divorce, lying selfishenss, parenting after separation

Flakey Father

Well, yet another disappointment in the world of father/daughter. This time he left his 12-year old stranded at her dance studio. It was the last class of the night and she was done at 7:30 this evening, Friday.

It was my older daughter that alerted me first that her dad wasn’t going to pick up her sister. I was just on my way out the door to meet friends for dinner. I texted him reminding him it was his weekend to pick up our daughter from dance. He said that she texted him last night saying she didn’t need a ride.  When I told him that I suspected that was yet another one of his lies, he sent me a copy of the text. It said that she wasn’t sleeping over. She never wants to sleep at his place but he still picks her up and buys her McDonalds and drops her off at home. I asked to see what question he texted her first, but he never showed me.

I confirmed that I was not available to get her and that in fact she was expecting him to pick her up since we had that conversation before she went to school in the morning.

He never once apologized; not to me, not to our daughter.  He sent me several texts with excuses–he was downtown having dinner, he didn’t have his car, she said she wasn’t sleeping over, etc.

I told him to take a cab and to meet his obligations and responsibilities to his daughter first.  He seems to think he is punishing me by putting the burden on my shoulders and ruining my plans for the evening. He is clueless to how much he continues to hurt his relationship with his daughters by breaking their trust repeatedly.

My older daughter was also upset.  She was expecting to go with her dad and her younger sister to dinner.  She said she waited around and didn’t make any plans specifically to be able to do that.  She was very concerned that her sister didn’t have a ride home.  She contacted her dad to find out where his vehicle was so she could drive to get her sister. It was at Janice’s place.  How can that woman think it is okay to be with a man as self-centred as my ex?  She must recognize after being with him for 2 years after our separation that A) he rarely sees his youngest daughter but even rarely sees our older daughter who lives with him and B) there is a schedule that he breaks consistently. She must realize, hey, isn’t it your weekend? She has no kids but regardless I have friends without kids who consider his behaviour reprehensible. Does she feel good thinking he is putting her above his kids?  No Janice, he is only putting himself above the needs of his kids. I find his behaviour to be the biggest turn off but this woman has no conscience or she wouldn’t have gone after a married man with kids in the first place screwing around and lying to her husband in the process.

At 7:40 p.m. my daughter called me.  I had just been served my dinner at the restaurant.  “Dad forgot to pick me up.”  There was only one friend left at the dance studio waiting for her ride.  Thankfully, they took my daughter with them.  I texted my ex to say where she was and where he could pick her up but he never responded.

I picked up my younger daughter and I drove a half hour in the opposite direction to get my older daughter. We came back to my place for a sleep over and we played board games for the rest of the night and laughed a lot.

The 3 of us are driving up to Nanaimo tomorrow to stay over night to support my younger daughter in her dance competition on Sunday. Her dad has not seen one of her solo performances this year and bailed on the second show of her group performances. She said she doesn’t want him to come. I think that is easier to deal with than wanting him there but knowing he won’t show up. He still isn’t paying a dime towards her dance as per the mediation agreement that he continues to be in breach of since November 2014.

My older daughter and I are going to a university open house on Tuesday night.  She got a ticket for her dad but he doesn’t want to go. He never went to university so he may not find this event important but it underscores his lack of support for his daughters. For me, it underscores that if my daughter does go back home to university that my younger daughter and I may move back home with her her too. I never would have taken my kids away from their dad but he really couldn’t care less.

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2 thoughts on “Flakey Father

  1. When i got a tertiary entrance score in the top 1% of the state with top ranking in 3 subjects I was so pleased I rang my dad even though I hadn’t seen him for over a year. His first and only response was “soandso’s daughter did too and she’s doing medicine”. Flakey doesn’t cover these men but I don’t think it would be printable to describe them. Two years later I had my last real conversation with him where he badmouthed my mother. i hung up and cut him out of my life permanently. That was 20 years ago this year. Nine years ago he tried to contact me and I never returned his call. He wasn’t invited to my wedding or told about the birth of my children. That day 20 years ago I finally woke up to him. Your daughters will too.

  2. cris says:

    Wow. What a self absorbed dud of a “father”! Im glad youre keeping this online journal. Over time, memories change. No doubt he will try to rewrite history, casting himself as a “victim” of a crazy ex wife. These cluster B types always do.Your journal will keep the record straight. He seems oblivious to how a normal father acts. Someone should coach him. Janice did you a favor. He is her problem now.

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