Happy New Year 2016 from Key West, Florida

I told my friend that the best thing for me about 2015 is that it is over.  He sarcastically commented about my “uplifting” sentiment but I wasn’t finished reflecting.

pitbull-NYE-2015-billboard-650 The best thing for me about losing all of my security or false sense of security is that I feel like I have nothing else left to lose.  Initially, I thought that meant that I would not be able to do any of the things that I really wanted to do in my life. Surprisingly, the complete opposite is becoming my reality. I am not living in deprivation.  I know what I really want and those things important to me are coming to fruition in my life.

I love to travel.  I love the new experiences, adventures, exploring, food, people, surroundings, culture, history, etc.  This Christmas, the only thing that I wanted to do was to go away.  Nothing about Christmas really appeals to me anymore and least of all the material aspect of buying and contributing to the accumulation of things. I looked into many options but nothing was affordable or really worked to the schedule of me and my children. But, the universe conspires to make my dreams come true despite my circumstances.

Out of the blue, an incredibly generous gift that I actually turned down 3 times before I finally accepted, allowed me to take both my daughters to Miami and Key West over the Christmas holiday. Just by saying “yes” and accepting that gift, more gifts followed.  I learned that Pitbull was hosting his second New Year’s Revolution Party with a free concert to be televised by Fox T.V with a star-studded line up of artists both my kids love. Then the day before the New Year’s Eve concert we watched two other artists my kids really wanted to see for another free concert on the beach–Macklemore with Ryan Lewis and Imagine Dragons.  There was a fireworks display afterwards.  And during our time here I won a trip to Cancun for 4 nights and 5 days.  All of these things were truly free gifts to me.

Experiences continued. My kids really wanted to go and see The Dash store owned by the Kardashians.  While we were there we went to dinner in the area which is in trendy South Beach.  When we came out of the restaurant, Jalapeno, after an amazing meal in a phenomenal atmosphere with the most attentive waiter, my younger daughter spotted a man riding a bicycle with a lemur in the basket of his bicycle.  We called him over and he generously allowed my kids to pet and hold the lemur.  He then took it a considerable distance away from them and had them stand still and the monkey jumped all the way from him onto their shoulders.  A crowd was gathering around as he allowed both my children turns with the monkey.  It is something they will always remember.

During our trip I found people to be so kind and friendly.  One young guy was sharing with me about his tour in Afghanistan as a marine. He showed me photos of his friends in uniform and then their blown up tank and how he lost both of those friends when their vehicle was targeted and he was lucky to be alive. He had a brain injury and was now working in the travel industry. He asked me where I was staying and when he found out that I hadn’t booked a room yet for our final day in Miami after our drive back from Key West he told me that he would book me a room with 2 king beds at the Marriott Hotel by the airport for free.  He called my cell phone so I had his contact number but I really didn’t think I would hear from him.  He contacted me again to ensure that he had the right airport and day that we needed the room. Then he contacted me to apologize that it was so busy at the Marriott that night that he was only able to get me a room with 2 queen beds. He sent me the confirmation email.

So while I was standing watching the Pitbull concert on New Year’s Eve with my children, dancing, singing, seeing the stage and the performers clearly when there were apparently 100,000 people there, seeing how excited my children were for the various acts, having 2 firework displays going off at midnight in the sky above me and then again 15 minutes later I suddenly felt so alive and awake. Colours seemed more vibrant.  I thanked God for his generosity and for knowing how to give me and my children the best gifts imaginable. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better vacation. I felt so grateful.

A couple of minutes before the end of the concert while Pitbull was  thanking everyone, rain, which seemed to come out of no where because it had been a clear, sunny, hot day, poured down on us.  I knew I was being renewed and the rain was the perfect symbol for that. I felt elated.

Today, my children and I spent our last full day together leaving the house at 10:45 a.m. not returning until 10:00 p.m. My kids were happy and grateful for everything we did, no complaints about all the walking, and even thrilled to take a ride back to the hotel in a pink taxi cab.  We lied together on my bed and looked at pictures, talked and laughed for another 1 1/2 hours. My older daughter commented that she thinks this is the best vacation we have ever taken.

Although I have never been happier to put a year behind me, I have never felt so excited and optimistic for the new year before me.  Happy New Year everyone!  Wishing you all amazing gifts and happy surprises for 2016!








adultery, Uncategorized

Souper Bowl

I heard about an event on the radio that I felt absolutely compelled to attend. The fundraiser was for “YES”, Victoria Youth Empowerment Society.  For $30 you pick out a bowl of your choice made by local artists and then you use that bowl to try soup created by Master Chefs. The money raised provides emergency shelter, life skills, health care, mental health, detox services, counseling and assists youth to transition from high risk environments like the street to healthier and more constructive life situations. I invited 5 people to come with me.  No one was able to go so I went by myself.

It was held at Inn at Laurel Point.  I had never been there before.  After paying my admission, I was sent into the bowl room.   There were at least 4 tables filled with beautiful hand-crafted pieces, all different shapes, sizes, styles, designs and colours.  I picked up the first one that caught my attention and held on to that one until I found a second that spoke to me more.  Then I found my bowl on the second table.  I didn’t have to look further because I knew this was the one for me.  I was then given a bag to put my bowl in because this year they were serving soup in the hotel bowls instead.



There were 3 soup choices.  I had the seafood chowder.  It was delicious.  Huge chunks of salmon, clams, white fish (maybe halibut) potatoes and carrots. I had 2 bowls.  There was also tomato basil with little bite sized grilled cheese sandwiches that people put on top as croutons. The third choice  was  vegetable mulligatawny.

I took my bowl and walked into a lovely room that overlooked the ocean.  It was a beautiful sunny day so I decided I wanted to look out the window. I perused the round tables that seated about 12 but decided to stand up and eat at a higher table.  As soon as I placed my bowl down on the table a gentleman came over and asked if he could join me for lunch.  He introduced himself as Frank and I told him my name. He was wearing what I thought was a military dress uniform and he was wearing a poppy.

I have never had such an enjoyable conversation with a man in a very long time. We were fully engaged with each other, laughing and joking for at least 20 minutes. We showed each other our bowls and why we chose them. His had a very manly, deep dish shape with a beautiful chestnut, brown glaze.  It was gorgeous.  He had also never been to this event. He is originally from BC on the mainland but he just moved back here from Sudbury, Ontario, 2 years ago, where he plans to retire.  I am from Ontario so we talked about life back east versus west coast. He has two daughters, as do I. They are ages 22 and 14 (similar in age and gap as my girls).  His older daughter stayed back east to finish up university. This is her last year and she will have a teaching degree in French and PhysEd.  He went to Western University (as did I) to get his Masters degree.  We talked about Western and he stated, “So you are one of the Western babes.” “Well, yes I am I confirmed laughing.”  There used to be ratings of the hottest girls at university and when I went to Western, and when Frank did, too, it was ranked number 1 (it clearly had nothing to do with me) but it had this reputation. Frank said he suggested to his daughter that she attend Brescia College, the all girls school affiliated and on the campus of Western University.  He said she would have nothing to do with that.  I told him that was good because it is the last place he would want his daughter because that is where all the guys hang out.  He laughed and said that he  never thought about it being a magnet for men. His wife was a teacher in Ontario but when they moved here she got a job at UVic critiquing student teachers.

While we were talking people would come up and shake Frank’s hand and say “hi” to him. He had on a name tag but I couldn’t read it as it was on the opposite side of me and we were standing side by side.  Another man came to our table while were just starting to talk about Hawaii and shook his hand and asked if he could eat with us. He was a Victoria city councilor and commented to Frank that he was happy to see him two days in a row. He introduced himself to me as Chris and when I told him my name he said, “I know who you are.” He definitely does not know who I am.  We have never met before.  I just stared at him and he said, “I can’t remember where but we have met.” Nope, we haven’t. He then started name dropping and as he was taking away my new friend from me I was able to look at Frank’s name tag.  Frank Elsner, Chief of Police, Victoria Police Department.

I stayed for a little bit longer at the table and then excused myself. There was a raffle, live auction, silent auction, dessert trays, coffee and tea, and booths to buy bowls, pottery, cards and other art work.  I had a thoroughly enjoyable time, helped a great cause that I didn’t know existed (last year they raised $80,000 and this was their 18th year of the event) and I will definitely attend next year as well.



Hmmm, why the sudden interest in our daughter?

I have long since given up expecting my ex to take our youngest daughter every other weekend. He has cancelled on her for the entire weekend on so many occasions. He took her one time and fed her dinner and then just went out to a party. He left her alone at his place without any phone contact.  She was terrified. After that she refused to ever stay at his place overnight again.  For weekend day visits, he would say he is picking her up at one time and wouldn’t show up for as much as 4 hours later.  He even failed to pick her up at the dance studio. It was the last class of the night and he left me scrambling to get a ride home for her with another parent until I could get there.

So you can imagine my surprise when he told her that he was going to pick her up from dance two weekends ago at 8:00 p.m. I asked another dad to just have an eye on her when he picked up his daughter to make sure that my daughter did get picked up.  My ex showed up and took her to dinner before dropping her off at home.

When she arrived home she told me that she was going with her dad the next day, Saturday. He was picking her up at noon. I was shocked and didn’t want to sound incredulous to her but I said, “Why?”  She said that she didn’t know why. He picked her up and kept her for dinner before bringing her home.  Then he picked her up Sunday for lunch and dropped her off at home afterwards.

He changed the night that he sees her during the week from Tuesday to Thursday.  He wants to pick her up from my home for dinner and bring her back to my home afterwards. So far he has kept his last two Thursday night commitments.

He called her on her cell phone on Monday night.  She looked at her phone and said, “Why is daddy calling me?” She wasn’t going to answer but I told her that she should see why he is calling her.  He never calls so I was concerned that something was wrong.  He called to tell her that he was watching the hockey game and her friend was singing the national anthem.

So here we are at the ‘every-other-weekend’ again.  He told her that he would pick her up at 8:00 p.m. and that he wanted her to sleep over. Again, I said, “Why?”  She didn’t know.

I just got a text from her just now that school is done saying that she isn’t feeling well. Not sure if this is related to her sleeping at her dad’s place or not.  We’ll see what happens.  I told her that she had to text her dad then to say that she wasn’t feeling well and that he could pick her up earlier.  I told her that I wouldn’t be home until 7:00 p.m. Her response, “I’ll just go to dance then.”

I told her that if she couldn’t dance after attempting because she still felt sick then to make sure that she texted her dad to let him know.  I told her that I would come and get her at 7 if she could hold out until then.


My New Residence

I am comfortable in my new place.

I am renting out an upstairs suite in a house. My suite consists of 3 large, bright rooms, a large bathroom and a brand new kitchen. There is plush carpet throughout. It has a large back deck which is half covered and half open. It is situated on a treed lot providing lots of shade. I let my dog out in the backyard on a chain as the yard is not completely fenced or separated from my landlord’s area. He is becoming more comfortable with that routine. There is more of a need to walk him daily though which is also good for me.

My bedroom is at the front of the house. I have my queen size bed with a night stand on both sides of the bed on one wall. I have my parent’s cedar chest at the foot of my bed. I have a stand up chest dresser with a t.v. on it and a longer dresser with a mirror on the other wall. I have 2 chairs and a table in my front window. I have a double closet and against the same wall as the closet stands my tall jewel box. My dog’s bed is beside my bed.

The hallway is open and is able to hold a wardrobe outside my bedroom door across from the spacious linen closet. My china cabinet also fits in the hallway as it is wide and one spot has almost a little foyer area.

The bathroom has a very long countertop with only one sink but has plenty of drawer space for both me and my daughter, good lighting and a large mirror. It is clean, updated and has a large window and laminate flooring. The tub/shower is very long and has a shower curtain so we no longer have to battle to clean shower doors.

Beside the bathroom is our family room. It is very large. The closet holds the stacked washer and dryer on one side. On the other side I have put 2 cat litter boxes. I can still use the rest of the closet to hold cleaning supplies and other storage items. The family room holds my couch, love seat and chair; big screen t.v.; computer desk and computer; book shelf and drawer combination cabinet; the china cabinet that was in my dining room at my previous house and a large jam cupboard where we stored games previously. It has my coffee table and a couple of end tables.

My daughter has the biggest bedroom she has ever had. She has her double bed in it against one wall and her nightstand. Against the other wall is a long dresser and mirror that was in her sister’s room as well as the matching chest dresser to the set that she did have in her bedroom before our move. I brought her sister’s single bed with us so when she comes back from university she has a place to sleep when she visits.

I never lock the door except for when my daughter is in the house and we are going to bed. If my daughter isn’t home I sleep with the door unlocked and just pull the screen across to keep out the bugs and let in the breeze. I sleep very soundly and peacefully.

It is a great neighbourhood consisting of 2 courts. They have a General Neighbourhood Meeting Association and I have already been invited to their summer street BBQ in August. I have a previous relationship with 3 families on the street and have met several other neighbours. I’ve been to dinner at my one neighbours house already and my daughter is looking after their cats this week while they are on holiday. My landlady regularly invites me for coffee. Everyone has been so friendly and welcoming. I recognized the woman who lives on the other side of my house and she said the same to me. We couldn’t figure it out until both of our daughters told us separately that they used to dance together. My daughter goes to school with several of the children on the street and will ride the school bus with them in September.

Still unpacking, but it is the summer and as much as I want to get organized, I spend everyday doing something for me, something for my daughter, and something for someone else.


Bad Girls–Who Do you mistrust the most?

In Season 2 of the televisions series, The Good Wife, episode 8, entitled Bad Girls, there is an interesting line from character, Eli Gold.  He is working as Peter Florrick’s campaign manager when he is approached by rival campaigner, Wendy Scott Carr.  She wants him to be her campaign manager.

His response:  “You know the person I mistrust the most?  The one I steal from someone else.”


The F**k’n Freak

By fluke, I discovered that Janice was in a committed relationship with a common-law spouse of 12 years when she entered into an affair with my husband.

I called the first Andrews in the phone book when I wasn’t able to get in touch with my husband the night after we talked about reuniting.

When her spouse answered the phone I asked for Janice. He said she wasn’t there. I confirmed it was the same Janice Andrews and when her spouse asked who I was I told him I was the wife of the man having an affair with his wife.

He was shocked and asked to meet with me. He told me there was a Starbucks close to where he lived. I said that I knew that because our spouses were meeting there before coming home to us. I said it was too far for me to go with my children at home. He said he would come to my place and I said, “No.” We agreed to meet at a Starbucks closer to me.

We met at 9:20 p.m. and didn’t have long together because Starbucks closed at 10:00 p.m. I showed him photos and the texts between our spouses. By this point, they had been having the affair for 6 months and I had known for 3. He said he asked his wife if she was having an affair but she denied it.

Shortly after I arrived home from Starbucks, my ex contacted me, seeing that I had been trying to reach him earlier. I told him why I was calling and then asked him if Janice was married. He said, “No.” My older daughter had asked him the same thing when she first talked to her dad after discovering the affair. I asked if she lived with someone. He said, “No.” I reminded him that I had read their texts and he mentioned her “roommate” in one of the texts saying they would have to get together again at her place when her roommate was away again. He said there was no roommate and he would know because he had been to her place. I asked him if he thought that common-law meant a committed relationship because we had lived together common-law before marrying. He asked, “What type of psychological bullshit are you trying to pull?” I told him I talked to Janice’s spouse so he could stop lying. His response, “Bullshit.”

The next night he came to pick up the kids to take them for dinner. He had them wait in his truck and said he wanted to talk to me. I was outside saying good-bye to the girls. I said he could talk to me after as the girls were in the truck waiting. He wanted to know when I talked to Janice’s husband. I said it didn’t matter. He said it had to be recently. I said it didn’t matter. He then told me he was a fuck’n freak and I didn’t know what I had done by disclosing the affair to him. He told me that he had serious mental health issues and if he committed suicide his blood would be on my hands.

One of our girls opened the door to get out of the truck and my ex yelled at them to get back in. I suggested he leave to take the girls to dinner but he wanted to still fight. I remarked that I found it interesting he was so concerned about Janice’s spouse’s well-being now and how convenient for him to want to blame me if he took his own life. I told him that if both he and Janice knew he was fragile then that made their adultery and dishonesty even more unconscionable.

I walked in my house and locked the door.

I never spoke to Janice’s spouse again but I sometimes wonder how he is doing and hope that he realized quickly she was nothing to want to keep and that his mental health issues, if he ever had any, resolved when their relationship ended.


Well, I sent her a text… Here it is… I’ll let u know if she responds

I wonder if the “other woman”, “affair partner” or “whore” as Betrayedin2012 refers to her, has any sense of who she really is and what people think of her. My ex would just say we are all sad, pathetic , angry and bitter and need to move as he has told me several times. I guess that is how people who cause such wide-spread destruction cope. They close their eyes, (in the case of the other woman they open their legs), they blame us for our feelings and I think they actually think we are the ones who are the losers.

betrayedin2012's Blog

sooooo… i never actually got to call u a whore back then so here ya go…You’re a fucking whore.. Only a whore would be okay with secret phone calls and booty calls.. Remember that when u wear ur jersey to work and sport it around proudly! Cause we both know u had to fuck a married man for it. when u see gina playing with her tablet make sure she takes care of it cause mommy had to suck a lot of dick to get it.. guess you didnt love him toooo much tho huh.. cause the second the wife found out u were gone.. hahaha just like a hoe.. there for the sex and free shit but not when shit gets real.. I hope you find someone pathetic enough to love you because I want nothing more than another whore like you to fuck your man.. Fuck you for…

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