cheating, children, emails, family, feelings, infidelity, insensitivity, marriage breakdown, relationships

The sensitivity of a gnat

My husband’s birthday is January 26.  He was already having sex with the other woman by this time.  He actually celebrated his birthday with her after playing hockey on Friday, January 25.  They went to the Keg for dinner.  I assumed he was out with his hockey buddies having some beers celebrating his birthday.  I was home with our girls.

In the summer at a golf tournament, my husband won tickets for a Royals hockey game.  He could choose any game to attend.  He chose 4 tickets on the date of his birthday to attend the Royals Pink in the Rink Game raising funds for breast cancer.  We attended as a family all dressed in pink.

I bought my husband and kids souvenir scarves to wear as well as 8 ‘chuck a-pucks’ to throw out during one of the intermissions.  We split the pucks so we each had 2 to throw.  My husband won closest to one of the 3 circles.  I went to collect his prize.  The prize was 2 tickets to the Rihanna concert on April 1 in Vancouver, hotel for the night and air fare.  The prize package was probably worth about $1000.  When I gave my husband his prize he thought it was great.  We were all so excited.  The girls indicated they wanted to go to the concert so we talked briefly about how we would have to see if we could get 2 more tickets.

Then we looked at the date of the concert.  It was the date we were booked to fly home from Florida.  My husband literally had a tantrum.   He yelled at me that I booked our trip to come home from Florida that day and he hadn’t wanted to stay that long in Florida in the first place.  It was all my fault we now wouldn’t be able to go to the concert and he wanted to go.  I suggested that we could do something; maybe change our return flight home to a day earlier or still go the concert as we arrived home 5 hours before the concert started.  I suggested that maybe we could fly from Florida into Vancouver instead of Victoria and I was trying to think in my mind how we would handled our luggage, etc.

Firstly, I couldn’t believe he was acting this way and then acting this way in front of the kids.  Yes, it would have been nice to go to the concert but it was on a Monday night, there were only 2 tickets so we either had to get 2 more tickets for the kids and the kids would miss school the next day or we had to find them some place to stay on a school night while we attended.  We have no family here to look after the kids.  We would also need to find someone to look after the dog if we went over night.  It wasn’t simple logistically to figure out so wasn’t it a great prize to sell to someone else and take the money to use on our vacation?   Plus, wasn’t our family vacation going to be great enough.  It was our Christmas gift to the kids.  Wouldn’t we want that extra day to enjoy Disney World?

I mentioned his tantrum and how his behaviour made me feel and he did apologize to me afterwards.  We decided to sell the tickets.

On March 5, 2013 my husband made comments to me about e-mails that I sent my friends including a photograph of the girl that I thought was the other woman.  I thought the only way he could possibly know this is because he went onto my computer when he came in the house with no one here as we knew he had done the night before when he knew the rest of us were out of the house.

When I called my husband out on that he said in an email to me on March 5, 2013 @ 9:00 a.m.:

“No…I’ve been told what you’re sending to people…. but you went through my emails?  Isn’t that a little hypocritical of you?” 

He is referring to me taking his Blackberry on February 28 to see if I could find any evidence of indiscretions.  I responded by e-mail on March 5, 2013 @ 12:37 p.m.:

“I never went through your e-mails–ever in the 23 years I have been with you.  I’ve never snooped through your drawers, pockets, pagers, phones, etc.  I don’t even know how to use your Blackberry.  Sadly, I trusted you explicitly and let you live your life completely free.  I never once thought you would do this to us and our family.  I thought you loved me.  I thought you loved your kids.  I thought you loved and valued everything we built together.  I am devastated.  I am betrayed.  I am the saddest person on this planet right now.  I ache so deeply for this loss especially for my children who have lost every security they thought they had.  It is unrepairable.  This will affect forever the relationships that they will have.   The best gift my parents every gave me was raising me in a secure marriage.  I am so sad I can’t give my children that gift.  I am so sad my husband didn’t love or respect me enough to fight for our marriage, to fight for our family, to go to counseling like I suggested.  I got counselor names, I told you how much I loved you and would do anything for you.  I am sad that my kids know that you gave up on us.  That we weren’t enough for you.”

His response on March 6, 2013 @ 7:57 a.m.:

“Did you pack the Rihanna tickets somewhere.  I haven’t seen them and would like to sell them.”

 

 

 

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cheating, infidelity, marriage breakdown, other woman, relationships

Sex texting and emails reveal the affair

My daughter forwarded the texts and emails she found on my husband’s Blackberry to my computer in our office downstairs. There we sat at midnight, unbeknown to my husband as he slept upstairs above us, reading and re-reading intimate conversations he was having with another woman.

There was a reference that he had at least been seeing her since December 13, 2012. They both work in the insurance industry so he made a comment that even though he received subrogation documents from her before December 13 he could feel the sexual tension when he touched them and he almost orgasmed.

Here is the chain of emails (copied verbatim) that outline their feelings for each other:

February 28, 2013 8:20 a.m.
husband to other woman: “Apparently Tina has appendicitis and is supposed to have surgery today? There’s not a lot of love or sympathy for her here at the moment.”

February 28, 2013 8:23 a.m.
response from other woman: “why is there no sympathy? Who is not sympathetic? She is a single mother with little to no help from anyone, probably without savings and just scraping by. I hope she will get paid while she is off.”

February 28, 2013 8:29 a.m.
husband: “Fuck her….I just want to have sex with you….I’m kidding about the fuck her part but not the wanting to fuck you….I’m feeling a little aggressive at the moment….Well I’m sure you can guess of the ladies and guys who would be unsympathetic. The general thought is they don’t believe her. She was moping around before I left last night so maybe it’s real. Some have asked to see her scar to prove it. If it is real that’s pretty bad on our part. We really should be at the very least sending her some flowers or something.”

February 28, 2013 8:35 a.m.
other woman: “When I was there the other night she was telling me how they thought she had a kidney infection but that her doctor thought it was appendicitis. How is she going to fake surgery? Will no one go see her in the hospital? I think I was in hospital for at least a few days and then off school for a week or so, although its a long time ago. Yes you should send her flowers. That place is really unbelievable sometimes.

February 28, 2013 8:49 a.m.
husband: “Well 3 people have come in so far and said they don’t believe her…tough crowd. I even said what if it’s real? That would be pretty shitty of us to completely ignore her. I know she can be overly dramatic at times and probably has cried wolf once or twice but holy crap let’s give her the benefit of the doubt…did you read your bbm to find out what you missed this morning?

February 28, 2013 9:04 a.m.
other woman: “Yes, I am very sorry I missed that this morning. I asked if I could take a raincheck? Will I see you later today? Can you go for a coffee after work? Love you:)”

February 28, 2013 9:11 a.m.
husband: “I’m like a groupon….you’ll have to wait for the next massage deal to pop up. Although if your roommate is away again next week I might be convinced to reoffer my deal. Yes, I would like to see you later today if we can squeeze it in. I’m not going to get to see you all weekend so I will need a little (other woman’s name) time before I go. I have to be home by 6:30 so we won’t have a ton of time unfortunately. We could probably meet again at Starbucks near your place if that works. Just let me know what time you want to meet.”

February 28, 2013 9:21 a.m.
other woman: “I think groupon is bankrupt, so probably not a good business model to copy. Starbucks on Shelbourne is good…4:45 or so? It seems like I haven’t seen you for a long time…I always miss you when I am not with you.”

February 28, 2013 9:37 a.m.
husband: “Yeah 4:45 is good. I’ll see you then….I’m missing you as well. After being together Sunday and Monday it’s hard to go back to barely seeing and touching each other. I’m going to miss you hugely on the weekend. Maybe we can get together on Sunday afternoon when I get back? I’ll have to come downtown to get my car. By the way, I’m warning you in advance that you may receive several drunken texts over the course of the weekend. I’ll probably want to talk to you as well but will try to restrain myself from calling.”

There was a reponse from the other woman that I didn’t save a copy of that mentioned that the drunk texts wouldn’t be as bad as the ones that she sent to him from Las Vegas.

There is one other BBM (Blackberry Message) that they sent to each other. My husband started:

“Hey LF….have I ever told you how incredibly beautiful and sexy you are? I’m sure I haven’t and I must apologize. You’re mesmerizing to me. I can’t get enough of you. I want to be with you at all times. I wanted to have sex with you soooooo badly tonight. I can’t wait for our next encounter. If it’s even half as good as Sunday and Monday it will be fantastic. I love you my little turtle.”

Response from other woman:

“I am very much looking forward to that also. I am missing you, wish I could go to Van with you. Soon we will go to a hockey game together there and wherever we want. Love you BF.”

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