adultery, cheating, divorce, infidelity, marriage, separation, the other woman

Getting Remarried

I attended my first wedding since separating from my husband.

It was the second wedding for both the bride and the groom. I wondered if I would be at all cynical for the exchanging of vows between 2 people promising to be faithful, for better or for worse, and until death parts them. After all, they likely spoke those same words to other people but never kept their promise.

Making it odder for me was the fact that I knew the bride’s previous husband and his new wife. There was talk by guests at the wedding, who didn’t know that I knew the bride’s ex-husband and his new wife, that he had an affair and that was what ended the marriage. I know that to be true.

I was reminded at the wedding that my husband actually stumbled over his vows during the part where he was asked to repeat, “I promise to be faithful.” Laughter came from the pews because of his stumble on our wedding day 21 years ago. My husband explained afterwards that he paused only because he thought the minister was not finished speaking. Now I wonder if he knew then that he had no intention of staying true to his vow and wonder if he cheated in the 4 years we lived together before getting married. I remember some very specific lies he told when we first started dating. Why was that not a huge red flag to me?

I had a lot of fun at the wedding. I was truly happy for the couple. They looked beautiful. They have rhyming names. They are both kind-hearted, fun, generous people who deserve a partnership full of love and respect. At this point they seem to have that in their relationship. I pray it continues for the rest of their lives.

As for me, I have no desire for that in my future. I will never trust anyone with my entire life again. I don’t feel sad thinking that way even though I know how much I valued and loved my marriage and my husband and how much it benefited the security, peace and well-being of our children. I think it is wisdom. Live and learn.

I want my freedom more than anything else.  When I am not doing everything for my children, I want to be doing everything for me. Selfish? I thought about that but usually what I want to do benefits other people. I have so many friends: married, single, divorced, separated, male, female, working, not working, parents, no kids, etc. and I am loving my time with all of them. I keep meeting more and more people and am getting to know others who were just acquaintances before on a deeper level.  My life is full. I don’t ever want my life to be about only one other person’s needs–a husband. That absolutely makes me cringe to think about it. I want to spend my life doing what I want, with who I want, when I want.

My friend said it well: “It takes a really, really great guy to be better than no guy.”


Hello 2014! The year dedicated to me!

I have been so sick for the month of January that I am making today, January 31, my New Year’s Eve. 

I’ve gone away with 4 girlfriends on a retreat for the weekend in Honeymoon Bay.  We are eating great food prepared for us by an amazing chef, staying in beautiful bedrooms in a secluded resort, enjoying wine, scrapbooking, watching DVD’s, working out, hot tubbing, reading, and nature as we are surrounded by trees, mountains and a lake.

As such, I have opened up the Astro 2014 that I tore out of the paper on December 30, and I am reading the Cancer horoscope for this year.  It reads:  “The year 2014 means greater freedom and change for all Cancers.  You are so dramatically redefining your individuality, others notice it.  It’s public.  Even if your drive for more independence is hindered by a partnership, you ain’t gonna stop….This is a fortunate year for you.”  The Astro states that my 2014 mantra is: “I appreciate my good fortune and will take advantage of it!”

I only recently found out that it is the Chinese year of the horse.  That is my Chinese zodiac symbol. 

My lawyer just contacted me with the Judicial Case Conference date for April 17 so things are moving forward with my separation/divorce. I am feeling more disinterested with my husband’s life and his girlfriend.  I am content being single.  I entered a contest through Ocean 98.5 radio station on why I should be chosen to be a V.I.P. Goddess. I shared the story of my husband’s affair and how he did not consider me to be a goddess.  There were 280 entries; 4 grand prize winners; and I was one of those winners.  I won an entry in the 2014 Goddess run, VIP parking, VIP bathroom usage, running shoes, running gear and a 12-week training program with Jasper Blake, 2006 Canadian Ironman champion. 

 While my girlfriends are scrapbooking photos of their family, I am making a new scrapbook for 2014 with the title page “Dedicating This Year To Me!” Today before driving up to the retreat I saw a community bulletin board with a gorgeous illustration of a horse by Janine Johnston.  I took that poster and have added it to my subtitle page, “Year of the Horse”.  I am feeling excited about the prospects for this year and know that despite all the obstacles and challenges that will undoubtedly be a big part of 2014, the universe is screaming “You are worthy” and is giving me opportunities to allow me to grow and shine.