It is a huge honour that my youngest daughter was selected to dance for Team Canada. We leave for Riesa, Germany next week where she will compete on the world stage.
Today we are back in Fort Langley, British Columbia for the Team Canada performers to put on a show for friends and family. This is their first and only dress rehearsal performance before the competition.
Our daughter was allowed 6 tickets maximum. She wasn’t going to ask her dad to come to see her dance. He has had zero involvement in encouraging her and supporting her Team Canada dancing. He refused to pay any portion of the expense–$3600 was just the starting point and he refused to take her to any of her rehearsals which involves a 1 1/2 hour ferry ride every Sunday ($88.20 one way for me and my daughter) and then a 45 minute drive to get to the studio. Then we do it all again coming back. He did end up giving her $250 this week for her trip and he bought a raffle ticket from her for a draw at the show.
I, however, cared more about my daughter having audience members who were there specifically to watch her. I thought it would mean something to her if her dad was one of those people so I invited him to attend. He didn’t respond right away but he eventually said he would go. I asked how many tickets he wanted and he said “just me”.
I invited him 3 weeks before the performance. When he replied he would come I asked him if he would be getting a hotel in Fort Langley because it would be too late after the show to make the last ferry. He asked what time the show started and after I told him I didn’t hear from him for two weeks. A week before the performance I asked him again about his hotel stay and got to my point about asking him directly if our daughter could stay over night with him in Fort Langley as she had her final rehearsal the next day from 12 to 2. I asked him if he could take her to that rehearsal and then bring her home on the ferry afterwards. I told him how cute the downtown was and how it was filled with interesting history, amazing eateries and shops to help pass the 2 hours. His response was that he had other plans and she couldn’t stay with him.
I don’t know why I was surprised or why I even felt annoyed by his response as it is completely on par with everything else he has done or hasn’t done for his children since our separation. I also tried not to speculate on what he was doing that he couldn’t have our daughter stay over night with him. I figured he was bringing Janice Andrews, the other woman, with him but then was wondering why he would leave her at the hotel and not bring her to support our daughter. She went to her recital in June. Also, our daughter has had to stay in a hotel with them before so could they really not sacrifice having sex one evening (they could have it before the show) in order to support her? I wondered if he was planning on bringing a different woman with him instead.
Now I was going to have to drive back to Vancouver after the show only to return back to Fort Langley the next day. It is close to an hour drive. At least I am staying for free with my older daughter. I couldn’t justify getting a hotel room myself in Fort Langley as I can’t afford it and I have to drop my niece off at her place in Vancouver after the show. Even if I didn’t have my niece and just had my older daughter with us I would still have to drive into Vancouver the next day to bring my daughter home which would then add another hour and 45 minutes on to our commute after the Sunday rehearsal.
Both the girls and I had hoped that Dave would have allowed our daughter to stay over night with him because I would have been able to spend Sunday with my older daughter as her 19th birthday will occur while we are in Germany. We had talked about going shopping for some things she really needed and that she hoped I might get her for her gift. We can’t do that today as we have to be in Fort Langley for 12:45 p.m. for my daughter’s lighting and technical blocking rehearsal before the show. Now instead I will have to take my younger daughter back to Fort Langley again on Sunday. My younger daughter made a disgusted type gesture blowing air out of her mouth and rolling her eyes when I told her that she wasn’t able to stay with her dad after the show.
Friday, November 11 was the Canadian statutory holiday in British Columbia for Remembrance Day. As both my daughters had no school, we decided to head over to Vancouver a day early. My ex texted our daughter while we were waiting to board the ferry. He asked which ferry we would be on. She told him and he said he was going to be on the same ferry. He told her that he was going to Vancouver to meet friends for dinner that night. How lovely for him. He was going to be getting a hotel in Vancouver not just Friday night but going back there Saturday night, too, after the show.
We never saw him during the trip across. While we were driving off the ferry my daughter noticed him in the lane beside us. I wouldn’t have recognized him because he bought a new vehicle. She waved to him and announced to me that Janice Andrews was with him.
scornedwifeblog 
He has moved on…….without his children. It makes you wonder just how much was parental love and how much was for show. Stop asking him ANYTHING. For some reason you can’t let go. He is gone, and good riddance. Please let your girls deal with him. They are going to be on their own at some point and the idea that he will be more involved is laughable. You can’t change him into a loving father. Just continue to be their good mom and let him go.
There is an African American pastor in the US, TD Jakes who has a wonderful sermon about this. He says if someone walks away from you let you them go. Your life will be so much less stressful. Just let him go.
Agreed Moi, for some reason this woman cannot move on it is unhealthy. Be thankful that he is involved even if not living up to her standard. The youngest is 14, let her tell him. why is she nagging him?
Firstly, Dave, anyone who really is a single mom certainly doesn’t refer to themselves as “Just another” single mom. Single moms are never “just” anything. We do it all. Especially if we have crappy ex’s in our lives who fail to follow through on commitments, legal agreements, their word, their promises, their responsibilities and do nothing for us, our children, or our finances. Only someone with your character and narcissistic mindset would try to diminish us by calling yourself “just another single mom” as though we carry no value and are a dime a dozen. Why don’t you use your really name “Just another cheating scumbag”?
Thank you for your insights.
He is a selfish, selfish man who doesn’t even deserve the title of dad. I know it has to burn your britches to hear/see him act like this. I get it. CF is the same way, only he has stopped paying child support as well. He can pose for pictures on FB with his “paramour” and with her youngest child but he can’t be bothered to do anything for his own kids- not even call or text them. He didn’t have $80 to pay for our daughter’s Homecoming dress last year but he had over $4000 to buy an engagement ring for Harley (we are not divorced and at that time we couldn’t even file for another 11 months). Two months later he shelled out over $300 for a dress for her daughter. He’s a piece of crap and so is your ex.
With that said, I agree with Moi. Every time you ask him for something it gives him a chance to spit in your face. It keeps that us vs. her mentality going for the two of them. As long as you are a hypotenuse to their triangle he is going to continue to toy with you. It sounds like your girls don’t even want to deal with him anymore. If that’s the case, let it be.
If it helps, I think you are absolutely in the right. You SHOULD be able to ask him to help. He SHOULD do right by his kids. But he won’t and he isn’t. You SHOULDN’T have to shoulder all the practices and all the expenses. But you are going to have to if you want your daughter to continue competing (minus a court order, of course). Every time you expect him to do the right thing you are banging your head against a brick wall. If you’ve ever read Chump Lady you know what I mean when I say you continue to give him kibbles whether you intend to or not.
I’m sorry he’s such an ass. You and your girls deserve better.
Thank you for your thoughtful response. I just don’t understand these men. Why do they think they are making a good investment in the other woman and their family and feel they need to abandon their own children and that their own kids have no value in their life? How can people do that. I feel like my ex is only looking at punishing me and can’t even see how it affects his children. I just don’t understand how they wouldn’t want to be involved in their own child’s life and experiences.
You are absolutely right! He is looking at punishing you and he doesn’t think he is punishing his kids. The same way my ex does me. But let God deal with them, honey. My ex is now about to marry the chick he left us for. If it’s all gravy on that side of the fence, cool beans. But God doesn’t forget how bad people have treated good people and revenge always comes when least expected.
Image management? Inability deal with anything unpleasant? Who knows? I find it disgusting and yet there are hundreds, if not thousands, of stories just like ours.
CF has not seen his kids since he moved out of the house and out of the state back in February. I don’t believe he has communicated with either of them since either May 31st or very early June, although he did send them birthday cards and gift cards.
In the end though those “women” are getting “men” who lie, cheat, and abandon their families. That’s no big prize.
I do wonder about those women. If they are happy, this is the happiest they will be in their relationship. They are happy because they feel empowered that a man left everything he had for them. Whatever fulfillment they feel is not going to last because the foundation they are building on is lies and cheating. These men and women have no substance, no morality or conscience and in the end the men did it for themselves, not for them and will continue to make decisions for them alone. Their shallow world will collapse. The women did it for themselves, too, and deserve to be lying in a pile of emptiness when it all comes crashing in on them.
Argh!!!!! I am confident that God does work everything out for the good of those who love him. When you choose a cheater you choose poorly especially if you choose the cheater you lured away from his family. Are they going to promise to be faithful until death do them part? Wonder how that will feel for them both to say those vows?