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Hmmm, why the sudden interest in our daughter?

I have long since given up expecting my ex to take our youngest daughter every other weekend. He has cancelled on her for the entire weekend on so many occasions. He took her one time and fed her dinner and then just went out to a party. He left her alone at his place without any phone contact.  She was terrified. After that she refused to ever stay at his place overnight again.  For weekend day visits, he would say he is picking her up at one time and wouldn’t show up for as much as 4 hours later.  He even failed to pick her up at the dance studio. It was the last class of the night and he left me scrambling to get a ride home for her with another parent until I could get there.

So you can imagine my surprise when he told her that he was going to pick her up from dance two weekends ago at 8:00 p.m. I asked another dad to just have an eye on her when he picked up his daughter to make sure that my daughter did get picked up.  My ex showed up and took her to dinner before dropping her off at home.

When she arrived home she told me that she was going with her dad the next day, Saturday. He was picking her up at noon. I was shocked and didn’t want to sound incredulous to her but I said, “Why?”  She said that she didn’t know why. He picked her up and kept her for dinner before bringing her home.  Then he picked her up Sunday for lunch and dropped her off at home afterwards.

He changed the night that he sees her during the week from Tuesday to Thursday.  He wants to pick her up from my home for dinner and bring her back to my home afterwards. So far he has kept his last two Thursday night commitments.

He called her on her cell phone on Monday night.  She looked at her phone and said, “Why is daddy calling me?” She wasn’t going to answer but I told her that she should see why he is calling her.  He never calls so I was concerned that something was wrong.  He called to tell her that he was watching the hockey game and her friend was singing the national anthem.

So here we are at the ‘every-other-weekend’ again.  He told her that he would pick her up at 8:00 p.m. and that he wanted her to sleep over. Again, I said, “Why?”  She didn’t know.

I just got a text from her just now that school is done saying that she isn’t feeling well. Not sure if this is related to her sleeping at her dad’s place or not.  We’ll see what happens.  I told her that she had to text her dad then to say that she wasn’t feeling well and that he could pick her up earlier.  I told her that I wouldn’t be home until 7:00 p.m. Her response, “I’ll just go to dance then.”

I told her that if she couldn’t dance after attempting because she still felt sick then to make sure that she texted her dad to let him know.  I told her that I would come and get her at 7 if she could hold out until then.

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29 thoughts on “Hmmm, why the sudden interest in our daughter?

  1. TwoWrongsDontMakeARight says:

    Seriously.
    So is he a bad dad or a good dad? Which one is it today?
    You are really going to bring up behaviour from a year or two ago? Should you?

    You are a sad, sick woman.

    I’m finished on here.
    You’ll never admit you’re responsibility.
    You’ll continue on this stupid fucking blog for the rest of your existence.

    Jesus, your too much. Zero integrity, zero responsibility for your part.
    Partial truths and dirty lies.
    Your followers drink the kool aid.

    Reap what you sow Blogger…
    This whole debacle is sickening.
    You make a mockery of the divorce process, and give women and mothers a bad name.

    “Get him at whatever cost” right?
    Guess you’ll see how that works out for you at the end of the day.

    Write what you will. Believe your own bullshit. No need to respond in one of your personalities. It won’t ever be read again. I’ve wasted enough time.

    I’ll pray for you, but you won’t submit to the will of the Lord anyways.
    What would Jesus do Blogger?
    Even your faith has gone.

    • I thought you had moved along? Had you not said before you would not be spending your time on her blog?
      I just find it interesting how you all spend your time & energy on this blog. Surely you have better things to do than trying to persuade or insult her how to change or live her life. It is her blog after all so she can write what she wants and you nor her ex and his gf will change that. If you don’t like what she writes, pretty simple follow what you had said previous posts back. “It won’t ever be read again. “

  2. Lan says:

    Abandonned: Your fuckwit ex is spending too much time on the internet spamming the bejesus out of your blog and trying to control the narrative to take care of his daughter. It just shows his true colours. I wouldn’t be worried though – show your daughter who the stable one is in life (yourself, so the clowns don’t wrongly assume, btw!), and who she can rely on.

  3. Let go says:

    He may be concerned that the nastiness spewing at you on this blog could get back to his boss, his business acquaintances, your lawyer or the court. All of a sudden he is playing nice. If he is using your daughter for this he should be ashamed. That is a selfish, monstrous thing to do to a child. I hope he has just realized that she will soon be grown with bad memories of him and is being a good dad because it is the right thing to do.

  4. Don’t worry about it, Robyn. My ex has had his days of being super hero Daddy, to being Captain Jerk-wad. It just sucks because kids are so trusting and they believe that their parents will keep their promises. And when we don’t come through on promises, it’s heartbreaking for them. Your job is to not worry about it, if you can help it. Just let him see the kid(s) and leave everything else in God’s hands.

    • Salem says:

      I agree with Phoenix. It’s heartbreaking to watch your kids wait for their Dad to pick them up and he’s a no show or worse yet, they pick them up and drop them off on someone else to watch! Leaving them totally alone, depending on the age, is scary and disappointing for a child. Kids are smart though and they soon decide for themselves if they really want to go with their Dad or not. Just let it play out. It’s entirely up to the non-custodial parent to develope the relationship and their efforts will determine how the child feels about them. Good news is that it’s not forever, they soon come to adulthood and are on their own.

  5. TheClip says:

    Thank God TwoWrongs hit the bricks! Now if Happy and Sluty can follow suit… We can get down to some real talk.
    Kids figure outbreal quick who the sane parent is and whom they can trust. dont believe her dad has a ‘sudden interest’ In spending time with her. I think like most self centered people they assume that everyone wants to spend time with them. I dont doubt that your child loves her father but its a different love now. She will never trust him again. Everything that comes out of his mouth now will be scrutinized by her and weighed. She young but she aint stupid. She has witnessed the disgard of her mother and family and her Dad seamlessly replaced you. What she learned is when people dont make you happy you replace them. She will struggle with that for the rest of her life. And hopefully will not fall victim to some man who manipulates her into thinking she is responsible for his happiness. Cause thats what her dad taught her. He was unhappy… and he blamed everyone and everything that was important to her for his unhappiness. And by the sounds of his rantings on this blog… He remains unhappy and unfulfilled in his new relationship. So your daughter will be further confused. One day she will get that it wasnt herand it wasnt her mom… It was her dad who was unhappy but couldnt own that and instead made excuses for his unhappiness. My guess is she has even heard him say’ we were so unhappy’ trying to also implicate mom so he would not have to be honest with himself. He will blameshift . Your daughters memories will forever be stained. In her mind there was happiness and love… She saw it and felt it… And yet her dad wants to rewrite her history by implying ‘ it was all unhappy and we fell outa love’ Dad, being bright as a BBQ brush forgets his child can form her own thoughts on his behavior. She need no influence from her mother. She can see that her Dad has his own version of the truth. And a whole other set of rules that only apply to him and Sluty.
    There is light at the end of the tunnel. Your child will soon be able to get her self from point a- b and will initiate contact with her father when she wants. You are not resonsible for your daughter and her dads relationship. All u have to do is support it. Your daughter will work it out on her own whatever relationship she continues to have with her dad will be her decision. Just give her the language and support she needs to make informed decisions and develop solid boundaries. Emulate those qualities…. And she will be fine.

    • Salem says:

      The Clip,love your response. Sad as it is, you have hit the nail on the head! It’s a shame, but cheaters believe their actions don’t hurt the kids which is simply untrue! The poor kids carry a large burden because of a cheaters actions. I have a Grandchild who is stuck in this type of mess. He is now in his teens and simply refuses to go to his Dad’s house anymore. Dad replaced Mom TWICE and each time he has to adjust to Daddy’s flavor of the season. The present “Mrs.” Has three bratty kids and treats my grandson like an unpaid slave cleaning her kids rooms, yardwork, etc! While her kids do nothing! Of course, his Dad is NEVER home and so “visitation” is just a joke! He finally told his Dad to just drop by alone and take him to lunch or dinner. Subsequently he rarely sees his Dad cause his Dad wants him to accept his present “Mrs” and bratty kids! My grandson just can’t stand being around them so he just stays home with his Mom and pals around with his friends on weekends. I love these cheaters who take the stance, love me and my affair partner! It’s just sick!

      • Lania says:

        Because its all about controlling the narrative, you see. “Can’t have me, you have to have the slut too! Or else!” Its all about narrative-burning. It always is, with these twits.
        Thank fuck that Abandonned sees this.

    • Salem says:

      I also would suggest that from now on we just don’t feed the trolls! They offer nothing to our blogger or others who respond and actually want to offer good advice!

      • Lania says:

        Sounds like a great idea. They just bark like dogs anyway and spew nonsense.
        Will piss them off more that they are being ignored, too! Much like that twit above throwing around threats to leave, then coming back because someone put a dent in their widdle ego. 😀

  6. TheClip says:

    Its sad that Dad reads the dialogue here and just like one of those Larson cartoon hears’ Blah Blah Blah daughter. Blah Blah Blah divorce. Blah Blah Blah Dad. He can only focus on the key words… Or words that mean something to him. Yup. This phenom is true for Narcs. They will zero in on the word and bend it to suit themselves and then tell u thats what u said. Tha is why it very important to go no contact with these diseases. Does not matter what u say, how u say it or why its said they spin it.
    Have a third party site handle all exchanges of information that pertains to the children and make sure it logs the messaging. Have it included in yr settlement. Include also that exchanges occur at a third party site… Never at eachothers home. A little inconvenient but does do wonders to decrease the animosity. Distant. Limit dialogue to the kids. Text or email via third party.
    It may take a bit for yr kids, your young one in particular, to get accustom to the silent exchanges in a neutral area… But it will do wonders for the kids mental health( and yr own) not having to witness the two people they love most in the world spit venom at eachother. Do it for yr kids.

    • Salem says:

      I have to second that solution The Clip! There is nothing more embarrassing than having your Ex screaming at the top of his lungs and acting an ass on your front porch while your neighbors watch! And then the poor kid has to slink out the door and get in a vehicle with an angry Ex! If you can get an arrangement for drop off and pick up in a neutral location with a lot of people around it will hopefully keep things civil and safe. It doesn’t always guarantee things will go smoothly, but most times it helps.

  7. Lania says:

    TheClip – its also because narcs aren’t very bright. They have an attention span of 0.1 seconds if its not about them and kibbles for them – and that’s being generous.
    Though, its hilarious when you engage in telling the truth and then they spin it to say you’re lying, or will call you ”angry” and ”bitter” for saying as such. With the same reasoning – they think the sky is green and will go batshit crazy trying to convince others that it is indeed green.

  8. TheClip says:

    Or they will tell u its yr fault that u cant see that the sky is green! They will do anything to make you believe its a defect in you. They planet a seed of doubt and feed that seed with shame. Eventually you start to wonder ‘ is it me? Is the sky really green? ‘ and you become afraid or ashamed to ask. They keep feeding that seed and you dont know what to believe anymore. You think yr losing yr marbles. Its a sick game that they play. And they are good at it.

    Twisted fucks.

    • Lania says:

      Another game that mentally deranged OW are good at: sucking a watermelon through a hose. Except they are stupid enough to not get paid for it, like a prostitute would!

  9. TheClip says:

    Hmmmm…. Not certain about any OW ‘s ‘ sexpertise’ of a dyson vacuum. If you mean that they are more available than the wife? Dont necessarily agree. I think a lot of spouses who cheat tell the OW or OM their their spouse has the sex drive of an old shoe… They plant the see in the ( lets use OW since its pertains to this blog) OW so the she can now out perform the wife… He creates this false competition in the OW( remember… Wife doesnt know he is dicking around) So the OW thinks she got this guy on the hook by waving her magic vagina around. Lets not forget the am lunch and before dinner BJs. The woman is a sperm bank.
    When the OW bites ( figuratively) thenCheater knows he has her on the hook. She will now believe just about anything Cheater says about his wife. Not excusing the OW here. She has been manipulated in a whole different way. The Cheaters pick these individuals based on how maliable they are. The minute the OW believes the first lie or embellishment or shows the Cheater sympathy from said neglect of the wife…. The Cheaters knows he has Influenece and power over the OW. Then the grooming starts.
    OW now believes she has the magic. She is flawed in her own way. She is receptive to the power she now ‘seems ‘ to hold. The false power that she has been groomed for. Its a strange game. OW likes to think she ‘ knows ‘ every secret and works really hard cure of her poor neglected Cheater.
    What the other woman doesnt realize… Until it happens to her….. She is just as disposable as the wife. It happens again and again and again.
    The OW is at much at fault as the cheater… Most grown women with any shred of integrity would tell some married guy to fuck off and/or ‘ why dont u end with yr wife first before’ Women with integrity dont have to make excuses for their men. They dont cove up and they dont settle for a person who lives in two lives cause they dont have the balls to end it like a grown up and give their spouse the dignity of being able to make choices about their future that would be otherwise forced and manipulated with cheating. A woman of integrity walks away from those types of clusters. They OW is damaged goods and settles for damaged goods. She is happy to wait in the shadows to have her Cheater finally validate her. A damaged person blames the wife for now standing in the way of her happiness. She will target the wife as all problems in her relationship with Cheater.
    Cheater sits back and watches as the women fight it out… He is getting strokes from both sides. Feeling pretty special. He needs the constant affirmation. The OW will eventually figure that out.
    The best thing u can do for the OW is let her have him.

  10. Salem says:

    Has anyone noticed that since “daddy dearest” is with his daughter that all the troll comments (save one quick snipe) are conspicuously absent? Not that we miss them, but just an observation. It’s hard to act like Father of the Year in front of your daughter trashing her Mom I suppose! For what it’s worth folks.

    • Sally says:

      Theclip, Salem & Lan/Lania….you’re all the same person so I’ll address the one of you together. The reason the sane are not posting is because we have a life and enjoy getting outside and doing what real people do. Live life and not waste weekends sitting on the computer writing on every blog talking about the ex’s and OW’s. No wonder you all got dumped. You’re a very dim witted individual who needs to get a life.

  11. Alex says:

    Ok. So props to author, you seem utterly flummoxed, but you actually didn’t scam on STBX behaviour… You’re worried your kid will get used to it and it will blow up in all your faces. It’s fair to be wary. But this was so so so positive. Everyone is being chill, kids are getting attention, mom gets a break, dad sees his kid, winning. Way to go at a wonderful “we can all be grown ups” post. So much healthy. Play nice. Be clear. Ignore the haters on here. This is what well adjusted kids are made of (synonym: winning) . Congratulations.

  12. cris says:

    Girl, keep writing this journal. Let it stand as a testament to the truth. Dont be discouraged. Of course he doesnt like it. He wants to control the narrative, making everything your fault. Typical cheater behavior. Keep your head up. He cheated, you didnt. You are a great mother! He is not a good father. He should be ashamed, but probably isnt.

  13. Dori1983 says:

    Seriously, he is the type of father who prioritizes whats FUN and enjoyable for himself over whats best for his children. Going to a party=fun. Staying home from party and spending time with daughter instead=not fun. Going out to dinner?Fun! Fulfilling promise to pick up daughter from dance? A buzzkill. Face it. He is too self absorbed to be any kind of father.

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