adultery, affair, Betrayal, Christianity, divorce, Healing, melanoma, separation, unfaithfulness

Physically Challenged Summer

I moved yet again on August 1, 2017.  Three moves in two years–exhausting, stressful and expensive.  My landlord wanted to do some renovations to the place I had been living in order to add an extra suite to his home and he was also considering selling.  He informed me as well that he would need to raise my rent from $1750 to a yet undetermined amount for what was really a 2-bedroom basement suite and  a tiny extra room with no window that housed my older daughter’s single bed and a desk and computer.

I had met a male friend in February who was not enjoying condo living and sharing walls.  The only way both of us could get more space for less money was to rent a home together.  We researched what was available, included my kids in the process, included God and prayer in the process and feel like the perfect place for us was provided.

Just prior to our move I had to have my melanoma surgery on the left side of my back.  My new friend is a trauma paramedic so they allowed him to come into the surgery room and be with me for the procedure.  He said he was shocked at how much they had to cut.  One centimeter around the cancer site and one centimeter deep.  This melanoma had a deeper root than my last one so it required an additional 5 mm cut than around the cancer site than what was required for the one on my right arm last year.  It doesn’t seem like a lot until they draw it out on your back and you realize it isn’t a cm straight line but a circle.  My friend said the chunk they took was large enough to BBQ.

The requirement after that was no lifting or carrying for 2 weeks.   Because my new roommate saw how serious the surgery was he was very protective and strict with me that obey orders and not pull stitches or cause damage or impede healing. Not at all ideal when you are trying to move.  My kids and my older daughter’s boyfriend along with 3 of his friends were invaluable to me during this time.  My new roommate and his son and girlfriend also made sure we got moved in.  Although, we are still in the process of actually emptying our moving boxes.  My roommate ended up having his own health issues.  It became a stark realization that if anything happened to either of us, the other would not be able to afford to continue to live in our new place.  One day at time living without ruminating about the past or projecting worry and doubt about the future is how I am learning to live. Trusting God will provide and direct is all I can do.

Just when my 2 weeks were up and I was able to start to use both arms again to lift and carry, the very next day I was bit by a Bull Mastiff.  This 200 lb animal fractured my left hand.  My dog was being attacked and if I had not intervened I am convinced my dog would be dead.  I had to have emergency surgery with pins as my 5th metacarpal was displaced and it was an opened wound.  All of the puncture wounds were opened up further and irrigated. I had stitches and was prescribed antibiotics and painkillers.

I just had the pins taken out yesterday and started at the Hand Therapy Clinic today.  It will still be another 2 to 3 weeks before I can lift and carry with my left hand but I am so excited to be out of the cast and have the pins out.  After one treatment at the Hand Clinic today I am amazed that I am able to type with both hands (part of my homework). It is difficult and a little painful but I am doing it.

I feel like with everything that has happened to me and with all the unrest in the world right now between crazy weather, terrorism, war,  nuclear threats, acts of violence/hatred, etc. that I am being prepared for something even more difficult.  My world of what I thought was love, peace, comfort, stability and security has been rocked forever with infidelity but now I am undergoing further levels of being toughened up, challenged, changed, and forced to rethink my priorities and purpose for my life.  I am not afraid of what is to come.   With every circumstance I handle, endure, over-come, let be, or fight I am realizing more and more that my character is real.  I am a confident, independent, brave, tough, faithful and loving woman in good times and in hard times.


Photos are hand condition at 2 weeks post surgery getting stitches removed.


adultery, affair, Betrayal, Cancer, cheating, divorce, God, Healing, hot yoga, unfaithfulness

Stay Real,Live Positive,Practice Hot Yoga

Hope comes in many forms.
As I walk my journey of heart break, betrayal, and the devastating consequences of a narcissistic, cheating spouse and his self-seeking girlfriend in my life, God inserts kinder, gentler, inspiring people to remind me that my ex and the other woman are only two crumby people in a huge world that have lived on and crossed my path, temporarily blocking my way.
David Smith, photographed below in a standing bow posture, is one of the many better people that have appeared in my life, since my separation.  He arrived at the perfect time. David Smith and I take Bikram yoga classes together. In 2015, he was so kind in emailing me encouraging messages pertaining to my yoga practice, my running and my life situation. I thought it was the coach in him but I have realized that his own life experiences, which could have embittered him, and did, (he thinks it caused his cancer) have made him the amazing man that he is today.
I wanted to share one aspect of his life, as I wait for the results of my own cancer diagnosis, just as an offer of hope and encouragement. Maybe what we interpret as a death sentence is only an opportunity for a better life.
David Smith, standing bowDAVID SMITH:
Being diagnosed with terminal cancer is a real shock to say the least. Cancer comes in many varieties. Unluckily, mine was diagnosed as the most aggressive you can get. It had spread to twenty locations from behind the lungs to the pelvis. It was on the move to the brain, bones or both, next.
Cancer and its treatment are extremely hard on the body. From 2011 to 2014 I received four surgical procedures, the key one failed and was aborted. A dizzying array of nasty meds, fifty two radiation treatments and forty five radioactive seed implants followed. During and after all this treatment my immune system was nonexistent as all critical blood values dipped well below normal ranges. Testosterone, a critical male hormone wasn’t just low, it went to zero as did strength and energy levels. My weight shot up from 170 to 208 lbs, almost overnight.
Did I mention that I run my own business? It was not doing great as well.
Just to add another level of stress and ‘excitement’, when you develop cancer the kooks come out of the woodwork offering a dizzying array of witchcraft and untested home remedies. All unproven and most for money of course. Surprisingly the advice I found most offensive was “stay positive.” You have got to be kidding me! The best advice is to STAY REAL!
Fortunately I had great support from long time employees, my son Tyler (now a Bikram instructor and another dramatic yoga success story), a team of very well qualified doctors in the United States and the Sidney Hot Yoga studio.
Hot Yoga, you have got to be kidding!
I have an extensive competitive cycling background as a member of the Canadian National Team in 1993, and coach to Ryder Hesjedal – arguably one of the best cyclists Canada has ever produced. A Hot Yoga studio was the last place I ever thought I would be. From my sports training background I knew the importance of good nutrition and so eating habits were modified. Not to extremes. Just sensible.
During radiation treatment in Sarasota Florida, Tyler would drag me to the Bikram studio right after treatment before the negative effects took hold.  I would crawl through classes, like it or not. When I returned to Sidney, I suffered through Thirty Day Challenges and even challenged myself to many a double class and even an all-day yoga, doing four classes in one day.
There have been many recent medical studies that are showing that yoga benefits cancer patients. Duhh….of course it does! Instead of “staying positive” you are “living positive.” Surrounding yourself with good energy, positive people and improving your fitness level. Its a no brainer.
My doctors are amazed at how healthy I look and how well I am doing. As one commented, “You are not the man in your medical charts, what is your secret?” I don’t know what the outcome will be. I do know that I am doing WAY better than what was first predicted.
For now the cancer is gone.
What I know too is that hot yoga has played a huge role in the success of the treatments. Aches and pains from of a lifetime of crashes and crazy boat rides are gone as well. There is still everyday stress but it gets handled with a new sense of calm, dignity and confidence. In the end, illness, arthritis, stress or not, I  should have been doing heated yoga all along anyway – Wake up calls come in strange ways.
Thanks to all of you! XXXOOO David
P.S. Please feel free to share this with friends and family, maybe it will help their loved ones. I wish I had a better Standing Bow but oh well!
adultery, Betrayal, cheating, children, divorce, Energy, Healing, separation

My Own, Personal, Shaman

I experienced something quite unique and special.

I had been up since 3:15 a.m.  I had a very busy morning and was coming back from Land’s End into Sidney for a banking appointment. It was 1:00 p.m. and I suddenly needed to eat right away.  I went into one of my favourite, regular, cafes, ordered at the counter and then went to find a seat.  If you don’t arrive at Toast Café in Sidney before noon you are hard-pressed to find a seat, let alone a table. It was after the lunch rush so I was able to find space at a table with some other people.

While I was waiting for my food, a lady walked in and was looking around at my table.  She eyed the seat where I had set my purse and sweater.  There were other seats available including a full bank of stools along a counter looking outside to a gorgeous, sunny day.  She kept staring at the seat beside me so I asked her if she wanted to sit with me.  She said that she did.

She said she felt like she was back travelling when she shared space eating with strangers. I told her about a fond dining memory I had from university. I would visit my boyfriend in Montreal and we would go to this very busy, Jewish. deli with amazing food.  Part of the ambience included sitting at long picnic tables dining with everyone else. It was loud and at first I found it odd and uncomfortable and even annoying to hear other’s conversations and for them to hear mine. It turned out though to be a really fun and energetic way to dine and a great way to meet some interesting people and be part of something bigger than just 2 people eating together.

When our food arrived we had ordered the same thing–vegetarian chili. We talked about random things while enjoying our lunch.  She shared that she lived 50% in Victoria and 50% in Hawaii. She has businesses on both islands working as a spiritual healer.  I was very interested about her Hawaii experiences and her opinion of the best place to live and vacation.  She explained that she had to move back to Victoria because she suffered a serious automobile accident 3 years ago. Then she asked me if I had something traumatic happened to me 3 years ago.

I told her that my husband starting having an affair with another woman around that time. She said, “Yes.  He made you feel very inadequate about all you were doing and weren’t doing. When he got involved with this other woman he brought up her confidence level which in turn elevated his own confidence. It was just energy moving around but our minds interpret it differently.  He still loved you and he was able to live two lives for awhile but the more he focused his energy on her he was no longer able to vibrate any positive energy towards you. You reacted to what you were feeling and then he felt that he had no choice but to make a move. You were completed blind-sided.”

I stared at her dumb-founded.

She said, “I don’t mean to read your aura but you are continuing to be dragged down by him. You need to rid yourself of anything that you have still in your possession that you both shared together.  It all contains negative energy for you. When you do this you will shift to a different level and will realize you want all new things anyways. That includes blankets and towels.  Give that stuff away.”

I do have an excess of blankets and towels.  I gave away so many when I moved but my linen closet overflows.  I went from 4 bathrooms to 1 bathroom and my towels are all in very good condition.  The ones that are more worn I take to yoga with me. I love blankets and I use them all the time but some were my moms or gifts that I am holding on to that I never use. The ones I love and use regularly are on my couch but I have a pile sitting on top of a chair of ones that I might use and still more in a wardrobe just in case. Even my girls have plenty of their own blankets in their room.

She said, “You have daughters,…two.”  I paused to think if I had mentioned this to her. I hadn’t. While I was thinking she said, “The older daughter, she has had trouble.” I named both of my girls, still answering her first statement that I have two daughters. After I said their names she picked my older daughter’s name and said, “She is the one.”  She continued, “She is a lot like you.” After that, I have to say that I don’t remember what specifics she told me about my daughter.  I feel like it should be important for me to remember but I have to say that I was rather in shock she was reciting my life back to me and I wish now I had taken notes or turned on the recorder in my phone.

The other thing that I know she said was that she used to be a financial advisor before working full-time as a healer.  She told me this because she gave me financial advice but I cannot remember what she said. I know she did give me the name of a place to use as storage, Eddy’s,  that she said was cheaper than the locker that I have now to store things like Christmas decorations, sleeping bags, camping items, tools and other things that I don’t use on a daily basis and that I can’t keep stored where I am living.  I feel like she probably told me to just get rid of it all. I am sure she did because she said, “Start now, not a month from now.”

She then said to me, “Do you have sinus problems?” She started to sniff and clear her throat a bit and coughed while rubbing under her eyes.  I said, “I have allergies.” She said that she didn’t have a cold or any sinus issues but she was taking on my symptoms.  I swear I did not sniff once or blow my nose in her presence. She said that it had to do with me needing to rid myself of things.  It was congested energy that needed to be released.

She said that I was very cute.  She said this a couple of times and commented that because I am cute I can hide behind what is really going on.  She said that I don’t ask for help when I really need help. She said, “Because you are cute no one can see your stress.  You don’t show it in your face or with your weight.” I laughed and said, “Oh yes I do. I need to lose 40 lbs. I eat my emotions.” She said, “But you’re cute, you get away with it; however it can still turn into disease for you. Your personality is full of light but darkness is weighing you down. I have a gift and can read this.”

I have to say that I didn’t understand what she was meaning about me being cute and how I am hiding things with “cuteness” but I remembered a text my friend sent me in September that I didn’t understand at the time that read: “Your sweet defensiveness doesn’t fool me, nor do I think you’re aware you even do it. It’s all so natural for you. Years of systematic emotional abuse by Dave…I’m really sorry.”  I went and re-read that text after my encounter with this healer.  In our texting conversation preceding my friend’s remark, I was basically saying that I am fine and she didn’t need to worry about me.

The healer then told me I don’t drink enough water.  I told her I drink a ton of water but it never quenches my thirst. She said, “Stop drinking diet coke and you’ll lose 10 lbs.” That surprised me.  I was not drinking diet coke with my meal so there was no way for her to know that. I told her I crave it constantly. She asked me how many I drink a day and told me that it is my ego that wants diet coke and not to give in.  She said that she knows I eat really healthy and she can see I am trying. She told me to go for walks, give away my excess towels and blankets, go cold turkey on the diet coke and I will lose the weight.

My new friend told me when I start to think of my ex that I should move my eyes from side to side as though I am wiping a slate clean.  She said that will erase any memories.  She told me not to do it too quickly or I could have a nervous break down.

She told me that she oddly gave up a $200 appointment with a cancer patient she is working with in order to come into the café.  She spoke to her on the phone and gave her some advice but told her she sounded good, was making progress and didn’t really need the appointment anyway until after she worked on implementing some of the advice she was given over the phone. She said that she tries to get her clients first to do as much work on their own as they can and then she comes to help with the rest.  She told her cancer patient that she had to cancel their appointment because she really needed to eat something. She said that she didn’t think our meeting was just by chance. I believe that as well.

She told me that she is a First Nations shaman. Her name is Cheryl Dawn. She said that she has the gift of being able to read people and provide healing. She told me some of the different things that she does using Reiki and crystals. I asked if she had a card. She shared some of the events she had coming up and I thought one of her group activities might be something worth exploring. I will contact her again, however, I know I better get rid of towels and blankets before I do!