to sound incredulous to her but I said, “Why?”  She said that she didn’t know why. He picked her up and kept her for dinner before bringing her home.  Then he picked her up Sunday for lunch and dropped her off at home afterwards.

He changed the night that he sees her during the week from Tuesday to Thursday.  He wants to pick her up from my home for dinner and bring her back to my home afterwards. So far he has kept his last two Thursday night commitments.

He called her on her cell phone on Monday night.  She looked at her phone and said, “Why is daddy calling me?” She wasn’t going to answer but I told her that she should see why he is calling her.  He never calls so I was concerned that something was wrong.  He called to tell her that he was watching the hockey game and her friend was singing the national anthem.

So here we are at the ‘every-other-weekend’ again.  He told her that he would pick her up at 8:00 p.m. and that he wanted her to sleep over. Again, I said, “Why?”  She didn’t know.

I just got a text from her just now that school is done saying that she isn’t feeling well. Not sure if this is related to her sleeping at her dad’s place or not.  We’ll see what happens.  I told her that she had to text her dad then to say that she wasn’t feeling well and that he could pick her up earlier.  I told her that I wouldn’t be home until 7:00 p.m. Her response, “I’ll just go to dance then.”

I told her that if she couldn’t dance after attempting because she still felt sick then to make sure that she texted her dad to let him know.  I told her that I would come and get her at 7 if she could hold out until then.


My New Residence

I am comfortable in my new place.

I am renting out an upstairs suite in a house. My suite consists of 3 large, bright rooms, a large bathroom and a brand new kitchen. There is plush carpet throughout. It has a large back deck which is half covered and half open. It is situated on a treed lot providing lots of shade. I let my dog out in the backyard on a chain as the yard is not completely fenced or separated from my landlord’s area. He is becoming more comfortable with that routine. There is more of a need to walk him daily though which is also good for me.

My bedroom is at the front of the house. I have my queen size bed with a night stand on both sides of the bed on one wall. I have my parent’s cedar chest at the foot of my bed. I have a stand up chest dresser with a t.v. on it and a longer dresser with a mirror on the other wall. I have 2 chairs and a table in my front window. I have a double closet and against the same wall as the closet stands my tall jewel box. My dog’s bed is beside my bed.

The hallway is open and is able to hold a wardrobe outside my bedroom door across from the spacious linen closet. My china cabinet also fits in the hallway as it is wide and one spot has almost a little foyer area.

The bathroom has a very long countertop with only one sink but has plenty of drawer space for both me and my daughter, good lighting and a large mirror. It is clean, updated and has a large window and laminate flooring. The tub/shower is very long and has a shower curtain so we no longer have to battle to clean shower doors.

Beside the bathroom is our family room. It is very large. The closet holds the stacked washer and dryer on one side. On the other side I have put 2 cat litter boxes. I can still use the rest of the closet to hold cleaning supplies and other storage items. The family room holds my couch, love seat and chair; big screen t.v.; computer desk and computer; book shelf and drawer combination cabinet; the china cabinet that was in my dining room at my previous house and a large jam cupboard where we stored games previously. It has my coffee table and a couple of end tables.

My daughter has the biggest bedroom she has ever had. She has her double bed in it against one wall and her nightstand. Against the other wall is a long dresser and mirror that was in her sister’s room as well as the matching chest dresser to the set that she did have in her bedroom before our move. I brought her sister’s single bed with us so when she comes back from university she has a place to sleep when she visits.

I never lock the door except for when my daughter is in the house and we are going to bed. If my daughter isn’t home I sleep with the door unlocked and just pull the screen across to keep out the bugs and let in the breeze. I sleep very soundly and peacefully.

It is a great neighbourhood consisting of 2 courts. They have a General Neighbourhood Meeting Association and I have already been invited to their summer street BBQ in August. I have a previous relationship with 3 families on the street and have met several other neighbours. I’ve been to dinner at my one neighbours house already and my daughter is looking after their cats this week while they are on holiday. My landlady regularly invites me for coffee. Everyone has been so friendly and welcoming. I recognized the woman who lives on the other side of my house and she said the same to me. We couldn’t figure it out until both of our daughters told us separately that they used to dance together. My daughter goes to school with several of the children on the street and will ride the school bus with them in September.

Still unpacking, but it is the summer and as much as I want to get organized, I spend everyday doing something for me, something for my daughter, and something for someone else.


Bad Girls–Who Do you mistrust the most?

In Season 2 of the televisions series, The Good Wife, episode 8, entitled Bad Girls, there is an interesting line from character, Eli Gold.  He is working as Peter Florrick’s campaign manager when he is approached by rival campaigner, Wendy Scott Carr.  She wants him to be her campaign manager.

His response:  “You know the person I mistrust the most?  The one I steal from someone else.”


The F**k’n Freak

By fluke, I discovered that Janice was in a committed relationship with a common-law spouse of 12 years when she entered into an affair with my husband.

I called the first Andrews in the phone book when I wasn’t able to get in touch with my husband the night after we talked about reuniting.

When her spouse answered the phone I asked for Janice. He said she wasn’t there. I confirmed it was the same Janice Andrews and when her spouse asked who I was I told him I was the wife of the man having an affair with his wife.

He was shocked and asked to meet with me. He told me there was a Starbucks close to where he lived. I said that I knew that because our spouses were meeting there before coming home to us. I said it was too far for me to go with my children at home. He said he would come to my place and I said, “No.” We agreed to meet at a Starbucks closer to me.

We met at 9:20 p.m. and didn’t have long together because Starbucks closed at 10:00 p.m. I showed him photos and the texts between our spouses. By this point, they had been having the affair for 6 months and I had known for 3. He said he asked his wife if she was having an affair but she denied it.

Shortly after I arrived home from Starbucks, my ex contacted me, seeing that I had been trying to reach him earlier. I told him why I was calling and then asked him if Janice was married. He said, “No.” My older daughter had asked him the same thing when she first talked to her dad after discovering the affair. I asked if she lived with someone. He said, “No.” I reminded him that I had read their texts and he mentioned her “roommate” in one of the texts saying they would have to get together again at her place when her roommate was away again. He said there was no roommate and he would know because he had been to her place. I asked him if he thought that common-law meant a committed relationship because we had lived together common-law before marrying. He asked, “What type of psychological bullshit are you trying to pull?” I told him I talked to Janice’s spouse so he could stop lying. His response, “Bullshit.”

The next night he came to pick up the kids to take them for dinner. He had them wait in his truck and said he wanted to talk to me. I was outside saying good-bye to the girls. I said he could talk to me after as the girls were in the truck waiting. He wanted to know when I talked to Janice’s husband. I said it didn’t matter. He said it had to be recently. I said it didn’t matter. He then told me he was a fuck’n freak and I didn’t know what I had done by disclosing the affair to him. He told me that he had serious mental health issues and if he committed suicide his blood would be on my hands.

One of our girls opened the door to get out of the truck and my ex yelled at them to get back in. I suggested he leave to take the girls to dinner but he wanted to still fight. I remarked that I found it interesting he was so concerned about Janice’s spouse’s well-being now and how convenient for him to want to blame me if he took his own life. I told him that if both he and Janice knew he was fragile then that made their adultery and dishonesty even more unconscionable.

I walked in my house and locked the door.

I never spoke to Janice’s spouse again but I sometimes wonder how he is doing and hope that he realized quickly she was nothing to want to keep and that his mental health issues, if he ever had any, resolved when their relationship ended.


Well, I sent her a text… Here it is… I’ll let u know if she responds

I wonder if the “other woman”, “affair partner” or “whore” as Betrayedin2012 refers to her, has any sense of who she really is and what people think of her. My ex would just say we are all sad, pathetic , angry and bitter and need to move as he has told me several times. I guess that is how people who cause such wide-spread destruction cope. They close their eyes, (in the case of the other woman they open their legs), they blame us for our feelings and I think they actually think we are the ones who are the losers.

betrayedin2012's Blog

sooooo… i never actually got to call u a whore back then so here ya go…You’re a fucking whore.. Only a whore would be okay with secret phone calls and booty calls.. Remember that when u wear ur jersey to work and sport it around proudly! Cause we both know u had to fuck a married man for it. when u see gina playing with her tablet make sure she takes care of it cause mommy had to suck a lot of dick to get it.. guess you didnt love him toooo much tho huh.. cause the second the wife found out u were gone.. hahaha just like a hoe.. there for the sex and free shit but not when shit gets real.. I hope you find someone pathetic enough to love you because I want nothing more than another whore like you to fuck your man.. Fuck you for…

View original post 136 more words


Ask Affaircare: How Could You Be So Heartless? Have a Little Sympathy!

My ex was baptized in January 1998 as an adult who studied the bible, repented, confessed that Jesus is Lord, that Jesus died on the cross for my husband’s sins and that Jesus was raised on the 3rd day. Then my husband had full-immersion baptism to receive the gift of the holy spirit. My husband prayed at the front of the church for the congregation before communion, door knocked and cold called people in malls sharing his faith and inviting them to church. He studied the bible with people, counseled people in the their marriages using the bible, taught Sunday school and led a pre-teen ministry. He never was able to love though. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. He chooses to live in sin now instead. He is sociopathic and narcissistic so I believe he will ever be able to apologize for the pain and damage he has done to me and our children however his affair partner might want to read what this affair partner feels because she is doomed to the same fate, regardless of how he treats her now.



The Ask Affaircare Series started because our readers have questions. About Affairs. Reconciling. Marriage. Divorce. Christianity. The Bible. And God.  Initially, we tried to answer each question through e-mail, but we quickly realized that there were many people asking many similar questions, so we started this weekly series!

It’s not our goal to make you agree with us, but rather to explore what the Bible says in thoughtful, and clear manner. Additionally, we try to write our answers in a loving but truthful manner (Ephesians 4:15) because we know there is a real person – with real struggles and dreams – behind every single question. Thank for you visiting Affaircare. Keep those questions coming!

Our question today comes from a lady who commented on our “Sample No Contact Letters” page.  She writes:

Wow … Yes, I know that we can disagree, but your response is just about the most heartless thing I’ve…

View original post 1,989 more words


Judicial Case Conference

On April 17, 2014, I attended the Judicial Case Conference with my lawyer and my husband and his lawyer.  The JCC is a requirement before moving forward with a trial.  It is in front of a judge and we get his opinion without it being binding.  Any settlement of any of the issues at the JCC have to be by consent of both parties.  

The judge was late so it gave my lawyer an opportunity to discuss matters with my husband’s lawyer.  Dave’s lawyer was already in breach of the law because he failed to provide my husband’s sworn F8 (financial statement) within 10 days of the proceedings.  He sent it 2 days before so we didn’t have as much time as would have been beneficial to go over all the figures.  

Dave always maintained that he shouldn’t have to pay support based on his 2102 income tax statement.  He said it was an anomaly that he made as much as he did that year.  He told me the longer I waited to settle with him the more time he had to prove that his income would be at least $20,000 less annually.  He emailed me in January 2014 to tell me that he didn’t get a bonus for last year because claims were down (he’s an insurance adjuster.) I assumed that he would not be billing out files and trying to purposely make his income lower. So I was very surprised when he had to produce his 2013 tax statement and actually made $20,000 more than he did in 2012!

The proceeding was supposed to go from 2 – 3 p.m.  We were there until 4:40 p.m. and it was the day before a long weekend.  Nothing was resolved. My husband simply does not want to pay any spousal or child support.  

I wrote down some of the things that the judge said to my husband:  “Nobody gets a free ride.” “It is interesting to me that historically your employment income has inclined over the years and yet you are so pessimistic about future earnings.” Responding to Dave’s story on why his earnings will be lower, “It seems like a fanciful explanation to me.”  “You need to look at it as not sustaining her living but paying your share.”  “The court uses gross figures, not net.  You have to trust in the magic of the calculation that you will be taxed at a lower income bracket as you receive a tax credit for spousal support.”

My lawyer did tell me that Dave “wins the asshole of the year award.”  

A trial has been set for November 3 – 7.  My lawyer is hoping we can settle prior to that time.  She did obtain a court order for Dave to provide his bank statements from the date of separation to present, his full income tax returns, his business expense statements and his credit card statements.  I have to provide the same.





cheating, children, deceitfulness, divorce, infidelity, lies, other woman, relationships, Uncategorized


It has now been 1 year since I discovered my husband’s affair.

I decided to go back and see what was going on in e-mail conversations during that time.  Unfortunately my phone was replaced so I don’t have text messages between us from back then.

There are some specific things that stand out in my mind.  In January 2013 my husband left me, our 2 daughters and one of their friends waiting at a very busy restaurant for 45 minutes before he showed up.  My daughter had talked to him just 30 minutes before the agreed meeting time.  He failed to answer his cell phone when I was trying to find out where he was and when he did finally arrive he said, “I was out on a claim and I never said I would be here at 6:00 p.m.”  Then he shoved an onion ring in his mouth.  Maybe I was so trusting I accepted what he said; maybe I couldn’t accept another reason at that time; maybe I was too lazy to inquire further or more likely I was just too annoyed, disappointed and hurt.

When I discovered with no doubt an affair was happening, I was so shocked and disbelieving but should I have been?  I realized after the fact that there were some other things I should have questioned further.

The last e-mail where he told me loved me was September 9, 2012.  Our 18th wedding anniversary was September 10 and he joked he was spending the night with his mistress as it was their one year anniversary.  There is a gap in our email conversations from September 27 – October 16 and the emails following that date are about a fight that Dave picked with me upon his return from a couple of days away on business.  He arrived home the weekend of my first 1/2 marathon.  He complained that the house was still as messy as it was when he left and made a way bigger deal of this than seemed reasonable.  He didn’t come to support me at the 1/2 marathon and didn’t bring our girls down to cheer me on.  That was Thanksgiving weekend and when I came home from the race, as sore and tired as I was with blisters on my feet that prevented me from walking without limping, I still put the turkey in the oven and then left the house and went to the beach to get away and to rest.  I returned to put dinner on the table and my husband announced in front of the girls “the stuffing tastes like shit.”

He didn’t want to come with me to my girlfriend’s surprise 40th birthday in November but I finally convinced him that I really wanted him to be there with me.  He always seemed to pick a fight or wouldn’t come with me to meet new friends or do anything with my friends when we had plans to go out.

At his company Christmas party on December 14 he ignored me the entire time.  I noticed a couple of women hanging on to his every word but I didn’t ask about them and looking at them I didn’t see anything special that would make me think my husband was interested.  It turns out that the one woman was the “other woman”.  Something happened the night before at their client party because that date, December 13, came out in a text I found when I discovered the affair.  We left his Christmas party hand in hand.  The 2 girls who talked to him all night followed us out at the same time. I was social that night with his other coworkers and their wives but I was not enjoying myself.  He was drunk and on display so I just let him have his fun.  After all, it was his company party.  I even tried to build up his ego by commenting on the girls hanging off him.

When we went to my sister’s house in Vancouver on December 27 for our family Christmas he got very drunk and told my sister in front of her 3 girls, who are in their 20’s, my kids, and my niece’s boyfriend that if he wasn’t with me he would be with my sister.  When I told my sister about his affair she was stunned but said he was acting so inappropriately at Christmas that she and my nieces were all commenting on it afterwards.  The next day when we were travelling home he was just being mean and not wanting to do the Boxing Day shopping that me and my girls were interested in doing. He said he wasn’t hung over and was feeling well.  He definitely had started to drink a lot more since joining his new company in the summer of 2011.   He had dial-a-driver programmed into his phone.  He had been using this service quite frequently over the previous 6 months.

He told me January 24, 2014 that the guys on his hockey team were taking him out for his birthday the next night. He did have hockey scheduled on the calendar and that was usual for a Friday night.  When I asked where they were going he said to the Keg.  That is a fine dining restaurant, not a boys-going-out-for-a-beer kind of place.   The next night we went out for his birthday to a Pink in the Rink Royals hockey game.   I bought him a chuck-a-puck and he won 2 tickets to Rihanna, hotel and airfare.  When he saw the date of the concert he had a tantrum because it was the day we were to return from our Florida March break vacation.  He stomped and said childishly, “I want to go and you scheduled our trip longer than I wanted you to.”  I was dumbfounded and just looked at him.  Again, this was his behavior in front of our girls.

In February he starts to stay later at work.  I remember calling him on a February Saturday morning just after I dropped my daughter at dance on a Saturday morning reminding him to order tickets to our daughter’s dance recital.  His response was very terse and hurried telling me he had to go out on 3 claims and couldn’t talk.  Usually on Saturday mornings he takes the dog for a hike by himself.  The next Saturday morning in February he tells me he is taking the dog for a hike but not leaving at 10:30 a.m.  He always went alone.  Why was he going at a specific time?  I never questioned this.   My girlfriend invited us to a house-warming party after my daughter’s dance recital and he refused to go.  Another night in February, he wanted to have sex and is mad I don’t feel like using toys.  He turns over and decides then not to have sex with me at all.  On 2 other occasions in February it took a long time for him to get an erection.  I found a bottle of lubrication in our bathroom.  I asked him what it was doing on the counter and he tells me he was looking at the ingredients in it.  On February 14 when we last had sex it was very different; aggressive and raunchy.  I asked him afterwards who he was having sex with because it wasn’t me.  February 18 he mentions separation.  On February 26 he told me he contacted our tenants at our home in Cambridge Ontario saying we were going to sell the home.  That shocked me.  He was moving quickly to get rid of our assets.  I mentioned that our banker suggested a spousal RRSP and he said, “What if you aren’t going to continue to be my spouse?”  I remember talking to him in the kitchen and thinking that he was looking at me as though he despised me.  On the evening of February 26 I was sobbing and begging my husband to not just leave but to go to counseling to work on our marriage.  He said that I would never change.

In Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she indicates that “…psychologists believe that intuition is a rapid-fire, unconscious associating process–like a mental puzzle.  The brain makes an observation, scans its files, and matches the observation with existing memories, knowledge, and experiences.  Once it puts together a series of matches, we get a “gut” on what we’ve observed.”

On February 28 he was leaving to go to Vancouver the next morning.  We were watching t.v. together but he got up suddenly to say he was going to bed because he had to get up early in the morning.  I told him we wouldn’t see each other before he left so we should hug goodbye now.  He sighed with annoyance.  I said, “You don’t want to hug me goodbye?”  He said, “No, you can hug me.”  It was exactly at that moment that my gut finally made me check my husband’s phone.