adultery, cheating, divorce, infidelity, marriage, separation, the other woman

Getting Remarried

I attended my first wedding since separating from my husband.

It was the second wedding for both the bride and the groom. I wondered if I would be at all cynical for the exchanging of vows between 2 people promising to be faithful, for better or for worse, and until death parts them. After all, they likely spoke those same words to other people but never kept their promise.

Making it odder for me was the fact that I knew the bride’s previous husband and his new wife. There was talk by guests at the wedding, who didn’t know that I knew the bride’s ex-husband and his new wife, that he had an affair and that was what ended the marriage. I know that to be true.

I was reminded at the wedding that my husband actually stumbled over his vows during the part where he was asked to repeat, “I promise to be faithful.” Laughter came from the pews because of his stumble on our wedding day 21 years ago. My husband explained afterwards that he paused only because he thought the minister was not finished speaking. Now I wonder if he knew then that he had no intention of staying true to his vow and wonder if he cheated in the 4 years we lived together before getting married. I remember some very specific lies he told when we first started dating. Why was that not a huge red flag to me?

I had a lot of fun at the wedding. I was truly happy for the couple. They looked beautiful. They have rhyming names. They are both kind-hearted, fun, generous people who deserve a partnership full of love and respect. At this point they seem to have that in their relationship. I pray it continues for the rest of their lives.

As for me, I have no desire for that in my future. I will never trust anyone with my entire life again. I don’t feel sad thinking that way even though I know how much I valued and loved my marriage and my husband and how much it benefited the security, peace and well-being of our children. I think it is wisdom. Live and learn.

I want my freedom more than anything else.  When I am not doing everything for my children, I want to be doing everything for me. Selfish? I thought about that but usually what I want to do benefits other people. I have so many friends: married, single, divorced, separated, male, female, working, not working, parents, no kids, etc. and I am loving my time with all of them. I keep meeting more and more people and am getting to know others who were just acquaintances before on a deeper level.  My life is full. I don’t ever want my life to be about only one other person’s needs–a husband. That absolutely makes me cringe to think about it. I want to spend my life doing what I want, with who I want, when I want.

My friend said it well: “It takes a really, really great guy to be better than no guy.”

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14 thoughts on “Getting Remarried

  1. You will trust with your heart one day, I guarantee it. Each day you get stronger and each day you heal a little more. Most celebrations for me are both a pleasant and painful time. That is only because memories start to flood my mind and then I start thinking about the memories that I’m not creating with my husband because he chose to cheat on his family. And you, we, deserve little moments of selfishness. I no longer feel guilty about it because my selfish moments don’t compare to my mommy moments. We give, even when we should be giving only to ourselves. And the next man in your life, you will give yourself 100% because that’s what we do as women. But your head will be more in the game than your heart. 😉

    • Happy says:

      It is nice to see a mostly positive comment on here for a change. The problem is though that she isn’t getting better, she is going downhill, one of the reasons being this blog..she obsesses about her ex and the “OW”. She gets constant reinforcement on here from people like “the clip” and other crazies, spewing their negativity and hate related to their own (very obvious) mental problems.

  2. TheClip says:

    Horny and Sluty still at it huh? These are my thoughts on Slappy and Happy and their tiresome intrusion.
    Lets just say for shits and giggle that Abandon is off her nut… And or is bitter or cant move on… Lets just assume thats the case. Then why oh why would Happy and Sally care? If it were true then they wouldnt have much to,prove. The people in their lives would know that his ex was bat shit cray cray and she is just mouthing off. But… They bite on every single word and double over backward to prove it all wrong… Better yet want to control her narrative….BIG RED FLAG.
    Lets look at the other side… Lets assume Abandon is telling the truth. Now her peeps would now that and really would not need to,post on here. The only reason Slappy and Hairy would constantly be serving up their word salad is to sway their friends who dont really know the truth about Hairy and Sally’s story. Hairy and Slappy spend sooooo much time trying to run damage control that it raises another
    HUGE RED FLAG.
    While I dont agree with Abandon posting her ex or his whore bags info on here she is certainly at liberty to discuss her side of the story. And truely thats all this is. A story. And the more shit for brains and his girlfriend run interference the more they validate every word. They ( Hopless and Sloppy) are the quintessential attention seeking Narcs who will seek that high of being central. They just gotta have it. Doesnt matter if its all lies or truth … The fact is they cant be second… The gotta ride this wave of attention his ex is getting. Typical and sad.
    Abandon keep it real. I dont particularly care to know any of the people demographics… And by inserting them u lower your credibility. The truth always can speak for itself. Keep it real girlfriend. Happy and Sally are the ones who have something to prove… Not u.

    • Alex says:

      This is a great post, about her experience. I agree that I’m here to know her story and I love this post. Keep it up momma! And few how you want to feel, and express it here. That’s what this blog is for. Cheer!

  3. Sally says:

    Well isn’t this somewhat refreshing to see a mostly positive post about your life. That must feel good Abandonned.

    The only thing I would say I agree with the childish mouth piece theclip is, make your blog about you and not about the others. The ex and the whore don’t matter. Never have, so turn this truly into being about you and not them.

    As to you theclip….all I can say is your writing style speaks more about you, your lack of character and the very teeny tiny person that you are. Keep writing your embarrassing witticism’s if you wish. You’re just a very sad mouthpiece with an anger issue.

  4. TheClip says:

    Hey Sloppy… What line got u on the hook? Was it … ‘ i just not happy in my marriage’ or was it ‘ it was over long ago, we are living like friends’
    Maybe it was ‘ i can share things with you that i cant with her’ … Or … ‘ i love her but I am not in love with her anymore’ … That was it… Right? Strait outa the cheaters hand book. U lapped it up… Like the hungry attention seeking dog you are. You got the magic that will ‘fix’ him. He wil be better for you because its real this time!!!
    Hahahahahaha.
    Oh Sluty… You will learn. Cheaters seek yr type out… The ones who believe the story and stand beside their man (really , not her man but thats beside the point!) defending him against the horrible ex wife… She is crazy dont cha know… Hahaha.
    You got fucked in the head… He grabbed you by both ears and fucked with your head… Now its filled with mind bending little Happy swimmers. You took the bait.
    The sweetest part is he is now yours… Exactly what u deserve.

    • Sally says:

      Hahaha….oh theclit is back and as angry and bitter as ever. Wow what a treat you must have been to be married too. No wonder you got fucked over and cheated on. Anyone with as much bitterness and anger as you do was probably looking to run to the hills at I do!! That’s in the cheaters “handbook” as well.

      1. Is she constantly filled with anger and talks like she was just spit out of the ass of a trucker? Dump her asap and go be with anyone, literally anyone that is of age, and has a heart beat. Do it now!!!

      Enjoy trolling the blogs of the cheated and spewing your hate.

      • It is good to see you acknowledging that cheating on someone is “fucking them over”. And yet no one is supposed to be angry about that? No one is supposed to be angry when it happens to them or happens to someone else? You are the one who did the “fucking over” and yet you seem angry that people are angry and critical of your actions. Then you go cheat with someone who also feels okay about fucking someone else over, really fucking over 2 partners, children and their family and friends, too, because your actions don’t have limits to their consequences. But now I see why. Your only goal was finding someone “of age and has a heart beat”. High aspirations you have.

      • Sally says:

        Abandonned you have no idea who I am. You make assumptions and they are incorrect. You don’t think you fucked your family over by the debt you racked up? You don’t think you fucked your family over when you cheated? You don’t think you fucked your family over playing the disability card when you were really just playing a system you knew all too well?

        You aren’t the person you claim to be on this blog.

  5. Lania says:

    Abandonned – life is truly what you make of it. Be it with someone else, or not.
    When you’re not attached to someone else there’s not a huge amount of demands on your time. That being said, if you’re with someone who is healthy and truly respectful, their ‘demands’ on your time are usually things you can work with – compromise, if you will.
    With cheaters, unfortunately – you’re dealing with a stacked deck, where it has to be all about them, or else! Their kibbles, their adoration, their everything. And they blow a gasket if its otherwise. Its why being with a cheater is so damn tiring.
    The most (morbidly) hilarious thing is though – a cheater will try to spin it so you’re the one with issues. “Anger problems”. “Bitter”. “Can’t get over it and move on”, “I might be doing this but you are doing THAT (insert random blathering about perceived wrongs/perceived illegalities here)” and other such nonsense. Its really quite funny to see cheaters, and cheater apologists spew that crap, over and over and over. They have to keep doing it because they aren’t being listened to – so they yell louder and louder to try and piss people off.

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