We were supposed to go to court on December 17, 2015 but Dave’s lawyer pushed it into the new year. We are scheduled to appear on January 20, 2016.
Dave owes me more than $11,000 from July 1 – December 31, 2015 for spousal and child support as well as pet expenses. The amount is based on a formula as per our income tax figures and the amount agreed upon as per our mediation agreement but he chooses not to pay. I need the court order to enforce payment.
My name is on our older daughter’s school account that Dave was responsible to pay from September 2014 to June 2015. The bill is for incidentals, not tuition. She was living with him at that time. He hasn’t paid a dime. When she lived with me for the 2 years she incurred these expenses I paid them 100% with no child support. That amount is now $1229.88.
There are a few other things we are requesting.
There isn’t a whole lot more you can do when you have an agreement with someone who has zero integrity. I wish I had never wasted time, energy, and money with the Collaborative process or mediation. You have to know who you are fighting against and a court decision is the only hope that I have in putting an end to my ex’s game playing with my finances and putting an end to our marriage officially.
scornedwifeblog 
Sounds like you’re getting firm and ready to really get stuff done! Good job! It’s hard when many suggest arbitration mediation, collaboration because they can be ‘easier’, less expensive, less aggressive. But if someone else refuses to actually follow through, it’s worse. It takes more time, it more expensive, it’s harder on the whole group involved, and both sides are going to have all the reasons up and down why they didn’t do this that or the other. I’m certain Dave has all the answers, your trolls are pulling out their hair about how unfair it is for you to say this, or what about you, why don’t you have a job (I have no clue if you’re working or not, nor do I care, I’m just noting their past exceptions to your posts)… For real- it really doesn’t matter what your circumstances are, if that was what was agreed to. Did you guys sign it? Yes? Then boohoo, if Dave doesn’t have the money he has to find it. I need to get a second job to afford my lawyer probably. I need to sell a ton of things. I will probably need a roommate or to sell my vehicle. Regardless of what I have to do, I will be responsible for my expenses. End of story. It’s called adulting. Not adultering. That’s dofferent and he may already know about that… Being a grown up. It’s hard. But we all have to figure it out
I have worked without stopping since I was 12 years old. I worked all through high school, university and was a claims unit manager in the insurance industry making a good salary with a lot of responsibility.
When Dave accepted a promotion in a different city I changed jobs so I didn’t have to commute as much (we had our first child and we were trying for number 2) but my new position offered an excellent salary with excellent benefits, 5 weeks vacation, a flexible schedule and I was moving towards the maximum 6 weeks vacation. Unfortunately, I suffered a disability and have not been able to return to full-time work.
Dave testified on my behalf in front of a panel that awarded me CPP Disability Benefits. It is really hard to get approved for CPP and you obviously need significant medical support to show it is a permanent serious impairment. It is interesting he tells me to get off my ass and get a job whenever he can and that there is nothing wrong with me. He urged me to take a lump sum settlement for my long term disability benefits (I didn’t know how self-seeking this was as he was involved with the other woman at this time) so all that I have now is CPP disability benefits ($13,000/year) and spousal support. I really wish I had not followed his advice. I did it thinking he had our family needs as best in his heart but that wasn’t the case.
He pays child support for our younger daughter and I pay him child support for our older daughter even though she lived with me full-time in the summer before going off to university and when she comes home she stays with me. That is another issue we are dealing with in court that has a few components to it including how Dave is accessing and spending her RESP money.
We did sign the mediation agreement with our mediator and both of our lawyers present. He knows he got the better deal and bragged about it afterwards and there was a significant error that me and my lawyer made. I was stuck paying off all our pre-separation debt–$75,000, that was used to buy his Coast Claim shares that he kept as part of our mediation settlement and a property he purchased with 2 other friends. It was a hard pill to swallow but in the interest of just moving on I didn’t fight the agreement. For him to not be honouring it after everything is unfathomable to me. Even my lawyer’s business partner said he wants to be in court if Dave’s lawyer is going to try to argue Dave’s case because he has no idea how he will argue something when the law is so clearly on my side.
I hope I get awarded costs and maybe he will finally stop dicking around and just be done with things. In this day and age it still shocks me how many, usually women, get stuck with the kids, the pets and all the responsibility and lose out so significantly financially, a lot of times because they can’t afford to fight it.
Yeh. I manage an employee who is currently moving from internal LTD to CPP disability, I totally understand how hard it is, knowing her affliction and the paper work and medical hoops involved. I am so sorry you got the short end of the stick in the debt side of things. I am in a weird pickle with my own situation, I have supported my Ho-hub while he finishes school but he doesn’t have a job yet so I could be seen as the supporting spouse… All I want is out, preferably to split it all 50/50 and walk away. But even if it’s me getting stuck with all the debt and I get out, I would swallow it. It would be worth it for this to be over.
Everything you said is just… Heartbreaking. The shares of the business especially. That you don’t get anything from them, and are on the hook for paying for them. But to be rid of it all- be time to move on… Way better. Focus on that
Yes, I just wish my ex could see that and want to be done with fighting me and wasting money on legal proceedings that could be better spent on our children’s needs instead especially when he already agreed to pay for these amounts.
Good luck with your situation. It is sad to be supporting a spouse doing what is best for the long term of the partnership and to increase your future potential only to find out they took advantage of you and your investment is going to give you no return.
It seems even more unjust that you might be on the hook for some support. As long as your spouse is capable of work, if any support is owed by you, it should only be for a temporary basis. If he is capable of work I hope your ex wouldn’t dream of asking for support and that he would just be grateful for your financial assistance until now. I hope that a judge would rule in your favour. Maybe you could argue that his school is debt that you are wiling to share 50/50 but you want his share of the cost of his schooling back. That is what I would be arguing! If your ex can understand that argument he may just walk away.