affairs, Betrayal, cheating, control, desperation, ego, infidelity, marriage breakdown, other woman, promiscuity, Victoria British Columbia, wealthy men

Chicktoria

The population of Victoria, BC, Canada is 80,017.  The population of the metropolitan area of Greater Victoria is 344,615 making it the 15th most populous Canadian urban region. Victoria is situated on Vancouver Island, a 1 1/2 hour ferry ride from Vancouver.

Interestingly, Victoria is dubbed Chicktoria because of the gender imbalance of 4:1 women for every man.  The girl to guy ratio and nickname are compiled in the Urban Dictionary and there are articles speculating the causes of the man shortage in Victoria. I have heard it said that the imbalance is as high as 7:1.

The Times Colonist printed an article on October 14, 2012 citing statistics that Victoria’s wealthiest men are the most promiscuous in Canada and even in North America.  Victoria men are the most sexually active in Canada with 78% having at least 7 sexual partners a year.

When women are desperate, feeling that above all else they need to have a man for their security–emotional, financial, sexual, status, etc. they selfishly pursue a target.  Married men are not off limits to them. When men have so many “opportunities” (the word my husband used), it doesn’t take much for them to dispose of lives that were once important to them to instead chase whatever ego-stroking benefits these determined women satisfy.

By Victoria standards, my husband is a catch.  He is employed. He is a very small partner in his company but he never fails to mention that he is a partner to anyone he speaks to and women who know this think he has a lucrative employment future.  He has a vehicle.  He has vanity so he dresses nicely, spends a lot of time gelling and styling his hair and keeps a salon hair appointment every 4 weeks. He throws money around picking up dinner tabs, buying drinks and tipping. To Victoria women, he conveys wealth.  When he moved to Victoria and joined his company, he suddenly became a big fish in a small pond and he subscribed to the idea of his power on the job and as an interest to women.

He admired the way his boss flirted with and treated women and he began emulating that behaviour.  He shared daily examples with me of his boss’s outrageousness and always said to me, “I don’t know how he gets away with it.”  My girlfriend told me that she and her husband both felt that my husband put off the “I want to fuck you vibe.” He started to go out to more “work functions”.  He started to drink a lot, use drugs and had a driving service his work paid for to ensure he didn’t drive under the influence.  He was arrogant and self-important. When his grandmother died and he was not consulted about the date of the funeral, he called his uncle to ream him out and made him cry. When I was volunteering at my daughter’s school with another mom who worked in his industry he told me, “make sure you look hot.”

The changes in my husband’s behaviour, mood, absence from our family, increase in his ego became a repulsion to me. It obviously fueled the desires of other women or was it their interest in my husband that caused the behaviour change in him? I never stopped paying attention to my husband and we were having sex up until I found out about his affair but I was taking a stand against his chauvinistic treatment and uncaring attitude toward me and my girls. I was definitely aware that he was putting “work” before us and his attitude that everything else was my responsibility started to cause rifts.

Patti Stranger, founder and CEO of the Millionaire’s Club International Inc. and who stars in and produces The Millionaire Matchmaker reality show visited Victoria.  Two of my friends met with her.  Her advise to them for meeting a quality man in Victoria: “Get off the island.”

My other single friends started to share stories about men they dated.  Finding someone who didn’t smoke, had “a pot to piss in”, and had a job became their ideal.  Less than that, the best they could hope for. Some had flat out given up.

Victoria women, have we only perpetuated the problem by settling and accepting men who do not meet our needs in the first place?  Do we have such low self-esteem and self-worth that we don’t expect more and so impatient, fearful and lonely we can’t wait for more?  Do we latch on to whoever we can and then spend the rest of our relationship looking to trade up?

Any decision to pursue married men and men in committed relationships should never allow you to feel secure in your relationship.  It should always be in your subconscious that women like you are just waiting to strike and that you are in a relationship with a weak man. You do have control over your own actions.  Let’s chose self-respect and respect for others. Let’s have a higher moral standard for our behaviour and our men’s behaviour. By being the other type of woman you have said to men, “It is okay to screw around; it is okay to go after whatever you want for your own selfish gain.” Why would that type of man ever be satisfied with just you?  There is nothing you can do to keep that type of man faithful because you already set the standard that cheating is okay.

Men, how stupid are you?  If women are prepared to fool around with you, don’t you think there is a highly probable chance they will fool around on you?  There is always someone better than you around the corner–more hair, more money, better teeth, better skin, better athlete, better body, bigger penis, better work ethic, younger/older, blonder, darker, healthier, smarter, wiser, whatever the perceived “better” is, there is better than you.

Everyone reaps what they sow.

Women of Victoria, we are in control.  There are more of us than men. All of this poor behaviour of cheating on our partners and cheating with married men allows men to act like dicks.  Women should be less concerned about their sensed disadvantage living in Chicktoria and be more concerned about the long-term effect and disadvantage of living in Dicktoria.

 

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Chicktoria

  1. trudi says:

    True, it’s very difficult to find a quality man on the island, and when one does come along they are off the market in a blink of an eye.

  2. NS says:

    I have just finished reading all of your blog posts. Thank you so much for sharing. Two days before Christmas, I asked my husband and father of my 18 month old daughter to leave after he was kind enough to write me an email telling me that he has been cheating on me at every opportunity with countless women throughout our marriage. He is unremorseful, almost smug, and left without a fight, whistling as he gathered his things.
    I know that with time I will feel better, and I am so grateful to know that I am not alone. I am taking it a day at a time, getting up for work every day, playing with daughter when I collect her from nursery. I have a good cry when I need to, usually at night, but I will be ok.
    Thank you again for sharing. You are stronger and more inspirational than you know.

    • Hi NS, Thank you so much for your comments.

      My initial response is what a lousy Christmas gift. However, hearing how callous he was to inform you as he did, when he did, seemingly bragging about his actions, and rejoicing as he left makes me believe that you received the best Christmas gift ever. It won’t be easy; the pain will always be there but in varying degrees. As time passes it may lessen as you rebuild a life for you and your daughter but at the same time you may learn things well into the future that you didn’t know during your marriage and it will be as though your husband is cheating on you again in the present.

      Based on the character you describe I also suspect your husband won’t be generous with spousal and child support or taking care of his daughter’s needs or even wanting to build a relationship with her. I suspect you will experience his selfishness every time you have dealings with him as the character of my husband is rather similar to yours.

      I wish you and your daughter kindness, gentleness and peace from everyone else in your life. May 2015 move you towards the most joyous Christmas celebration imaginable at the end of the year.

      Thank you for encouraging me to continue to share.

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