My daughter ended up spending Friday night, after her dance classes, with her dad. I texted her at 6:45 p.m. to see if she needed me to pick her up as she had reported being too ill to go to his place. I knew she was able to be in her dance class when she didn’t respond.
In the meantime, I was invited on a dinner date. I figured that if my daughter managed to participate in her dance classes from 3:30 – 7:45 p.m. that she was going to go to her dad’s place after all. I suspected that it was anxiety about spending the night at her dad’s. If I had picked her up after school she would have sacrificed going to dance just to avoid her dad’s place. When I put the onus back on her to let her dad know she was cancelling because she was sick and when I wasn’t able to pick her up earlier she chose to just go to dance. She could have taken the school bus that goes to our home instead of the dance studio if she was really ill.
So regarding my dinner date, there is always the history with my ex in the back of mind. What if she texted her dad saying she was sick and that I was going to pick her up earlier so she could go home instead? What if she told him she was sick and couldn’t go to his house but still needed a ride home and he told her he wouldn’t drive to the dance studio just to pick her up if she wouldn’t go back to his place? What if he received a better invitation? I wanted to see my friend, as it had been a long time since we spent any time together, so I told him my predicament and that the best I could do was fast food in case I needed to leave quickly.
My daughter texted me at 7:45 p.m. to say that she was going to go with her dad. Her symptoms were much improved because the Bove wasn’t present. She texted that she would rather be home but that it was only one night. Why only one night, I wondered? If her dad was making a change to make his child a priority wouldn’t he want to spend the whole weekend with her? Or did she set up her own plans to avoid that?
Her dad dropped her off at noon the next day back to my place. She revealed that he was on his way up to Parksville (1 1/2 hours away) for a party and was staying at the Beach Club Resort overnight. Of course he was. I knew it was impossible for him to actually manage to spend an entire weekend with his daughter. (I reported he did spend 2 Saturday nights ago with her but forgot he actually dropped her at a birthday party at 4 and didn’t see her again until noon the next day). This was “his” weekend and yet to him that means playing the dad role only if time permits in between what he really wants to do instead.
Our daughter knows that. She has lived this for more than 2 1/2 years now. It will never change. She will never be a priority in his life, ever. If he keeps his next commitment, he will see her again in 4 nights, Thursday, for 2 hours. So over a 96 hour period he will see her for 2 hours max. Then, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he will see her again in 7 days on the next Thursday for dinner, that will be a 168-hour period in which he sees her for 2 hours. The math doesn’t lie. That is a failing percentage. He is failing his daughter. He is failing as a father. Quantity time matters. If he throws the Bove into the equation that subtracts from time with his daughter. The Bove is equivalent to a big zero and my daughter is left with nothing.
He did come back Sunday night and pick up our daughter to take her to his place for dinner. Afterwards, he took her to the beach to see the lunar eclipse. Sadly, for my daughter, the Bove crashed her time with her dad and once again my ex managed to turn time with his daughter into a big negative.
scornedwifeblog 
Your math hours have him as a 2-10% dad.
Robyn was a 0 percent mother to her other daughter.
Robyn, you are such a bitch! We all know that he has done shitty things, there is no mistaking that, but to openly lie about your daughter’s feelings and intentions? That’s just wrong on so many levels. How can you even look at yourself in the mirror? You know she loves her father, and wants to spend time with him. She is so stuck in the middle of this, and you are enabling that as much as you can. It’s so sad. You may be with her more hours, but should you be? Do you want him to ask for full legal custody? I think we all know what the outcome of that would be. Be careful what you wish for.
Why would I lie about my daughter’s feelings and intentions? You obviously don’t know my child and haven’t had privy to what she has personally experienced because of her father’s actions. Go back and read my blog over the past 2 1/2 years. I am not making this stuff up just because my ex and the other woman now have access. I do have custody of my children because my ex didn’t want it. Even if my ex believed I was the worst parent and worst influence in their lives, he wouldn’t go after custody. He cares only for his own interest. He walked away from his family, not me, his family, and every responsibility that went with that. Yes, my daughter loves her father. Yes she wants to spend time with him. That is the point. She wants, needs and deserves a father to love her back. She doesn’t need to be made to feel that she is just intruding on a date that he already had with the other woman. A woman who doesn’t even talk to her and when my other daughter is present talks only to her instead. The other woman makes her feel like shit. She buys gifts for my older daughter and not my younger daughter. She knows that her dad took the other woman away to Parksville when it was his weekend to be with her. She told me after he dropped her off at home that her best friend’s dad (who cheated on her mom) just left for Mexico with his other woman for her birthday gift. It stings her best friend. It stings her. She puts all of this information together and shares it with me. I am the parent that she can be open and honest with about her feelings. I am the one who has to pick up the pieces and clean up his mess and come up with the finances to cover things that he refuses like his current denial of paying $175 for choreography fees so she can compete at Provincials. She knows he won’t pay because we have to talk about how much she wants to do this and what she can do to help make money so she can have a solo. She already gave up her Musical Theatre class and a Musical Theatre trio to save us money so she can do what she really wants. Why is it that my child sacrifices and her dad doesn’t? I help her work through those feelings. I am the one who sees and lives with her and is aware how everything is affecting her life. She wants time with her dad. She shouldn’t have to make up excuses to not see him or be afraid that the other woman is going to be there if he does decide to see her. I don’t see you arguing that her dad loves her. I would love to hear you pointing out to me that he did this for my daughter, that for my daughter, took her here, took here there, sacrificed this even or that event, gave up this or that for her, but you can’t because it isn’t true. Maybe if all the Dave supporters start to look at his life and if they really do claim they only have my children’s interest at heart, they can save their advice for him instead of me on my blog. When it comes to my children I can be a bitch. When it comes to someone hurting my child, crushing their feelings, damaging their life, not providing for their needs as per their legal commitments and moral obligation as a loving parent this bitch is going to bite!
Together Abandoned, please don’t feed the trolls! It wouldn’t matter to them what the TRUTH is! It’s something they have never experienced. Even if you had a video of what happened, you know darn well they would deny anything that they did! Acknowledging them just feeds the beasts! They love drama and chaos. Let them live in that world. They add absolutely zero to the discussions on your blog. Ignore them!
You talk about $175 for a fee and yet don’t tell the crowd the ex pays $4500 a year for her to dance. You say she gave up two classes, but you don’t tell those itching ears that she picked up two individual classes and is dancing as many times as she did the year before (9) classes. Oh she is so hard done by!! What are you paying for or doing to assist her. All you are ever doing is out with a married man named Steve. Every time she is dropped off at home guess who isn’t there? Mommy dearest. You continue to misrepresent the facts. Go ahead it’s only you listening with your multiple personalities.
Oh and Abandonned you forgot to mention to yourself (Lan/Lania & Salem) and the other one who can’t move on with her life, Laura (I still can’t do it), that your daughter had a planned sleep over with her friend for Saturday evening so she wasn’t going to be spending time with the ex and the ow anyways? I know you post these ridiculous lies to make the ex seem like a derelict father, and you the most wonderful mother of the year. Does this really make you feel good to sit at home all evening manufacturing something that isn’t true, so then your little lynch mob of Lan/Lana & Salem can then make their infantile comments in support of you?
Why not try taking the road less travelled and be positive and happy about the good things in your life?
How all of you sit around and focus on the negative for years on end is truly amazing to me. Clearly you all have issues and should seek some positive reinforcement for your life rather than constantly dwelling on the negative.
What a shitty way to lead your lives.
i dont know the particulars of yr settlement or child custody agreement but I would encourage you to rethink a few things. You have been going thru this routine for 21/2 years you say ? And he hasnt changed. Newsflash… He will never change and the OW will be a priortity. Your child has figured out where she is on the list. That is her reality now. Only he can change that. Not you . Not yr daughter. When and if the OW leaves … There will be another.
There are plenty and I will tell u , plenty of parents who would die to be in yr shoes. To have primary custody of their kid. Many are going broke with lawyer fees and petitions just to spend that type of quality time with their kids… Their exs vindictively insisting for shared 50/50 custody to avoid child support … Not because its in the best interest in the child.
Not sure about the age of yr kid … But this whole thing is finite. There will be a day when she gets her self from point to point be without either one of you. She will form her own opinions. She will decided when and where she wants to share her time. daddy dearest keeps blowing her off… She will see him less.
No amount of bitching will change what he has done or create a better relationship. He wants to include the OW… Oh well. Your kid eats a shit sandwhich.
The only thing you can control is u. And u have this wonderful opportunity to have all this time with yr child… She wont be little for long. So u may have to shelf yr extra circular activities for a few more years to make up for the gaps that her dad has left. Thats yr job now. No one is gonna give you a badge for it… Or an award. What u will get is a thousand times better… Your kid will know that u where there for her.
So who gives a fuck what asshole dad is doing. If he is snorting cocaine off his girlfriends ass … Or living it up at the country club… U got no say. And the twitter images and all that crap… Let it go. Yup. Let it go. U can only control u. If u constantly point out what andick he is or continue to compete for the better parent award u are only cheating yrself andnyr kid out of some valuable time. You cant make it up to her either. Just be there. Her childhood is going by at light speed. You will turn the corner and she will be gone. Make the most of what u have with her now. The less you give a shit about dear ole dada … The less it will impact yr life. Cause the hard reality is… Unless he is locking her in a closet… There is nothing u can do. Yr daughter starts telling you dad said this dad did that… You need to learn a new response’ thats too bad’ and leave it at that. All u can do is control u.
Be there for her. She will be gone too soon.
Mostly good advice, but I did not hear her complain or compare, just get it off her chest. What I have learned to say when my ex forgets them, or is too busy to see them during times like now (football season), is oh I’m sorry to hear that, my therapist said its a nice response to a bad situation & acknowledges their pain.
I agree completely. I love the time I get with my daughter and I don’t consider that I am sacrificing anything by choosing to be the primary parent. I chose to be a parent. I didn’t choose to leave my kids to screw around and enjoy a single lifestyle. Only because my ex and the other woman are now reading my blog I am making a point to them that they can say all they want about my daughter wanting to spend time with the 2 of them but I will print the truth. Maybe if they see the facts in writing it will help them to change how they treat my child. The more people in my daughter’s life who love her unconditionally, the better. I want my daughter to have a relationship with her dad. I want her dad to love her and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. He is the one missing out. My daughter is the one that gets hurt.
Robyn, you could include video evidence of the way that you are saying that they treat your child and it won’t make a dent in changing their ways. If they feel they are right, they will continue to do what they do. Point, blank, PERIOD. I know this all too well, unfortunately. The bad part is that the child(ren) are the ones that get hurt in the middle of adult mess, but the blessing is that you are there for those comforting moments. That’s what counts. It took me a long time to be able to let go and just watch what my ex did or didn’t do. And even though it broke my kids hearts, I couldn’t do anything about it. People just seem to get disgusting when they wanna and sweet as sugar when they’re ready too. YOU treat her the way she deserves to be treated, and she will be just fine, I promise. Stay strong, lady. And keep yourself prayed up!
TogetherAbandoned, these types of people don’t deal in facts, reality or the truth! It isn’t the narrative they want people to believe! And you may want your kids to have a great relationship with your Ex,but that is up to your daughter and your Ex to nurture. Your daughter is smart and she will clearly see where her dads interests really lie and what and who is a priority in his life. They really dislike having to share what they consider their special time with a parent who has to involve his “crew” in the visitation. Kids want one on one time usually and they don’t want to jockey for position and attention, but most Ex’s fail at this. Given time your daughter will just get sick of him and his “buddies” and will spend time with the people she knows really value her. Not just as a “prop” to make him look like a great dad or an occasion to argue over! Give it time! It usually backfires on these Narcs and their Narc buddies! They really don’t care about her specifically anyways, she’s just a pawn that they must “win”! They always feel they must win! Sad, but just a fact!
TogetherAbandoned, you are “hoping it will change how they treat her”, nope! It won’t. You cannot change these types of people. You have read all the snark and vile things they have said on this blog, don’t you realize that this is who they REALLY are! They serve shit sandwiches and expect people to eat them! Don’t kid yourself, you are never going to change them! They don’t even want to change! They like what they are. They think they are sparkly and smart and enlightened! They are going to buck the entire system and change the world! Let them waste their lives, but don’t waste your time on a fool’s folly! Where I am living any “child support” and legal agreements NEVER go away even when the children age out at 18. The arrearage appears on the Ex’s credit report and ruins their credit if they don’t pay. I also know of two cases where the child reached 18 and took the deadbeat parent to court for the unpaid child support, etc. in both cases the child (now adult) won and the amount owed had to be paid in a lump sum! I don’t know if this is applicable in your case or where you live, but it’s something to think about anyways! Just enjoy these years you have with your daughter. Let the trolls do what they want because the price of admission to their circus has to be paid sooner or later!
Robyn dearest, you’re a lying sack of shit. Why don’t you talk about your other daughter, the one who lived with the ex for the last year. The one you kicked out of the house and refused to have anything to do with. The one who’s graduation you didn’t attend. The one who’s Christmas presents you returned to the store. The one who’s birthday you ignored. The one you spent 0, nil, zilch, nada time with for a year? Remember that one? Funny how you distort the facts to try and make yourself look like Mom of the year. Everyone around you, friends, family know your truth. Keep telling your lies on here, but the only ones listening and supporting are the people who don’t really know you. All they know is your manufactured tale of woe. I truly do not know how you can look yourself in the mirror with the lies you tell, all for your own personal gain. We’ll see if that keeps you warm at night.
Sorry, we don’t feed trolls here!
Sorry no one gives a fuck what you think
Why don’t you talk about our daughter? Because you don’t know the facts and the ones you do know you are distorting to try and make yourself look like a better parent than you are. If you really thought she was reading this you wouldn’t dare disclose everything that really happened to her during that year. Go back and read my posts that are the facts of how you handled her crisis year. I reported as they happened during my experience of them leaving out excruciatingly painful but very private details to protect her. I am not reporting on them a year later with only a handful of details that you want to remember to try and make me look bad. Parenting is hard. Tough love is harder. If you had privy to her doctor consults and gut-wrenching conversations you might be able to take responsibility for why she acted and coped the way she did instead of trying to blame me yet again for a child’s response to anger against her dad.
She seems to have turned out pretty well after a year of being away from someone who clearly didn’t give a shit about her. Keep blogging away to make yourself feel better as a human. But everyone knows the true Robyn and all she is about is herself.
Again, do NOT even attempt to talk common sense and fact to trolls! Your time and energy is wasted! They come back to “feed” again and again! They offer nothing to the conversation but snark and insult! Let them starve!
Remember TogetherAbandoned, YOU will always be your girls one and only Mother! There is NO replacement!! YOU carried them for nine months, YOU gave birth to them, YOU gave them their feedings in the middle of the night, YOU changed their diapers and bathed them, YOU made sure they went to school and made good grades so they could graduate and get into college, YOU taught them right from wrong and how to play fair! YOU were there through all the childhood illnesses caring for them, YOU kissed their boo boos and told them everything would be okay! No one can take that from YOU and your daughters are who they are now because of YOU and the great amount of love and nurturing you provided! What most of this revolves around is the fact that most of these part time daddies don’t want to pay support! And then the OW wants to impress the Asshat and show him how great a “mom” they would be! In most cases these women never had kids! Just know there is no competition! If there were, you “won” a long, long time ago! Long before some low life came on the scene! And your Ex doesn’t care really, he just wants to keep his money! Give not two cents on their criticism! Everyone who reads the gibberish they post already knows the games they play! They lost the minute they crawled into bed together!
Remember as the saying goes,
“I am not a Father because of what I DID, I am a Father because of what I DO!”
Bonbon,
I imagine it must be very difficult for you knowing that the OW and your ex are very happy together, that the dad has a better relationship with the daughters than you do, that even when you begged the older daughter to move back in with you so that you could get child support funds that she rejected you outright. She prefers to be with her father over you. She loves the OW and tells her so, she asked that the OW attend her graduation and to help her out in the days prior because her mother rejected her. Of course it’s possible the younger daughter may make comments to the mother to try to protect her (she does know she’s crazy and bitter afterall), in reality she and the OW get along great. Family and friends who have seen them together have remarked on this fact, it is clearly evident to everyone who is in their presence together. Think and say what you want, but it is not true, and by encouraging your daughter to not be honest with you, YOU are only hurting her.
If it is about your daughter’s well being,then why not have full custody? You say her mother is wacko, and your daughter gets along well with your …. OW as you refer to her as, then what is stopping you in asking for full custody?
Just wondering.
KcRambles, he’s too busy quoting Rumi to get his head out of the …..ummmm clouds! Don’t even bother trying! His goal is NOT to be a good dad, but i suspect more of an effort to avoid paying for anything!
Kc..i suspect that is only a matter of time before it comes to that
Oh Salem….you speak as if you know something, but by reading your posts we realize there is very little going on above the shoulders for you. Enjoy your trolling of sad blogs today.
The first half of this describes someone using their child in a “pick me” dance. Anyone who is involved in this situation shouldn’t revel in these kind of scenarios.
Pick me dance? I don’t know what you mean but this post is a bunch of garbage and bullshit as usual. The daughter had made plans to stay with a friend on saturday, so the father attended a work function. The father supports everyone and is on call and has to work often on nights and weekends, which can sometimes cut into time with the daughter. Robyn however sits at home doing nothing but bitching and then has the gall to criticize the father for working to support them.
To wander in the field of flowers, pull the thorns from your heart…
Bonbon, I wish Steve Kennell, your adulterer boyfriend, would come on here and comment. Perhaps he can tell us how you are never home at night with younger daughter, how in the past year you have had almost nothing to do with older daughter. Maybe he can talk about the two of you committing adultery, what he thinks of your disability fraud. Steve?
Happy….I don’t think Mr Kennell will comment on not having anything to do with a daughter for the last year, as he has the same issue with one of his own daughters. She will have nothing to do with him. So maybe not father of the year material. But Abandonned doesn’t discuss these sorts of things on this blog. Maybe she has one about him? Food for thought Stevo the cheato. You may be next.
Abandonned – the only adult who thinks ‘going partying’ is even slightly acceptable is a mentally ill fuckwad. Thats what you’re dealing with.
If you have primary custody – and your daughter is ill-adjusted to spending time with the fuckwit – I wouldn’t be forcing it on her. If she really doesn’t want to go – validate that, and don’t force her. Forcing her = resentment on her part. Plus, less time with morons is always a good thing. 🙂
Lan/Lania, are you always this bitter and angry? Calling people “mentally ill fuckwads”? “Fuckwits”? I guess as they said in kindergarten, which it sounds like emotionally you’re still there…it takes one to know one!!!
Oh and Abandonned you forgot to mention to yourself (Lan/Lania & Salem) and the other one who can’t move on with her life, Laura (I still can’t do it), that your daughter had a planned sleep over with her friend for Saturday evening so she wasn’t going to be spending time with the ex and the ow anyways? I know you post these ridiculous lies to make the ex seem like a derelict father, and you the most wonderful mother of the year. Does this really make you feel good to sit at home all evening manufacturing something that isn’t true, so then your little lynch mob of Lan/Lana & Salem can then make their infantile comments in support of you?
Why not try taking the road less travelled and be positive and happy about the good things in your life?
How all of you sit around and focus on the negative for years on end is truly amazing to me. Clearly you all have issues and should seek some positive reinforcement for your life rather than constantly dwelling on the negative.
What a shitty way to lead your lives.
Oh and one other comment for Abandonned…..do you think your daughter enjoys her time that you force her to be with Steve? Well I guess before we go further Steve should have a cheating lingo term because he’s still married. The ow is the Bove, so let’s call him Stevo the Cheato….so getting back to my point, when your daughter is coming home and then says….Oh no Steve is there. He always there. I don’t want to go in the house because all they do is argue. Or you make her go to dinner with his family and she doesn’t want to be there. You seem to misrepresent those facts on this blog.
So again try focusing on the positive. You have a boyfriend. Positive. You spend time with him and your daughter. Positive. He’s a good influence. Positive. Your ex is in a stable and loving relationship. Positive. He loves the children. Positive. The OW loves the children. Positive.
If all you do is focus on the negative, talking about the negative, writing about the negative, listening to others and the negative, then how do or can you become positive? You can’t unless you make the change. Maybe if you focus on that, your life will be positive, your blog will be positive and the comments you receive on here will be positive.
Just a thought.
It seems one daughter calls a partner, Bove, after a cute movie character, however poor Steve gets called pedo-steve by the girls. Does steve know that?