Tag Archives: failure

adultery, cheating, children, divorce, Father/daughter relationship, other woman, separation

Weekend Report

My daughter ended up spending Friday night, after her dance classes, with her dad. I texted her at 6:45 p.m. to see if she needed me to pick her up as she had reported being too ill to go to his place.  I knew she was able to be in her dance class when she didn’t respond.

In the meantime, I was invited on a dinner date. I figured that if my daughter managed to participate in her dance classes from 3:30 – 7:45 p.m. that she was going to go to her dad’s place after all. I suspected that it was anxiety about spending the night at her dad’s.  If I had picked her up after school she would have sacrificed going to dance just to avoid her dad’s place. When I put the onus back on her to let her dad know she was cancelling because she was sick and when I wasn’t able to pick her up earlier she chose to just go to dance. She could have taken the school bus that goes to our home instead of the dance studio if she was really ill.

So regarding my dinner date, there is always the history with my ex in the back of mind. What if she texted her dad saying she was sick and that I was going to pick her up earlier so she could go home instead?  What if she told him she was sick and couldn’t go to his house but still needed a ride home and he told her he wouldn’t drive to the dance studio just to pick her up if she wouldn’t go back to his place?  What if he received a better invitation?  I wanted to see my friend, as it had been a long time since we spent any time together, so I told him my predicament and that the best I could do was fast food in case I needed to leave quickly.

My daughter texted me at 7:45 p.m. to say that she was going to go with her dad. Her symptoms were much improved because the Bove wasn’t present. She texted that she would rather be home but that it was only one night. Why only one night, I wondered? If her dad was making a change to make his child a priority wouldn’t he want to spend the whole weekend with her?  Or did she set up her own plans to avoid that?

Her dad dropped her off at noon the next day back to my place.  She revealed that he was on his way up to Parksville (1 1/2 hours away) for a party and was staying at the Beach Club Resort overnight. Of course he was. I knew it was impossible for him to actually manage to spend an entire weekend with his daughter. (I reported he did spend 2 Saturday nights ago with her but forgot he actually dropped her at a birthday party at 4 and didn’t see her again until noon the next day). This was “his” weekend and yet to him that means playing the dad role only if time permits in between what he really wants to do instead.

Our daughter knows that.  She has lived this for more than 2 1/2 years now.  It will never change. She will never be a priority in his life, ever.  If he keeps his next commitment, he will see her again in 4 nights, Thursday, for 2 hours.  So over a 96 hour period he will see her for 2 hours max. Then, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he will see her again in 7 days on the next Thursday for dinner, that will be a 168-hour period in which he sees her for 2 hours. The math doesn’t lie. That is a failing percentage. He is failing his daughter. He is failing as a father. Quantity time matters.  If he throws the Bove into the equation that subtracts from time with his daughter. The Bove is equivalent to a big zero and my daughter is left with nothing.

He did come back Sunday night and pick up our daughter to take her to his place for dinner. Afterwards, he took her to the beach to see the lunar eclipse. Sadly, for my daughter, the Bove crashed her time with her dad and once again my ex managed to turn time with his daughter into a big negative.

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divorce, lying selfishenss, parenting after separation

Flakey Father

Well, yet another disappointment in the world of father/daughter. This time he left his 12-year old stranded at her dance studio. It was the last class of the night and she was done at 7:30 this evening, Friday.

It was my older daughter that alerted me first that her dad wasn’t going to pick up her sister. I was just on my way out the door to meet friends for dinner. I texted him reminding him it was his weekend to pick up our daughter from dance. He said that she texted him last night saying she didn’t need a ride.  When I told him that I suspected that was yet another one of his lies, he sent me a copy of the text. It said that she wasn’t sleeping over. She never wants to sleep at his place but he still picks her up and buys her McDonalds and drops her off at home. I asked to see what question he texted her first, but he never showed me.

I confirmed that I was not available to get her and that in fact she was expecting him to pick her up since we had that conversation before she went to school in the morning.

He never once apologized; not to me, not to our daughter.  He sent me several texts with excuses–he was downtown having dinner, he didn’t have his car, she said she wasn’t sleeping over, etc.

I told him to take a cab and to meet his obligations and responsibilities to his daughter first.  He seems to think he is punishing me by putting the burden on my shoulders and ruining my plans for the evening. He is clueless to how much he continues to hurt his relationship with his daughters by breaking their trust repeatedly.

My older daughter was also upset.  She was expecting to go with her dad and her younger sister to dinner.  She said she waited around and didn’t make any plans specifically to be able to do that.  She was very concerned that her sister didn’t have a ride home.  She contacted her dad to find out where his vehicle was so she could drive to get her sister. It was at Janice’s place.  How can that woman think it is okay to be with a man as self-centred as my ex?  She must recognize after being with him for 2 years after our separation that A) he rarely sees his youngest daughter but even rarely sees our older daughter who lives with him and B) there is a schedule that he breaks consistently. She must realize, hey, isn’t it your weekend? She has no kids but regardless I have friends without kids who consider his behaviour reprehensible. Does she feel good thinking he is putting her above his kids?  No Janice, he is only putting himself above the needs of his kids. I find his behaviour to be the biggest turn off but this woman has no conscience or she wouldn’t have gone after a married man with kids in the first place screwing around and lying to her husband in the process.

At 7:40 p.m. my daughter called me.  I had just been served my dinner at the restaurant.  “Dad forgot to pick me up.”  There was only one friend left at the dance studio waiting for her ride.  Thankfully, they took my daughter with them.  I texted my ex to say where she was and where he could pick her up but he never responded.

I picked up my younger daughter and I drove a half hour in the opposite direction to get my older daughter. We came back to my place for a sleep over and we played board games for the rest of the night and laughed a lot.

The 3 of us are driving up to Nanaimo tomorrow to stay over night to support my younger daughter in her dance competition on Sunday. Her dad has not seen one of her solo performances this year and bailed on the second show of her group performances. She said she doesn’t want him to come. I think that is easier to deal with than wanting him there but knowing he won’t show up. He still isn’t paying a dime towards her dance as per the mediation agreement that he continues to be in breach of since November 2014.

My older daughter and I are going to a university open house on Tuesday night.  She got a ticket for her dad but he doesn’t want to go. He never went to university so he may not find this event important but it underscores his lack of support for his daughters. For me, it underscores that if my daughter does go back home to university that my younger daughter and I may move back home with her her too. I never would have taken my kids away from their dad but he really couldn’t care less.

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